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Wow, the 2nd day is worse!

Boy what a couple of days! Kevin and I had to drive 1 1/2 hrs to get to Columbia. We had to be there by 715 AM. They got me in and the CRNA couldn't get my IV. They never do. anyway, surgery went well, but in the recovery room I started Wheezing and coughing. The nurse ordered a breathing treatment and 2 hrs later it finally came. Right before that, Kevin had had enough and he went to get my inhalor so I had both. It helped but I'm still coughing and my stomach hurts from so much coughing. Anyway, the drive home wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.   Oy vey! The night was horrible. They gave me 4 liters of fluids, so I was up every hour peeing! Then, I can't lay on my sides, only my back, so my back is killing me and my head! That's actually the worst pain. I think the back pain is my gas. I'm not having gas pain like most people say is in their shoulder. Mine, is in my stomach and back! Oh and did I say it hurts to stand up straight! I forgot about that! I had my gall bladder out 17 hrs ago and it hurt like hell to stand up straight!!!   My house is mess, my kids are doing and eating whatever they want and I sore, sore sore! I honestly didn't think it would be this bad! I have had 4 c-sections, and it's pretty much like that except that the pain is higher. I never had this much gas with my babies either!   I know I'm gripeing and groaning, but I can do that since it's my blog, right? :blushing:   Rhonda is having her surgery tomorrow by Dr Pitt also. I hope she does well. Then Stacey is on the 22nd! Everyone is in my prayers!!!!!
knrpick

knrpick

6
 

What a week

**SIGH** Let's start at the beginning. We got a new puppy on Saturday. We are going to start breeding pomeranians. Monday, I took him to the elementary school to show. He did fantastic! His name is Chai Tea.   In the afternoon, we take all of our dogs to get their shots. We get home and let them run out back! Well, kids came home and we forgot about them. My son who is out front came in and said ALL the dogs are running in the front yard! Sasha had dug out of the yard. Well, Kevin goes running and our new puppy, Iluq (EEluck) got hit by a car! Ran him to a vet and he was in shock, so they couldn't do surgery. The next day they did exrays and he dislocated his hip, and fractured where his growth plate is. Not Good. They had to anesthetize him to suture him up. His entire pad of his paw and been almost torn off. We finally got him home Tuesday evening.   Wednesday we drove to Lebanon to look at a new pup, and it will be a couple weeks before we can have her. Anyway, Kevin came with me and he got a cold that morning. By 3:00 PM I have a full blown cold.   Thursday, my cold has completely taken over my entire head. I have gone through an entire box of kleenex in 1 day!   This entire week I haven't lost any weight. I go for a fill next Tuesday and I won't have lost any! I'm very discouraged! I haven't been able to exercise all week due to the puppy and me being sick. I'm just ticked at myself for not eating correctly. I journal every day and stay within my limits for the most part. I don't know what to do!   The pictures are of my new little Chai and iluq who got hit by a car!
knrpick

knrpick

6
 

What a fabulous weekend!

Yesterday, Saturday, we, my husband and I, drove down to Texas to come see a new puppy that I want. It was an 8 hr drive. We had so much fun talking, listening to music and just dream talking. I love going for drives with him, I have his undevided attention.   This morning, we went and saw my sweetheart! OMG is he absolutly beautiful. He's silver and white with bi-eyes. He is totally the love of my life! We left him with her and since we have never been to Texas before and we were so close to Dallas, we decided to spend the day there. We went to the Dallas World Aquarium. It was so amazing! We even got to meet Nigel what's his butt from animal planet. He's from australia. Anyway, we had lunch in the same place and my husband got his picture taken with him. The aquarium was amazing. We spent 4 hrs there!   Tomorrow we are going to pick up my baby and head home.   Food has been a problem. I have tried to be good. I have eaten protein first, but the portions are bad. I have no restriction, so I can eat anything. I will be glad to get a fill ASAP! Guess we will find out tomorrow what the damage is! :thumbup::confused:   I miss talking to everyone! It will be good to get home and back to normal, but the time away with hubby was priceless!   Oh, another yucky topic. Ok, so I have been pooping, not as much, but still. Anyway, it's almost like my poop is acid. My butt burns even after i wipe, then my butt hurts all day till I bathe and soak my butt. Don't know what to do about it. Gross I know, but you all should know by now that pooping and farting are one of my favorite topics!   love to all!!!
knrpick

knrpick

3
 

walking

Wow, my family and I walked 90 min. with my dogs. I've never walked that long. I'm freaking exhausted!!!!!
knrpick

knrpick

2
 

VENTING--- so don't read unless you mind me bitching!

I'm so furious with my husband! i love him so much, he's just so infuriating! I have wanted a palm pre so bad! He said that when I had enough cash I could have one! I have $300 in cash from puppies and he said no! I sound like a kid I know, but I'm freaking furious! We fight all the time about breeding the huskies. I'm so tired of it! I think I'm going to sell both my females and all the puppies so we just have our min. pom and call it good! Having puppies, which has been a life long dream.... isn't worth having when all me and Kevin do it fight fight fight!:cursing:   I just want to buy SOMETHING without having to ask! I know we are trying to get out of debt! I understand that we have over $80,000 of student loans to pay off. I understand that we have a budget! But this is exactly why I wanted to breed huskies, so I could have the cash to do with what I want. Granted, they cost money too, kennel, male dog, food, vet....on and on! We will make over $3800 on all our 11 puppies. You would think he could spare $300 for a phone! He said puppy money was mine. Then he renegs when I want something. He figures all that money will go back into account for all I have spent on dogs. I just want to scream, shout, and bitch, bitch, bitch:cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing::cursing:   I want my own life at times! I want somethings for me! Why do I have to put my family first ALL the time!???????? I'm tired of being an adult! I love my family and tomorrow i will feel different, but right now i just want to scream and vent! :cursing::cursing::cursing:   Oh, side note..... I've lost 2 more lbs!:tongue:
knrpick

knrpick

6
 

To hell, to heaven, and back to earth

Sigh, this is a long story since I haven't been on here in a long time. 4 weeks ago, I wasn't feeling well, but went for my fill anyway. They put in 1/2 cc. Now at 5 cc. I was soooo sick on the drive home, have to drive 2 hrs. Thank goodness my hubby was driving. From there it got worse! Went in to doc, not only did I have swine flu, but had mono and pneumonia on top of it. I have NEVER!!!! been this sick. Cramping stomach, diareah that was squirting out.....yeah the image is bad, but it was bad. Sick to my stomach, aches and fever. My fever got up to 104! They gave me tamaflu and said drink! Yeah, ok, drinking will work when I can't keep anything down, and diareah is every 5 min.   Well, I was so sick one day, my girlfriend came over because I wanted chicken noodle soup and I was so weak I couldn't go to the basement to get it. She got here and I came downstairs, I was sooo horrified! The house smelled like dog poop (in the litter box), dishes weren't done, and filth everywhere. OMG! SERIOUSLY?????!!!!! Can't my husband get the kids to do their job? I hadn't been downstairs for a week! I had to clean my own house with 104 fever! I was so furious!!!!!!!!!! I called and yelled at Kevin, then when the kids came home, I yelled at them... yeah the fever had something to do with it, anyway, I told them that I am a child of God and I don't deserve this. It is my job as a mother to teach them how to work so when they are on their own, they can do it properly. I am totally failing. Those were my words. I was leaving to visit my dying father on Friday for 2 weeks. I told them that things were going to change! NOW! I am not their slave! I told them I was going to leave a list and if everything didn't get done in 2 wks, I wasn't coming home. Everyone, including my husband, was furious. For Pete's sakes, there is a banister that has been broken for 6 long years and I keep begging him to fix it. Anyway........   The next day Kevin was home and he noticed I wasn't drinking. I was crying becasue the cramping was so bad, but no tears. I told him I had no saliva either. He immediately took me to the hospital and they hooked me up to an IV. I was too dehidrated. I went home and felt sooooooo much better! Amazing what dehydration does to the body. Well, My hubby is a Nurse Anesthetist, so he brought home 2 more bags of IV the next day and gave them to me before I left for the airport. That got me through the trip. I slept the entire flight and drive home. I got home and hugged mom, not dad, didn't want to get him sick. I immediately went to bed for 3 days. I don't remember anything from those 3 days. Mom said I came up a couple of times to eat and drink, but then went to bed. Anyway..... that was my hell..... now for the heaven.......   I was in Idaho Falls for 2 wks to visit my dad. His health is failing and I'm the only child who is far away and I don't get to see him except about every 2 yrs. I felt very strongly that I should go and see him. My and mom quilted and sewed and shopped. Dad sat in the TV room while I sewed and we just talked. He told stories that I have heard a million times, but just didn't listen. After he would tell these stories, I would hurry and go write them in my journal. The time with him was priceless!   I finished 1 quilt and stole tons of fabric from mom's stash and got lots of good quilting stuff from their stores. I had to send a 50 lb tub home full of fabric, thread, and stuff that didn't fit in my 2 suit cases. Mom taught me how to make a hexagon star quilt, it was so beautiful and was so perfect. It was heaven to have mom teach me more quilting techniques and listen to dad. I believe this will be the last time I will see him atleast in the house. :confused::frown: Anyway, I was planning on going on a quilt retreat when I got back, but I had a 2 wk quilt retreat with my mom. I don't need another one. It was so theraputic!   Now back to earth........ I'm back home and I have watched my mom for 2 wks and have realized I am not a great mom or wife. She cooks, clean and everything without complaining. I learned that I'm not a great house cleaner. Not anymore, I do something every day to clean something in my hugehouse. I feel a lot better about the house and me. I have spent more time with my kids and turned off the TV during the day.   I got another fill when I got back and this time she gave me a full CC so now i'm at 6 cc in a 10 cc. She said in my realize band 5-8 cc is normal for sweet spot. So I'm getting close. I have lost weight, just not like I wanted too. I would if I didn't cheat every day. I'm so bad every day, just I'm not getting my size of food down. I can still eat a lot which is BAD! So, now back to the real world. I am recommited to life and to losing weight so life is much better than when I left!!!!!!
knrpick

knrpick

3
 

The sweet spot has arrived!

OMG! I think I have my sweet spot! I don't come on here much anymore, but I thought I would tell all my friends who have gotten me through some rough times and I'm sure there will be more rough times ahead......THANK YOU VERY MUCH! I guess my body likes a certain number for a long time and then finally gives up the ghost and lets it go. I've realized that I just need to keep on truckin! I got my surgery July 13th and have now lost 45 lbs. That's a low number as compared to some of you, but I also realize that i can't compare myself. My body is mine and no one elses. God gave me this body and no one else! I think that's why I haven't been on here a lot. It was very frustrating reading everyones success stories and then I'm stuck! I know that's anti-social, but I have found what works for me. I have also figured out that I can't eat in the morning. I'm very tight. I drink my protein shakes and it works great. I am finally getting stuck on food! I know that's bad, but it's good for me because now I CAN'T eat my favorite foods like home made bread I just got out of the oven! But that's OK, I had a bite last night and that was OK with me because I knew if I had a whole piece, I would be foaming at the mouth and stuck to high heaven. I like the way I feel right now! I don't actually have that feeling like some of you, that if i take just one more bite I will throw up. But I do get full faster and stay full and satisfied longer. That too is another reason I haven't been on here. The typical for everyone is just not me! I have to find out for myself how much I can eat, how things work, just for me. Wish I was like everyone else!
knrpick

knrpick

6
 

Same old story

Ok, I have realized my worst fear and I'm actually going to say it out loud! I have gotten to the point that I have gotten to in every diet. I hit 270-271 and I don't lose anymore! My greatest fear is that with this band I won't lose anymore, like before. I've lost 20 odd lbs, which makes me happy, but now I'm yo-yoing up and down. I'm hungry all the time. I drink, drink, drink. I haven't been perfect, but I now am going to go day by day, hour by hour if need be. I AM going to break this cycle. When I reach 268 you will see rockets in the air, there will be a CBS Special Report! You will hear an orgasmic scream from miles around:tt2::eek: I'm so sick and tired of letting the scale rule my life! I'm going to conquer! So struggles come and go, but you only have 1 body. I want to be proud to be seen with my husband and I want him to be proud of me too. I want my kids to not hide and say, "uh, yeah that's my mom". They don't, but..... you know what I mean. :thumbup: I want to go to the park with my kids and NOT just sit and watch, I want to play on the jungle gym with them.   My secret fantasy..... ok don't laugh...... I want to have sex with my husband standing up! Yup, I said it out loud! That is my goal in life. A worthy goal if you ask me! :ohmy:
knrpick

knrpick

4
 

New low!

It's not huge, and it's not as big as it should be, but I hit a new low since......omg, uh probably after my 1st child in 1994. I realized that i have been obese for 16 yrs! YIKES! Well I now am at 246! 1 more lb and my husband will get me an all day inclusive massage! NOW THAT'S WORTH IT! I don't know why I just can't get it together. I do know that I'm tight in the morning, so I have a protein shake every morning. For lunch, hmmmm yesterday I had nothing because I ahve been sick. Dinner, I had hamburger helper, veggies and augrautin potatos. I can't seem to get my amounts right. I can eat and eat, which sucks. But if I eat the wrong things.... boy I throw up, and it takes forever to do that, I lean over the sink and it comes up little bits at a time, or mostly just foam and therefore don't feel relief or not feel like throwing up for about 1/2 an hour   For the last 2 wks, I have had a cold, and now when ever I eat, my stomach hurts and I mean hurts. I wake up fine, but as soon as i eat something, WHAM, i want to die! I wonder if it's a bug, but it's been going on forever, I just don't know what to do:confused   The kids.....they are OK. Bug is learning to deal with stress, therapy is helping. On the other hand, Logan, therapy is a total joke to him and he is just saying what he's supposed to say. He is doing breathe therapy and hypnotherapy, and he seems to do better than just talk. (I LOVE OUR THERAPIST) But even Steve, the therapist, said he is so self centered, and narcasistic that nothing fazes him. Heres a new one for him.......   I get an email from his spanish teacher...which happens quit frequently, the problem usually is that he can open the book and he has learned it instantly. Therefore he disrups the class. Anyway, she did say, thank you for talking to him, he is SLIGHTLY more respectful, but on a different note she said that she provides pens for her students to use and then return at the end of the hour. It obviously comes out of her own budget or she wouldn't be getting mad, but Logan consistantly does not return his pens. She saw his backpack one day and he had aobut 20 of her pens! So.....we sit him down and ask him why the hell he is doing something so stupid, but in a nicer way. And he point blank said, "I hate her". That simple! He said that he was going to return them at the end of the year and he;s doing it to just piss her off. I was just dumbfounded that he would confess and say such blatant things. What a dork. So, the therapist said, make the punishment fit the crime. Well, I told him that there will be consequenses because he is stealing. He said it's not stealing if I return it by the end of the year! UH.....NO! It's still stealing. He just doesn't get it. Oh so i told him he would be punished, the audacity of that child he just said, "bring it on". WHAT A PRICK! Ok i sound like I don't love my son, I do, but his actions, WOW! Ok, so he leaves and Kevin and I start laughing once we figure out what to do. We decided to take his backpack away until he returns the pens. Seems small, but his backpack weighs a good 40 lbs with books and crap! The next morning he says, where is my backpack. Kevin said, this is your punishment, you will get it back when you return the pens. So he goes up to his room to get another bag.....smart kid..... but Kevin laughed and said, nope, that includes no other bags. Boy that just about did him in! So he takes all his books, papers AND the huge handfull of pens and walked to the car. He looked furious and uterlly rediculous. It was funny to see. He carries most of his books wherever he goes because his locker is so far away from his classes, so he carried all that around for the whole day. Spanish is last.....:rolleyes2::confused: I smile just thinnking about it. AM I A BAD MOTHER FOR BEING HAPPY OVER HIM BEING MISERABLE? I honestly don't care right now. Anyway, he comes home sullen and tired, with his head down, he said "*SIGH* i returned the pens" I just said, i'm proud of you, and I returned his backpack. The end! He definatly learned his lesson and hasn't done it again. It's just such a stupid and BLATANT defiance that I just don't know why he does these things. Well I do know this one because he actually verbalized for once why he was doing it, because he hated her, but WOW, what a jerk. He is soooooo into himself that he doesn't see beyond the end of his nose. The counselor said he IS making progress, but he said he can't fix narsasism. Logan has to want to fix that! YEAH, like that's going to happen, but we will see!   Tori has cheer tryouts today, so pray for her. She needs this for her self esteem. On the other hand, Logan has drum major tryouts, and he has a huge upper hand because my degree was music conducting, so he does it perfect. I shouldn't have shown him, because now he says that he has it in the bag. I know this sounds bad, but I hope he doesn't make it, just to put him in his place and show that there are better people than him. Though...... as a mother, he IS an amazing conductor. He has worked so hard and I have given him hints and watched and watched till the cows come home and he just soaks it all in. When it comes to music, we NEVER disagree because we have that one thing in common. He knows I know what I'm doing, therfore he will listen. Funny story.....they are starting up a fall city band, which I'm helping to coordinate. Anyway, me and Logan are playing in it, we both play clarinet. I said, I will be first chair because I'm the best they have......I was so not being uppity, but I teach all the clarinets in Rolla, so..... yeah, well you know what I mean. Well, logan says, I play more than you do, so I will be first. Oh really! Ok then, can you play all the scales including all the minors, natural, harmonic, and melodic? HE just looks down and smiles and says no. I said, see? I actually still know more than you do! He just rolled his eyes. But it was hillarious to say something like that and know that I'm right and I finally put him in his place. Kevin, my hubby was right there, and he says, "Logan, when it comes to playing the clarinet, you just won't win with your mother". AWWWWWW , now THAT is support! I love that man! Overall we were just playing, but his playing tends to turn hurtful for me, and it felt so good to stand up to him and put him in his place. I have been working with Steve and he says I do need to stand up to him more, because Logan is abusive to me, verbally, not calling me names, but just talking down to me! So, it felt soooo empowering to do that! I'M WONDER WOMAN!
knrpick

knrpick

0
 

New dew!

I decided to go get my hair cut today! My poor husband came home and about had a heart attack! I love short hair! All 4 of my kids hate it too! Great! I actually like it, but what do I know!   I haven't lost any weight in a week. I'm going for my 2nd fill next week, thank goodness. I have no restriction....... still!   Anyways, you guys be the ones to decide if you like my new hair or not!   love to all!
knrpick

knrpick

5
 

My dad's 80th birthday

FINALLY! I have about 15 min. before kids get home from school! Man, where did my day go?   The weekend was so perfect, except I had to get up at 2:30 AM. We left at 4 AM to get to the airport. Flew into Salt lake city, and then drove up to Idaho Falls because flying into IF almost doubled the airfare. So, the poor kids sat all day. Anyway, we got there at 2:30 PM and we were all so happy. The next day I wanted to keep dad busy, so I told him I wanted to visit 2 of my favorite places growing up. We drove to the Falls where the LDS temple is and we fed the geese and ducks. There were hundreds of them! Mom said that they just keep multiplying because everyone feeds them. The kids had a blast, I even got dad to walk around with us for awhile. We then drove out to the Sand Dunes we have there. I was sooooo shocked that they are almost gone. Dad said that when the Teton Damn broke in the 70's, they took almost half for sand bagging. I barely remember that, but I do remember going to the river where we fed the ducks and sitting on my dad's shoulders and seeing the river just rise and rise. Anyway, the kids haven't seen dunes before so we played and played. Mom and dad sat in the car and just laughed. We barryed everyone, rolled, jumped and even slid down the dunes. It was a blast! That pretty much took up the day. Saturday Kevin took the 2 older kids and left early, as the disguise of going to barnes and nobles, and they went to the church to help set up. Mom set up the guise that she wanted to get my families picture taken since we were here, but her yard she didn't like, so she wanted pictures at the church. Then after that dad wanted to take us out to dinner. So my family left a few min. early and told them we would meet them there. We got there and as we turned into the parking lot there was a huge yellow banner that said "happy 80th birthday" with everyone standing behind it. We got out and said our hellos. OMG it was so cold, we didn't bring jackets or shoes, just flip flops. Anyway, all 7 kids, spouses, grandkids, their spouses and their kids made it except for 3 boys who were serving a 2 yr mission for our church! It was amazing, we counted 58 people! So anyway, when mom drove up with dad, she went slow so he could see everyone, he smiled and said, "oh look, theres a church activity for the kids going on" and then he saw everyone and was shocked. He started to cry and so did mom! It was perfect! We had a nice dinner, cake and a program. Then, my oldest brother, Steve, put together a compilation of DVDS with pictures of mom and dad growing up and then all of us. He has worked on this for over a year. He even got mom and dads voices in the background explaining all the pictures! It was so beautiful! He did it by Weddings, families, Redfish lake(our families favorite camping spot in the Sawtooth mountains), dads family, moms family and so much more. Steve said it took over 5 DVDs to get all it done. He's going to make copies for all the families for Christmas! My kids thought it was so much fun seeing me as a kid growing up.   I shortly got to visit with all my family. It's hard to see 6 brothers and sisters in just one days visit. 3 brother's lives right in IF but Joni and Steve live in Utah and Leslie lives in Seattle, so it's hard to all get together anymore.   All in all, it was so beautiful to see dad just get teary eyed over all his prosperity! Great weekend! Plus I only gained 1 lb!!!!!!!!!
knrpick

knrpick

1
 

My bandiversary!!!!!!!!

One week ago today I did something that changed my life! I have had my ups and downs, ins and thank goodness outs, but I'm so thrilled I did it. It's a dream come true to lose 17 lbs in 3 wks. 2 wks of liquids and 1 after surgery.   Yes, I can sleep on my sides, and it's a dream come true!   I'm sooooo bad, so don't tell anyone, but I celebrated my bandiversary by eating an egg. Yup! I did it and no I don't regret it!   My healing is going great! My only site that hurts in my port site. And I think it still hurts because my pants are right on that stupid incision! My only problem now, is like yesterday I sat up at the movie theater, Harry Potter of course, and when I scrunch down it feels like I'm bending my belly in half, so I had to switch positions a lot! Oh well, prices to pay to see a great movie!   Oh, poop alert! Yup, I pooped again! Kinda weird to look forward to pooping. Feel like I'm potty training my kids again. I came out of the bath room and raised my hands up and said to everyone, "Congratulate me, I freaking pooped!" My 2 teenagers were rolling on the ground, thank goodness no friends were over, and my 2 little ones just rolled their eyes! I even texted Kevin, my Sweetheart, and told him. He was so proud! :thumbup:   I sold another puppy tonight. My goodness can't believe how fast I'm selling them and i haven't even started advertising them yet. This one was only 3 wks old, so they will have to come back, but they were thrilled! I think I attached a picture of him. Guess we will wait and see!   Sleep well, one and all!
knrpick

knrpick

3
 

More puppies sold!

I know you all are sick and tired of hearing about my puppies, but right now, they are my life. If I could just sell the little buggers, life would be much easier!   Yesterday we went to the Farmers market to try to sell the pups. No such luck. We then we to St. Roberts where we have seen people sell pups before and we had a ton of people come by. The cops then came and shooed us away because we don't have a vendors liscense. Soooooo, we wasted an entire day for nothing.   Today though, I had 1 girl come pick up her pup and another girl call and she 's picking up her pup tomorrow. I then had another lady call who wants one of my white huskies..... so life is looking up!!!!! I just have 3 more to sell!   Food........... well now there's a story, well a non story! I eat, I'm hungry and I'm praying faithfully to find my sweet spot on Thursday when i get my 2nd fill! I hope He's listening!!!!!!!!!!! I just want to get full on small amounts! I hear horror stories on here that people won't lose weight in a year! Give me a break, seriously! I will freaking slit my wrists if that happens! $12,500 for surgery and I won't lose weight!!!! I'm going to get pissed if I don't start soon. I have lost in 2 wks. Still stuck and the 272-271 number!   love to all!
knrpick

knrpick

2
 

Life

I haven't posted in months. I realize that I need to write this down, soo I can get it out of my system.   Feb, on my son's birthday, he was caught during his party smoking pot by himself in his room by himself. Yeah! Found out he has opposition defiance disorder. New drugs is making life a lot easier, but it's not over. Found out I need therapy along with my son. Issues from my past has..... stunted my families growth, so to speak.   Then to top it off, my daughter on Monday, said she wwants to end her life! She is beautiful and strong.   The Lord has loaned out these precious children to me, and it's my responsibility to rear them in the eyes of the Lord, Spiritually, mentally and physically. I will go to heaven and hell for them to save them from their sorrows. That is my sacred duty, and my joy as being a mother! I want to save my children and be there for them!   I put her in therapy immediately kicking and screaming, but after a week of being home and "healing" she realizes she does need help.   Our 18th anniversary is Sat. and we were going to go to Branson till Monday, but Doc said she is too fragile that we can't leave. I don't want her out of my sight, but she says she's too scared to carry it out. She says that the only reason she didn't carry it out is because I once told her that suicide just makes it harder, it doesn't solve your problems, it only makes them harder up in heaven, and what about the people you leave behind. Would she want everyone around her to mourn her loss for years and wish that we could have done something more to save our precious gift from God?   She is healing, and feeling, and crying a lot, which is good. I made her stay home all week, and now she has strep because of stress. She is a perfectionist, which is part of the problem. She is also a mother to a T! She always has been, she feels like she needs to take care of everyone's problems instead of taking care of herself. She now recognizes that and the counselor is helping her. Life is such a short time in the whole eternity process, that why end this life?   God sent us here to gain bodies, and to have trials, and to see how we face our trials. God also gave my daughter on loan to us. He is her Father. And it is my sacred duty to make sure she is taught in the Way of The Lord. To make her a better person, to see that she is a Daughter of God. To see that she is not worthless. If I don't do that, then it is upon my shoulders.   Logan is doing better, the Respridole is helping, he doesn't get angry so much, he can talk through his feelings instead of keep it in till he explodes.   Me? I'm a work in progress! I now realize that my father verbally abused me and emotionally. I would get F's in junior high and he would say that I would never amount to anything. After My third child, who was 10 lbs, and a c-section that i looked like a hippo. Therapy is helping realize that I CAN be who I have always wanted to be, but it's hard to believe you are worth something, when you have always heard to opposite my whole life. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't always horrible, it's just those few times that I remember the most.   Till the next melt down, Ta Ta for now!
knrpick

knrpick

4
 

I've lost my mo joe!!!!!

I'm gaining weight! I can still eat anything I want even with 6 cc in my realize band. I know I'm over eating! I know I need to do better. Since I had swine flu, I haven't gotten up the courage to exercise again. I know, excuses! My problem is....hmmmm...... I don't know, I do and eat exactly perfect till the kids get home. I made macaroons, which my daughter started, now, holy hell, I make them every day:eek: Why do I sabatage myself? I feel like it's going so slow and this is how my failure begins in all my weight loss. How can people loose sooooo fast and I lose 1 lb a month!:cool2: I just want to quit, and I feel like I don't care. I know I should care, but right now I'm not feelin in!   New quilt and a cute picture of my daughter and me I just love! never mind, won't load!:laugh::cursing::ohmy::ohmy:
knrpick

knrpick

5
 

I'm startin mushies tomorrow!

Ok, so I've basically started already. But officially I'm going on soft food, yay for me!   My swelling is down, so I have zero restriction, and I can eat ANYTHING! Which is really really really bad!   I'm going to call and see if I can get an early fill or something. I'm even pooping on regular intervals, which isn't a bad thing, just odd because everyone else has problems.   Farting is GREAT! I just keep blaming my surgery and the kids buy it!:cursing: Isn't it great to blame something like that on surgery? I think so!   I finally broke down and told my mom that I had surgery. I was shocked, and I mean shocked at what she said. :cursing::eek::cursing: She said she was proud of me for doing something good for me! She was so happy! She is one who I was scared to tell. She never approves of anything I do. When I went and started breeding huskies, all she and dad said is, "I'm glad your husband loves you.....he's a saint". So, as you can tell, I didn't want to tell them. Well mom called and told me dad wasn't doing well. She is planning his 80th birthday and wants all 7 kids there as a suprise. So we are flying out Aug 6th-9th. I will still be on mushies so I wanted to warn her. I'm glad that's over with!   Anyway, love to all and Stacy, I hope you all the best and you feel better real soon! Rhonda...... you rock! I'm proud of you for not throwing up your hands and saying, just take it out already!!!!!!   love you!
knrpick

knrpick

2
 

I'm pissed at my doc@

OMG! I decided to call my doc and ask if there was anything I could do. While over the weekend, I was really good, but I ate real food. I freaking gained 5 lbs!!!!!!!!!!! Can you believe that? Anyway, the nurse said, this is her exact wording, "You need the just have some self control! We won't do a fill before a month anyway!" She gave no ideas, no help at all!!!!!:cursing::thumbup:   I feel so dejected! This is how every diet went for me. I lose and lose and feel great, then one day I screw up and it's hard to go back. That's the end!   I have been sooooooo good! I got more than I needed of my water in, I had grits for breakfast, my 2 shakes, soup for lunch and then chicken and rice for dinner. :ohmy:   We bathed all 12 puppies today. It was a line up, I washed and the kids each took puppies to dry. It was so funny to see who liked the water and who hated it. We took Iluq and swam with him today! It was so funny. He jumped and screamed at first then after awhile he would just come in on his own. So cute! :w00t:
knrpick

knrpick

4
 

I'm in puppy hell!

UG, what a day! I come home from church to check on the puppies, who are in my garage. We have 11 of the little rascals. Well, Spirit, one of the moms, has diareah!!!!!!!!! In the playpen and out! My family hadn't gotten home yet, but I had to do something! I got the puppies out of the playpen and put them on the grass. I then moved the playpen on the grass and put the puppies back in the playpen. By the way, they are ALL covered in poop and pee! So I get my power washer out, had to lug it clear up the steps from the back yard, and i couldn't get it started! Ok, slow down Ruth, you can do this! So I went in and washed my hands. Took a drink of water, by the way, moving puppies several different times is GREAT exercise! No need for a treadmill today!!!:biggrin:   Anyway, I came out and filled the power washer with gas! Well don't you know, we all need gas now don't we!!!!!!:thumbup: It started right up! Well, while I was washing out the garage, I accidently sprayed the wall of the garage, and wouldn't you know it, poop went spraying all over me, the wall, Kevin's motorcycle and who knows where else!:thumbup: OK RUTH, YET AGAIN, YOU CAN DO THIS! By this time the puppies are crying because they have never been on grass before and they are miserable with all the poop on them. So I decided to take a break from washing the garage and I stood far away and started power washing my puppies!!!!!:sad::tt2: Yup you can guess what happened! They all just looked at me like I was crazy. Then, all of a sudden, they were sprinting over to be the one in the water! I was laughing so hard I ACTUALLY peed my pants! Yup, I didn't think it would happen, but I guess the phenomina does happen! Well, so I felt better, the puppies were somewhat washed, and I could go back into the garage. Well, I forgot that my new Yukon Denali was infront of the garage! Yup, you guessed it! SHIT everywhere! Plus, my car is white! Ok by this time, I just couldn't help laughing. By this time, my girlfriend drives up and is wondering what is going on. She looks at the car and thinks outloud why the hell am I laughing at shit on my car! I just kept laughing and power washed my car. Well, so it's too hot outside for the pups, so we decide to move the pups in the backyard in the shade. No one would touch them because they are wet and still a little poopy. So, yup, you guessed it, I had to take all 11 puppies out by myself while my hubby took the playpen out for me. I think I burned 5000 calories today!:eek:   The funniest thing, well actually not, but to me it is. While the pups were still out front, I had 2 people drive up and want to buy a puppy!!!!!!!:thumbup::thumbup: I told them they couldn't go for a couple more wks, so they will be back. Maybe I should keep them in the front of the house with a big sign saying, "AKC SIBERIAN HUSKIES FOR SALE $350 EACH". What do you think! lol   Anyway, I hope this brings a smile to your face when you read this. Have a good day! Hope you like the pictures. I just took these last night of the babies to put on puppyfind and rollanet.
knrpick

knrpick

3
 

I'm BACK!

What a weekend! We started out Thursday morning waking up at 2:30 AM so we could leave by 4 to get to the airport by 6. The flight went fine, but then in Salt lake we had to rent a van and drive up to Idaho Falls, which was another 3 hours. We got to my parents house by 2 PM. So it was already a long day.   Friday, I took my kids to the best 2 places of my memories. We went to the Temple and falls and fed the ducks and geese. The kids had a blast. Mom and dad even came. We then went out to the Sand Dunes. I have such fond memories going there. They have shrunk so much because of the Teton Damn, but they were still big enough that the kids had a blast.   Saturday was the big day. The Guise we told dad, was that mom wanted pictures of our family at the church and then dad would take us out for lunch. We left first and warned everyone else. We drove up and there was a HUGE banner saying happy 80th on it. Behind the sign was all the kids, grand kids and great grand kids. Dad finally drove up and stopped at the sign and just cried. He was so not expecting this! We hired someone to take family pictures. Ok, so there are 7 kids, 32 grandkids and 4 great great grand kids! It was so good to see everyone. I am the youngest out of the 7 and I'm the only one who is far away, so i haven't seen anyone in 2 yrs!   We then went inside where mom had a cater serve the dinner. ( I was so good, I had chicken and baked potato and that's all). We then had Joni, my sister, and Kent, my brother, pay tribute to dad. We then went into another room, and Steve, the oldest boy, has been working on this for over a year, he had a DVD presentation of Dad's life and posterity. We saw us growing up, mom and dad growing up, us on vacations, us and our marriges and kids we had. It was all set to music. It was so well put together. He even had mom and dad talking on the DVD so they could describe the pictures. It was just breath taking.   Anyway, it was a great day. Sunday, we drove back to Salt Lake City and flew home to St. Louis and then Drove to Rolla. We finally got home at midnight. We walk inside and the stench was so bad. We walked in and there was poop and pee everywhere. We got Iluq and Shila out of the cage and the pee was literally 1/2 inch thick. I had to bathe those 2, clean the floors and carpets. I finally get upstairs and my bed is covered with pee, cat pee! Seriously could it get any worse? Yes!   We finally get to bed. The next morning, I wake up to rain, which is fine. We pup the pups outside in the kennel and they ALL have diareah!!!!! They were covered in it an they were wet from the rain. So, today, we had to line up the pups and I washed, with Toriann, and the kids just lined up and took each pup and dried them off.   I'm so freaking furious at my friend who was supposed to take care of the house! i promised my husband i wouldn't talk to her till I have calmed down. That's so not going to happen.   The house still stinks. I have mopped 3 times, we have wood floors on the main floor. I'm getting rid of the cats, kill them most likely.   I had such a busy day besides that. I had to register my son in highschool because we were in Idaho when it happened. Then had to go school shopping for CRAP that my 2 little ones needed. Then the high school called and said Logan need his tetnus shot before he can go to school, so we went to the health department and got that, which took hours! Got home and left again to take Toriann to volleyball practice. Came home, and that's when I had to clean the puppies! Oh and inbetween all this, I cleaned every room from poop and pee! Oh and the worst, I got on the scale and I gained 2 lbs. Seriously, how the hell do you gain weight when you are freaking busy and running all freaking day!!!!   Tomorrow, I go for my first fill. I'm so excited because I can eat and drink anything. I can guzzle water, and just feel like normal. I am freaking hungry trying to stay within the calorie limit.   LESSON LEARNED? Never leave 16 dogs alone for 4 days with a friend you thought could handle it!   Tomorrow sure as hell better be better than today!
knrpick

knrpick

1
 

I lost texas!!!!!!

HA HA made you look! Sorry, had to say it!   Anyway, me and Kevin took a trip to texas over the weekend. I gained 5 lbs. Anyway, we got home Monday, today is Thursday and I'm back down to my pre-Texas weight!!!!:smilielol5::hurray: HAPPY DAYS!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, have a good day everyone! I sure as hell will   Side note, I actually exercised today. I walked a mile in 20 min, not as fast as I used to be, but I did it!
knrpick

knrpick

1
 

I lost i lost i lost!

I THINK you guys were right, it was water weight! I woke up this morning and lost 4 lbs! :yikes: I guess I didn't do too bad. I definatly didn't eat 3500 caleries. I'm still kinda pissed at the nurse, but what do you expect from the beampole! They can't think fat!   ARB and I were talking today. I find it really interesting what different docs call "mushies". Our mushies, we both go to the same doc, is actually soft foods. We can have deli meat, tuna, soft and moist chicken, veggies that are super soft. I find this stage is much easier because we have lots of choices. I hate the no choices like the pre-diet.   I've been doing a lot of soul searching after this weekend. (that's all I've thought about)I have lived most of my life on bad choices. This weekend, I did eat too much, but they were good choices, for the most part. I have also learned that I need to listen to my body, that is the hardest part! I've never done this before. This isn't like a diet that you screw up and your done! I'm making my life better along with my family. I want to see my kids when they get old. I want to see my grandkids, when they come.   Thanks to friends, I think, no I know I can do it!:hurray: There are people on here who are mean and cruel, but for the most part every person I've met here are amazing and funny.   The funniest thing I've heard is from Stacy. She said one day that her brother rubbed ehr belly. I was like shit your a budda! She laughed and said maybe she should not have the surgery and charge for people to rub her belly for goodluck! LMAO! It's great attitudes like this that I need!   I'm changing my life!!!!!!:smilielol5:
knrpick

knrpick

1
 

I lost i lost i lost!

I THINK you guys were right, it was water weight! I woke up this morning and lost 4 lbs! :yikes: I guess I didn't do too bad. I definatly didn't eat 3500 caleries. I'm still kinda pissed at the nurse, but what do you expect from the beampole! They can't think fat!   ARB and I were talking today. I find it really interesting what different docs call "mushies". Our mushies, we both go to the same doc, is actually soft foods. We can have deli meat, tuna, soft and moist chicken, veggies that are super soft. I find this stage is much easier because we have lots of choices. I hate the no choices like the pre-diet.   I've been doing a lot of soul searching after this weekend. (that's all I've thought about)I have lived most of my life on bad choices. This weekend, I did eat too much, but they were good choices, for the most part. I have also learned that I need to listen to my body, that is the hardest part! I've never done this before. This isn't like a diet that you screw up and your done! I'm making my life better along with my family. I want to see my kids when they get old. I want to see my grandkids, when they come.   Thanks to friends, I think, no I know I can do it!:hurray: There are people on here who are mean and cruel, but for the most part every person I've met here are amazing and funny.   The funniest thing I've heard is from Stacy. She said one day that her brother rubbed ehr belly. I was like shit your a budda! She laughed and said maybe she should not have the surgery and charge for people to rub her belly for goodluck! LMAO! It's great attitudes like this that I need!   I'm changing my life!!!!!!:smilielol5:
knrpick

knrpick

1
 

I can't believe it's tomorrow!

I don't know if I will be able to sleep tonight. I have to be there at 7:15, but we have to leave at 5:30 to get there on time.   I have been on clear liquids all day today and I can't stand watching food commercials! I'm STARVING!!!!!!!!   The biggest thing I'm scared about is food! Can I know when I'm full? Can I stop eating when I am full? Can I actually lose weight AND keep it off? I have failed at every diet I've ever been on because i reverted back to bad habits. Will I revert? I want so desperately to succeed at this. I'm self pay and $12,500 is a butt load to come out on my own. I don't want to dissapoint my kids or worse, my husband!:cursing:   Wish me luck! I will post ASAP!   Thanks also for everyones comments!
knrpick

knrpick

3
 

Here goes nothing!

Today is my first day of my blog. There are a lot of feelings going on right now. I feel good that I have lost 11 lbs on this protein diet thing and my surgery is Monday the 13th. I hate the constant thought of food, food, food. :biggrin:   We have 2 female siberian huskies who had pups 1 wk apart. No, it wasn't planned! My re/white husky just killed another of Spirits pups last night. I'm so depressed and over-whelmed and don't know what to do. Poor Spirit is still looking for her pup! I have Sasha shut away with her pups in the garage, so I pray nothing else happens.   I know this 10 day pre diet is worth it, but I'm so tired of worrying about what my family is eating, or can I cook for them. I did make one nice meal for them and spent the entire dinner torturing myself by sitting with them as a family. I finally got up, took my shake upstairs and watched tv in my room. I didn't want to smell or look at the food. Since then, I have make them do their own dinners, which I feel horrible over!!!! My kids are 15, 14, 9, 8 so they still need their mommy!
knrpick

knrpick

5
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