It's not huge, and it's not as big as it should be, but I hit a new low since......omg, uh probably after my 1st child in 1994. I realized that i have been obese for 16 yrs! YIKES! Well I now am at 246! 1 more lb and my husband will get me an all day inclusive massage! NOW THAT'S WORTH IT! I don't know why I just can't get it together. I do know that I'm tight in the morning, so I have a protein shake every morning. For lunch, hmmmm yesterday I had nothing because I ahve been sick. Dinner, I had hamburger helper, veggies and augrautin potatos. I can't seem to get my amounts right. I can eat and eat, which sucks. But if I eat the wrong things.... boy I throw up, and it takes forever to do that, I lean over the sink and it comes up little bits at a time, or mostly just foam and therefore don't feel relief or not feel like throwing up for about 1/2 an hour

For the last 2 wks, I have had a cold, and now when ever I eat, my stomach hurts and I mean hurts. I wake up fine, but as soon as i eat something, WHAM, i want to die! I wonder if it's a bug, but it's been going on forever, I just don't know what to do:confused

The kids.....they are OK. Bug is learning to deal with stress, therapy is helping. On the other hand, Logan, therapy is a total joke to him and he is just saying what he's supposed to say. He is doing breathe therapy and hypnotherapy, and he seems to do better than just talk. (I LOVE OUR THERAPIST) But even Steve, the therapist, said he is so self centered, and narcasistic that nothing fazes him. Heres a new one for him.......

I get an email from his spanish teacher...which happens quit frequently, the problem usually is that he can open the book and he has learned it instantly. Therefore he disrups the class. Anyway, she did say, thank you for talking to him, he is SLIGHTLY more respectful, but on a different note she said that she provides pens for her students to use and then return at the end of the hour. It obviously comes out of her own budget or she wouldn't be getting mad, but Logan consistantly does not return his pens. She saw his backpack one day and he had aobut 20 of her pens! So.....we sit him down and ask him why the hell he is doing something so stupid, but in a nicer way. And he point blank said, "I hate her". That simple! He said that he was going to return them at the end of the year and he;s doing it to just piss her off. I was just dumbfounded that he would confess and say such blatant things. What a dork. So, the therapist said, make the punishment fit the crime. Well, I told him that there will be consequenses because he is stealing. He said it's not stealing if I return it by the end of the year! UH.....NO! It's still stealing. He just doesn't get it. Oh so i told him he would be punished, the audacity of that child he just said, "bring it on". WHAT A PRICK! Ok i sound like I don't love my son, I do, but his actions, WOW! Ok, so he leaves and Kevin and I start laughing once we figure out what to do. We decided to take his backpack away until he returns the pens. Seems small, but his backpack weighs a good 40 lbs with books and crap! The next morning he says, where is my backpack. Kevin said, this is your punishment, you will get it back when you return the pens. So he goes up to his room to get another bag.....smart kid..... but Kevin laughed and said, nope, that includes no other bags. Boy that just about did him in! So he takes all his books, papers AND the huge handfull of pens and walked to the car. He looked furious and uterlly rediculous. It was funny to see. He carries most of his books wherever he goes because his locker is so far away from his classes, so he carried all that around for the whole day. Spanish is last.....:rolleyes2::confused: I smile just thinnking about it. AM I A BAD MOTHER FOR BEING HAPPY OVER HIM BEING MISERABLE? I honestly don't care right now. Anyway, he comes home sullen and tired, with his head down, he said "*SIGH* i returned the pens" I just said, i'm proud of you, and I returned his backpack. The end! He definatly learned his lesson and hasn't done it again. It's just such a stupid and BLATANT defiance that I just don't know why he does these things. Well I do know this one because he actually verbalized for once why he was doing it, because he hated her, but WOW, what a jerk. He is soooooo into himself that he doesn't see beyond the end of his nose. The counselor said he IS making progress, but he said he can't fix narsasism. Logan has to want to fix that! YEAH, like that's going to happen, but we will see!

Tori has cheer tryouts today, so pray for her. She needs this for her self esteem. On the other hand, Logan has drum major tryouts, and he has a huge upper hand because my degree was music conducting, so he does it perfect. I shouldn't have shown him, because now he says that he has it in the bag. I know this sounds bad, but I hope he doesn't make it, just to put him in his place and show that there are better people than him. Though...... as a mother, he IS an amazing conductor. He has worked so hard and I have given him hints and watched and watched till the cows come home and he just soaks it all in. When it comes to music, we NEVER disagree because we have that one thing in common. He knows I know what I'm doing, therfore he will listen. Funny story.....they are starting up a fall city band, which I'm helping to coordinate. Anyway, me and Logan are playing in it, we both play clarinet. I said, I will be first chair because I'm the best they have......I was so not being uppity, but I teach all the clarinets in Rolla, so..... yeah, well you know what I mean. Well, logan says, I play more than you do, so I will be first. Oh really! Ok then, can you play all the scales including all the minors, natural, harmonic, and melodic? HE just looks down and smiles and says no. I said, see? I actually still know more than you do! He just rolled his eyes. But it was hillarious to say something like that and know that I'm right and I finally put him in his place. Kevin, my hubby was right there, and he says, "Logan, when it comes to playing the clarinet, you just won't win with your mother". AWWWWWW , now THAT is support! I love that man! Overall we were just playing, but his playing tends to turn hurtful for me, and it felt so good to stand up to him and put him in his place. I have been working with Steve and he says I do need to stand up to him more, because Logan is abusive to me, verbally, not calling me names, but just talking down to me! So, it felt soooo empowering to do that! I'M WONDER WOMAN!