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Blog 64098

A blog by Arb

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Food -- Feels so good, Feels so bad

I pigged out yesterday. Pizza for lunch, steak for dinner. It tasted good but I felt HORRIBLE at the end of the day. I wanted to write this so I could go back and remember how truly awful I felt. Bloated, chest pain, lethargic, back pain, totally unable to do anything but try to go to sleep. I want to remember...:crying:
Arb

Arb

1
 

Fish for Supper

If anyone had told me I would actually enjoy fish (not fried catfish) for supper I would have laughed, 12 weeks ago. However, now I find I really do enjoy it. Made baked greek tilapia (breadcrumbs, greek seasoning, black olive, feta, tomatoe topping) tonight and it was yummy. I have been fighting the same 2 lbs over and over the past 4 weeks and am determined to beat it this week. I hit 275 last week but was 277 today. CRAP! Next Monday I want to see 274!!!   I know part of it is because I have almost no restriction with only 1 cc after 2 fills and I can eat pretty much what I want, when I want and however I want. Not good things for me. That's ok. We're going slow on the fills and I'm ok with that. Will get another fill next week and hope that will give me some restriction. At least enough that I have to stop and think about what and how I'm eating. Again, I want 274!   I also need to journal my eating. My computer has been down so couldn't do it and that's another bad thing for me. It's fixed now so no more goofing off.   As a matter of fact, I'm going to sign off, journal for today and get ready for bed.   I'm going to dream of 274 :thumbup:   Oh, before I go, a NSV .... put on a bra Saturday night that was WAY WAY too tight this summer. It was snug but fit!! 3 sizes smaller:thumbup:
Arb

Arb

1
 

First real food test

We had lunch provided by our wonderful PTA parents today. The problem was the only entree was fried chicken strips. I only had one small one, about 3 chips, a couple tsp. of dip and a very tiny piece of cake. I guess out of everything that was offered I felt pretty good about that. It took me 1.5 hrs. to nibble away at the chicken strip while I worked!!   Tonight I went to Happy Hour with my brother. I had 2 triangles of a chicken quesadilla and I was stuffed. First time out like that and I feel ok about it. First time I've really eaten bread or fried anything since banding and it all seems to have settled pretty well. I'm hoping my preband iron stomach stays with me. :thumbup: I know it was alot of carbs today but all in all I'm proud of myself. I would have consumed 3000-4000 calories in a day like today pre-band. This little addition to my insides certainly makes me view food and eating differently, I'll say that!   First postop dr appts tomorrow. The physical therapist is not going to be happy with me:mad: I hope the doc and the dietician are good.:ohmy:
Arb

Arb

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Feeling Good Without Brownies

I'm back to work. In our building that means back to food! We have lots of good cooks, bakers. Today we had angel food cake and brownies in the office. I pinched off a real small bite of brownies and was satisfied. Doesn't mean i didn't want to bury my head in the container and eat every darn one of those yummy, moist brownies, but I didn't. I feel good about that. Tomorrow is a big lunch and there will be LOTS of good food and good desserts. I'm going to try to stay focused and taste things but not go overboard. I have found that at least I don't salivate everytime something good crosses my vision so I think that's progress. I need all the help I can get right now as the food starts rolling in and LBT is a great place for me to get refocused.   First postop appt Thursday and I'm thinking of not getting a fill. I'm really not hungry between meals (except for head hunger) and I want to take it slow. I lost another 2 lbs. last week after starting solids and I'm trying to be very content with 1-2 lbs a week. I guess when I hit that first week of no loss, or worse yet, a gain, I'll think more strongly about a fill. For now I'm going to take it one day at a time.
Arb

Arb

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Exercise Motivation Needed

I think I'm doing ok eating, although I'm getting between 70o-900 calories a day on mushies and my dietician says 300-400. I don't feel like I'm eating anything and still getting too many calories! Maybe my measurements are very good. I don't know. I'm frustrated. But mostly with my lack of motivation to exercise. I've joined a gym but just got there one day last week. I can only do about 15 mins of hard exercise and it just doesn't seem worth it to change clothes, drive there, sweat like a pig, show, change clothes again. I know I have to start somewehre but DARN I can't get motivated. I like water aerobics but the only place in town won't start until Sept or Oct. I KNOW I have to do something before then! I'm really down about this whole exercise thing. Anyone out there who couldn't do more than 10-15 mins when they started that had made alot of progress I would love to hear from. I feel like I'm the only one that weights 300 lbs that can't do an hour in the gym!! Help!!
Arb

Arb

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Exercise - not a four letter word but....

I took the next step today and joined a gym. It's actually a small program run by the hospital where I had my band done. The people there were great. They even tested my blood sugar for free and it was 106!! The last time I had a fasting sugar profile done was 6/12 and it was 123. AWESOME!!!! Being told I was borderline diebetic is what really pushed me over the edge into making this decision. My brother is diebetic and I feel so sorry for him. He has so much pain in his feet he just can't stand long at all. Doesn't help being an over the road trucker for 30 years either but the diebetes just makes everything worse. I am definately counting 106 as a NSV!:cursing:   Otherwise, I can tell the unfill is working much better and I think some of the swelling is gone. I can pretty much drink and feel no pain. I am starting back on full liquids today, had been on clear liquids the last couple of days other than protein drink, so I tried some blended soup. I hope it was ok. It was probably too spicy though so will definately take my Nexium tonight:frown: HAHA I just realized I put in a purple frown for my purple pill. I am so hoping to get off my two meds that I am on!!   Kept busy today and the day went much faster. The down side to the unfill is that now I am actually getting hungry. My DH actually made pizza last night. I had to leave the room!!!!! But I didn't eat any. Yeah, me!   6 more days until mushies. Can't wait!!
Arb

Arb

2
 

Dumb, Dumb, Dumb!

Six days into this liquid diet and doing ok. Sun-Wed saw 450-550 cals. each. Doc said I could have a few bits of "real food" just keep cals VERY VERY LOW. So, Tues saw 2 oz. steak and 2 tbsp. mashed potatoes. 519 total cals. Wed. was 1 cup ham and beans 433 total cals. Well yesterday waas my first real test. Went to lunch with a friend. Ordered turkey and cheese sandwich, threw away the bread, no mayo. Tasty!!!! Ordered "SEASONED" broccoli instead of fries. Obviously, their idea of seasoned and mine are different. Tasted like plain ole' broccoli to me. So here's the rub....I ordered some ranch dressing to dip. Now, I only had what I estimated to be about 5 tbsp. dressing. Today, entering into Sparkpeople.com my food for yesterday I got a BIG UGLY WAKE UP CALL! Total cals yesterday WITHOUT ranch dressing, 503...with ranch dressing....873!!!! Dumb, dumb, dumb.   The up side to this....proof that food journaling is GOOD, proof that ranch dressing is BAD, motivation to do all liquids today GOOD.
Arb

Arb

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Day Two of the Tree Murder saga

Met with the tree trimmer supervisor (subcontractor for Ameren UE) and he said "We did exactly what we were told to do." Now there's a surprise!! Meeting with an Ameren representative tomorrow.   I've decided since I got my band and did 20 days of liquid torture I can do darn near anything and that might include fight a huge company like Ameren UE:thumbup:   Band wise, today was uneventful. Got in my 3 meals and 1 shake. Gotta do the other shake now and get ready for bed.
Arb

Arb

2
 

Day Three Tree Murder Saga and a NSV!

OK, met yesterday with a rep. from Ameran UE. He conceeded that MAYBE the trimmers could have left a few of the branches but overall they did what they had to do to accomplish their objective of keeping the power on and the lines up. He left off the part where they are trimming so brutally because they don't want to come back for another 6 years! I recommended they rethink their long range plan! Anyway, by the time he left he said he would talk with the engineers about burying a short section of line that goes through the middle of our trees. He said he couldn't promise anything. Really?? At least he said he would try. So for the next week, I will wait patiently and then go to my next plan of action. I'm not going down quietly on this one!   Now, for a NSV!!!! My husband and I are going to a bar tonight. I was fretting about having nothing to wear when I remembered some shirts I had stuck away in the closet that I haven't been able to wear for 2 years. I dug them out and, WHEEEEEEE, 2 of them fit! 2 others are still a little snug so I put them back for a few more weeks but, WHEEEEEE, I now have a nice shirt to wear tonight!!:biggrin: Feels so good!!:thumbup:
Arb

Arb

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Day 2 (how original)

Good day today. Kept busy. That helps A LOT! Had to go to funeral of a very dear uncle. I will miss him greatly but I have no doubt he is sitting with Jesus telling a good story! I love you, Uncle Curt! Protein shake for breakfast, LOTS of water, LOTS of bathroom trips, little more than I should have for lunch but not nearly as bad as it could have been. Standard midwest, after funeral lunch, with LOTS of great cooks contributing! Getting ready to have supper. It's late but that means I can eat and not want a snack in 2 hours since I'll be ready for bed. Maybe that's a plan, hmmmm, have to think about that one. Not much else happening today. Read more on surgery and am still excited. I guess that's a good sign....? Signing out for the day. Everyone hang in there and keep sharing. I really appreciate everyone's input.:thumbup:
Arb

Arb

1
 

Darkest Before the Dawn

Bad day. Couldn't shake the blues. DH went to a rodeo and I didn't go because I didn't think I could stand to see everyone eating hamburgers, hot dogs, BBQ, etc., etc. I don't wish I had alot, I just wish I had something. Anything that is NOT SWEET! Never thought that thinking about eating something sweet would make me want to gag. Guess that's a good thing. I doubt it will last, though. Anyway, reading LBT and getting info from other bandsters helps so much and I know things will get better. Just one of those days, I guess. I want to remember this though. I want to remember the price I have had to pay for letting myself get to this point. I want to remember the price so the reward will be all the sweeter.   Listening to Matt Maher (contemporary gospel -- really good, check him out) and gazing out at the beautiful weather God has blessed us with today. I'll pray for strength and know things will be better tomorrow.
Arb

Arb

2
 

Beware! Contains Negativity

I thought about not even doing this today but decided I am in this for the long haul, through the good, the bad and the negative.   I am 5 days post op and feel terrible. I woke up and cried this morning. VERY unlike me. I am getting very little nutrition and only about 40 oz of water a day. Every sip hurts. Not to mention the gurgling going on inside.   I have a call in to my doc, oh crap, they just called. They think there may still be fluid in my band from the preop prep of the band and want me to come in. I guess I'll get a defill before I planned. Not sure I'm mentally ready for this. I guess I just have to bite the bullet and go because I am pretty much in pain constantly and this SUCKS!   OK, I guess I'll go...................   OK, I'm really going now. HOpefully I'll feel better and be in a better frame of mind when I get back.   Sorry for the negativity but I did warn you!:thumbup:
Arb

Arb

3
 

Banding Eve

Tomorrow is the big day and I suddenly feel a great sense of calm and excitement, if that makes sense.   I feel calm that this is the right time and the right decision for me. I just looked out my back window and saw a beautiful rainbow. I am taking that as a sign that I am making the right decision. I have been asking God to give me a clear sign if I should not do this and I have not gotten that. I think He is telling me to trust in Him and go forward.   I'm excited that surgery is finally here and I can move on. That little negative imp inside me is trying to tell me I should be scared/nervous/not wanting to go through with this, and maybe in the morning I will feel that way but as this moment all I feel is ready!   I am not ready to post a picture but I am going to (if I can figure out how) since this is how I want to remember me when I get the urge to slack off. After I lose 50 lbs maybe I'll post my head, too:rolleyes2:
Arb

Arb

2
 

Back to Work

I don't officially go back to work until Wed but went today to clean up the mail and just the general mess left over from summer school. Wow, was I tired by 2pm and my back hurt so bad. My port is still TENDER TENDER and of course it's just the right height to hit my desk every time I scoot close so I have to arch kind of funny and that's killing my back. Not looking forward to full days that's for sure.   Otherwise, it was an ok day. I had a protein shake for breakfast, tuna & cottage cheese for lunch, and chicken salad and cottage cheese for dinner. I just keep praying I'm not messing anything up by starting mushies 4 days early. I sure feel better mentally, however, and haven't had any pain (stomach) only port site pain and I don't think the food has anything to do with that.   My son has a court appearance tomorrow and I am really nervous about that. He made some really bad choices previously and is on probation. Nothing big just little bad choices that have put him in a bad situation. He is trying and is really turning his life around, made the dean's list at school last semester, but the judicial system is very unforgiving. I know he has to be responsible for his choices and I have always taught him that but sometimes it seems the penalty is much to harsh for the crime. Seems like so many do so much worse and come out on top. Probably because they can afford good lawyers and he can't. I have put him in God's hands and will keep praying for God's guidance and comfort.   Normally I would EAT to comfort myself and my nerves but I guess I won't do that this time. Maybe this is God's way of making me TOTALLY dependent on him. I pray I can be that strong and my faith that deep.
Arb

Arb

2
 

Back on Track

At least I hope. 5 days postop and I had to go in for an unfill. Apparently I had 4ccs in my band and must have alot of swelling because EVERYTHING was getting stuck. Even water. Procedure wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. She had to push a little harder than normal (so she says) because of my swelling from surgery but no major pain. I still cried like a baby because I have been so emotional the last few days. I think from so many days on liquids, no nutrition to speak of, and probably somewhat dehydrated. Well, now I feel better. Still a little sore so I have to stick with strictly liquids, no puddings, cereals, etc. for a couple of more days. At least I have been able to get in about 60 oz. of fluid today, including 1 protein drink. Tomorrow will be better.
Arb

Arb

3
 

6 Day until Liquid Diet begins...

That seems to be heavy on my mind. I seem to think about food and what I will be mising all the time. Is that normal? We have KC strips in the freezer and I want to eat them all before Sunday! Will this obsession with food get better after banding? I know my husband "eats to live" and I "live to eat". I envy his relationship with food. Why is it all consuming to some (me) and not a big deal at all to others? I'm also not doing well in the exercise dept. I keep thinking after I lose a few pounds I'll feel more like it but I know that is the wrong attitude. I guess I'm pretty down today. I think I'm just getting scared the closer the actual surgery gets. I'm excited, also, but definately scared. It's such a huge, LIFETIME, committment. I think I'm going to go lay in the sun. Maybe that will lift my spirits....
Arb

Arb

3
 

10 Minus 3 and counting

Well after being awake all night last night for reasons I really can't figure out I am going to bed early tonight. That will show that protein shake who's boss:thumbup:   This is day 3 of my 10 day liquid diet. So far the only solid food I have had is about 2 oz. steak and 2 Tbsp. mashed potatoes last night when DH finally grilled the KC strip. I wasn't about to deny myself totally. Thought I did pretty well. The physical hunger hasn't really been bad. The head hunger is a different matter when I let myself think about it. I have been using Julie Ann's "Am I really Hungery?" and that really helps. Thanks, Julie Ann! Other than that, I have had a total of almost 1500 calories in 3 days. I keep saying to myself "Self, if you can do this you can lose the weight without the surgery." Then I say "Self, you have lost weight before. You have lost 30 lbs. 10 times in the last 5 years and gained 40 back each time. Self, DO THE MATH!!!!!!"   Told my DD today and she was NOT supportive. I love her dearly but when she said "You just need to eat less, eat the right foods and exercise" I would have choked her but we were on the phone. Fortunate for her. Did I mention she is 5'5 and weighs 120 lbs? Easy for her to say. Seriously though I know that's why I keep avoiding telling people. I just don't want to deal with the negative input.   Good news for today....had my preop assessment and final visit with the surgeon. All is a go for July 15th. I was having serious doubts and he really took alot of time with me and answered all my questions. It really helps that he is a friend of a friend and they think he is a very honest, caring, down-to-earth surgeon. Somewhat unusual for surgeons, I understand. Anyway, he had the lapband in 3 years ago and said he would do it again. I like that!!   Oh, yeah, I have lost 11 lbs in the last 3 weeks:thumbup:!   I know this is long but it's been a big day.
Arb

Arb

4
 

1 Day Post Op

Ok, the Up from yesterday has come Down. The pain isn't so bad. Most of the gas has moved down, at least out of my shoulder. I still feel like I have an elephant on my chest,but I think today it's just a baby elephant.   I am forcing liquids down sip by sip by sip. I'm not hungry and even the water seems to just sit on my chest. I know it will get better I'm just a bit blue today. Mostly bored I think since it's too hot to go outside and nothing much I can do inside since I can't really bend or pick up anything.   I guess I'll let my DH torture me by taking off my bandaids and go take a shower. Maybe that will perk me up.   Reading all the great blogs helps though, so to all of you, Thanks for sharing!
Arb

Arb

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