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Here I am alone.....Friday night...."sigh"

Here I am Friday night it's after midnight so technically it's early Saturday morning I guess and, I'm alone. I spent my evening watching all of Season 1 of "Sex and the City". Watching these old episodes brings to light that I possess a lot of the same qualities of these women. I am a neurotic over-thinker like Carrie, a cynic like Miranda, being in my mid-30s at my sexual peak brings on Samantha like cravings and, like Charlotte still manage to have that starry-eyed hope that Mr. Right is going to sweep me off my feet and yada yada yada....happily ever after.     I have spent the past month trying to figure out how I'm supposed to be, I don't even remember who I was prior to my ex. How is it that we change so much without even realizing it is happening? The initial qualities and interests that attract us and bring us together somehow get stepped over, lost somewhere along the way or perhaps just seem unimportant. Then one day we wake up two completely different people and wonder what in the hell happened? How did I get here?     The truth is I still have no idea who I am right now. It is so hard to learn how to separate yourself and just be an individual again. It's hard to remember there is no more "we" it is just single, no more plural. How is it I find myself longing for what I chose to leave behind? It has been SO much harder than I ever realized it would be. I still just hurt, and being alone sucks.

livinhealthy72

livinhealthy72

 

Breakin' up is hard to do....

So here I am, on my way to gettin' "sexy back" and my relationship with BF of four years comes to a screechingly painful halt. I figure it was doomed to happen because it is Murphy's Law after all when one thing in your life starts to look up another falls in the shitter. I moved out of our gorgeous historic home into a two bedroom duplex that has no architectural detail whatsoever. I had to leave my English Mastiff behind because as a now "rentor" most places around here frown at 150 pounds of slobbering dog. I miss him terribly!!!   It has been a full 30-days now and I made it through the 1st holiday with just a few tears. It is so hard to pick up and start a new life when you feel like half a person all of the sudden. It is more difficult than I remember and have dedicated 2009 as the "getting a handle on my life" year.

livinhealthy72

livinhealthy72

 

2nd fill and still kickin'

Ok, so my weigh in at my 2nd fill only displayed a 6oz weight reduction but since Thursday I am down 5 pounds!!! Woohoo! I definatley feel the difference with the 2nd fill opposed to the 1st. Shew!

livinhealthy72

livinhealthy72

 

1st Fill down!

I had my 1st fill on 1/29 and all went great. I had 2.5 in the band already and had another 2.5 added making the total 5cc. I can definately tell the difference, finally feeling that restriction everyone has been talking about and it takes me a bit longer to get hungry (every 3 hours instead of 2) so we are getting there. I was relieved to see I hadn't gained any weight that week prior, hadn't lost any either but at least no gain. Right now am down 3 more pounds so far this week, but will capture Feb week one results on Saturday. My goal is 10 pounds each month, so I'm off to a decent start so far.   Am learning chewing very well and taking my time is key. Funny, no matter how much everyone stresses this, until you have your first "not good" experience you don't really "get it". :iamwithstupid:I have to say, that feeling you get is one of the most uncomfortable feelings I've ever experienced.

livinhealthy72

livinhealthy72

 

4 Week Post-Op Blues...

I was banded on 12/31, it was great no issues at all. I didn't really get hungry until this past week, now I'm hungry 2 hours after I eat and craving things I shouldn't have.   I am eating semi-soft foods, nothing crunchy or fibrous yet. I don't drink while eating, and wait 30 minutes after I eat. I quit soda all together, drinking no cal water instead and have even given up alcohol.   I was doing so well to start off, now I'm getting depressed and losing motivation. I am scheduled for my first fill on 1/29 and just pray that helps.

livinhealthy72

livinhealthy72

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