Here I am alone.....Friday night...."sigh"

Here I am Friday night it's after midnight so technically it's early Saturday morning I guess and, I'm alone. I spent my evening watching all of Season 1 of "Sex and the City". Watching these old episodes brings to light that I possess a lot of the same qualities of these women. I am a neurotic over-thinker like Carrie, a cynic like Miranda, being in my mid-30s at my sexual peak brings on Samantha like cravings and, like Charlotte still manage to have that starry-eyed hope that Mr. Right is going to sweep me off my feet and yada yada yada....happily ever after.

I have spent the past month trying to figure out how I'm supposed to be, I don't even remember who I was prior to my ex. How is it that we change so much without even realizing it is happening? The initial qualities and interests that attract us and bring us together somehow get stepped over, lost somewhere along the way or perhaps just seem unimportant. Then one day we wake up two completely different people and wonder what in the hell happened? How did I get here?

The truth is I still have no idea who I am right now. It is so hard to learn how to separate yourself and just be an individual again. It's hard to remember there is no more "we" it is just single, no more plural. How is it I find myself longing for what I chose to leave behind? It has been SO much harder than I ever realized it would be. I still just hurt, and being alone sucks.

But now you are looking for yourself. My advice...ask yourself what you want to do. Start small. If your options were limitless what your you want to do on your next weekend off and then see what you can do to make that happen. I don't know where you live, but do you want to go wall climbing? Ice skating? Comedy club? Start writing a book? Don't ask what everyone else wants to do, ask what you want to do and then work on that. Your desires and and needs are an important part of who you are. Listen to your heart.

You will find yourself....you will.