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It's been a while

It has been over a year since I blogged? wow, I cannot believe it. I am holding up okay, right at 165-168. I do need to loose more, but I have not really been working at it. I have had another issue, come up and I just want to talk about it a litte. I have been drinking wayyy too much. I used to be someone who could have 1/2 glass of wine and throw it away because I just didn't want anymore.   I guess I have a cross additction. I have been searching the internet about the topic and apparently it is more prevelant than I thought. I thought I was the only one. I am relieved that I am not. It started in 2009, I think. I would buy some 2.5 buck chuck from Trader Joes. It went down so easy and tasted so good, I just kept buying it, by the caseload! I knew something was not right, but I could not stop and it continued. I really noticed that I had been drinking at least one bottle of wine in December of 2009. I could not remember a day when I did not have anything to drink, crazy, right? I could go one or two days without drinking. But not a week and not a month. I would say to myself (just like the diets) "okay as of the first of the month, I am not going to drink or I am not going to drink until my next vacation. Well, that would never happen. I would keep drinking and drinking. I have now become an alcoholic, which is a bad thing, but the great thing is I was able to go to a meeting yesterday and with the help of AA, I hope to have a sober life. I am taking it one day at a time. I am sharing this because if you are having the same issues, weather it be alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, etc. I want you to know that you are not alone and can contact me at anytime, for support. I thought I had my food addiction kicked, but it just manifested itself in another addiction.
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

2
 

Week 2 weight loss results 10/31/08 boo!

Okay, I am at 2 weeks now and I feel pretty well. I have been walking 2 miles per day, and that is going really well. I am going to have to figure out how to walk when I go back to work.:thumbup:   I have been having a difficult time complying with the liquids only. I really need to get back on track. I have not been too bad, I have been eating mashed potatoes once per day. Even though I have not been perfect, I have lost another 5 pounds! So I was 275 on 10/14 and now I am 252! Wooo Hoo! That is a total of 23 pounds!   I relly wish it were more, but oh well, I will take it. That is all for now, gotta go!
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

5
 

Pre-op DONE!

Thursday 10/09, I had my preop done. It was pretty uneventful. I had to fill out paperwork, get preregistered, go over my medical history, vital signs and about 10 vials of blood. But that is not why I am blogging about it. :cry_smile:   You see, I am a RN and FNP (registered nurse and family nurse practitioner). I have been an RN since 1986 and a FNP since 2002. I am not used to being the patient. So it is so surreal! Everyone was very nice, and professional. I was just uncomfortable, does that make sense? I think it is because there must be some level of loss of control I have to deal with. People go into the health care system with such faith, so their anxiety level may not be the same as mine.   In medicine, there are not exacts and no gurantees. Even the most prudent phyisican, nurse, etc. can make mistakes or your body may react in a way not anticipated. So, I am really nervous about the surgery, anesthesia, especially. Again, there is my control issue!   None of these concerns will lead to my cancelling surgery, I just need to explore them and pray about it. I have a wonderful husband, who will definately take care of me. Even though my parents don't approve, they are supportive. My dad even offered to come down to help me if needed. He is soo sweet!:thumbup:   So, with 3 days until surgery, I feel excited and nervous at the same time!
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

4
 

Update My story I sent to someone thinking about RNY vs Band

attended an information session, here in decatur, GA in 2006, my weight was 247 at 5'8". I was 100% sold on having LAP-BAND®®®. I did extensive research (I am a Nurse Practitioner, by the way) and STILL was 100% FOR LAP-BAND®®®. Unfortunately, I let my dad and husband talk me out of having it done. Fast forward to Jan 2008. By then I was up to 267, this is after going on yet another diet, my fasting blood sugar was 119, I was put on metformin. There was a information session on 05/14/2008, which I attended the MD was Scott Steinberg, who I love. Anyway he discussed the LAP-BAND®®® and GBS. Again, I left thinking I am going to get the LAP-BAND®®®, of course! So, I did more research and discovered that the cure for type II DM, is gastric bypass! What???? I then began doing more research and found that there is a 99% cure rate for type II DM with gastric bypass. That is when I started changing my mind. The things I did not like about gastric bypass, was the malabsorption issues and the potential for dumping syndrome (I will go back to that in a min.) Anyway, I told my dad, mom and hubby that I had to do this...for me! I have BCBS PPO and the office people were GREAT! They gave me a list of things I needed to submit and viola! After my psych clearance, I was given a date. 10/14/2008, the day before my 44th birthday. On the day of surgery, I weighed 275, I was sooo nervous and scared. Everything went well. My recovery was quite painless. I did have to stay overnight, not too bad. Then when I got home I began walking 3 miles per day. I checked my blood sugars, and found after week 1 I no longer needed the metformin. I am almost 1 year out and I weigh....(drumroll please) 185! I still have a way to go and a lot more to learn, but I am on my way for sure. Some caveats: Protein: use UNJURY.com. It is the best tasting protein shakes you can think of. I have a cup of chocolate soy milk (I don't like cow's milk) with a scoop of the vanilla unjury and I really feel like I am have a milk shake every morning Vitamins, calcium and vit. B: DO IT everyday, if you don't you will have NO energy. I get my vitamin B12 and bcomplex from biartricadvantage.com They have different flavors of the calcium mint, chocolate, etc. Yummy! Exercise: DO IT, I must admit, I am not the best at this. I do yoga every morning and evening. I was someone who could not imagine working out everyday, but I do, walk, it will speed up your weight loss! DUMPING: DON NOT DO THIS!! :cryin g:If you eat too many carbs, it will happen. You will feel as though you are having a heart attack. Of course, I had to challenge this by having a HUGE piece of cake. Well, i dumped. What is dumping??? Basically, your metabolism changes, so when you eat too many carbs, as you know your body produces and sends out massive amounts of insulin. Remember, if you have gastric bypass your body does not absorb all of that sugar. The small intestine is bypassed, so it goes straight to your gut. This is like taking 5000U of insulin, very scary and dangerous. My husband wanted to take me to the ER, and I refused I was too embarrassed, it did pass, but I really really will never do that again. I prayed to HIM to let me get through it! Thank God for Jesus, really.
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

1
 

Week One Weight Loss-10/24/2008

Okay, well, I went to the doctor yesterday. The nurse came in to remove the sutures. Luckily, I am someone who heals well and quickly. I have 5 puncture wounds, which have closed and there is no drainage. Part of the healing process is the itching, so that I will just have to deal with for a while. It is a good, thing, a sign that I am healing.   I was weighed, my weight when I came home on 10/16 was 275, yesterday at the MD office I was 257. I should be really happy about that, of course, but my crazy mind tells me I should have lost 25 pounds! I am going to have to get my head together with that. I mean 18 pounds in 8 days is awesome! But, my brain tells me it is not that great. One thing I have not been doing, which I need to start is to drink the 64 oz of water and step up my excercise. I love to walk, but I am not pushing myself as hard, but I do think I needed at least some time to heal and rest.   Another thing that has started this week are hunger pangs! :tt2: I did not think I would experience them quite so soon. I will have to look on the forum to see if anyone else has them. I am going to start eating mushies on 11/04, which I cannot wait for! I also have been dreaming about food, it is so weird. I dream I have eaten a ginormous meal and I wake up feeling so guilty, only to realize it was a dream! :confused:   So, there are several things I need to work on. I am definately going to go to the local support group on Monday and find out some more information.
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

4
 

Update My story I sent to someone thinking about RNY vs Band

I attended an information session, here in decatur, GA in 2006, my weight was 247 at 5'8". I was 100% sold on having LAP-BAND®®®®. I did extensive research (I am a Nurse Practitioner, by the way) and STILL was 100% FOR LAP-BAND®®®®. Unfortunately, I let my dad and husband talk me out of having it done. Fast forward to Jan 2008. By then I was up to 267, this is after going on yet another diet, my fasting blood sugar was 119, I was put on metformin. There was a information session on 05/14/2008, which I attended the MD was Scott Steinberg, who I love. Anyway he discussed the LAP-BAND®®®® and GBS. Again, I left thinking I am going to get the LAP-BAND®®®®, of course! So, I did more research and discovered that the cure for type II DM, is gastric bypass! What???? I then began doing more research and found that there is a 99% cure rate for type II DM with gastric bypass. That is when I started changing my mind. The things I did not like about gastric bypass, was the malabsorption issues and the potential for dumping syndrome (I will go back to that in a min.) Anyway, I told my dad, mom and hubby that I had to do this...for me! I have BCBS PPO and the office people were GREAT! They gave me a list of things I needed to submit and viola! After my psych clearance, I was given a date. 10/14/2008, the day before my 44th birthday. On the day of surgery, I weighed 275, I was sooo nervous and scared. Everything went well. My recovery was quite painless. I did have to stay overnight, not too bad. Then when I got home I began walking 3 miles per day. I checked my blood sugars, and found after week 1 I no longer needed the metformin. I am almost 1 year out and I weigh....(drumroll please) 185! I still have a way to go and a lot more to learn, but I am on my way for sure. Some caveats: Protein: use UNJURY.com. It is the best tasting protein shakes you can think of. I have a cup of chocolate soy milk (I don't like cow's milk) with a scoop of the vanilla unjury and I really feel like I am have a milk shake every morning Vitamins, calcium and vit. B: DO IT everyday, if you don't you will have NO energy. I get my vitamin B12 and bcomplex from biartricadvantage.com They have different flavors of the calcium mint, chocolate, etc. Yummy! Exercise: DO IT, I must admit, I am not the best at this. I do yoga every morning and evening. I was someone who could not imagine working out everyday, but I do, walk, it will speed up your weight loss! DUMPING: DON NOT DO THIS!! :cryin g:If you eat too many carbs, it will happen. You will feel as though you are having a heart attack. Of course, I had to challenge this by having a HUGE piece of cake. Well, i dumped. What is dumping??? Basically, your metabolism changes, so when you eat too many carbs, as you know your body produces and sends out massive amounts of insulin. Remember, if you have gastric bypass your body does not absorb all of that sugar. The small intestine is bypassed, so it goes straight to your gut. This is like taking 5000U of insulin, very scary and dangerous. My husband wanted to take me to the ER, and I refused I was too embarrassed, it did pass, but I really really will never do that again. I prayed to HIM to let me get through it! Thank God for Jesus, really.
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

1
 

7 days!

Wow! Now I am down to only 7 days until my surgery. I am very excited about it.   I spoke with a good friend today, she is supportive, but warned me that it is going to be a major life change. I am ready for it. I first considered lapband in 2006, so I feel as though this has been a 2 year process.   So anyway I went to GNC to get the protein shake stuff, the vitamins and some other stuff. I spent almost $100 bucks, not too bad because it is enough for 2 months. I probably will not be eating solids until after 3 months.   I am getting sleepy, so I will go, hopefully I will be more in the mood to write.
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

3
 

Starting Tomorrow

Well, I am going to begin my self-imposed pre-op diet tomorrow. I am a little nervous because I HATE diets..Why??? Because I fail at them miserably! LOL...hence, RNY surgery. I am doing this so I can get used to eating every 2-3 hours, detox my body from all the bad stuff I have been eating for the past year and I would like to go into surgery at least ten pounds less than I am now..so I am 274, I would like to go in at 264. It is going to be difficult, because of the whole diet concept. I have made lunch and snacks for tomorrow and my hubby grilled some stuff too. By the way, I am making him go on this with me as well. He is not too heavy, he probably needs to loose about 20lbs, though.   More tommorrow.....:rolleyes2:
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

4
 

I did it!

Okay, so they are posted! It took me a while, because I didn't feel like I really lost that much, but I posted them anyway. Enjoy!:confused:
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

3
 

Week 3 weigh in results

Whoo Hoo! Week three is here. Drumroll please..... I have now lost 28lbs! I am so happy. I have had a couple of bouts with vomiting, due to my rapid eating habits. I really have got to remember to chew, chew, chew!!! I worked in the hospital as a RN and we would get a 10-15min break in 12hours, no kidding, so we learned the bad habit of stuffing a meal down within seconds! This is a habit that I am going to have to learn to break. The vomiting helps, because that is my least favorite thing to do is vomit!! OMG it is so gross. Another thing I need to do is get back to excercising. I only walked once this week, I am going to have to force myself to get on the treadmill tonight for at least one hour!   Well that's it for now. Next week is week 4 and I will post some progession pictures as well as blog.
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

4
 

Almost one week

Well, I am really late with writing more, but I just was not feeling it. I needed to get myself back to normal and try to figure out the food thing.   So, I woke early on 10/14, posted to my blog, took a shower and just hung out watching TV while my hubby got ready. He does not do mornings well. I was surprised that I was not STARVING, as all I had had for 2 days were liquids. So, we get to the hospital at 10am, surgery is scheduled for 12 noon, and I signed in at the desk. The receptionist gave us a pager, similar to what you get at a resturant when waiting for a table...interesting.:cool:   Frank (that is my hubby) was hungry, so we went to the cafe to get him some coffee and breakfast. We were about to sit down, when the pager went off! That was when I started to get nervous. :crying: The volunteer escorted us back to the surgical prep area, gave me a gown and told me to get undressed, the gown opens in the back..... So, I sit on the bed and just wait, now, a nursing assistant comes in and gives me some TED hose to put on, which covered up my cute halloween pedicure!:eek: Then the RN comes in to start the IV **ouch**, complete the admission process and have me sign another consent so the first assistant can get paid. The RN leaves for a minute and comes back and says "It looks like we are going to go a little earlier than expected!!. Dr. Steinberg comes in to say hello and then we are off to the OR. I kiss Frank goodbye and the transport guy takes me back, making me laugh the entire time, which was great, because I really was nervous. So, I am parked outside of the OR, another RN comes up and introduces herself (Robin) and in I go. I scoot over to the OR bed, get tied down, the Anesthesiologist tells me to relax, because at this point my BP is like 180/100:scared2: and I don't have hypertension. As I said, I was wicked nervous. All of a sudden I just start crying! I mean not hysterical, but tears, runny nose, I could not stop. The RN, Robin came over and, OMG, she was sooooooo sweet. She wiped my tears and told me everything would be okay, I asked her to pray with me and she did. She was just what I needed at the time, I am tearing up while I type this. I was so scared and felt so lost, I could not control my tears. I needed someone like Robin at the time and I thank God for her. She only talked to me for a minute, but it was what I needed. I needed to feel a connection to someone in the room, she promised to take care of me and assured me that Jesus would watch over us and make sure everything was as it should be. The last thing I remember was her wiping my tears.   I woke up in the recovery room, I remember being cold and in some pain. The nurse gave me some warm blankets and told me she would give me something for pain...then I was out again! When I woke again, I had been wheeled up to the floor and the nursing assistant was taking my vital signs.   Everyone at Dekalb Medical Center in Decatur, GA was soo nice. I am defiantely going to write thank yous to the staff and especially Robin. My stay was pretty uneventful, the pain was managed with a morphine pump. Let me digress a little here...the morphine pump was sooooo wonderful. It helped me understand how people get hooked on drugs, OMG! I would give myself a bolus and just trip out. I am so glad they took that thing away.   I arrived home on Thursday and for some crazy reason, I weighed myself. The scale read 275!!! :wub::scared2::thumbup::scared2: Cognitively I knew it was water weight, but I was really unhappy. So I stayed away from the scale until today and I am now 258:thumbup:. I have an appointment with Dr. Steinberg on Friday 10/24, so I am going to try as hard as I can to not weigh until then.   Well that's all folks, I am now offically on my way. The real beginning is here and I am sooo excited.
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

3
 

Reading....

So, I have been all over the forum reading about what people had to do preop, especially with diets. I am definately going to go on my low fat low carb, high protein diet, starting Monday 09/22/08. It will be interesting, because I have not really dieted since January. I am a little anxious about it, mainly because it just makes the whole thing more real. I am 270 today and I would love to loose at least 10lbs before surgery. I need to "purge" my body of bad carbs, sodas and unhealthy fats. I have been eating HORRIBLY lately and I know it is because I feel like "this is it". I will no longer be able to eat all of this unhealthy stuff. I have been eating stuff I usually don't eat, like chocolate, hard candy, cakes, etc. This is even more of a reason to do a cleansing for myself. I usually drink 10 glasses of water per day, I have not been doing that. I try to walk 3 times per week, I have just been a total slug! 'sigh' I really need to get out of this rut. My husband just called and said we need to go grocery shopping. So, this weekend I plan on getting some stuff for him and the things I will need post op. I plan on eating a lot of chicken over the next three weeks. I don't like fish, so that is not an option for me. I do plan on eating plenty of beans, veggies and a limited number of fruits, most likely apples and pears and maybe a grapefruit or two. :cursing:
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

2
 

Day 5

Wow! It really is getting easier. I think blogging really helps as well. This morning I was a little hungry, I had a cup of cherrios and an egg. I feel fine right now.   I think I am going to have to deal with the emotional highs and lows of the whole food issue. It is much easier to deal with if I am not hungry. Hunger + not being able to bindge on favorites= DANGER! :thumbup:   Anyway so far so good, I have all of my food here with me for the day. It is really a process to eat right, you have to prepare your food ahead of time! What a concept:lol:!
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

2
 

Day One

Well, This is the first day of my diet and since it is only 9:12a, I can say I am doing just fine! I really need to do this, it is for my own good. I ate cereal, milk and an egg for breakfast. The one thing I must do is prepare lunch and dinner for the days I work. I am begining to see that I am overweight because I am lazy! I want to be able to pick up whatever I want to eat or drink and have it! Well, that is not working well for me.   I am going to have to relearn how to eat and drink. I know it is going to be difficult, but sooo worth it. At some point, I may start posting vlogs on you tube, I am just not that confident yet! I have a weird accent and I really don't like how I look. :clap:   I have been thinking about excess skin, is it inevitable? I hope that as I loose, I tone with the excercise and loose skin won't be a huge problem. Well, for right now I just need to concentrate on my food plan. :rolleyes2:   More later...
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

4
 

Week 4!!!

Wow it has been one month! I can hardly believe it. I have been feeling fine. I am up to walking 3 miles 4-5 times per week, more if I can get it in. I really enjoy walking outdoors, the air is crisp and cool, so pleasant. I live outside of Atlanta, so it does not get too terribly cold here.   I have not done my picutres yet! I have so many issues. I took some and compared to my "before" and I could not tell the difference. My clothes are literally falling off of me, but pictures really don't show quite how much I have lost. I need to get over it! So, I am going to have my husband take some pictures today and I hope to get them posted by tomorrow night. I also have issues with how I look, as in my face, I can see all of these "spots" and so my face looks crazy. Anyway, I will post pics tomorrow, spotty face, and all!   BTW I am now down 35lbs!!!:willy_nilly:
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

3
 

Today is the day!!

Wow! It has been such a journey and soon I will begin another road. It is surreal, but exciting. I am sooo thirsty, but I can't have anything, so I will just have to suck it up. I brushes my teeth this morning and I soo wanted to swallow some water, but I know in the end it would only potentiallly harmful for me. So I will just hang out, not much longer I will be going into the hospital at 10a surgery is at 12n!   I will write more later!!:cry_smile:
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

4
 

Warning!!! Politically incorrect thoughts and i believe in GOD!

Wow! What a week! I am first going to talk politics, just because this has been such a hisotric election year. (For the record, I am mixed race 1/2 African American 1/2 Native American.)   On both sides of the political specturm history would have been made, how could we go wrong??   Firstly, Congratulations to president-elect Obama, he overcame so many obstacles and preservered. I am so proud of him. I am a talk radio freak, most of the stations are very conservative and they are not happy with the country's choice. I understand, I was not happy in 2000 and 2004 with the presidential choice, but I had to deal with it. President Bush was the country's choice! I think we have a new oppertunity to begin with fresh, open eyes and become the country that we all know we are.:cursing: There was a caller on one of the conservative stations, who stated that African American people are not very self confident because (as a group) we have said we never would have thought we would see an African American president. My thoughts on that are two-fold. Firstly, the reason I would have not thought we could have an AA president is we could not even VOTE until 1965!:angry_smile: So we had that hurdle to cross first! One also needs to realize that our right to vote could not or would not have been a reality without the support of White Americans, who saw the injustice and stood with AAs, marched, were beaten, hosed down and murdered right along with AA people. Which brings me to my secondary point. President-elect Obama would not have won without the support of the White community. To be a politician is one thing, to be a politician and rise to the level of President of the United States is a whole other thing, no matter what race! So, it is not that AAs did not have faith in themselves, we did not have faith in the United States of America.   We were proven wrong, and thank God for that!:cursing:
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

3
 

Clear Liquids Day 1

Okay, so I have to do the clear liquid thing today and tomorrow. No big deal right? WRONG!!! I am soo hungry, this morning I woke up and ate a coffee cup full of chicken broth and 3 cups of jello. I washed all of that down with some water.   I can do this, it is for the best, I just have to get the head hunger out of my mind. Tomorrow, I have to continue with the clear liquids, take 3 TBSPNS of Milk of Mag :thumbup: and take neomycin, which is sure to give me major diarrhea. Oh, did I mention that I am working 12 hours tomorow??? Luckily, the bathroom is not too far.   Please pray for me.:cry_smile:
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

3
 

Reading....

So, I have been all over the forum reading about what people had to do preop, especially with diets. I am definately going to go on my low fat low carb, high protein diet, starting Monday 09/22/08. It will be interesting, because I have not really dieted since January. I am a little anxious about it, mainly because it just makes the whole thing more real. I am 270 today and I would love to loose at least 10lbs before surgery. I need to "purge" my body of bad carbs, sodas and unhealthy fats. I have been eating HORRIBLY lately and I know it is because I feel like "this is it". I will no longer be able to eat all of this unhealthy stuff. I have been eating stuff I usually don't eat, like chocolate, hard candy, cakes, etc. This is even more of a reason to do a cleansing for myself. I usually drink 10 glasses of water per day, I have not been doing that. I try to walk 3 times per week, I have just been a total slug! 'sigh' I really need to get out of this rut. My husband just called and said we need to go grocery shopping. So, this weekend I plan on getting some stuff for him and the things I will need post op. I plan on eating a lot of chicken over the next three weeks. I don't like fish, so that is not an option for me. I do plan on eating plenty of beans, veggies and a limited number of fruits, most likely apples and pears and maybe a grapefruit or two. :cursing:
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

1
 

Less than a month!

Well, It I offically have less than a month to go before surgery. I feel like a kid right before Christmas!! I am so excited. I told my husband we need to celebrate my birthday (10/15) and our 3rd year anniversary (10/30) this weekend! I think we will go have Itlian food at Maggiano's in Buckhead. I love Itlian and I don't think I will be able to eat it for a while after the surgery.   I had an uneventful weekend. Hurricane Ike hit TX, so I was watching that on TV. I hope and pray for those families affected. Of course, I have been keeping up with the politics. We (in the US) are voting this year. I am a democrat, so this whole Palin thing is making me crazy. I don't understand if someone is a Sen. Clinton supporter, they think that those same people would support Palin! I hope they don't think we are that stupid! Enough of that!   I do look forward to my new life, though. Last night I stood in front of the mirror and looked at my body! :cursing: I have not done that in a looooonng time. I tried to imagine how I would look 125lbs less...very difficult. I didn't feel as disgusted as I thought I would have. I think, because I have been so heavy for so long, I have just accepted the way I look. I am blessed in that, my husband loves me as I am. I do think he will also enjoy me just as well if I am smaller. I cannot wait to see!:frown:
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

1
 

Uh oh!!! I think this is really going to happen

Okay, so I am sitting here at work reading blogs, posts, etc and I suddenly realize that tomorrow is my pre-op appointment. OMG!!! I got a little nervous, like a little shaky and a heart palpatation or two! So, I guess this is really going to happen!   I am excited and nervous at the same time. To be completely honest, I am looking forward to the time off. I am sort of a workaholic. I cannot say no to work, I think it comes from my dad, who ALWAYS had two, if not three jobs (mom didn't work). So, if I see an oppertunity to work, I jump on it. It is not because I need the money, I mean extra cash is always nice, but I do some volunteering as well. I think for me I need to keep busy. I am going to make a change, though, one of my "new" jobs is going to be excercising. I need to do at least 6 hours a week of some activity.   Wow, so tomorrow I will have to do my preop stuff. It is funny, I wasn't going to blog until after my preop appointment, but I just had this random rush of panic! What is up with that???:cry_smile:
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

4
 

Days 3 and 4

I did not blog yesterday because I was depressed. It is so weird to be depressed over food! I ate well, napped, did some homework and then I went for a walk with my dog, Bimini.   The walking did help, it was a beautiful day in Atlanta. I just felt sad that I have to make these changes for life. I know it is the best thing for me, but it is like saying goodbye to a friend that has been around for a long time. But really for me food is a frenemy! I love it but if I keep up the same habits, the food will kill me eventually.   So, yesterday, while walking, I took some deep breaths, stretched and really made myself be in the moment of walking, and enjoying the sun, wind and air. When I got home I was sweaty and hot and of course hungry. I ate a piece of pork loin, salad, broccoli and a small amount of brown rice. And I physically felt better. It is the head stuff I am going to have to work through.   This morning so far, I had cherrios, yogurt and I am dying for a cup of coffee! I do not feel hungry at all. That is important because if I get hungry I end up eating everything and anything I can get my hands on. :rolleyes2:   Once again, I just have to take it one meal at a time, we shall see how it goes.
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

2
 

2008 to 2019

Hello to anyone out there who is reading this.  it has been 11 years since my gastric bypass and wow!  I was reading my past entries things have certainly changed for me. I had the weight problem, lost about 90lbs, became an alcoholic, got divorced, remarried, moved to Houston, then back to Atlanta, became  born again, through the peace and grace of Jesus Christ!, traveled monthly to RI to check on my parents, lost my brother and father in 2019, relapsed with alcohol several times, as of today I have been sober for 2 years!~~~~WHEW! So now I am married to Michael White, someone I have loved for over 30 years, I am living sober, grieving the loss of my brother, Chip 01/09/2019 and my Dad, Ray 09/06/2019. As for the weight, I am now 208lbs and not really happy at this weight, but Thank God it's not 275!  The most important part of my journey is that I became a Christian, I would have been dead by now if I had not done that.   I feel okay today, some days are difficult because I do not drink alcohol anymore, so I have to depend on God through everything...opps gotta run....
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

0
 

Diet? What Diet?????????????

Okay, so here I am. I really did try, I lost 10lbs, but..well..I cheated and I need to get back on track.   I was hungry and out and about, so I stopped and got not one but 2 large fries!!! WHAT!??? They tasted sooo good. I really need this surgery. I get into trouble with I feel hungry and I have too many choices.   But this morning I am back on the ball, I had some oatmeal and I am drinking coffee, which is another issue I am going to have to deal with! I really only went off the plan for that one meal, but, I need to be more careful and pack snacks with me, especially if I am going to run errands.   I am down to 11 more days, and I cannot wait! I am excited for the surgerya dn the time off work....WHOOOO HOOOOO!!
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

1
 

Days 7 and 8

I did not feel like posting yesterday. No reason, just got lazy. I was on the forum, just reading, I really enjoy that.   Yesterday was Sunday, so my husband wanted us to start going to church. I best describe myself as a Christian, but I don't neccessarily think one needs to go to church every Sunday. However, I do enjoy it. Yesterday the guest preacher talked about us being perfect, because we were created by God. I do believe that, but since God gave us free will and after all, we are only human, I don't necssarily see anything wrong with one wanting to improve himself. He mainly was talking about people in the magazines who are desperately skinny and the ones who have multiple plastic surgeries. There is a difference between what I am doing and someone who wants larger breasts and less facial wrinkles. Breasts and wrinkles do not result in serious health issues, like diabetes, heart dz, stroke, etc. But I do get it there is going to have to be a point were I am satisfied with who I am and what I look like.   I never wanted to be so thin, my ribs show! Yuck. When I was a student nurse in college, we worked on a psych-medical unit. A lot of the patients were anorexics. I mean, these were young girls my age at the time (18), who weighed no more than 80 or so pounds. I just thought how sad and what is going on with them that they don't want to eat! Well, that is what I was learning about. But none the less, I did not aspire to look like that or even close, ever!   I just want to be healthy, eat well, and live an active lifestlye. Not too much to ask but I do need to set a goal for myself before I actually go in for the surgery. I am thinking 165lbs would be good for me. That would be 100lbs less than I am now. We shall see..:thumbup:
Bimbabe

Bimbabe

2
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