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This Time It's Happening

Hi everyone, This is the first time I've EVER written a blog entry. So, here it goes. Please read and comment if you are influenced, encouraged, disgusted (i wouldhope not), or just bored.   I am 20 years old. i was first banded in August of 2008 on the 19th. I was 19 so you all know that this was a life altering change for me. When i first did this, I was influenced to do it by my mom. She always says how she wants to see me in a little miny skirt and nice outfits before she leaves this earth. She never said that I didn't dress well now though. I know i do. I try at least. However, this thing has been quite a journey. I'm currently 6 months post-op and I haven't lost the weight I'd expected to loose since i got this band. I know it was due to my poor food choices and my lack of excercising. Therefore, there was no one to blame but myself. So, I feel that its time to do this write. I payed too much money for this to go to waste. I could have had a beautiful car. Instead, Im going to have a beautiful body. I grew up on soul food..you know, fried and fatty was the key to those meals lol. Now, I'm really conscience about baked foods. I never really consume fried food like that. I've been a big chip person and sweet drinks. That has been my problem up to now. During the first week of banding, i lost 16 pounds total. I don't remember what I weighed, since I last went to the doctor. I started out at 345 and thank God I'm not there anymore! Yesterday, I cried on my sweetheart's shoulder..They have this new movie coming out about a plus sized girl who grew up unloved. Surprisingly, she looks like me and she has my name! I thought, whoah! Did they really make this movie come out? I felt a bit embarrassed when they showed the preview before we seen the movie we went to go see called "Madea Goes to Jail." Everyone laughed at this girl. Deep down inside I felt as if they were laughing at me. I came home and told my friend that I'm tired of trying to be strong and block all of the thing that people say about me. I literally said that I didn't want to go through this anymore-being fat. I don't want to be on this earth. I thought that would be the best solution. I felt that God was trying to tell me soemthing because of this movie but instead I got angry with God thinking he was trying to pay me back for all the sins I've commited. I'm not a devil or soemthing but you know everyone has sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. However, that was not the case. He told me that he knew that I was very emotional and very timid when it comes down to public abuse about my weight. The thing about it was...I never really got ridiculed directly but indirectly from the public. My worst critics were myself and my family. He is someone I thought I could never tell the "Real" story to about me and how I feel about my weight. I make jokes about my weight as a sign of securing the premises because I wanted to do that before anyone else would. anywho, he told me that I was beautiful and that the only persont that could help me was God. I feel as if I'm ADDICTED to food! I thought I couldn't stop eating stuff. i would throw up and eat. Wake up in the moring and feel the impulse TOO eat. Why? I don't know so don't ask lol. Now, it makes a lot of since. This is my body. I want a result. I HAVE TO PUT MORE EFFORT..That's it. That's all to it. I know it is easier said than done. So, I'm going to stop saying it and DO IT. The race is not given to the swift, but to he that endureth to the end. I thank God for understanding. I'm ready to do this. I'm hitting the gym in the morning. No more consuming a lot of food, more than my band can hold, and throwing up. If I throw up, its gonna be because my band made me do it...not me...So, I started saying in December there's going to be an 09 Precious that won't be eating the way she did AFTER being banded in 08. I'm doing this strictly for me. I want to wear hot clothes. I want to be a healthy nurse one day. I want to dance without getting tired. I want to be free from this emotional distress brought about by my weight. Everyone keeps saying Precious, you have to get that weight off. They don't understand that I try so hard to do that though. I try and try. I thought I did. I kept saying what do youthink I got this band for? WEll, that's just it. Why did I get this band? to keep eating the way I did? No. With the support of few and the ridicule of many, I'm going to make this work for me. For my future. For that money spent lol. Time to show this world what PRECIOUS..is really about. Piece and love to you bandsters! I'm praying for the best. IF you are a Christian person, pray for my success. SEe you soon when I'm the top headlines with the before and after pictures worthy of great progress. Like the rapper Nelly says, "I'm on a mission and its sort of like a mystery and I ain't stoppin til I go down in history." So, true. Let's do it. NOW. I'm doing it. NOW God bless!
pmcclen2

pmcclen2

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