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My daily entries

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What's on the agenda for the weekend?

This is the second time I'm trying to write a journal entry. The first one was deleted when I clicked on spellcheck. No more spellcheck for me. Today, my husband told me that he was going to eat out after work, close to his work. That left me to fend for myself. As soon as he told me that, I decided to find a fast food place close to the house and buy something there. I ended up at Long John Silver's. I ordered two fish and its fixings: soda, fries, fritters, and lobster. When I got home, I could only eat half of one piece of the fish. I wonder why I eat fast food as a last resort. I could have come home and cooked for myslef, as I did all week long. Breakfast: one slice bacon, hot chocolate Lunch: two center slices sausage pizza, two school-size chocalate milk Snack: Venti Java Chip decaf Frapaccino I need to think about why I resort to fast food, instead of healthy choices. This is a sign I ned a fill. Also I need to think about why I let the band do my thinking for me instead of thinking for the band. If I can't eat it, I don't eat it. But if it'll go down, then I eat it. This is not healthy. I've lost weight because I can't eat much food, not because I've made healthier choices about my food. This is serious and something I need to pray and think about. Also, I keep saying that I'm going to start exercising at home. I've been doing physical therapy on my back and considering that my exercising. Now that my PT is on hold until after my heart procedures, I don't even do any exercise at all.
drj

drj

2
 

busy weekend, no time for food

Below are the plans that I laid for the conference I attended today and will attend Sunday and Monday all day: Plans for Saturday at the conference: breakfast: vitamins, water lunch: McDonald's cheeseburger, no bread; diet drink or water dinner: some kind of meat: Mexican steak or arrachera, drink I plan to drink more water. I'll update on how much I actually drank all day.   Actual intake: breakfast: cup hot chocalate snack: 1/2 slice lemon loaf lunch/dinner @ 5:00 two slices pizza (no crust) ate only cheese and pepperoni, salad, cup root beer   I'm not getting water in. I need to be much more diligent in this. The problem is that I hate plain water. I need to buy flavored water, and I bet I'll drink again.   Clearly I cannot eat in the morning. But I can drink warm liquids. I think that's why I like coffee or hot chocolate for breakfast. At lunch, if I haven't eaten much for breakfast, I can barely eat. Maybe some meat. At dinner, I'm dangerous. I'm usually hungry and I want to eat the first thing I see, whether I can actually eat it or not. I try sometimes. Usually it proves to be a pb.   I live to learn and learn to live. Tomorrow will be more of the same. no breakfast or some hot drink lunch: burger-if I can find the McDonald's dinner: meat or soup, depending on what my husband makes :girl_hug:
drj

drj

1
 

dinner meals-a challenge

:girl_hug: Dinners are a challenge for me. I get home late or early and want to eat, eat, eat. I'm usually hungry and don't take time to think as I should. I look for the first edible thing I can find. How can I manage this? Plus, I don't drink enough water. I still drink coffees and hot chocolate instead of choosing no calorie beverages. Last day at the conference meals: breakfast: hot chocolate lunch: 1/2 chocolate chip cookie, cup mocha coffee dinner: pork rib, bite of greens, bite of salad, glass fruit punch Why is it easier to record what I've already eaten rather than plan ahead? Dinner today was impromptu with the Leadership Team. We went to Dicky's way out in Dolton. I've never been there and had no idea what to expect. I didn't eat much. I didn't want food to get "stuck" during our meeting, so I ate light. Now its 11:00 p.m. and I'm starving. I don't want to eat because I may have bad dreams. So I go to bed hungry. Life is an experiment. Will my hypotheses and theories come true? Plans for tomorrow: drink water, take two meals since I have school at night, eat slowly.
drj

drj

1
 

When I'm on vacation-I don't pay attention

When I'm on vacation, I don't pay atention. I went out of town on Friday and returned late last night. Let's see if I can retrack my eating patterns. Friday breakfast-nothing lunch-bite chicken, 1/2 meatball, salad, water dinner-6 shrimp with shrimp sause, wine cooler, about 12 oz. Mountain Dew Saturday breakfast-2 slices bacon, 1 sausage link, 2 eggs-over easy, cup decaf coffee lunch-venti java chip decaf frappaccino dinner-two bites sole stuffed w/crab, two chips & cheese w/artichoke, wine cooler, Long Island Iced Tea, small slice bread w/ butter snack-slice cake w/ decaf coffee Sunday brunch-1/2 egg, 2 slice bacon, 1 sausage link, 1/2 cup coffee, bite french toast lunch-nothing dinner-1/4 baked potato w/ chives, sour cream, butter, 16 oz. Dr. Pepper, pinch cheeseburger snack-bite ground beef & chorizo w/ chichorron I think I did okay on food, although I was in my usual environment. Being out of town makes me out of control. But I kept thinking Protein, protein, protein. I think my family got sick of hearing about it. My sister noticed that I had lost a lot of weight and ask how I did it. (She is expremely heavy too.) I bragged about the LB and told her that she could do it too, if she wanted to. I mentioned this website and that she could apply to join and hear about what others struggle with and their successes. She never got the information from me. I told her I'd show her my marks from surgery. She never asked to see. I guess she's not ready. My other sister also noticed. She said that I looked great. She should know how I look. We live only 25 miles from each other, and never see each other. She asked all about it too. She said that our neice noticed too, but thought I'd be embarrassed if they said anything. I said that I was when I first started to lose. Now I love the compliments. I can't enough of them. Friday, my neice took me to a store to buy a new pair of jeans. I found a pair to match my jean coat. They were two sizes smaller than the last pair I bought a year ago. I couldn't believe they fit, almost. I wore them to our reunion. That's how everyone noticed the smaller me. I'm so glad and happy they all said something. It made me feel good about myself in a say that I never frlt before.   Now if I could jump start my weight loss again. I've been the same weight for about two months. I'm glad that I haven't gained any weight, but I'd like to lose about 45 more pounds. On Wednesday, I have a band adjustment. Maybe that will do it for me. I hope so. Until next time.
drj

drj

1
 

Spring Break Diet

I'm on Spring Break this week. I have a lot of homework to catch up on. I hope to make time to attend to some projects left incomplete. Monday, April 10, 2006 meals: breakfast-nothing-stress test at hospital lunch-venti java chip decaf frappaccino, 2 oz. ground beef dinner-serving pasta w/ homemade meat sause, iced tea snack-2 cinnimon crackers, cup diet iced tea I would be very surprised if the stress test results don't show up as positive. I have so much stress due to the job and school. I have projects to turn in next week when school resumes. I should be spending this week off work to complete the paper I have to write. Plus I have my 2 credit course to start. I haven't done anything for it yet. And the semester ends in just a few weeks. Today Joey goes for his sleep study. Tomorrow he goes to see the gastric band doctor to determine if he qualifies for surgery. I hope he does. ut
drj

drj

1
 

Tuesday Joey's LB doctor visit

Today, I took Joey to see Dr. Shayani to see about him getting the LB. He seems tohave a negative attitude toward all this. I'm not really sure he's ready to follow through on all the appointments he needs for surgical clearance. My husband and I will not be able to follow him to the appointments: we will both be working at the times scheduled. I worry about him and his weight. He weighed in at 390 today. He thinks I don't know, but I do. He thinks he's hiding this information from us. Who is he kidding or tricking? Was I like this? I think I was more open about how heavy I was. I think he's much more self-conscious. Today's food choices: breakfast-nothing lunch-cappoccino w/ shiped cream 12 oz. dinner-spaghetti with ground beef and pablano pepper 8 oz. mountain dew snack-4 oz. chocolate milk, popcorn
drj

drj

1
 

Wednesday-adjustment day

Today, I went at 8:30 for my adjustment. I'm always nervous when I get a fill. I think he's going to put too much in. Now he's changing the way they do fills. If everything is ok with the band, the adjustments will be done at the Outpatient clinic rather than at the hospital. They will no longer use x-ray to find the port or to x-ray the liquid going down. The patient will drink water instead of barium and will tell the doc when she feels it going down. The doc will have already injected saline into the port and will reject some if the water does not go down right away. Today's fill was "just a little bit" so I couldn't tell how much he really filled it. When he told me to drink, I did, but it sat there. He decided to look on x-ray to see for himslef and sure enough, there was the water. Then I had to drink the barium to see how it was going down. He said that I didn't really need a fill. He suggested that I change my eating habits and behavioral habits. He's right. I drink with eating, and drink A LOT of calories. I need to cut out this behavior or I'll never lose the rest of my weight. I think it's getting down to crunch time. I'm nervous about losing more weight. People are definately noticing, and they're saying something. My family made comments this weekend. Although it felt great, I was still a little uncomfortable with the comments. How will I look when I lose even more weight? I only have 35 pounds left to lose. And I'm scared. I told Joey that we are in competition. He liked that, but I am serious. I'm not going to have him surpass me in weight loss when I still have pounds to lose. I also want to buy a bathing suit for the summer and for Mexico in December. I need to have more weight off before I do so. God, help me. menu: breakfast nothing lunch coffee, lemon loaf slice, 2 bites mexican steak, tomatillos salsa dinner bite squash, cup ice cream-coffee flavor, crystal lite iced tea :girl_hug:
drj

drj

1
 

Jump start further weight loss

:kiss Today I ate: breakfast: 2 slices bacon, 1 egg lunch: bite of pasta with ground beef, squash, poblano pepper dinner: poblano pepper in egg, 12 oz. RC snack: bite ice cream, 3 grahm crackers Still trying to add water or no calorie drinks to my diet. If I do, I think I may eat less. But I need to remember that I should drink before I eat or an hour after I eat, but not WITH my food. Dr. Shayani says that's why I haven't lost any weight recently. He thinks that I'm drinking the food down. I believe he's right. Plus I drink my calories!!! I nedd to stop that, but I crave caffiene or at least coffee-type drinks. Maybe the exercies, if I can get myself to do it everyday, will help me to get a few pounds off. That may be all I need to get going again. Tomorrow my husband if off work. I hope I will be in control of my intake. I hope I will think before I consume. We'll be in Pilsen where there are a lot of Mexican restaurants. I think he wants to eat out, his type of food. Think-meat, meat, meat. Think-no drink, no caffiene, no liquor. You can do it, with the Lord's prayers.
drj

drj

1
 

The weekend is here again

What's for dinner this weekend? Friday, I had a doctor's appointment at the b clinic. I didn't go into work today. Stress is at a maximum. And so food intake is out the window. I'm definately a stress eater. breakfast-nothing-usually not hungry and can't get food down snack-venti java chip decaf frappiccino 650 calories lunch-1/4 chicken andwich w/o bread, slice lemon iced loaf dinner-pasta with homemade pasta sauce with chicken snack-wine cooler :confused:
drj

drj

1
 

Thursday-out of order

This entry is an example of how my life is out of order. I'm entering Thursday after Friday. breakfast-cup Dunkin Donuts iced coffee I'm so proud of myself. I didn't get ANY breakfast at our LLT training. I didn't even go into the snack area to see what they had. lunch-mini bag cheetos, 1/4 chicken sandwich, can 7up dinner-ground beef with veges, wine cooler :confused:
drj

drj

1
 

Saturday-all alone, but not lonely

Today, my husband worked. I'm usually not good when he works on the weekends. I am out of control with sleep and food. The same is true of today. I slept until 10:00. Then I realized I had to drive about 20 miles to pay a bill, so I made breakfast and ran out the door. Later I went out for lunch by myself and met up with him after that. breakfast-one egg yolk, two slices of bacon, no drink lunch-1/2 order nachos, one hotdog, no bread, w/ garnishes, 12 oz RC dinner-salsa, wine cooler, taste of soup that I just made-veal w/ tomato, onion, rice, corn exercise-walked for 50 minutes at Proksa Park in Berwyn :confused:
drj

drj

1
 

Sunday-off track-cycle coming

I can tell now when my cycle is coming. I eat. and I can eat. It's like the band stretches to allow for more food intake. breakfast-one egg yolk, two slices bacon, no drink-I'm stuck snack-chocolate milk, strawberries with cottage cheese lunch-chips and salsa, veal soup, shrimp, nopalitos snack-chocolate milk, RC, strawberries with cottage cheese exercise-none :confused:
drj

drj

1
 

last week's exercise routine

:confused: Although I can't backtrack what I ate last week, I can backtrack my exercise plan and routine. I just started exercising again. I don't know what happened, but I asked T is he wanted to go with me to walk. He obliged. Monday-walked one hour, fell down, and walked even faster Tuesday-walked six blocks to/from UIC where I parked my car for class Wednesday-walked 45 minutes Friday-walked 30 minutes :girl_hug:
drj

drj

1
 

I need a fill

Today I ate three meals, if you count the one slice of bacon at breakfast. I feel I eat a lot for dinner. My husband is on first shift for the next three weeks, the first time in our eight year marriage. I'm cooking for him and me. I keep it to food that I can eat, primarily proteins, like meat. I've had cravings for coffees like Starbuck's Venti Java Chip Decaf Frapaccino. Who knows how many calories it has, but it's so good. That's probably why I gained one pound this week. I called the Dr.'s office today to schedule a fill. I have to hang in there until April 12, 2006 to get it tightened. Maybe if I pay more attention to what and when I'm eating, it may help. Sometimes stress and a busy schedule prevent me from paying 100% attention to food intake. I'll try better tomorrow. :mad:
drj

drj

1
 

I'm bored

Today is Saturday, March 25, 2006 My husband is working today, and I'm feeling very lazy. I just got up half an hour ago. The first thing I did is look for something to eat. Yesterday's leftovers. Afer two bites, of course, I'm stuck. So much for that idea. Now I'm journaling. Maybe that's good for me. I'm not thinking about food, but I'm feeling depressed. Normally on the weekends we do all our errands, shopping, cars, etc. But with T at work, I'm sitting here saying, "What am I going to do with my day, until he gets home. I think if I could find something to do, I'd feel better and have more energy. food plans for the day: lunch: some kind of meat or leftovers dinner: some kind of Mexican meat and beans Is it true that if you plan out your meals, you have better success of eating right and less? This is wonderment for the day. I'll see if it works. to be continued... :mad:
drj

drj

1
 

Getting thru the weekend

The weekend is very difficult for me. My husband is home. We have places to go, which causes us to be out much of the day on Saturday and Sunday. This in turn causes us to miss meals or go out to eat. And this is where I have difficulty. Going out isn't the problem. The problem is that I want to eat. And I want to eat the wrong foods for me. Usually we eat Mexican, which contains a lot of carbohydrates. Usually I don't order my own meal because I can never actually eat a whole meal for myself. I order, and my husband eats my meal and I have a few bites. But then there's the tortillas, drinks, and dessert. I need to learn to control myself when I'm out. I almost always end up sick in the bathroom before I learn the day's. Another problem is that the lesson I learn I have to learn over and over again. I guess I haven't actually learned the lesson yet. Only eat foods I can digest: meat. And eat slowly. Usually when we eat, I'm so hungry that I just want to inhale rather take small bites and chew my food well. I still have a lot to learn. I believe this was theproblem today, because I tried to eat foods that I can tolerate. I just tried to eat too fast. When will I learn these lessons so that they don't have to continue to present themselves? Something to think and pray about. Until tomorrow. meals: breakfast two bites of donut, Venti Java Chip decaf Frapaccino lunch: chicharron, 4 oz. Dr. Pepper, dinner: cup cappaccino, two bites arrachera, pinto beans, small eggplant snack: slice cheese cake, Polish cookie (from neighbor), two cups cappaccino
drj

drj

1
 

food for the day

This entry is for Monday, March 27, 2006 Breakfast: nothing, not hungry Lunch: beans, 1 oz. Mexican beef steak Dinner: Mexican beef steak, 3 tomillos Snack: serving cookies, cup cappaccino I notice since my husband has been home, I've been eating an actual dinner. And at about 8:00 p.m. I've been eating a snack. This is, I'm sure, the reason for my 2 pound weight gain. That, and I'm expecting my cycle soon. Now that I realize that in only a week's time, I can mke a change to my eating schedule.
drj

drj

1
 

Class night

Today is class night; I don't get home until 9:00 p.m. from woork, school. So I have to be prepared when I go to work to take something for two meals. This is a challenge. Now that the truck visits our place, I can order something from the truck. Today I bought a grilled chicken salad. Healthy except for the dressing. I need to find an alternative for the dressing. Breakfast: 3 slices bacon, cup hot chocolate Lunch: a few bites of the salad, can Sprite Dinner: most of the rest of the salad from above, can Mountain Dew, bag Cheetos Snack: cup Cappaccino, one serving cookies Stress still causes me to eat. I know that chips go down very easily. So I use them to "destress". It's a long night, so the Mountain Dew gives me the energy I need to stay awake and alert. What I need to do is find other energy-giving foods that are acceptable, rather the chips and soda. I'm not sure what that will be at school, but I will think about it and see if I can find something healthier. Band adjustment is scheduled for April 12 @ 8:45 Now my doctor is changing the way he does band adjustments. Before he used barium and x-ray to determine where the port was and how much to fill. Now he will no longer use x-ray or barium. He'll use water, and the sense of feel to find the port and figure out where to put the needle. Then after I drink some water, I'll tell him if I can "feel" the water going down. If so, I guess he'll take out some. Somehow this seems less exact and less scientific. I like the other way better. We'll see how it works. Another lady at my support group meeting said that she received a huge bruise from doing it this way. I'm afraid that this will happen to me as well. I think I bruise easily. We'll see.
drj

drj

1
 

Wednesday's plan

Wednesday, March 29, 2006 It's still Tuesday. I'm going to try something different. I am going to plan my meals for tomorrow. I'll then enter what I actually ate and see if how closely I stuck to my plan. Breakfast: nothing, cup juice Lunch: 2-3 bites meat, 2 portions vegetables, can soda Dinner: meat, vegetables tbc
drj

drj

1
 

Did I follow my plan?

Wednesday, March 29, 2006 I said yesterday that I would enter my plan and see if I stuck with that plan, thereby eating less junk and more healthy foods. Let's compare: yesterday's plan for today's food: Breakfast: nothing, cup juice Lunch: 2-3 bites meat, 2 portions vegetables, can soda Dinner: meat, vegetables actual: cup hot chocolate, glass juice snack: slice coffee cake lunch very small salad, 6 oz. Gatorade dinner: liver & onions, beans, decaf coffee So let's see. breakfast-I drank, no food, often I can't eat in the a.m. lunch-no meat was served, so I had salad, only Gatorade was in the soda machine, chose fruit punch dinner-as planned, I had liver and onions and beans What I do notice is that I drink a lot of coffee. I should investigate how many calories these coffees have. I think I'll be surprised. Maybe this will convince me to change my drink coices. So not too bad in planning. Let's try again for tomorrow. Breakfast: bacon, 3 slices Lunch: ground beef taco meat with peas (I already planned and cooked this) Dinner: same as lunch-I'll probably eat leftovers snack: coffee-decaf (I'll check the calorie count)
drj

drj

1
 

The weekend is here again

The weekend is here again. This is a particularly difficult time for me. My husband is home and we have errands to run. We eat out, usually when we are past the hungry stage. That means I might eat or try to eat foods that aren't good for me, usually carbohydrates or foods that don't go down very easily. This weekend I will be at a conference in Chicago. I don't know what food choices I will have. But I do have a plan. I will make meat or protein choices. My food choices from today: Breakfast: bacon, 3 slices, cup hot chocolate Lunch: beans, ground beef and peas, can soda Snack: decaf coffee (Frap) Dinner: can Campbell's chicken and rice soup (I don't feel good tonight) I have noticed that I don't drink nearly enough water or any real water at all. Second, I drink way too much coffee, especially those types WITH calories. I think if I cut those out again, I'll lose weight right away. I think they have a lot of liquid calories, though I never asked the company for the nutrition information. I should ask one day. Plans for Saturday at the conference: breakfast: vitamins, water lunch: McDonald's cheeseburger, no bread; diet drink or water dinner: some kind of meat: Mexican steak or arrachera, drink I plan to drink more water. I'll update on how much I actually drank all day. :girl_hug:
drj

drj

1
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