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Dating: What a difference 100lbs makes!

Since I have begun this journey, I have also ramped up the dating activities in my life. I don't share my personal life with many people, but I think this is appropriate to share - those reading this will understand it more than anyone else in my life.   OK, so that said... some oratory overflow in the form of background information:   I should first say that I never really lacked for a dating life but, hindsight being 20/20, I can see now that it lacked a distinct level of quality. There were some winners, then there were some "real winners" (she says with a voice dripping with sarcasm).   With a few exceptions (see the post regarding Mr. Washington, DC, back in August), most of the men I would meet were just not good enough for me. It's not an ego thing, I know I deserve someone better than I was meeting. Looking back, most of them lacked ambition, a solid work ethic, and usually possessed a vocabulary rivaled by my nieces and nephews. Their idea of fun was either a first-date romp in the sack (thank you, no), a marathon video-game session (again, not interested), or slamming beers to get drunk and ultimately act like an idiot (um, don't call me, especially as your one call from prison).   And yet, I went out with them. Some were fun in small doses, but overall, I knew I wasn't meeting anyone with whom I wanted to spend any real time.   OK, now that has been laid out, on to the inspiration (and title) of this post:   The quality of men I have been meeting and dating has risen exponentially. There are a few reasons, I know, all of which come down to aesthetics: I am thinner now, "normal," and therefore considered more date-able by more people which, in turn, boosts my confidence and opens up more opportunities to talk to people.   (I feel like I have to throw in a caveat, because at some point - if I haven't already - I will say something that sounds like I take issue with someone's job as a level of quality. What someone does to earn their living is not important to me (unless they bitch about wanting to change it but don't actually make the effort), as long as they are happy, can meet their responsibilities, and take pride in a job done well.)   OK, back on track.   So I am meeting people with whom I can have intelligent conversations, people with whom I can stand to spend more than 24 hours, people who have adult interests
FeliciaLevy75

FeliciaLevy75

1
 

Freedom

My boss (a fabulous, supportive, amazing woman - if you haven't picked up on that in my posts on other areas of this site) and I were talking today about changes in my life pre- and post-Lap Band.   It's been two years this month that my Daddy died of complications from years of untreated type II diabetes. This is not to say we didn't know he had it.... he just did the minimum to take care of it for the twenty years or so he was diagnosed. It took its toll and, at the very young age of 64, with congestive heart failure and multiple strokes and MIs under his belt - including two open-heart surgeries for quad bypass and valve replacement - he died.   The intricacies of all of that are for another blog, if I decide to let you in that far, but this does have bearing on this post.   All my life, I was heavy. My parents are/were heavy, two of my three siblings are heavy, various extended family are heavy. It was something we were, totally acceptable, and totally oblivious as to what it would mean later in life (for those of us lucky enough to have a "later in life"). We ate what we wanted without a care in the world, blindly following every fad diet imaginable when the mood struck us to lose 100lbs overnight... you get the idea.   Being that way, and being surrounded by people in the same situation made it easy to hide from life. I still enjoyed life, as a kid, a young adult, and now a thirty-something, but something was always missing: Freedom.   This is what the boss and I were discussing: a newfound freedom borne of a normal-sized body in a normal-sized life.   Why do we call it Freedom? I missed out on the freedom to run around and do what I really wanted to do because, quite frankly, I didn't fit into normal life:   We asked for tables at restaurants because we didn't have the freedom to sit where we pleased; we didn't fit comfortably into a booth.
We didn't go on roller coasters because we didn't fit into the cars and/or safety belts
We chose bigger cars because what we really want - in my case, a Mini - wouldn't fit our happy asses comfortably and we looked ridiculous driving them around
We didn't have the freedom to buy clothes we liked because we had to buy clothes that fit our expansive waistlines
We avoided stairs, walking festivals, and anything resembling an outdoor/exercise activity because of how we looked or how it affected us after only a short while
We ate what everyone else ate, regardless of its nutritional value (or lack thereof) because we didn't have the freedom (or so we thought) to make different choices; we were enslaved to justification, eating with the masses
Last Friday, my assistant and I went shopping. I went into a normal-sized store and purchased normal-sized clothing off the normal-sized rack. No "W" after the size, no special department, no special cut to hide my abnormal size or shape.   I found Freedom through choice rather than a forced necessity.
FeliciaLevy75

FeliciaLevy75

4
 

Staying on Track in the Path of a Hurricane

What a couple of weeks it has been. My house was broken into, I have/had three presentations at school, and work has been a whirlwind.... and yet I was able to stay on track. Quite the accomplishment if I do say so myself. And, in all seriousness, I owe it to my weight loss journey and the tools I use to manage it.   Stress, chaos, and crowded calendars can make it easy to get off track. You tell yourself, "just this once; a small bite; I'll make up for it next time; I don't have time; convenient beats healthy right now...." Soon enough, bad habits are back and you don't realize just how bad until you study your food diary (you *are* keeping a food diary, yes?).   The truth is, my food diary is what saved me these past two weeks. It's a constant in my life, a steady, reliable part of what I do every day. Even when everything else seemed too unbearable - and there were quite a few hours of that feeling recently - my LBT and LIVESTRONG accounts and my Daily Plate were a source of comfort.   Unaffected by my personal drama, these electronic resources - and the friends I have made using them - were still there, ready, willing, and able to perform as intended and expected. They (animate and inanimate resources alike) kept me focused, reminded me of the things that I can control and helped to promote in me strength through use of that control.   Everyone has bad days during which they feel like they just can't do what is expected of them. This may be true when speaking of the expectations of others, but when it is your health, your weight loss journey, and your overall well-being... you can do it like no one else can do it. You have to, because no one else can do it for you.   Focus on that, and you can get through anything.
FeliciaLevy75

FeliciaLevy75

1
 

To the Asshats Who Broke Into My House

Screw you.   Who the hell do you think you are, and what f--king right do you have to enter my home uninvited? What in the world did I ever do to you?   Nothing.   I know this because we are one of four houses you have burglarized in two weeks. Random. No connection other than geography.   F--k you.   You didn't know me from Eve when you decided to kick in my door (leaving fabulous foot and finger prints for the CSI, thanks for that) and relieve me and my roommate of our flat screen, our XBox360, our jewelry and cash, laptops....   You know me now, though, and that is why I want to sink a crow bar into your head. You may not remember what you did or what you saw, but I do. I saw what you did to my bed, my drawers, my closet, my photos, my shelves. I still feel you in my house, in my bedroom and bathroom. I can hear you rummaging through my personal belongings in the hurried pursuit of something you can pawn for a quick buck.   F--k you.   It may be just "stuff" to you and yours, but to me it is memories, personal space, homework.... things I cannot easily replace or rebuild. Gifts from my father who died almost two years ago; research and hard work for my business, my employer, my education; unique and personal to me, including material things, time and effort; you felt entitled, so you took it.   F--k you.   It's my home, my safety, my security. You took it all, with no regard for anyone or anything save the $20 you can get for something to feed your habit.   F--k you.   I feel shattered, uncomfortable, vulnerable, insecure, watched.   F--k you.   F--k you.   F--k you.
FeliciaLevy75

FeliciaLevy75

4
 

Seeing him again for the first time

This weekend I am flying to Washington, DC, to spend a long weekend with a man with whom I have had a long distance semi-romance for over 2 and a half years. It's been just over 2 years since we have seen each other face to face, but to hear us talk you would think we hung out every weekend.   He knows everything I have done, gone through, and my progress. I haven't sent photos of me because I want him to be pleasantly surprised, and he has been fine with that.   So why the hell am I so nervous?   I feel more nervous than the first time we spent a weekend together. I am infinitely more confident in how I look, how I feel, and how I manage my lifestyle. I feel great that I have inspired him (not obese, but a little overweight) to hit the gym more and want to move more.   He's not solely a BBW guy (aka "chubby-chaser") so I am not worried that I have lost too much weight. I am not worried about running around the Capitol and not being able to keep up. I am not worried about food or drink or anything related.   He liked me then, he still likes me... so why the f--k am I having this little mental crisis? I haven't changed, we talk all the time, there are no surprises save for smaller clothes and a few bones that are more prominent now.   It's making me nuts (can you tell?) that I am worried about this weekend. All things considered, I should be than calm, more than happy. Instead...   Ugh.
FeliciaLevy75

FeliciaLevy75

3
 

Paying Attention: My New Obsession

I am from San Francisco, I have lived in Los Angeles, and I now reside in Las Vegas; I am a people watcher. My favorites, by the way, are the people who come to Vegas wearing the worst shirts imaginable. I call them the "I can't wait to get to Vegas to wear this shirt" shirts. Scary, but entertaining.   I digress.   But this is something more, something slightly more disturbing. I watch what you eat and drink, calculating the calories in my head. If you are overweight, I also notice - now more than ever - what you wear, how you wear it, and how it will look after you eat whatever it is that has me locked into The Daily Plate calculations in my mind. I am not trying to be judgmental, that is not the point. It's almost like being a former smoker or drinker. It's just something I am keenly aware of: food intake, body shape, tent-like clothing.   Let's clarify this. If someone is showing restraint and making smart food choices; if someone shows motivation to be healthy (or healthier), then the part of my brain that performs these comparative calisthenics goes asleep. I relax immediately and I am open to the rest of the world that zips by me.   However, as I leave behind my issues with these factors of obesity, I am ultra-sensitive to those around me who seem not to care, who suck down full-fat, full-sugar, fried, breaded.... you get the idea. I can't help but wonder what the hell you are thinking. I want to point out how much better you will look and feel by making different choices, by tasting something fresh, by moving your ass a bit more.   I'm not innocent, nor am I sheltered; I have been there, I have been in your shoes. I've been that person (most of us have at some point or another) that had to have an appetizer and a salad and an entree and dessert. Don't forget the wine and bread and butter. I have purchased a "snack" that qualifies as a state dinner in some small countries. All of this on the heels of a day at the movies or mall and the inevitable snack bar/food court visitation.   I feel blessed that I am no longer bound to food in that way, but my new obsession is no less consuming. Instead of focusing on finding more food to shove down my throat, I am focusing on the food that others can't seem to put down. The assumption is that they, too, are addicted; they can't help themselves.   But they can help it! I know that now. And the intensity with which I focus these thoughts is a bit scary. I want to know why they can't see what they are doing to themselves. I want to scream and shout at them, asking if they want to be gaining weight with every bite, slowing their lives and their bodies to a snail's pace which, in turn, speeds up the aging and dying process.   No one ever knows that this is going through my head. I am sociable and polite and kind and normal on the outside. I don't make faces and I don't scoff openly. I make my own choices and seem to be unaffected by yours. No one knows (until now) that I do this, that I deal with this.   I know that as I become more and more of a healthy person, as I move away from obese and overweight and into normal, healthy, and average, I will relax. The focus on food in any sense will lessen because my lifestyle and habits will be ingrained instead of in process. This is a learning process for all of us, I respect that (it's the main reason I don't vocalize this new craziness).   Until then.... if you see my eyes flicker over your molten chocolate cake, you know why.
FeliciaLevy75

FeliciaLevy75

4
 

Support: Sugar and Spice, Not Always Nice

Support is not always touchy-feely; support is tough, open, and honest. Support comes in all shapes and sizes. All of this means that you will not always hear what you want to hear, but the people saying it are doing so because they care. Whether family, friends, coworkers, etc., support comes in all flavors.   That said, support is only as good as the person receiving that support.   What am I getting at? Sadly, too many people project their own inferiority complexes on those very people trying to help them. In truth, it is you who needs to learn how to deal with the support you seek. How you respond or solicit that support says a lot about you. It is your reaction that is important when mentally processing the support options provided to you.   Members of my family are the kings and queens of this type of destructive behavior (among others). Someone doesn't say something that is in blanket agreement? Someone suggests that they work harder, longer, smarter? Someone says that they will have to cut back (on salt, fat, calories, alcohol, smoking, etc.), lose weight, or exercise more? Someone disagrees with their uneducated pontification on Jeopardy answers?   All hell breaks loose, let me tell ya.   My family, some people on these boards, people at school, work, etc.... we all know these people. The "what the hell does s/he know, anyway?" crowd. The people who, know matter how much they claim to be open to new ideas and viewpoints, shut down as soon as someone suggests that accountability and responsibility lie within the supportee.   To all of these dysfunctionals: Get over yourself, people! You don't have all the answers, no one does. If you solicit support (and yes, posting on these boards is included), be prepared to hear something you may not like. The point is to process what is being said, research it and, if appropriate, take steps to better your life because of it.   Everyone makes mistakes, everyone falls down. Learn from it; learn from the people with whom you interact; learn from others' experiences - good and bad.   Speak your mind, sure, but if it's just to discount everything people say because it doesn't fit into your preconceived notions of how things should progress... shut your trap.   If you approach someone for support and advice, and if your best reply begins with "But....," shut your trap and THINK about what they are saying.   But wait!   I am not saying that the would-be supporters are infallible - I am just suggesting that the mouth doesn't shoot off immediately. Think about it. Think about why you need to rebutt so quickly; think about why you are put off by it.   Support should make you think, make you act. It's more than just a hug and some tears, it's something that enables you to move on, move up.   Like I've said before, if you already knew it all, knew how to do it, and knew more than anyone else.... you wouldn't be here asking for support.
FeliciaLevy75

FeliciaLevy75

1
 

Over and over and over again....

We see the same questions and same exclamations over and over on LBT... and frankly, it's getting old.   I know that a lot of new people come in every day, and I know that everyone has questions. Hell, I am sure I ask(ed) some stupid ones, too. I am still relatively new to all of this; I am not claiming to be some expert... but I can look around, I can read, and I take the time to participate in my own education so I am not a complete raving lunatic.   In some cases, I am willing to overlook the redundancies, but it's getting to the point where I want to shake people like a bad nanny shakes a baby.   I will probably be adding to this; I see this as a vent blog. You don't have to agree with me, but it's my blog, so it doesn't matter if you do or not, eh?   Anyway, some of the more annoying things I find....   Why am I not losing weight?   Gee, when you admit to eating crap, especially crap that slips right through the band, do you really need an answer to that question? The band is not gastric bypass, you still absorb everything you eat. You are simply (supposed to be) eating less and making healthier choices.
 
(And even with GB, you are limited in the sugar, fat, etc. you can take in for fear of Dumping Syndrome. And yes, it's as bad as it sounds.)
 
Just because you CAN eat it (get it down), doesn't mean you should. If you are eating ice cream, smores, Fritos, cheeseburgers, bacon and sausage pizzas, etc. as regular food instead of the occasional treat, then you will continue to look like you eat those things.
Calories in need to be less than calories out (expended). Low carb, high protein, SugarBusters, Weight Watchers, whatever you are doing... calories are still king. Eat more than you need and you gain weight. Eat what you expend and you stagnate. Eat less than your bigger body needs and you will begin to lose weight to create the smaller body we all hope to achieve in this process.
Move your ass! (Thanks to Jachut's sig for that reminder.) If you are sitting around expecting the pounds to melt off simply from "dieting," you are in big trouble. It may work at first if you are watching your caloric intake, but that will slow down - if not stop.
 
Your body needs to move: your heart, lungs, muscles... they need exercise to become more efficient and fuel this healthier body you are trying to create. You don't need to be a triathlete (but kudos to those who do!), but you need to move. It also helps with skin elasticity, so there's a double bonus there.
Soda? Pop? Cola? Beer? Sparkling Water? Carbonation? Fizzy Drinks?   How many people have to post on this one - creating a new thread with a poll every week?   Even if your doctor didn't tell you to stay away (because I realize that not all docs are created alike and some people did not receive the guidance they should), READ THE BOARDS. This and other questions are dead horses on which so many people still beat. Seriously, it's called a search button. Look for key words, phrases. Spend some time researching what it is you are looking to understand.   People answering the 2,863,298th poll about carbonated beverages is not justification, especially for those posters who admit that they "know better" or "know it's bad", etc.   It's science. Carbonated beverages contain (cold) compressed gases. Introduce them into a (warm) stomach and guess what happens? The gas bubbles have no where to go. When they explode, much like they do on the top of your beer stein, where do you think all that goes? It's trapped. Trapped exploding gas bubbles = expansion of their environment... your pouch. Expand the pouch and the band as a tool becomes nearly useless.   I Know It's Bad, But.....   This just needs to go away. If you know it's wrong or bad, don't freaking do it. Period.   Posting on the boards and finding other people who know it's bad does not negate the fact that your behavior is your worst enemy.   If it's bad, don't do it. If you slipped, stand back up and do the right thing. Continue to screw up, and no amount of board postings will help you.   Someone tell me what to do. Whip me into shape.   This one just pisses me off. Looking for advice is great. Comparing notes is fabulous.   But, if you need this board to tell you step by step how to live your new life... you need way more than this board can provide. This is a message board and, while I have met some great people and read some great posts, it is still up to the individual reader to take action on what they learn here.   TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR LIFE. If you need someone to hold your hand and lead you through each day, each meal, each issue, you need to look into something more face-to-face.   Also, if it's a medical issue, go to the damn doctor. How many more people will post that something is broken, bleeding, popping, or otherwise falling off - then wait for the online community to tell them that they haven't been banded yet but maybe it's this, that, or the other? KEEP YOUR SURGEON INVOLVED - ESPECIALLY WITH MEDICAL-RELATED ISSUES.   I did _____________ earlier than I was told. I didn't follow ___________ exactly as I was instructed. I ate ______________ a month before I was supposed to.   Follow the rules. If your doctor gives you guidance - even knowing that they are all different - who are you to decide that his or her medical education and training are inferior to your experience as a patient?   Let's face it, if you knew better, you wouldn't be in this position... would you?   Get over yourself and accept that you don't know everything. Are some of the rules harder than others? Hell yes, they are supposed to be. This isn't supposed to be easy - you have to put some effort into this new, healthier you.   If you can't be bothered, then why go through with this?   -----   More to come... believe me.
FeliciaLevy75

FeliciaLevy75

8
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