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Camp One Year Later

Almost exactly a year ago, my daughter and I went to camp and I wrote about my experience. I was able to do the big hike and was so proud of myself.   Well, this year, it was even better. I was able to jog most of the way and was just barely breathing hard by the time I got to the top!! What a difference a year makes.   I feel so great and am having such a wonderful time!! This is without a doubt the best summer I've ever had simply because I feel so much better about myself and I look so much better. I love it!!
Bea1128

Bea1128

1
 

Disgusted!!

I haven't posted in a while, but what better place to rant? I'm so disgusted!   My 5 month bandiversary is next Tuesday and I've only lost 40 pounds. I'm not too worried about the weight however, it's the inches I want to loose. And I've lost inches, 5.5 in my waist and 6.5 in my hips. This is all great, I realize, but now I've really upped my exercise and I feel like I'm not budging!!!! I do at least 45 minutes of jogging 5-6 times per week. I do 1 1/2 hours of weight lifting twice a week. I eat well and track my meals on dailyplate.com. I feel like I'm doing my part, but my body isn't cooperating!!!   My waist is very small, but my lower abdomen and hips are not. If I find pants that fit my hips, they are huge in the waist. I've always had a figure like this, but in the past I've been more proportional. My size 16s feel like they are going to fall off, but 14s don't fit yet. My favorite pair of jeans are 16W and I can't get into them, not even close!! WTF?!? I feel disgusting and I hate it!!   I know I've come a long way, but I have so far to go. This is the first emotional low I've experienced since being banded. It's so discouraging to be working so hard and still see a disgustingly fat person in the mirror! Shit!!!!
Bea1128

Bea1128

5
 

Great weekend, more NSVs

This past weekend my daughter and I went to camp (she as a camper, me as a counselor). It was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed it. This camp is situated on a small river as well as a couple of man-made lakes.   At some point, they built a huge cross on the top of a pretty steep mountain. Now I say mountain because I live in Texas and it's bigger than a hill, but not as big as the mountains in say Colorado. But still high and steep. One of the really cool things they do is offer a hike up this "mountain" to the cross which has a phenominal view of the valley and river below. I really wanted the experience and my DD decided she wanted to go as well. She's only 8 and I wanted to share this experience with her. I was fairly confident I could make the hike as I've been jogging almost everyday for the past month on an incline, but you have to climb up this rock shelf (about 6 feet high) from the river which means it's slick and very smooth from past flooding. There were two big guys standing at the top pulling people up. Now my first thought was "OMG, what if I jerk them off that shelf?" But I figured they both weighed more than me or at least that was what I was praying. Turns out I didn't jerk them into the river and I climbed up just fine. The hike was very steep, muddy, and rocky. I'm only 5'4" and have very short legs. Some of the rock ledges along the trail were up to my chest which means pulling myself up on more than one occasion.   I made it to the top, winded, but I made it just the same!! I would not have even tried that a couple of months ago. It would have been something that my DD would have missed out on as well because she wouldn't have gone if I didn't. I said a prayer of thanks at the top for beng able to experience something that was so beautiful. I felt such a sense of accomplishment and I finally felt like I could live my life the way I wanted. I still have a long way to go, but at least I'm trying new things with less fear.   I also went down the infamous "Wet Willie". This is a huge slide that you have climb up several flights of stairs to get to and slide down into the lake. I'm terrified of heights, but again my DD wanted me to do it. Once you get to the top you can feel it swaying in the wind and it took all of my power not to panic. There was a very large group from my church and all the adults went up. No way I would have done that before. I had no problems getting into a life jacket and no problems swinging into the slide. Yes, you have to swing from a bar to get into it. I screamed like a girl all the way down!! :thumbup: I probably wouldn't do it again, but at least I can say I've done it once!! I didn't particularly care for the atomic wedgy that I received when I hit the water either.   I feel like I'm finally living my life again. I can be the fun person I am and hold my head high because I'm more confident and feel good about myself. That alone was worth having surgery! My journey may be long, but I'll finally get to where I want to be. I feel great and am looking better each day! What an amazing gift I've been given.
Bea1128

Bea1128

2
 

Scale Victories Are Good, Too!!

I'm down another 3 pounds this week! Making myself get on the treadmill everyday is finally paying off. I also noticed at softball practice last night that catching grounders was a lot easier than it was in the beginning. Plus not being so winded is excellent!!!   I feel the old me emerging. I'm starting to remember who I used to be. I've missed the old me. I know I have a long way to go, but feeling better about myself is the first step to reaching my goals.   It's so nice to be so active again. Before surgery I used to dream about running and playing sports. I would wake up so disappointed that it was only a dream. For the first time in many, many years I'm enjoying summer. Well, at least as much as you can enjoy summer in Texas. :biggrin:   Life is good! :cursing:
Bea1128

Bea1128

1
 

It's the NSVs that make the world go 'round!

I've been jogging on my treadmill pretty much every day for the last couple of weeks, of course always taking at least one day off to rest. It was just a couple of weeks ago that I had to take a serious look at what I was eating and how much exercise I was getting. It was at that time I decided I had to get off my butt and get some real exercise.   Yesterday, for the first time since starting my journey, I was able to jog the entire way. I do a 30 minute workout that has a warm-up for a couple of minutes and cool down for a couple of minutes with interval hills throughout. I usually have to stop at least once to walk, but yesterday jogged for the entire 25 min. I'll need to up the intensity before long to keep it challenging.   I was really excited to be able to do that. It feels so good to be jogging again. I used to love to run and now I'm on my way again. I feel such a sense of accomplishment. I know it doesn't compare to those out there who are doing marathons and such, but it's my victory and I'm going to embrace it.   I wore a dress to church today that I couldn't wear before surgery and now it's a little big. I even got several compliments today about how "slim" I am looking. I don't see it, but others must. That's the kind of thing that will keep me going. It drives me to get on the treadmill everyday even though some days I just don't want to.   I've also decided every couple of weeks to change up my routine and do something either different or harder. This week I'm going to start lifting weights again. My DH and I have an entire set in the garage that we've both stopped using. It's time to dust them off and get going. I'm dying to go sleeveless. The Texas heat is upon us and it's time to tone up these arms.   I want this weight gone. Truth be told, I would really like for it to be gone tomorrow, but I know that's not likely to happen. For now I'm content to use my band as a tool and work my way back to my old self. Whoever that is. I guess we'll just have to wait and see who emerges.
Bea1128

Bea1128

1
 

WooHoo!!

I'm down three pounds this week. That means I've lost the couple of pounds I gained plus some. I feel better for working out more. My workout is getting easier and I'm going to have to bump it up a notch soon to keep the challenge going. The next thing I'll add in the coming week will be weights. I'll just keep plugging along and doing the best I can. Afterall, that's all I can do.   I'm sort of in between sizes right now. So my new mini goal is to drop into that next size by the end of the month. I think I can, I think I can....
Bea1128

Bea1128

2
 

Struggling....No one's fault but my own

I'm almost 9 weeks post-op and still have lost only 20 pounds. I've had to be real with myself and look at the things I'm doing to sabbotage myself. I was so excited to have been approved by my insurance to get my band. I really believed it was the start of a whole new life for me. I read all the literature, the books, the blogs and forums. I understood that it was just a "tool" to help me. I even signed my life away saying that I understood this was a tool and there were things I had to do in order to be successful.   Enter the band. I did my pre-op diet at near perfection. My surgeon was please with the size of my liver and I lost 7 pounds during those two weeks. I followed the post-op instructions and did what I was supposed to do. Including my pre-op diet, I lost 21 pounds in about 6 weeks. That averages over 3 pounds a week. All is great.   At some point during this journey I have told myself that I can eat whatever I want, just smaller portions. Technically true. The whole reason for having this surgery is so I don't have to do the "diets" anymore. I've done WW until I'm blue in the face. I could teach a class on the subject. I don't want to count points anymore and I don't want to DIET, damnit!   This will ultimately be my downfall. While I believe that if I exercise and do the things bandsters have to do (chew, don't drink with meals, get in all of my protein, etc), the weight will come off and I can eat "whatever I want", in moderation. I'm realizing now that I can't eat these things everyday. The band didn't miraculously get rid of my issues with food. Trigger foods are still trigger foods and, if truth be known, those foods go down a lot easier than the good stuff.   Somewhere along the way (I'm ashamed to say that it only took me 2 months), I stopped doing some of those things that we as bandsters have to do. I'm not chewing well enough, which now after my 2nd fill is causing an issue. I'm finding myself taking a drink or two with dinner because I'm eating too fast or not chewing well enough and feeling stuck. I'm eating just to eat, but I can do that because I have a band now, right? WRONG! What the hell?   I know what I need to do, like I said I could teach a class. Who knows nutrition better than life long "dieters"? I have to start applying the so called rules that I swore to uphold. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's been so much work to get the band, to jump through the hoops, to have surgery, to go in for fills, not being able to eat certain things anymore. Why would I then sabbatoge myself, this gift I've been given? A lack of motivation? I read on this forum everyday how successful most are. I see their pictures, the joy on their faces when reaching goal.   I have to want it, I have to really want it. And I do, I really do. It's time I acted like it. It's time I worked for it and helped myself along. No more excuses!!
Bea1128

Bea1128

2
 

Eight weeks out and second fill

I've never blogged before and thought I would start to record my journey. We'll see how long it lasts. :crying:   I had my second fill today. Now I have a total of 4.7 cc in a 10 cc band. I feel better than I did last time. I got 3.3 cc last time and I felt really tight and uncomfortable for a couple of days. I'm being good and doing the liquid thing. I lost 4.5 pounds this month (actually lost 6, but had a small gain). The good news is that everything looks good, so I'm doing the right things.   I know I should be happy with 20 pounds gone and I am, but I wish it would come off just a little faster. It's summer and I have to go swimsuit shopping soon. Another 10 pounds off would make it a little easier. I'm just feeling sorry for myself today. I should be telling myself to get my butt on the treadmill today since I haven't been on in a couple of days. No more pity party today. I'm doing great. I'm blessed to have been able to get the band and that I have a wonderful support system.   I'll be taking my measurements later today and taking another "after" pic. I do that every time I get a fill. I need to set another short term goal to get me going. I'll decide on that today as well.
Bea1128

Bea1128

2
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