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About this blog

my journey to gorgeous 160lbs again!

Entries in this blog

 

2/21 230

I love my band! Now it's v obvious I lost weight . Yesterday I weighed 230!HA HA HA! THE BLACK PANTS I BOUGHT FROM TARGET ARE NOW LOSE!

luvlif

luvlif

 

192.5lbs by july 4 = 8 lbs a month

4/4 : weight: lbs lost: goal 225 4/11: weight: lbs lost: goal 222.5 4/18: weight: lbs lost: goal 220 4/25: weight: lbs lost: goal 217.5   5/2: weight: lbs lost: goal 215 5/9: weight: lbs lost: goal 212.5 5/16: weight: lbs lost: goal 210 5/23: weight: lbs lost: goal 207.5 5/30: weight: lbs lost: goal 205   6/6: weight: lbs lost: goal 202.5 6/13: weight: lbs lost: goal 200 6/20: weight: lbs lost: goal 197.5:D onederland 6/27: weight: lbs lost: goal 195   7/4: weight: lbs lost: goal 192.5 7/11   8/1:184   9/5:176   10/3:168   11/7:160   12/5:152   12/14:150!

luvlif

luvlif

 

6/28

my new black jacket that I wore to the races 6/1... (27 days ago) is now lose on me! so was my brown & white printed jacket when I wore it yesterday. My brown size 12 pants are also baggy on me now.

luvlif

luvlif

 

4/4/07 I LOVE MY BAND!

SIZE 6 NY&CO PANT FIT LIKE A GLOVE! (IT WAS MY RUBU'S) I CAME BACK FROM INDIA & I WEIGHED MYSELF...DOWN 2.5 LBS!

luvlif

luvlif

 

fear

Fear is an acronym:   F.E.A.R.   "FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL"   Most of the time, the things we fear are merely false evidence appearing real. Our perceptions will cause us to stop dead in our tracks. We are afraid of what we believe might happen.   It is when we boldly step forward IN SPITE OF OUR FEARS that we grow and expand ourselves as human beings.   Once we do that, we will never return to the smaller person that we used to be, because we will be BIGGER than our fears.   A fear, once conquored, is never to be feared again

luvlif

luvlif

 

12/7 yay!

:clap2: I'm fitting into most of my old clothes that still have tags on them...that never fit...yesterday I was wearing my new, unworn silk Jones NY black blouse. Tomorrow I will wear my shiny snake print beige & black shirt that I bought 6 yrs ago! To day I'm wearing my purple tweed blazer that my old assistant Anmarie had given me for Christmas in 2000 :nervous I also weigh less than I have since 2002...to-day I weigh 187.1. Now my journey begins to where I haven't gone since 1989. Now I'm ready to begin that journey, & looking forward to it....the band makes it possible for me to shed more weight.

luvlif

luvlif

 

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark,

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all.   Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.   The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours." - Ayn Rand.

luvlif

luvlif

 

Let's GO Nina!

My goal 220lbs by Mar 1 06 thats 25 lbs down. 200lbs by April 1 06 180lbs by May 1 06...20lbs to goal!   1/18/06 :mad: Had my 1st fill yeste rday of 1cc, w Dan Sherwinter, said my band can only hold 4cc. My port was slightly tilted. had Matzo ball soup for lunch,(only liquids for 24 hrs) turkey pot pie soup 220 cals, 2 of the 40 cal pops &1/2 of a frenchonion soup100cals.They all @ Geiss's said I wasn't losing because I don't have any restriction - on his scale I was 251lbs. Kathy @ Geiss's office said she couldn't believe how thin my face got. :clap2:1/19/06 Today I weigh 245, kept going 247-248 for 2 weeks. Aideen's jeans in size 18 fit me just great.Yesterday I wore her black size 20 pants. So now I've gone from size 22 to 18! in just 1 month. I also got my treadmill assembled to-day. When I go home I'll walk on it for 1/2 hr. Dr Dan said if I do 1/2 hr in am & 1/2 hr in pm & 800 calorie diet I will definitely shed 100 lbs by Dec 14 06! This afternoon I had Chinese..soup,(v little), 2 sushi rolls, 1 stuffed shell, & the fish only from the fried fish.By the end the elephant was sitting on my chest! So this is what restriction feels like. To-night I'll make chicken salad out of the roast chicken & 1/2 a french onion soup (barkley gets the cheese) and my popsicles. I'm still drinking the tea from this a.m ...I feel full fast. Didn't eat any of that 4 dinner...I had a scrambled egg & 2 tofu sausage links & a pop.

luvlif

luvlif

 

226! 4/3/06

2 week challenge! 6 lbs down by April 17 06! 220lbs by April 17th! 600 cals daily, walk 60 mins daily, drink80 oz water.

luvlif

luvlif

 

1/20/06 Fri

:mad: 2 more lbs down! I LOVE MY BAND!"My will shall shape the future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny." - Elaine Maxwell   walked 25mins in pm(8pm) after I ate 1 egg & 2 tofu breakfast links. walked 20 mins@7. 45am then ate 1 egg(scrambled) b4 workingout I had 1 saltines & 1 slice of f.f. cheese. 105 total calories I'm going to wendy's for lunch & I'll have a small chilli & bring back the crackers for later 220 calories + 1/2 baked potato= 325 total calories I feel a pull in my sides from walking but no shin pain...the treadmill has a buffer. I park my car on the opposite end of the parking lot (when its not raining or snowing) needless to say the bitch thought I was doing it because of her.yesterday I told him how she interrogated Nicole re last Wednesday she asked her if she could hear her & I talking in my office. Then asked her if she's going to continue working here this semester. he said to see how it goes for the next 2 wks after the new girl settles down. she was standing by the water cooler & I needed to add more water to my tea so I filled my cup & went to micro it ...she asked me if I was now drinking warm water...NOSY! Arlene called yesterday while she was out on her lunch break & I answered the phone...V sweet & friendly 'til she realized it was me ...then didn't know what to say...Interesting! Ralph told me to-day thay the bitch had heard the guy I love & I fighting b4 my surgery in my office & she asked him what was going on w the 2 of us & R told her it's none of his business. my face got smaller...my hair is getting real long...my double chin is disappearing!my stomach got much smaller.

luvlif

luvlif

 

promise me

"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."   ~~ A. A. Milne Bette Blackwell when someone told her she could never have been fat. My first thought was, "Why on earth would anyone CLAIM to be that pretty unhappy, unhealthy, severely obese person if they weren't?" Then I realized that hey - when I look at some of the most recent photos, sometimes *I* don't recognize the "new me" as me.   I told the group that there I times when I FORGET that I'm not in the body of the person I was in almost 2 years ago. That I was standing in line waiting for a stall in the ladies' room last week, looked in the mirror and thought, "WHOA! That's ME!" That I honestly forget sometimes, when I'm not looking in the mirror, that the fat lady, on the outside, anyway, is gone. There's this still-strange-to-me skinny lady, with new-found cheekbones, collarbones and shoulder blades, and thin, almost dainty wrists, living here now. It's not easy, though. The fat girl still lives here, and she fights with the skinny girl every day. She wants to eat when she's bored, tired, angry, lonely, sad, happy . . . hell, even horny sometimes. I've said it before and I'll say it again: this isn't easy. It's a constant battle between the two of them. Most days, skinny girl wins, but not always. Those moments of defeat are the moments when I find myself looking into my reflection in the water in the loo once again. The flesh may be weak, but the spirit is always unbroken, and I'll get back up and fight again. Jeez. This is getting far too deep and philosophical for me. It's time for a long bubble bath and then, bedtime.

luvlif

luvlif

 

Your weight loss =

How Much Weight Have You Lost? Your weight loss =   1 pound = a Guinea Pig 1.5 pounds = a dozen Krispy Kreme glazed donuts 2 pounds = a rack of baby back ribs 3 pounds = an average human brain 4 pounds = an ostrich egg 5 pounds = a Chihuahua 6 pounds = a human skin 7.5 pounds = an average newborn 8 pounds = a human head 10 pounds= chemical additives an American consumes each year 11 pounds = an average housecat 12 pounds = a Bald Eagle 15 pounds = 10 dozen large eggs 16 pounds = a sperm whale’s brain 20 pounds = an automobile tire 23 pounds = amount of pizza an average American eats in a year 24 pounds = a 3-gallon tub of super premium ice cream 25 pounds = an average 2 year old 30 pounds = amount of cheese an average American eats in a year 33 pounds = a cinder block 36 pounds = a mid-size microwave 40 pounds = a 5-gallon bottle of water or an average human leg 44 pounds = an elephant’s heart 50 pounds = a small bale of hay 55 pounds = a 5000 BTU air conditioner 60 pounds = an elephant’s penis 66 pounds = fats and oils an average American eats in a year 70 pounds = an Irish Setter 77 pounds = a gold brick 80 pounds = the World’s Largest Ball of Tape 90 pounds = a newborn calf 100 pounds = a 2 month old horse 111 pounds = red meat an average American eats in a year 117 pounds = an average fashion model (and she’s 5’11”!) 118 pounds = the complete Encyclopedia Britannica 120 pounds = amount of trash you throw away in a month 130 pounds = a newborn giraffe 138 pounds = potatoes an average American eats in a year 140 pounds = refined sugar an average American eats in a year 144 pounds = an average adult woman (and she’s 5’4”) 150 pounds = the complete Oxford English Dictionary 187 pounds = an average adult man 200 pounds = 2 Bloodhounds 235 pounds = Arnold Schwarzenegger 300 pounds = an average football lineman 400 pounds = a Welsh pony   For example, a loss of 128 pounds means you’ve lost “almost a newborn giraffe”, or: (10) dozen large eggs (4) dozen Krispy Kreme glazed donuts (2) Chihuahuas (2) Guinea pigs (1) elephant penis (1) average 2-year-old (1) human head (1) rack baby back ribs   and one final statistic: the average person laughs 15 times a day. I hope I’ve done my part to keep that count up!

luvlif

luvlif

 

be willing

Be Willing.   For anything worth having, anything of value, there is a price to pay. If there were no price, there would be no value. The price is not arbitrarily imposed on the thing of value. The price is in fact a big part of what gives it the value.   If diamonds were scattered around on the ground everywhere, they would be worth no more than pieces of gravel. The rarity of diamonds, and the resulting price that must be paid to obtain them, are what make them so valuable.   Trying to obtain something of value without paying the price will only lead to frustration and disappointment. Much of the misery in the world today is the result of such misguided quests.   For anything of value, be willing to pay the price. Be grateful and enthusiastic about paying the price. Because without the price to pay, there is nothing of value.

luvlif

luvlif

 

2/15 what a fight!

I smiled & silently asked him"Will you be my Valentine?" As I sat there in my red jacket. He smiled shyly I was very insulted when you flung that check @ me on Sat. That's because I tried to tell you the problem for a yr & you wouldn't listen...it was the only way I could get your attention. You have all watched me change over the past year...what you guys did not know was how the band tightens when you get stressed & I would be in the bathroom puking my brains out. His face showed his shock you have a very high level of awareness.... & you use it... you have low patience w people...you lose patience you can cut people with what you say (Arlene @mtg re Kathy Bryant) "what are you going to go work for another c21?" "NO!!!! why would I be talking to you then?....I won't leave you, I'll just go back into sales I have no problem giving you the extra 5% because I appreciate you.

luvlif

luvlif

 

what do you need to let go of?

"Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?" - Mary Manin

luvlif

luvlif

 

OH MY LOVE!

"DOESN'T WORK ANYMORE" "IF WE WEREN'T SO IN LOVE, WE WOULDN'T BE GOING SO CRAZY"

luvlif

luvlif

 

Kahlil Gibran:

Kahlil Gibran:   "You were born to be together, and together you shall be forevermore. You shall be together when the wings of death scatter your days.   Aye, you shall be together even in your silent memory. But let there be spaces in your togetherness, and let the winds of the heaven dancebetween you."   "Love one another, but make not a bondage of love. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup, but drink now from one cup. Give one another of your bread, but eat not of the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each of you be alone, even as the strings of a lute are alone, though they quiver with the same music."     "Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping, for only the hand of life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together, for the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in shadow."

luvlif

luvlif

 

12/9 bitchy women

I can't believe how bitchy women can be... unbelieveable! & I didn't even see it coming When I got out of the car yesterday Marlene from Holb gave me a dirty look & I thought she was just down...didn't take it personally. Later she asked me a qus about Corin's check & I said "Fuck her...we're mailing it to her" turns out she went & told him that I said that. He saw that I didn't even remember ...& chuckled...Then said "Nina people don't like to see people succeed" I said "Yeah but I don't see it that way" I guess I don't see what other people see. Obviously she's a jealous bitch! I told him what I said to Nancy Dillon about Carmela...if she doesn't go to the xmas party I will not be affiliated w her...he melted

luvlif

luvlif

 

2/16 excuses

Maureen came in @ 9.40 in jeans. said she fell in the ice. RW in @ 10.5 shovelling ice on h/o's driveway for oh. yesterday he came in @ 10.30 had to drive kids to school...school opened 2 hrs late.....wife wouldnt drive them ...she sleeps....came in late for mtg...CA told him no sexual innuendos please.

luvlif

luvlif

 

YOUR LIFE

Instead of focusing on what others think about us, we can focus on what we think of ourselves. An entire arena of potential unhappiness is dissolved when we simply stop worrying so much about what others think of us. With this one shift, you'll have the freedom to try something and then change your mind if you don't like it. You won't be worried that people will judge you for quitting, even when your goal in quitting one path is to pursue what you hope will be a better road. You can try and fail, and get right back up to try again if that is what your inner guidance says to do - without worrying that others will be gossiping about your initial failure. What do people know of your deepest aspirations and dreams, of your faith and hopes and unrealized potential? People usually only know what they can see, if that.   If we try to please people's judgmental perceptions and opinions all the time, we'll be spending a great deal of our focus, energy, and other resources on a superficial dance of outer appearances that ultimately dissolves. So many of the things we do that keep us from being happy, and so many of the things we don't do that would make us happy, come from concern over what other people might say or think about us.   Many have disregarded their deepest goals because they didn't want to disrupt whatever plans their family had made on their behalf. Some may have been scheduled to go to college, but found something else that was their true calling. Yet, many would squelch that inner passion and longing, just so nobody will get mad at them for going against expectations. Entire lives have been built on trying to please and impress others, with entire dreams for true happiness left, lost and abandoned, by the roadside.   What's important in living a happy life is to have what you need and want, and not what other people will be impressed by, or what they think you should need or want. And your other job is to strive to keep your needs and wants in harmony with your higher nature, and with the deep inner wellspring of soul wisdom that knows exactly what you truly need in every moment. Of course, it is fine and well to listen and take into account the advice of those whose opinions you respect, yet, once you are officially an adult in society's eyes, your life is your responsibility. Don't let others bring you down!   Maybe you were born with a talent and love for playing musical instruments, but your macho father pushed you to spend your after school time in sports. Maybe you had spiritual or artistic aspirations that were squelched by those who wanted you to focus on endeavors they thought were more important. Maybe your parents wanted to be grandparents, and you decided to have children to fulfill those expectations.   I remember years ago, while I was living in the monastery, my grandmother tried to convince me to marry and have children. Her main reason that one should have kids was so you'll have someone to take care of you when you're old. What a gamble that is: spend two decades of your life slaving away for a child you may not even want, with expectations of great rewards in the distant future - and hope that you don't end up with a Goth freak who hates you and runs away from home, or one of any other variety of possible outcomes that might keep you from getting your expected returns from this substantial investment. So many unwanted situations come from this one quality of caring too much about what other people think of us.   Even if you spend all your efforts to please everybody, truthfully, in the end, none of that really matters so much. You may do everything that people want you to do, and then do one thing wrong, and find yourself being harshly judged anyway.   I first learned not to let others bring me down as a child, when my family moved from a simple, poorer city into a much wealthier suburb. My sister and I experienced a great deal of prejudice from the other children, most of whom were much more well-dressed and well cared for than we were. Of course, children can sometimes reveal the more animalistic tendencies of the untamed human nature, and I experienced many encounters with young ones who thought they could bring themselves up by pushing others down. Although this was not a pleasant experience, it did teach me to hold my own in life, and to not let others bring me down - try, though they might.   For several years, until finally moving into the more pleasant and friendly waters of junior high school, I experienced being somewhat of an outcast. Although the experience was often challenging, during this time, I also gained some precious blessings. Unlike many of my fellow classmates, I was not so focused on social hierarchies or childish spats. I learned to enjoy being alone. I became more inwardly focused, and found a certain peaceful enjoyment there. I learned to watch the world, and to listen to my inner soul, even though I didn't call it that at the time.   This inner growth prepared me, by age twenty, to make the biggest leap of trust that I'd made up till that point. After being brought up as an atheist my whole life, I left right in the middle of college to pursue a monastic life. I moved into the ashram of my guru, Swami Muktananda.   For me, leaving college to move into an Indian ashram at age twenty was definitely an unexpected twist - not only for me, but for my friends and family as well. After all, this took place in 1980, long before topics such as spirituality, yoga, gurus, or meditation became familiar and prevalent in society. About the only spiritual books you could find in those days were pop-psychology paperbacks and old, occult-style books. Moving into an ashram was simply not an acceptable choice to make in our suburban town.   Yet, I thank God that I found the strength to follow my heart's calling, in spite of having to take the heat of other people's burned expectations. In fact, because of the independent spirit I'd developed during my childhood years, I really didn't feel very much heat at all. I was inwardly guided to take this surprising step, and nobody was going to be able to keep me down.   The next ten years of monastic life transformed and uplifted me from the inside, out. I thank God every day that I was able to follow my own guidance instead of relying on the group mentality of my society at that time. From this successful leap of faith, I learned that you don't need to have the approval of everyone else in order to be happy. Therefore, my suggestion is to keep your focus on what you believe is right, while remaining open to any helpful suggestions that come from those around you.   Even to progress in our spiritual evolution, we have to have some detachment from the opinions and expectations of others. For example, if you have evolved to a point of seeing beyond certain limited perspectives, well, you can be sure that people who still have those limited perspectives aren't going to want you to come around and mess with them. I remember years ago when, if I mentioned to someone that I did yoga, they would look shocked at my doing something so weird, or they may have made fun of me for doing something so strange. Of course, now yoga is all over the place, but if I had waited to enjoy its benefits until the rest of society caught up to it, then I would have missed the best opportunities of my life.   Although you may find it beneficial to fit into whatever culture and social system you've taken birth into, you don't have to be limited by such structures in your own mind, heart, and soul. Don't let others bring you down.   For example, if you believe that death is not bad, but is rather the passing of a soul into heaven, or back into its original nature, then don't let the anguish and sorrow of others keep you from trusting your higher vision when someone you know passes over. This is where the dual awareness explained earlier can also come in handy. You can use the idea of dual awareness to feel and express the appropriate sadness for having lost someone, while also remaining anchored in faith and trust that all is well, and that the person is cradled in God's Loving Hands.   Don't let others keep you from singing the song you are here to sing in this grand symphony of life. Find your song. Find your essence. Find your dreams. Find your greatest destiny. Find your path of harmony, and you'll also find spiritual happiness.

luvlif

luvlif

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