I had my "education meeting" today. A mandatory meeting for to-be-banded folks that have a surgery date with my Dr. What a waste of time. 2.5 hours of an RN talking about everything I all ready know(mostly from LBTF). I guess the meeting is needed because one lady actually asked when will the band be removed? She was shocked when she heard it would be in her for life. She was the one who also asked how soon she could schedule the surgery "with this Dr." to remove all the extra skin ?
I also met a lady in the Dr's office that has been banded for 4 years. What a downer she was. She said she hasn't really lost much weight and can eat "anything she wants". Well maybe thats the reason she hasn't lost anything. She pooh-poohed LBTF as a bunch of kooks. Said I should join her support group so she could teach me how to eat with the band. A- NO thankYou.
On another journal (sunshine2) I found a link to www.livingafterwls.com that celebrates living after weight loss surgery. I love this site. They have a newsletter, recipes, and the neighborhood, which is alot like here. A great resource.
I'm very psyched. This time in 2 weeks I will be banded!!!:thumbup:
HI all.
Im hearing alot of self bashing going on. Believe me I'm just as hard on myself. I think there is something happening that needs to be looked into. It is a vicious cycle.
Scale stops moving, "I must be a failure".
Didn't exercise for a few days "I must be a failure".
Shouldn't have eaten that cookie "I'm a failure".
Im not at goal "I failed"
I'm a failure so I might as well;
-eat all the other cookies
- just lay in bed
- sit and watch another mind numbing TV show
-look back and beat myself up for all my short comings.
Yep the motivation isn't as strong as when we first started this journey. Im not sure I will ever be that motivated again. But to say I'm a failure is just not correct.
These last few weeks I've been trying to find my MoJo again. When I have a particularity good day I try to see what made it so good. Why did I bounce out of bed, work so hard with my trainer, take the dog for a walk and go to yoga class? Plus I made good food choices. So what gives? Is there a way to bottle this and reproduce it on the days Im just not getting it in gear?
Because when Im at that place where I don't want to move my body or the peanut butter is looking really good willpower is out the door. It is really easy to say F it I'm just not meant to lose another 10lbs (or 1lb).
So Im left to try to acknowledge what works. Really mindfully acknowledge that something is going right. Maybe even write myself notes of encouragement to the sorry self I might be the next day. Focus on the good. We all know what we are bad at. What is hard. Directing your energy to trying to figure out a negative will just keep you in that negative place. So why not find what you're good at and build on that.
Do you work out more consistently with another person? Well make it your business to get a buddy or join a group.
Do you need to make a commitment to something? Do a charity walk where they have training help. Like the Avon 3 Day Walk.
Does telling your story about the band and your decision to get it remind you why you did this in the first place? Than offer to talk at your Drs support group or informational meeting. Be a mentor here on LBT.
Do you do well with a list or goals? Than write a few and support them with an action plan of how you will succeed.
Do you struggle with food choices? Start using The Daily Plate/Calorie King or whatever. Set yourself up with a menu for the next day or the whole week. Make a list before you go shopping, and stick to it.
You get the idea. Find what works. Baby steps. Stop beating yourself up about what you haven't done. Be kind to yourself.
-Since I choose not to have another cookie I feel empowered.
-That walk yesterday really energized me, how can I fit in another one tomorrow?
-I have come so far on my journey and Im still committed to a more healthy lifestyle.
We all slip up. Sometimes for a day sometimes for a few weeks. Main thing is you have it within yourself to make the change. For Gods sake at some point you were motivated enough to get the band. Pat yourself on the back and shout "WooHoo!" Move forward. Tomorrow is a new day.
I think you're doing a great job!!
I've been logging my food and that food has been healthy and in good proportions. Im measuring and weighting everything. If anything I am a bit low in calories.
I cut out the social drinking, which in the past has resulted in at least a few lbs lost. No such luck this time.
I've kicked up the work outs because my first Triathlon of the season is 15 days away. Plus I've added yoga.
I was hoping there was an inches change but no such luck.
I thought I had started losing again when 3 weeks ago I had a nice loss but some came back.
I had a fill 3/6. I'm not hungry between meals but I KNOW if I choose to have bigger portions it wouldn't be a problem. No sticking, PB's, sliming (which is wonderful).
My body doesn't seem ready to break this plateau.
Any suggestions?
Are you on the verge of giving up on your dream?
Are you just about to let all your hopes and dreams slip through your fingers?
Has the thought crossed your mind?
Are you despairing because things are not working out the way you expected?
Are you wondering how you will ever accomplish your goal or even whether you really have what it takes to achieve them?
If you are already feeling the familiar feeling of despair that accompanies the fear that your dreams and hopes might go down the drain: DO NOT GIVE UP! Get up and fight for your dream. Fight for what you believe in.
Here are 8 tips to help you hang on and not give up:
1. Take charge of your life.
When you give up, quit, lose hope or abandon your dream or goal, you give both yourself and other external circumstances permission to sabotage your efforts.
Don't give in to self-defeating, self-sabotaging and dream choking thoughts. No matter how bumpy the ride is, don't abandon your dream. Get on the drivers seat of your life, wear your seat belt and drive to your destination.
It is fatal to enter any war without the will to win it. ~ Douglas MacArthur~
2. Reconnect with your vision.
Before you decide to throw it all away, ask yourself why you had the initial desire to achieve that goal/dream. What compelled and stirred your heart toward that vision? Why was it so important to you? As you reflect on your answers, allow the passion for your vision to give you the strength to carry on.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ~ Kahlil Gibran~
3. Focus on your big picture.
When things go wrong, don't betray the plan. Don't let short-term obstacles snuff the life out of your long-term goal. Work on overcoming whatever is momentarily standing in the way of your dream. Bear in mind that achieving the goal is the big picture and not the obstacle in your path to your big picture. Stick to the plan for your life. The race is only over when you reach the finish line. Honor you desire to achieve your goal. Run the race of your life and until you get to the end.
The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing. ~Stephen Covey ~
4. Believe in yourself.
Having your hopes dashed can damage your self-confidence. No matter how bad the situation seems, believe in yourself and in your ability to succeed. The fact that you thought about your idea, worked on it and turned it into reality counts for something and is evidence enough that you can do it!
With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable.
~Thomas Foxwell Buxton ~
5. Persevere
The journey to success is usually filled with many obstacles. Dealing with obstacles aren't only time consuming but can also drain your energy, motivation and drive as you struggle to overcome them.
Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did. ~Newt Gingrich
6. Be resilient.
Resilience is an ability to bounce back and stand on your feet after a hard knock out punch. Simple thoughts such as "I will survive" and "I will try again" are enough to get your hopes high again and to set you rolling and in motion again.
When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown~
7. Change your perspective.
Perhaps you just need to see things from a different perspective in order to understand how you can do it better. You may have to rethink your strategy, revise a few things or be creative.
The saying goes that "It is hard to see the picture when you are in the frame" Perhaps it would help if you got out of the frame and really looked at the Big Picture!
Problems are not stop signs; they are guidelines. ~Robert Schuller~
8. Hang on!
There is no better way of saying this. This quote sums it all up: Hang on! Don't give up! There is surely something in that dream or goal that's worth holding on to. Find it and hang on to it.
When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
Whatever it is that you aspire to achieve: Never, ever give up! ~Franklin D. Roosevelt~
by Caroline Jalango
I had surgery on 3/4 at 10am. Great time cause I got to sleep in a bit. Arrived at the hospital with my sister and husband and was directed to the surgical waiting area. They called my name, I was taken to pre op and given a gown , slippers and a hat, pointed to a tiny restroom. I changed, put my clothes in the bag with my name on it and came out into the pre op area with the beds separated by curtians. I was weighted (255) and assigned a bed. Note on the gown- nice and big made of soft paper and had velcro at the shoulders for-I found out later- ease of removal in surgery. The nurse asked me a million questions-allergies, what I was there for, name, is the ID band correct, medication Im taking. She started the IV, gave me a shot of Lovenox(hurt,stings) and my family was brought in. Anesthesiologist came looked at chart and left.
Sidebar- I contacted the complementary medicine department at the hospital about relaxation therapy before surgery and was told to purchase a cd in the gift shop and listen to it before surgery. Than this lady, Irene would come up to pre op to help me with the stress of the surgery. Ok Im game. I buy& listen.
In comes Irene all cheery, did I listen to the cd? yes. Am I still nervous? yes. How about listening to the cd again? screw the cd, I need more then the cd. She rubs my forehead and ears kind of like a massage, but not. She has stinky perfume. Ok I smiled said she could stop. Now she just hovered next to the bed talking about grace and mercy. I tuned her out.
My Dr comes in & starts talking about the procedure and how everything will be fine. OK here it comes- I say It will be fine as long as I don't have a catheter. Dr says well thats not how they do it here. Wait for it.....
Amanda FREAKS!!!!!
I banged both hands on the rails of the bed and started in on how I was the patient and what I said goes. I gotta give the Dr credit he didn't freak (Irene jumped and disappeared) He just continued talking like I never popped a fuse and said maybe I wasn't ready for the band. My sister gives me the look and said I needed to explain why I wasn't going to have the cath. Now Im a little embarrassed about popping off and pissed that the cath has anything to do with getting banded. Staring off into the ceiling I explain why- infection, pain, and (the kicker) if no cath I will get up and walk more in recovery as with the cath I will remain glued to the bed. I will be a happier more willing patient.
The Dr stops, blinks, says OK, and walks away. I am so pleased with myself.
The Anesthesia nurse comes in with the good drugs, asks me who I am then pumps them in the IV. They start pushing the bed out of pre op. Sister squeezes my hand and husband gives me a kiss.
I totally freak-again.
Am I doing the right thing? Did I think this through? Someone is going to be CUTTING ME!
This all passes though my head in about 5 seconds. Deep breath. The drugs must be kicking in. I don't care any more. Im just enjoying the view.
Rolled into the surgery suite, asked to slide to other table, centered myself and told them I was "equadistance from both sides of the table". Ha ha. Next thing Im waking up in recovery.
Im asked if Im in pain, rate it 1-10, I said 3 or 4. nurse said you mean more like 7 right? Nope , then I remember about how if you say you're nauseated they give you something that has a side effect of making you really sleepy and Im thinking sleepy would be really good now. So I say Im nauseous. In go the drugs out goes Amanda.
I woke up about 2 hours later with the nurse saying that I needed to be moved to the bed I would be in overnight. HA? Bed? You mean moved to room, right. Nope. No room at the hospital, Im going to be staying at the back end of the recovery with 3 other Lap banders. Great.
So they tell my family to leave and get me out of bed. Here is where I found out about the velcro on the gown. noone redid it after putting it back on after surgery and as I go to sit up I flashed the recovery room and my fellow patients all my new incisions and my boobs. Great.
I get wrapped up, moved, pit stop at the john where I have to pee in a container they called the hat and connected to monitors and compression bootys. So starts my first overnight stay in the hospital.
I could keep going about all that happened. The bed didn't work, the compression booties stopped working about midnight, pain shot (that I took only to get some sleep) gave me a headache, I used the sore throat spray on the scrape the Anesthesiologist made on the top of my mouth, ate alot of ice, tried to sleep, 3am ripped out of sleep by the fire alarm clanger next to my bed, the people running through the fire door also next to me,(the false alarm was never explained but since my hospital was in the fire district my husband volunteers in I knew I was in good hands), 8pm 12am,5am 8am temp and blood pressure, 2 more Lovenox shots(ouch), multiple trips to the john (about 500cc each for those that were counting) 8am trip to radiology for the barium and x ray. They messed up the first picture and had to do a total of three which meant that I drank 16oz of barium. Then Im sent home with instructions to drink 1 ounce every hour. (I asked about the 16 0z of barium, no one had an answer or comment) a pain scrip (later at the pharmacy I found out it was one that Im allergic to) and the instructions printed out from the nutritionist for my meals for the next 5 weeks.
I dont think I want to go to the hospital again.
At home all things are better. Heating pad for the shoulder, liquid Tylenol(good stuff!) for pain, lots of juice and broth with unjury added.
Im a happy camper now. Very minimal discomfort. I don't think I will ever stop passing barium. (ya-TMI)
Before surgery I drew a smiley face (my signature as I have one as a tattoo somewhere) and a green shamrock on my belly for the Dr to find. It was the first thing he mentioned to my family after surgery. Said everyone got a good laugh and he put the port right under the shamrock. Im thinking of getting a shamrock tattoo there later. So I guess Im really committed to this shrinking shamrock thing.
TTFN
I haven't allowed myself to dwell on why I might fail, or why I have periods
where I am not succeeding as well as I may have been in a prior week or
month. Why? Because good or bad, success or failure, what happens to me is based on the *choices* that I make on any given day. And because I didn't get banded so that its presence around my stomach would rule my life or make me obsess about how anything I do relates to the band. I was banded because I needed a tool, unlike any of the other tools I've used/tried in the past, that would help me a) get to a healthy state-of-being and :thumbup: remain in that
healthy state. By *my* definition of healthy (again, see disclaimer), *obsessing* about the band and all the *guidelines* associated with it -successful as it (the band) and many of them (guidelines) are for me - is
not healthy.
Early on in this journey, as pounds were melting away from me and I was
developing my own, personalized, lifestyle of "what works for *me*", I adopted two key quotations here that became my mantra: "Just because you can, doesn't mean you should" and "Live life well." What struck me fairly recently is that neither has anything to do explicitly with weight-loss or dieting or the band or eating habits. The first is strictly about making choices. And it is suggestive in nature, not a directive. Otherwise it
would have read, "You can, but don't." The latter is, semantically, a directive - but the meaning of "well" is not defined and subject to individual interpretation. And I'd worry about the mental stability of
anyone who chooses to *not* live life well - as per their own definition. So if someone tells/suggest to me to live life well, I'd be foolish not to heed it. So I made choices, everyday, that weighed upon the outcome of my success/failure. Most were choices to follow most of the guidelines most of
the time. But sometimes I chose not to follow the guidelines. The reasons
don't matter. Either way, they were *my choices*. Sometimes I did give up
what I really want for what I want now. I agree with that quote and we all
do it from time to time. Why has that not lead to failure for me? Because
I think the statement should read that we fail when we *continually* (or
*consistently*, take your pick) give up what we really want for what we want
now. No one is ever going to fail by living for the moment - now and then -
as long as we don't lose sight of the goals for more than a moment (or two).
Again, if I'm living every day, every moment wondering if every single thing
I do runs counter to the long-term goals, I'm not living life well; I will
have trapped myself into a mindset that may lead to a very healthy life, but
that's not necessarily living life well. We all make choices. They may seem contrary or counter-intuitive but in the end,
if we're happy with our choices and lead to our individual success, then
we've done what we should.
These wise words came from a post by Alan of LI, NY on the SmartBandsters group on YahooGroups. I thought it would be useful to pass them along.
Sometimes horoscopes hit it on the button.
"The hardest part of making changes in your life isn't thinking up ways to change -- it's putting that change into action! You need a lot of self-discipline to get started -- especially today, when your energy is going to be challenged by the demands people are putting on you."
So true!
I woke up this morning wondering why, again I lay there like a slug. My mind trying to figure out the motivation question and wasting time. This is a pool morning. I LOVE swimming. Where is my MoJo?
Then I read my Horoscope today:
Why worry about what is holding you back from reaching your goals when there seems to be no way to determine what exactly it is? You're fretting and stressing over a mystery that might never be solved -- and it's a huge waste of your precious energy. So today, just get moving forward and focus more on doing things rather than on all the subliminal stuff that you'll never be able to pin down. You just need to get stuff done.
Happily I did get to the pool and I do feel invigorated.
I just have to stop thinking so much and just get stuff done.
Hi all.
I had a tiny fill today, but I know something is different. Maybe this will be the sweet spot. :wink2:
On the hunger front I'm actually fine. I make it between meals without getting unusually hungry. My problem is portion. I eat out a lot (work + it's just DH & I for dinner) EVERYTHING looks so good on the menu. I try to keep it to appetizer portion but even those can be large. Plus I'm talking while Im eating and before I know it everything on the plate is gone. Booze is also an issue. When I socialize I like to have my glass(es!) of wine. That calorie count can add up. Then a little nibble here or there and BANG!! the pounds come on. :tongue2:
I've been keeping up with the trainer 3 times a week with cardio after each session. I swim 45min once a week.
I didn't make my goal of being my wedding weight on my anniversary. I'm 15lbs off. :mad2:
How about 0nerLand for the New Year. That would be 18lbs for me, which sounds like a lot cause I've only lost 9lbs this last 3 months. Hmmm I'lll give it a shot. :smile2:
Man Im sitting here drinking water and it really is going down slow. I will be so bummed if Im too tight and have problems. :sad:
On the port discomfort front. I still feel it quite a bit. I asked my Dr and he said that it's normal & the padding over the port is "melting away" (his words).
I broke down and bought a bunch of supportive underwear. Wow it really makes a difference in how my clothes fit, very smooth. It just feels weird having a waistband almost at my bra line.
Ok enough said. Bye:wink2:
I knew losing weight would mean my skin would become loose. I was not prepared for the resulting sounds that came with it.
I am disgusted by what I hear when I'm working out. The skin of my stomach is slapping against itself. Today my trainer asked if the noise he was hearing was from my knee. Was it popping? I said yes, finished the session and almost ran out of the gym. I was so embarrassed.
I want to cry, but I know exercise is the only was to get rid of the weight.
After a surprisingly good nights sleep I've accepted the invite to "hang with" my friends (it just happens to be in a restaurant) I have to learn to not put food in the forefront of social situations.
Lesson learned: It's the friends not the food.:thumbup:
Hi all. Work has been a bear, so I haven't been posting.
I saw my Dr on the 21st and he cleared me for solid food. I asked about the mushy phase and his reply " you're a smart person, chew until mush then swallow. Unless you want to puree your food" Ive been enjoying food again. Ive found that I really cant eat more then a cup of food. Im keeping the protein up (60gm) carbs low & cals low(under 800) and taking 20-30 minutes to eat.
I still have to pulling sensation under my port, but Dr said that is muscle healing.
Im getting most of my water in. Ive found if I drink 20 oz on the drive to and from work that really helps.
night:sleep:
I'm down to 4 days now. All week I was just "off" at work. I was occupying space, putting on a good show but really didn't get much done. That will bite me in the butt when I get back because I'm the only one who does what I do. My desk is going to be FULL when I return. I usually am more on the ball when I know I will be out of the office. I have to let that go. My mind can't really focus on anything. I keep shoving down my worries on the band. I've done alot of research on the band and my Dr. I know what I'm getting into. But still. I've never really been sick, never hospitalized. The idea of being told to "stay" just isn't sitting with me. I wish this could have been outpatient. I know some people have had it that way but it's not available around here. I'm freaking out about the catheter, having to take my wedding ring off, about staying overnight, about having an IV in so long. Getting my period, which is not due but everyone says will happen anyways because of stress or the Heparin. I will not wear that gown walking up and down the halls. It's all little stuff, but still...
On top of this a couple we haven't seen in a while invited us to dinner tomorrow night. They don't know and I'm not sure I want to share. Do I go and have soup and say Im babying a bad stomach? If I say no then Im limiting my husbands social life. I don't want him to resent my choice of the band already.
Ok that's enough. I'm going to have a hard enough time getting to sleep already.
For the most part I have a handle on my eating. I've been experimenting with more 'color' on my plate. Veggies and fruit.
I just wish my husband didn't like nuts so much. I want the nuts out of the house!!! I could just munch away while reading a book all afternoon.
Im working with a Health and Wellness Coach. Trying to get to the root of some of my unhealthy issues. Like why I regained every time I have dieted in the past. Setting some goals for diet and exercise. Learning to Love and Accept myself. Learning I am worth the hard work and the resulting 'body of my dreams'. It could be all a bunch of gobbley-gook but I want to give myself the best chance for success. I'm focusing alot of time, energy and $$ on this effort (the band and all).
I gave yoga another shot this morning. I'm glad I did it in my home. That sticky mat is, well sticky. I either had a wedgie or flashing a butt crack the whole time. I don't think I'm ready for a class yet.
75lbs gone 50lbs to go!!!
Im coming to a place I've seen before- I am within view of 200(currently 212). This seems to be one of my biggest hurdles. I've been working really hard at the gym since last Feb, when I started a 3 day a week "Team WeightlossTraining" which includes a half hour of nutrition a week. Last week I completed another Triathlon. Right now activity isn't a problem.
I sucked it up, made an appoingment and dragged a very supportive friend to the band Dr. in Feburary and it wasn't nearly as bad as I had thought it would be. I've been back twice since(2 fills) and have had a barium swallow to make sure the band/pouch was in good shape. The band is holding up its end of the bargin.
Im scared shitless that something will come along and derail me again.
Im glad I had the courage to write this blog in the first place, rereading some of the old entries was hard but I've also learned alot about myself.
Peace
A
Ok after my major whine-fest I'm back on track. Back to the trainer twice a week. I have an exercise focus again. Which seems to be the only way to keep my mind interested in moving the bod. I've entered the 2009 Muddy Buddy Ride & Run in Richmond VA. with my husband. He's not all that happy but he wants me to succeed so he's supporting me in my whim. I'm trying to keep food choices good and think I'm succeeding about half the time. Better than nothing. I have an appointment for a fill on Monday because I've been stupidly hungry most of the time.
Best of all I'm back in the game. :confused: Yay me!
I did a triathlon about 5 years ago. It was a great feeling!! So to that end...
I have signed up for a triathlon this summer.
I've decided that I need a focus regarding exercise. I might be crazy but I have to challenge myself and be accountable to something.
This is not the big IronMan type. It is the sprint length, not that I will be sprinting. 400meter swim/6mile bike/2mile run.
God, I hope I don't make a fool of myself.
Im doing my part as a good Auntie and telling everyone I know about the calendar my Niece is producing. She is only 17 and all the models are her friends.
Calendar Geeks
Go check it out and if you like it please pass along the link to anyone else you know who would like.
Thanks,
Amanda
I was just looking at my signature line. I have the counter for my weight(of course) plus the count-downs for my trip to Bermuda and the Triathlon.
I realized that A: the trip is a gift to me from my husband for taking the steps necessary for better health & B:the Triathlon is a gift to myself for taking the steps necessary for better health. C: if I keep on my current loss rate I will be half way to my goal by the time A & B happen.
That is special.:biggrin2:
Today my husband surprised me with a trip to Bermuda. He said that he is so proud of what Im doing that he wants to reward me for all my hard work.
I think it is wonderful because it is four months away and I will be needing a boost by then, and new clothes. What he doesn't know is that all my summer stuff isn't going to fit and I will be needing to shop for stuff to wear. Woo Hoo. Win Win.:thumbs_up:
(edited 4/8)
After thinking about the trip some more,(not that I want to be negative but) it's kind of sneaky, it sounds more like a motivator then a reward. I mean now I really HAVE to stick with this and meet or exceed my goals. He knows I want to look good on those pink sand beaches.:thumbup:
I was sitting at my desk hunched over the year-end numbers and my cell phone rings. Very absent-mindedly I answered. It's about 10 seconds in when I realize that its the desk lady from the Dr.'s scheduling my surgery date. "How's March 4th?" "Is that a good date?" "Okay how about the next week?" Now I focus in. Excuse me, what would you like me to do when? She says she's sorry, she knows she talks fast. " Your LapBand surgery. Would you like to schedule it for March 4th?" Now she's got my full attention. I was hoping to have it sooner but the Doc is going away on vacation for the month of January so that's the best they can do. I scheduled the surgery and the meeting with the hospitals nurse educator and ask to be put on the waiting list.
So again I wait.
I'm VERY glad to find that the nutty psych doc didn't sidetrack me.
So now I'm thinking maybe I will knuckle down and start the fitness part in January like I was planning. Maybe even start the liquid part in February, just to jump start things. I was really pumped to get this thing started at the first of the year. New Year, new start and all that. It looks like fate has a different path for me.
I called my sister to moan about the delay. She was really good about it and redirected me to the fact that it's going to happen, it's just delayed. She said March was a better time anyway because then she could fly out and take care of me for a week. How sweet is that?!
My husband will be very happy. I don't think he was looking forward to that first cranky week. Me hurting and only drinking my food. Him a big strong fireman having to forage for himself (My sister is a good cook- he won't go hungry).
I guess that's enough of a rant for today.
TTFN
It all seemed to hit me. I may never eat regular again. I now have surgical scars on a body that had never even been to a hospital. I mean Im having BIG time doubts about this and I can't change back. It's not like ANYTHING Ive ever done before. I had this thing put in. It was my choice, Im the only one to blame. I really did a lot of research before the surgery but nothing could prepare me for how Im feeling. I was really thinking about making myself puke so it would slip and have to be removed.
I really shouldn't be complaining I get a good nights sleep. Ive been sleeping on my stomach since the first night in the hospital. Drinking my 5 meals getting all my protein. Not getting enough water, but whatever. Going on walks with the DH to get exercise. Im not really in pain, just discomfort.
I wish I could be more psyched about this but right now I'm just trudging through the day thinking I've made the worst mistake of my life and pissed at myself for putting my family, body and mind through this.
I know this is not what you guys want to hear but It's how Im feeling. I think Im getting depressed. __________________
UPDATE If you're reading this please know that Im fine and after a few days I wrapped my mind around stuff. I'm doing really well and am happy with my decision. :confused_smile:
