I'm just wondering how ppl in their 20's that are still big, single, and losing weight deal with dating. I am a single mother and between that and my weight I haven't dated in 2 yrs. What do u do if someone asks you out and wants to go out to eat? Do you tell them straight forward?? My mom said a dude would think I'm the "incredible shrinking woman" as they date me.

I almost PB'ed in a one-on-one meeting w/ my Supervisor today. So embarassing. If he knew, he probably would be way understanding of a PB. haha!

Girl I hear you! Im in the same boat. I really dont want to date until I get through this part of my journey. Im going to go and just do the whole half in the box half on the plate thing. Thankfully I dont drink, so there isnt an issue there. I guess it depends on how comfortable you are with the person youre going on the date with, if you want to tell them or not.

I'm still working on figuring this all out, but as I lose weight I'm finding my confidence is growing, and that's getting me more male attention. My thoughts with eating in front of guys is, alas, no one is really going to be suprirsed to seeing a bigger girl eating smaller portions. If he asks, I plan on making a joke bout getting hotter for him or something silly like that. I've hung out and eaten out with a lot of ppl who don't know about my band and haven't really blinked at my sometimes strange eating habits. Don't worry and enjoy it. Once it gets more serious, I think that's the time to share, but only when it feels right. No matter what you're working hard to improve yourself, and that deserves mad validation.

Thanks ladies!!!!

LOL! I know what your mom means. I haven't had a boyfriend in four years, much less a genuine date! (Sure, I've had a bedfellow, but I wouldn't consider that an actual date.) While most people know I am banded, I figure there's no reason I need to tell a guy I am "talking to" unless things were to get serious. When it comes to things like going out to eat, I would just push my food around on my plate and eat what I can, but get a box for later. Thankfully, for decades, women before us have opted for salads on dates and eaten smaller portions than if they're out gorging with their female companions. With that stereotype set forth, we're able to get away without explaining why we are no longer members of the "clean plate" club.

However, one thing that has come up- sex. And, for the most part, I tend to be nude during such activities. :frown: Rather than let my partner see the scars but feel uneasy asking what they're from, I straight-up told him they're from surgery. If anything, he was proud of me, particularly once I told him that the band has not been an "easy way out" method like ignorant people think. It was fun explaining all the hard work I put into chiseling away at my underlying goddess.

Yep im very single. I'm glad to be as I've seen how relationships can end after lap band which sucks....

Yep im very single. I'm glad to be as I've seen how relationships can end after lap band which sucks....

Oo! Do explain, please! :frown:

Thank you! Perhaps it will make me feel better about being alone. Sometimes it can be a bit depressing when I'm surrounded by couples and have yet to become half of my own pairing. Or how, if I arrive to an event which winds up being comprised of couples, I'm automatically linked to the single guy I came with. (Not that I mind. I typically only hang out with guys I would consider dating.)

Oo! :huh2: Do explain, please!

Thank you! Perhaps it will make me feel better about being alone.

what she was talking about it some people's partner's cannot deal with you losing weight. If both ppl are overweight, the "still overweight" person feels like they aren't good enough or the "losing weight" person feels better than they do. There have been a few guys on here that this happened to and the chicks eventually dumped 'em b/c they were fighting so much. I think it only seems to be a huge issue if your parnter is overweight or your partner has low self esteem and thinks you're going to leave them after you lose the weight.

Dang! I guess I'm the hopeless romantic/neo-idealist that assumed love transcended bodily bonds. Ah well. That sucks!

Well you dont have to tell them right away. Just say you are trying to get healthy and watch what you eat. So when your loosing weight all they think is that your healthy lifestyle is paying off. Just pick date things that dont center around food. Or you could go to places like starbucks. liquids ahouldn't be a problem. Or go get some ice cream. And if you must eat food, like real food just chew chew chew!!!!! dont eat when your starving... thats when i tend to take bigger bites and not chew as much. then well ... u know... PB

Hope this helps

I know how you feel. I am a single mom and at the heaviest I've ever been (300 lbs) And when I say single mom I mean single in every sense of the word. No family (orphan) and I left my child's father before I knew I was pregnant and can't find him to tell him he is a dad. That was last relationship or any kind of romantic/sexual contact I had. That was a little over 3 years ago. I have gained over 50 pounds since then and have been depressed.

That being said I have also become a Christian and am trying to find myself and become stronger as a woman and in my faith. So I know I am not ready for a relationship yet. I have just started the lapband journey and want to lose the weight before I start dating again also. No matter how lonely I get.

I think by then I wont know how to date! lol. But I think you have to do what's right for you. I used to settle for anyone that would have me because I thought I was lucky anyone would want me because I was so fat. But I am done settling for that no matter what size I am.

As for telling I would go on a first date and if that goes well then I would tell them.

UUUUGGGGGG! I'm a great example of a relationship ending after having lap band! I've lost almost 115 Lbs. My now Ex fiance is 80lbs plus since we've been together. We started dating 3 months before I had my surgery 2 yrs ago. I've become A Lot more confident and he has lost all confidence that he has become unattractive to me. I've tried to be strong and supportive for the both of us, but i found myself putting ME last and my health last (actually gaining 10 lbs)! I stopped trying on "Us" and started focusing on ME and needing to also Love myself more. I also experienced through my body change that i was lying to myself about loving myself! I have body issues that I need to still overcome and I know I need to be alone for it OR have someone who is self motivated and supportive to be healthier!