Hey ladies

I am having a rough go of things, and I know I am more than likely not alone. So I thought I would start a thread for those of us with marriage problems to chat or b*tch or whatever we need...

What is your story?

I am so sorry for all of you going through this right now. I know it is tough.

Like others said, it is almost like mourning a death, you go through so many stages when your marriage ends. My first marriage ended due to his cheating on me with my "best friend". The first stage I went through was shock and disbelief. Then I went into sadness and I was hurt and cried for hours and days. I ended up seeking professional help and had to get put on meds as well because I just couldn't function, which was not good because I had two very young children to care for. Then I went through the angry stage. That was a fun stage. That was the take everything that was of importance to him and literally throw it out the front door onto the lawn in the pouring rain stage. That felt so good, you have no idea, especially when I saw how pissed off he was when he came to pick up his stuff after I called him. It was very liberating and once I did that, I felt like a different person. I then moved onto acceptance and the realization that I had also been unhappy with this person for years. Once he was gone, I became a much happier person and I know my children realized this and were happier as well.

I have been married to a wonderful man whom I will be celebrating our ten year anniversary with next August. When you finally do meet the right person, one who loves you, respects you and treats you like a queen, marriage is a wonderful thing.

Thanks guys, I am just hoping to get through the holidays with the asshole. He is so manipualtive and I am so sick of hearing he loves me, it is just too damn late!

My husband starts arguements with me everyday over stupid stuff. He doesn't even try to get along. It's like he's not happy unless we are fighting.

I terminated a 7 year relationship and remember how rough it was. No-one was abusive, cheating, not a lot of negativity. I just wasn't happy and knew I needed more, but you can't have more unless you make some decisions for yourself.

I feel for everyone that is going through this now. Makeing the plunge to seperate is so hard and painful . . . but once you are on your own again it is amazing how quickly and easily things look up.

Brandy--do you have plans? Is he leaving? Are you? Do you have a place? The busy season will make it a bit easier to distract your kids from the tension. I sounds like you have 2 girls, I would make the holiday about them, and start new traditions with them....like a Christmas Eve Girls only tea luncheon or something, something you can continue with just them even after your life moves on.

You CAN do this. It is not always going to be easy or pleasant, but if you keep your kids in mind, you can get through it.

If you have not been doing so, document everything, watch your bank accounts, and insurance policies.

Stay strong!

Kat

My husband starts arguements with me everyday over stupid stuff. He doesn't even try to get along. It's like he's not happy unless we are fighting.

Been there, done that...ugh...

Brandy--do you have plans? Is he leaving? Are you? Do you have a place? The busy season will make it a bit easier to distract your kids from the tension. I sounds like you have 2 girls, I would make the holiday about them, and start new traditions with them....like a Christmas Eve Girls only tea luncheon or something, something you can continue with just them even after your life moves on.

You CAN do this. It is not always going to be easy or pleasant, but if you keep your kids in mind, you can get through it.

If you have not been doing so, document everything, watch your bank accounts, and insurance policies.

Stay strong!

Kat

He was supposed to go, went and came back. Begging me to just wait until the holidays. SO I am. But I stay away from him. He has been telling me he loves me following me everywhere, it is just too late.

I have a big check coming from work in Feb. that is how I plan on getting a place. It does kill me.

I am just not happy, plain and simple.

The hardest thing for me is, I am a christian, and I believe marriage is supposed to be forever. I took my vows very serious. So that is the main reason it is so hard for me to leave.

My husband starts arguements with me everyday over stupid stuff. He doesn't even try to get along. It's like he's not happy unless we are fighting.

My husband does that. He doesn't seem to see it. Everyone has a job to do around the house except him. He seems to think his job is to critique everyone else. That chaps my butt. I asked him if he feels better when he makes me feel bad.

The hardest thing for me is, I am a christian, and I believe marriage is supposed to be forever. I took my vows very serious. So that is the main reason it is so hard for me to leave.

I completely understand. Then there is my mom (who has never been married or lived with a man) there telling me that now that we are married, I just have to suck it up. I just don't know how much longer I can deal with the unhappiness. I haven't made up my mind to separate again. We separated earlier this year and that was the happiest I have been in so long. It is so hard.

I wish us all the strength to make it through our situations. Whether it is the decision to stay or go, we each are going to need it.

My husband does that. He doesn't seem to see it. Everyone has a job to do around the house except him. He seems to think his job is to critique everyone else. That chaps my butt. I asked him if he feels better when he makes me feel bad.

My husband doesn't have a job around the house either. He REFUSES to do housework. He thinks his only job around the house is to make messes for me to clean up and then gets mad because I'm mad. He does absolutely nothing around the house. I work just like he does, but somehow everything is my resposibitily. I work 10-12 hours a day, but I still have to come home and cook and clean up while he lies on the couch watching tv. When I complain about it, he says "other women do it". That makes me SO mad.

He does absolutely nothing around the house. I work just like he does, but somehow everything is my resposibitily. I work 10-12 hours a day, but I still have to come home and cook and clean up while he lies on the couch watching tv.

When I point out that that he doesn't seem to have a job to do, he tells me that he does. When I ask what that job is, he gives me that guy answer of, "I don't have to answer that." What that means is, he can't think of anything that he actually does other than making a mess. I am trying really hard to teach my son to be a better man than that. I shouldn't have to teach my son how to be a good man. I try really hard not to say anything bad about his dad because I don't ever want it to be said that I turned him against his dad. If he ever turns against him, it will be because of how he perceives his dad and not how I told him it was.

I have been married 16 years and for a long time I did all cleaning, he worked. Then I just shut down and could not keep up and relationship was slowly tanking also. Once I could no longer keep up and sought help for depression he had no choice but to take over or family would have fallen apart. I think he was so surprised that I had to take care of "me" and I couldnt be there for everyone anymore that he stepped up to plate and he became a different person (tg).

I hope no one ever has to go thru what I did for husband to change, all I can say is it was a "god" thing. Ive been where you ladies are and it was so lonely, but have faith stay strong,seek help when needed(mine was late--long suffering). We are doing well now(much discussion w/tears and angry accusations worked thru), but I will never live a lie again, with anyone. I would rather live alone in the truth .

Best wishes to you.

maddy

A lot of people wonder why I don't want kids, and the answer is I would not bring a child into this mess. That is one thing I am thankful for. That would only make it more complicated.

Unfortunately for me, we had already had our son before we got married. My husband was not always like this. He used to be helpful. He was not always so critical. Our relationship started changing when he realized that I made so much more money than he did. I guess that threatened his manhood. He had always known that I made more money, but he didn't realize that I made almost 3 times what he does. That isn't my fault, but once he knew that...it changed. He started getting super macho as if to make up for the fact that HE wasn't the one bringing home the bacon. I have tried counseling, but it can only help us both if he is willing to go.

Well, my husband is the opposite, he wants me to make all the money, work all the time, pay for everything and do everything around the house. What ever happened to the days when men WANTED to take care of their wives?

I am divorced.... twice. And my words of (hard-earned) wisdom are:

a) once you make it through the storm, it's wonderful; being alone is SO much better than being in an unhappy relationship. The most important relationship in your life is the one you have with YOU.

:tounge_smile: take the high road. You won't regret it. I have shared every holiday and birthday with my ex and our kids and now his new wife. Easy? No. But it is incredible not to have ever spent a Xmas or birthday apart from my children, and the most important thing I have ever done for my kids is to not hate or be hateful toward their dad. They don't feel at all traumatized by the divorce because of the efforts their dad and I have made.

c) Get whatever help you need: from friends, from professionals, from meds.... but not from food.

Best wishes on starting your new and better life.