OK so here's the story. Last night my husband was at school and I was getting my 10 year old daughter ready for bed. She wanted to know what daddy would have in a black back that she found in his car. She said she saw the bag and he tore it away from her and put it in his trunk. I quickly racked my brain and dirty magazine popped into my head. So this morning my husband went to work in his work truck and just for the heck of it I looked in his trunk and sure enough in a black bag was a VERY GRAPHIC PORNO magazine. This was not a Playboy or even a Penthouse, this was way more graphic. Anyway I was irritated, I mean true it wasn't in the house, but my little girl did almost see it. It also bugs me that my husband treats me like an absolute princess, and secretly he is more into dirty raunchy sluts! Anyway I decided the best thing to do was to shred it up in our paper shredder and throw it in the garbage! Now in many ways this makes me laugh, but I have to admit that while I was shredding I did feel a little over whelmed with guilt that I was destroying his personal property. What do you think, did I overreact with the shredding? Oh and by the way my plan was to not say anything to him at all because I KNOW he is never going to ask me if I took away his porno. Sometimes I feel more like the mother of a teenage boy than a wife of a 30 year old man! And yes I do know shredding the magazine and not confronting him is very passive aggressive.

Edited November 11, 200817 yr by Smartiegirl
typo

Or remind him that in 8 short years, it may be some icky horndog looking at nekkid pictures of his baby girl. May deflate the balloon just a tad, ifyaknowwhatImean... :thumbup:

Sunwyse, You may be on to something there. I have actually asked him to treat me like that, but he acts uncomfortable with it. I think I may have come off like a bit of a prude :thumbup:. I'm the one that was wild-he was the one that wanted to settle down. Don't get me wrong marrying him is the BEST thing I have ever done. At no point today was I angry with him, I was just irritated. I've talked it over with 2 close friends that know us both and they think shredding the magazine was hilarious. But they also said I really need to talk to him. I don't want to talk to him though. What am I supposed to say "sorry hon at some point when you weren't looking I turned into a jealous spaz?":lol:

Then lets go back to what I mentioned in my post. Sometimes a woman has to throw something new in the mix. My husband and the men in my past has always treated me like a lady and respected me as well because that's how I carry myself. But behind closed bedroom doors...Well lets just say it's time to explore.

Honey, don't wait for him to start the role playing...you may want to take the initiative and be the director and star of the seduction production

I kind of since that in your first post because you mention him treating you like a princess in a negative overtone. What's so funny when it comes to me...my partner gets so excited because I have this young, angelic, innocent looking face. Sometimes when were in public we just laugh because of my other secret personality that exist behind closed bedroom doors.

Like I said before you need to tell him to save the money that he use to buy those magazines and the both of you need to take a trip to Priscilla's or Victoria's Secret or Fredricks of Hollywood or whatever fun shop you have in your town. Have you ever watch the old tv series "Dharma and Greg," I don't know if I spelled it right but if you're not bringing it...then step up your game. I'm not saying this would solve the ponography issue but I'm responding to the Princess issue. I tell you what if you do it right he'll be distracted. Trust!

Before I retired I worked in a male milieu - I built aircraft - and one of the things that I learned there was that men like to look. This doesn't mean that they love their wives any less or that they want to fool around. In just the way women often hinge their fantasy lives on romance novels and chick flicks, men will hinge their fantasies upon what they see. It is a difference in our hardwiring and it is the reason why strip joints remain enduringly popular yet women never really did get into watching male strippers with the same gusto.

Men like to look. It is nothing to be threatened by unless there are other aspects of his behaviour which are odious. As my mum used to say about my dad, "when he stops looking at women, he will be no use to me." My mum was one who really enjoyed her sex life.

It sounds to me like the opening poster has a really good relationship with a decent guy. She has received excellent advice from the other posters. The above comments were just my two cents' worth.

I disagree, green. Just like marijuana can be considered a gateway drug to harder drugs, so too can porno be a gateway to other acts.

I still believe it is something that BOTH parties must be on board for. If it hurts one, why would the other do it?

Just as many people drink booze without becoming hardcore alcoholics, lots of people smoke marijuana without going on to harder drugs. In fact, I know quite a few people who have been smoking recreationally for many, many years now without ever moving on to anything harder. Marijuana and, for that matter, booze are gateway drugs for those individuals who are that way inclined. The reasons for drug abuse and addiction are debated; it is believed that psychological problems play a role as do genetics.

In the case of pornography, it is likely safe to say that all perverts look at pornography. But very few men who look at pornography will go on to commit anti-social acts. This being said, I do believe that there is "normal" pornography and "abnormal" pornography; an interest in anything to do with violence towards women, pedophilia, and bestiality is a bad sign, in my opinion.

Regardless, I believe if it bothers or hurts one spouse, the other should respect that and abstain. Frankly I can't tell what bothers the original poster in this -- the magazine or the fact that her child almost saw it.

The truth is I'm not sure what bothers me exactly , I just know it did. But the fact that the information came from my daughter is the MOST bothersome. (That she could have seen).

Regardless, I believe if it bothers or hurts one spouse, the other should respect that and abstain. Frankly I can't tell what bothers the original poster in this -- the magazine or the fact that her child almost saw it.

OMG ... it is the sign of the apocalypse... Beth and i agree on TWO things!!!

OMG ... it is the sign of the apocalypse... Beth and i agree on TWO things!!!

....and then the sun turned blood red! *Dum-Dum-DUM!!*

My husband doesn't like some of the vampire books I read. If he shredded them behind my back I would be angrier than hell. You destroyed his personal property. That's not right.

My father brought home pictures from World War II, from when he helped liberate a concentration camp. He had some gruesome photos, but they need to be seen for history's sake. He lent them to his brother, and his brother's wife thought they were evil and burned them. With so many idiots denying the Holocaust took place, it sure would be good to have those photos around. I'm not equating the importance of remembering the Holocaust with someone's taste for pornography, but no one has the right to determine what someone else can read, especially if it's legal.

Wow, I never knew "real" people who denied that the Holocaust actually existed. My daughter told me in Germany it's against the law to deny it's existence.

OMG ... it is the sign of the apocalypse... Beth and i agree on TWO things!!! :thumbup:

Crap, I don't know which one of us is more skeered!

My husband doesn't like some of the vampire books I read. If he shredded them behind my back I would be angrier than hell. You destroyed his personal property. That's not right.

My father brought home pictures from World War II, from when he helped liberate a concentration camp. He had some gruesome photos, but they need to be seen for history's sake. He lent them to his brother, and his brother's wife thought they were evil and burned them. With so many idiots denying the Holocaust took place, it sure would be good to have those photos around.

Those aren't even near the same thing.

I'm not equating the importance of remembering the Holocaust with someone's taste for pornography, but no one has the right to determine what someone else can read, especially if it's legal.

We're not talking legal here, Julia. Nor are we talking vampire books or Holocaust pictures. It's naked women that he's lusting after while he has a wonderful wife at home AND a child. If he is doing something that hurts her, he should respect her and not do it. It's a marriage, and IMO what he's doing is completely disrespectful to her IF she is not on board. If two consenting adults are okay with it, no problem. But the second one of them has a problem with it, all bets are off.

like donna - i wonder what conversation you had about porn be it a magazine, video, computer. DH and i are pretty open about the first 2, i think computer pornography can demonstrate other issues - mainly because i see that as something private & individual. the other 2 can be shared.

that said, we have no children - so there is no issue of "who" may find "what".

overreact - ya, i think you did. more so invading the privacy and then destroying. if it was such a bother, he may have been receptive to an honest discussion about your distaste of the subject. he'll notice it gone, and likely come to the conclusion you destroyed / threw it away......and that might bring up other issues, such as trust.

just my 2cents...

Well... Let the disagreeing begin. I love Lulac's responses to most of the posting I've visited they seem so reasonable. I'm taking it back to earlier postings. It would have been a lot more mature to discuss what had happen and come to a mutual understanding. The reason why I say this is because you stated that you felt like you are the mother of a teenage boy...Well I'm sure he felt the same way when he discovered his property gone and destroyed. Some men react in different ways. I know how my husband would've reacted, and I know how I would've reacted too if the tables were turned and in both situations it wouldn't have been nice.

Even if you destroyed that batch of magazines what is there to stop him from purchasing more or going to a strip joint behind your back. That's why in my earlier post I stated that you probably would have done better to discuss how you felt about him having the magazines. You also could have asked him why does he need the magazines and how can you come to some kind of resolution in regards to the magazines. Now as far as the possibility of your child seeing the magazines... All I can say is he needs to be more careful with putting up anything that he dosen't want your child to get into. But in his defense it was in his car and in a bag. :thumbup:

And that's my two cents now back to your regular program.

Melolo-I completely agree that a discussion would have been much more mature-I acted before I took time to think about how I felt. If I thought what I did was completely justified I wouldn't have asked how everyone here felt about it! I have been contemplating having my husband read this entire thread. I know if I were to ask him about the magazine (by the way it was just one) he would automatically apologize and not think about how he really feels about it. He rarely disagrees with me to my face, we never get mad or argue with each other. Neither one of us likes confrontation-so I thought if he reads the thread he will see some people agree with me and some with him. We are a great team and have a wonderful life. We come from really different places. I have had a lot of life experience and he has had very little, so I know at times I can be very hard (think tough love). He does by the way point out when I treat him like a child, and reminds me to back off. With other men I've been with I have NEVER had a problem with them going to strip clubs, adult movies, magazines. When I first met my husband I didn't mind that stuff either, then my husband did something no one has ever done. He made me let him in, he made me trust him, love him and depend on him. And that makes me feel really vulnerable. I think he is the most amazing person in the world and the first person to ever really love and care about me. And the first person I have ever depended on. I think this is the first time in my life I have felt like I could say no. In past relationships I felt like the guys "needed" strip clubs, movies, magazines and other stuff because I was so worthless/unattractive. Now because my hubby makes me feel like I am worthy of his love, I think it makes me feel really vulnerable. I HATE FEELING VULNERABLE. Those feeling of inferiority came back when I saw the magazine. Its also funny that every single close friend (that knows us both) has confessed to doing the same thing with their husbands. For example: busted adult DVDs, a piece left on each step in the house, playboy magazines tossed in the fire, smashed up home movies (okay he deserved that one, it was with an ex). I don't know if it is who my friends are or where we live, but these are some beautiful, confident, freaky in the bedroom (tmi) kind of women, that all reacted the same way as me. I'm not saying I was right-I'm just saying I'm really glad to have people here to tell me how they feel. I always value both sides to every story. Thanks!