OK so here's the story. Last night my husband was at school and I was getting my 10 year old daughter ready for bed. She wanted to know what daddy would have in a black back that she found in his car. She said she saw the bag and he tore it away from her and put it in his trunk. I quickly racked my brain and dirty magazine popped into my head. So this morning my husband went to work in his work truck and just for the heck of it I looked in his trunk and sure enough in a black bag was a VERY GRAPHIC PORNO magazine. This was not a Playboy or even a Penthouse, this was way more graphic. Anyway I was irritated, I mean true it wasn't in the house, but my little girl did almost see it. It also bugs me that my husband treats me like an absolute princess, and secretly he is more into dirty raunchy sluts! Anyway I decided the best thing to do was to shred it up in our paper shredder and throw it in the garbage! Now in many ways this makes me laugh, but I have to admit that while I was shredding I did feel a little over whelmed with guilt that I was destroying his personal property. What do you think, did I overreact with the shredding? Oh and by the way my plan was to not say anything to him at all because I KNOW he is never going to ask me if I took away his porno. Sometimes I feel more like the mother of a teenage boy than a wife of a 30 year old man! And yes I do know shredding the magazine and not confronting him is very passive aggressive.

Edited November 11, 200817 yr by Smartiegirl
typo

OK, I'm with Mel, I didn't understand but now I think I got it. I would say cheating. I'm a little old school and think kissing, touching in places you shouldn't and so on is cheating. Although porn doesn't bother me, I'm not into it but DH does like his dirty mags. I've never been a jealous person so him seeing other naked women doesn't bother me. It's not like I was the first one he ever saw or anything, I'd rather him look and have his little fantasy's then touch. OH, but if the happy ending just happened and that was not the intent i wouldn't be mad I would probaly think it was funny, I know my DH and he would be quite embarised(sp) He would tell me, we're very open with each other and trust each other. I don't think eather one of us ever worry about cheating. I don't care if he goes to titty bars(oops can I say that?) he's just not into them. If I had to check up behind him I wouldn't be with him.

I have gotten massages and if you're in a legitimate place, i.e., NOT a front for prostitution, the masseuse is not going to ask you if you want a happy ending. And a happy ending is definitely cheating. Any touching or emotional involvement is cheating in my book. My husband can look at all the porn he wants when I'm not around. He's got his collection and Web sites he goes to to look. It's just looking. We keep it away from our 15-year-old daughter. I bought him his Playboy subscription. Some of his co-workers (female) insisted to him that Playboy was porn.

I don't care if the material is porn, vampire books (they can get VERY sexually explicit) or baseball cards -- no one has the right to destroy another adult's property without his/her permission. Might as well just consider your significant other a child.

I have a question for everyone/anyone who wanders into this thread: Would you consider a happy finish in a massage cheating?

I told my husband that I would not consider that cheating and he looked at me like I was an alien.

OMG, Donna, you are cracking me up! You're killing me!

donna you made me crack up!!!

DH calls it a happy ending - are you talking via manipulation or just something that happened while relaxed & aroused at the same time.

i would view as cheating if junk was touched.

Hey, that's going to be my new opening line when meeting new people: "Wanna touch my junk?"

I'm talking about professional massages. I've heard that in some places they will ask if you would like a "happy ending" (jerk off).

Oh, that's a professional all right......the oldest profession. I wonder if women ever get propositioned for a "happy ending" when they go for a massage??

Leave it to Plain to find the porn thread. (I, however, was steered here, tyvm.)

Quickly - I'm not married but don't/wouldn't care about porn as long as it wasn't with: children, animals, or dead people (thank you, Jeffrey Dahmer for putting THAT in my brain for all of eternity). Hmm, I might have a problem with really hard core things I'd never seen or thought about. But hey, if I'm not in the mood, have at it, dear. Take Herman to the circus.

And DONNA, omg.....you just had to bring up massages. At 42, I am going for my very first-est massage ever this Saturday. Why have I never had a massage? B/c of my body image! Now I'm going to be all paranoid thinking someone's gonna be asking me Saturday if I want a "happy ending." :thumbdown: Gah.

OK, I confess... I'm an amoral hedonist! :thumbdown:

BTW SNT, I like your avitar.

Massusse: Would you like a "happy ending", SNT?

SNT: Er, well....I guess so.

Massusse: Here's some chocolate, and let's go shopping...

Massusse: Would you like a "happy ending", SNT?

SNT: Er, well....I guess so.

Massusse: Here's some chocolate, and let's go shopping...

Definitely my idea of a happy ending! :thumbdown:

I think you may have overracted...I think that magazines are okay and fine...I mean it is legal, but my husband and I have discussed porn before and we agreed that internet porn is something that I prefer he didn't look at/watch, but that I was fine with magazines...maybe your hubby wants to be crazy in bed with you, but he is worried about how you would react...that's how my hubby was and when we sat down and talked about it he relized that I'm crazy too lol. I look at porn and one night I turned porn on with my hubby and we "watched" it together...lol. Sometimes you have to just make the move on him as the slutty girl...dress up have fun with it...It's just up to you...if you think you did the right thing then you did, but if your guilty and upset with yourself than obviously you feel you overreacted :thumbdown: Good luck I hope it works out ok for you.

Edited November 14, 200817 yr by rodriguezequal

I'm talking about professional massages. I've heard that in some places they will ask if you would like a "happy ending" (jerk off). In that scenario, I don't consider it cheating. They've already had their hands all over you and while I agree that genitals are generally private and off limits, in this situation, where you have a professional utilizing their hands to take you to a climatic finish, it just doesn't seem like cheating to me. Hands and/or devices after a real massage--I think is OK. Oral or genital to genital is a definite NO NO.

Now, if it's a so-called massage parlor that really isn't one, that's a totally different story.

It's cheating to me...It's like saying o hey you over there...you work with your hands for a living right...come give me a "happy ending". That's like saying that only sexual intercourse and oral sex is cheating, but masturbating someone else or having it done to yourself is okay...I don't think so....My hubby has happy endings only by me or himself!!!! lmao

The original post brings to mind the saying that just because you are on a diet does not mean you can't look at the menu!

I too began my DH's subscription to Playboy many, many years ago----when a friend of his joked that him getting married meant the end to his porn days.

Nowadays.......he quotes more politics from the mag than anything about the women!!! LOL we really ARE getting old!!!

As for the happy ending......I would let it be known if he comes home all relaxed.....I would provide the happy ending in a much better fashion. If he still chose the massage happy ending then you bet your a$$ it would be cheating in my book!!!

Let your husband read this thread.....then maybe that would open conversation between the 2 of you whether you want to spice things up a bit in the bedroom, or if it is just something he prefer remain a fantasy. What could it hurt? All of this is coming from anonymous people to you.....

Kat

It's cheating to me...It's like saying o hey you over there...you work with your hands for a living right...come give me a "happy ending". That's like saying that only sexual intercourse and oral sex is cheating, but masturbating someone else or having it done to yourself is okay...I don't think so....My hubby has happy endings only by me or himself!!!! lmao

Black or white -- haven't you heard of relativism? How about situational ethics? :tongue2:

Well Donna, your happy ending posts got my hubby's attention he started reading over my shoulder, and laughing his head off. So I told him he could read the whole thread. I warned him he may not like it. By the time he made it through my original post he was falling off his chair laughing. It's a good thing he gets my sense of humor! Anyway it got the conversation rolling. I knew he wouldn't be mad at me for shredding the magazine, but he did appreciate all of the posts coming from different perspectives. We were able to discuss each person's post and how we felt about it, you know like which posts are true, funny, helpful, just out right crazy... . Hubby says if I ever find porn again I have his permission to shred it :tt2:, I promised not to shred it with out talking to him first. He agreed that what he had was pretty hard core. He was most disturbed by Beth's post about his baby girl in 8 years. I was a little worried he might be annoyed that I was debating this on LBT, but he wasn't at all. Thanks all :tongue2:

I'm glad to have been of assistance. LOL

I was beginning to think I'd have to channel Jack Nicholson's Joker and say "This whole Thread needs an enema!" :tongue2:

Hi Kat I just read your post, we just spent the last hour and a half reading this thread and talking about it.

Just for the record I personally do not consider playboy porn by any means. I grew up with playboy on the back of the toilet seat, takes a little more than that to shake me up.:tongue2:

31 years experience tells me you were WRONG!!! He has the same right to like as you do to not like it. He is not pushing it on you, and the ti hing with your daughter could have happened to anyone. A son could have just as easily asked about the tampons he found under your sink when he was bored. You married a man not a priest, would you rather he check out the girls on stroll? Then there is the big thing of privacy, I want mine respected and I bet you do to. Got a dairy he hasn't read? I understand because I don't like porn either, so my husband will sometimes order something on TV and I get the befits. Now that you have breeched what I consider a trust issue; step up and tell him. Talk it out, let him know you were wrong, yes I said tell him that. Then let him know that if he must he should be very careful about it. Who knows, it might not have been his but the buddy that got a ride with him.