What would y'all think?

I told my boss a couple weeks ago that I may be needing surgery (had a bunch of doctor's visits and was getting the "are you dying?" thing). I DO have a hiatal hernia, so I just mentioned that that's what I was having done.

So yesterday I give her my leave request with my surgery date and she starts to ask about the surgery because she thinks SHE has one too. I don't really know how they do a straight hiatal hernia, so I told her they do it laproscopically so when I have stitches, etc., it won't raise eyebrows.

Get this: She says, "While they're in there, maybe they can put in a few staples."

I said, "What??"

She said, "Well, if they're in there anyway, maybe they can put in a few staples."

I just stand there... not saying anything. Now mind you, since she was made aware a couple weeks ago that I was having "a" surgery, she asked if I was going to get a nip and tuck while I was at it.

Omg, how inappropriate IS that??? She won't be here much longer, but I am debating filing a complaint. It won't do anything, but omg, it's just so.... OMG! It's not like we have this bad relationship or anything where she would say this out of some resentment or anger towards me. She just seems not to have a filter between her brain and her mouth.

I did not keep my WLS a secret. I didn't send out a broadcast but if anyone asked, I told them. One of the reasons I told was that I want people to find out through me, not through gossip and speculation. The truth will out...

All that aside, people can be incredibly obtuse.

Thanks for the advice. I will talk to someone in HR and see if they can black out the name if it's not too late. My problem seems small compared to the situations that others on this thread have relayed. I can't believe the gall of some people who think they are better. Every person has issues, some aren't quite as obvious as others. All I can suggest is be proud of yourself, hold your head high and smile a lot. Remember...They can't get your goat if they don't know where it's tied!

Hehe, I like that.

I'm surprised even HR HAS to have your surgeon's name. There are all SORTS of HIPPA rules these days! It's really none of their business.

Funny thing about my boss, I know she's an alcoholic -- or at least has an issue with alcohol. And is at times very promiscuous. I could tell stories -- that SHE has shared, no less. The you-know-what in me wanted to ask if her alcohol problem was still making her loose and slutty.

I did not keep my WLS a secret. I didn't send out a broadcast but if anyone asked, I told them. One of the reasons I told was that I want people to find out through me, not through gossip and speculation. The truth will out...

All that aside, people can be incredibly obtuse.

And the day may come when I do say something. You're right about gossip -- look what Star Jones went through. People shouldn't have to feel like they need to explain if they don't want to.

You have to figure that we live in a society where at least twice a week they have a segment on the news showing fat people walking down the street, putting food in their mouths, etc. I always hold my breath and hope I don't see myself! I've never seen them do a story that way on ANY other group of people. It's the way it is, if you are fat you don't have the same rights as the rest of society, some how, at some point, we crossed the line and became "less than human" in the eyes of the majority. Does that need to change, yes, are most people willing to fight for the change, no.

If that woman bothered you to the point that you are uncomfortable to work with her, than nail her ass to the wall. Only you can decide what's worth your time and effort.

Either she is totally clueless and thinks you all are on a different level than you are or she is an a-hole. If she is on her way out-- you may not have anything to worry about but would it be detrimental to you to respond to her personally before getting HR involved? I am not saying to not address it--you should. Sometimes a one on one conversation can clear things up. Also managers don't always know the things they say (even the lushy, slutty ones) are out of line when they have been able to have more than candid conversations with employees that were never addressed as offensive or hurtful...... If she hasn't been curtailed on her other stories and comments she probably doesn't think anything of it. But if you are not comfortable with that and feel there may be retribution- document and go to HR.

Either she is totally clueless and thinks you all are on a different level than you are or she is an a-hole. If she is on her way out-- you may not have anything to worry about but would it be detrimental to you to respond to her personally before getting HR involved? I am not saying to not address it--you should. Sometimes a one on one conversation can clear things up. Also managers don't always know the things they say (even the lushy, slutty ones) are out of line when they have been able to have more than candid conversations with employees that were never addressed as offensive or hurtful...... If she hasn't been curtailed on her other stories and comments she probably doesn't think anything of it. But if you are not comfortable with that and feel there may be retribution- document and go to HR.

Well, we have a pretty open office around here. It's probably closer than it should be where management is concerned, especially with her. She always likes to hear what's going on with people to the point where the lines are somewhat blurred, if that makes sense.

I am sure I will say something to her at some point, but evil or not, I had my reason for not doing it right away. I need her to do something for me that may give me a chance to be seriously considered for her job when she leaves (somebody else is silently slated to get it, but I've been working SO hard to get extra education, etc.). As bad as it sounds, I needed to be sure she supplied some info to somebody before I pissed on her corn flakes, so to speak. And today I found out she did what I needed.

Yes, it sounds maniuplative, and it somewhat is. If you knew the dynamic of this office, you'd understand my underhandedness. But I will certainly say something. Everybody there knows what she said, and they are all mortified and pissed.

Now that was nice of her wasn't it?!?

Well, I think the statement was inappropriate in every way. But if the environment is more close than many other businesses (which is what I interpreted from what you said later), then maybe she is just really stupid but not malicious - and did not realize that she had crossed a line.

I would probably speak calmly to her stating that you believed she crossed a line - and expect it not to happen again. Particularly if you didn't previously have a word with her about other comments she made, she may truly think this is just being friendly.

I had a supervisor once who told me I HAD to put the type of surgery I was having on my leave request. I had never heard such a thing and put my hysterechtomy on there. She even went so far as to tell me I had to put whether I was having it vaginally or abdominally since one would require more leave time..... I was flabbergasted. I worked for a school district. I later had problems with her, and when I was in the superintendents office discussing these problems, that topic came up. He became purple with rage and said that was in no way true. He asked for my file, and there it all was, big as Dallas!! She got in SO MUCH trouble...... According to him the word surgery was all that was required.

At the job I'm at now, I didn't tell ANYONE what surgery I was having done. When asked, I just said I had to correct some stomach problems. Months later when I had lost a lot of weight, I got invited to an office party for another department. It was a "good luck" party.... I didn't know the honoree, and had no intention of going. I kept getting pressured to go, and was puzzled by it. After several people encouraged me to go, I went. It turned out they were having a luncheon for a guy having bypass surgery the next day. (???? luncheon???) Anyway, they take me over to him and introduce us. Fine. Then one of them interrupts the party and announces to the ENTIRE ROOM that since I had the surgery, they thought it would be nice if I talked to him to calm his fears, and answer any questions he might have, and maybe act as a buddy for him when he returned. I was dumbfounded. Speechless. Everyone was staring at me. So much for privacy!!!! I was so angry I couldn't move. I pulled the man over to the conrner, congratulated him, explained I didn't have bypass, I had a lap band and apologized for the idiots that had invited me. He was very aware how uncomfortable I was, and apologized to me. He was actually mortified. I left immediately. He's been a nice friend ever since, but I still want to knock the teeth out of the bimbos that set that whole scene up!!

I CAN'T believe they would do that to you. That is the most retarded thing I ever heard. I've heard of "office parties" but to have a party for someone having bypass????? This person should be focusing on his journey and not telling everyone. Won't he be disappointed when every day the office is asking..."so, how much have you lost" or "are you allowed to eat that". SECOND, whoever organized this party has alot of balls to assume that you had the surgery and blindly lead you into this trap. You didn't even have the same surgery and this person didn't ask you ahead of time and try to get more details????? I still can't believe it. I would have been sooooo mad:cursing: but too embarrased to say anything. After you had a chance to calm down, did you confront anyone?

Well, I think the statement was inappropriate in every way. But if the environment is more close than many other businesses (which is what I interpreted from what you said later), then maybe she is just really stupid but not malicious - and did not realize that she had crossed a line.

I would probably speak calmly to her stating that you believed she crossed a line - and expect it not to happen again. Particularly if you didn't previously have a word with her about other comments she made, she may truly think this is just being friendly.

I never did see it as malicious... more like there is no filter between that pea brain and big mouth of hers. :thumbup:

You really don't have to tell your supervisor, manager, etc. anything if you have an HR department. All I did was go through the HR department and they did the rest. They approved my time off, so then I emailed my supervisor, who was new, and told her I'm taking a week of for a minor female surgery. When I got back she asked me what kind of surgery. Totally inappropriate question, but I stuck to my guns and said it was a female thing. I did not go into detail, I did not have to lie and I did not have to put up with any crass remarks.

Always remember, your HR department is there to protect you from idiot management who would otherwise make your life miserable.

If you work for a small company and don't have an HR department or compliance hotline or anything like that, you still have the law on your side. :thumbup:

Gees. All the horrible stories make me really glad that I don't work in a conventional office setting. I can't believe the nerve of some people. I did have a friend ask me pointblank once, though, if I had had bypass. I was speechless for a moment, but then admitted to Lapband. He wasn't being malicious, though, and he really isn't the type to spread gossip. So I wasn't worried about him. I would die if I had to be in an office with people gossiping behind my back. Ugh.

I had a supervisor once who told me I HAD to put the type of surgery I was having on my leave request. I had never heard such a thing and put my hysterechtomy on there. She even went so far as to tell me I had to put whether I was having it vaginally or abdominally since one would require more leave time..... I was flabbergasted. I worked for a school district. I later had problems with her, and when I was in the superintendents office discussing these problems, that topic came up. He became purple with rage and said that was in no way true. He asked for my file, and there it all was, big as Dallas!! She got in SO MUCH trouble...... According to him the word surgery was all that was required.

At the job I'm at now, I didn't tell ANYONE what surgery I was having done. When asked, I just said I had to correct some stomach problems. Months later when I had lost a lot of weight, I got invited to an office party for another department. It was a "good luck" party.... I didn't know the honoree, and had no intention of going. I kept getting pressured to go, and was puzzled by it. After several people encouraged me to go, I went. It turned out they were having a luncheon for a guy having bypass surgery the next day. (???? luncheon???) Anyway, they take me over to him and introduce us. Fine. Then one of them interrupts the party and announces to the ENTIRE ROOM that since I had the surgery, they thought it would be nice if I talked to him to calm his fears, and answer any questions he might have, and maybe act as a buddy for him when he returned. I was dumbfounded. Speechless. Everyone was staring at me. So much for privacy!!!! I was so angry I couldn't move. I pulled the man over to the conrner, congratulated him, explained I didn't have bypass, I had a lap band and apologized for the idiots that had invited me. He was very aware how uncomfortable I was, and apologized to me. He was actually mortified. I left immediately. He's been a nice friend ever since, but I still want to knock the teeth out of the bimbos that set that whole scene up!!

I just cant believe that happened to you.

That woman is totally out of line, she should of got bloody fired!

I just told my employer that I had to go in for surgery and I would provide the correct documentation on arrival back to work, it's none of their business.

I never did see it as malicious... more like there is no filter between that pea brain and big mouth of hers. :biggrin:

That's what it sounded like to me too, based on your description.

IMO everyone in the world has a fixed number of hours to live. You can decide to waste some of your precious hours on people like this, or you can focus on you and your loved ones. In a year you'll be thinner and hotter than her anyway, and is there any possible better revenge?

My mouth would have probably overrode my brain on this one. How inappropriate of her. The quality of management and the degree of professionalism has declined so much in the past years. I would probably have offered to staple her mouth for her so she would have time to think about how to shut up.

Sorry, having one of the not so polite days.

In reality I would have probably just looked at her and then walked away seething and dreaming of smacking her with the stapler or something.