OK...here goes nothing. I haven't posted in quite a while because I have been dealing with some real shit at home. A month ago I found out that my husband of almost 10 years has been having an affair for the last year and a half. :mad:That's right...while I was losing weight and looking great, that pig went out seeking an affair and here I was scared of how I would act after I started to get attention from others when I started to look nice. I am hurt:crying:, angry:mad2:, sad :cry_smile:, devastated:cursing:, sick and every other emotion (other than happy). I'm now on Xanax for my anxiety and I am completely obsessed with this crap. How can someone go out seeking an affair when they have a wife and two beautiful children? Do people care anymore? Do vows mean anything? What the hell is wrong with people? Of course now all of a sudden he wants the marriage to work. Well damn...you should have thought about that before porking the skank!!!! I want to freaken scream. I want to hurt them both. How the hell do people get on after things like this happen to them? Is it possible? We are in counseling, but should I even bother? Will he do it again? What about my kids? Damn...I need some serious help. This really sucks. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of the chest pains and the anxiety. I want a fairy tale ended but unfortunately my marriage will NEVER be the same. I can never look at him the same way again. Do I give up and start my life over with my boys? Can someone wake me up from this horribe nightmare????? Why me? In the last year I have gone from a size 22/24 to a size 10/12 and I have lost 106 pounds. I thought that my husband was proud of me and thought that I was looking good...guess not, huh? Joke's on me!!!

Damn, damn, damn. So...I went to my shrink for my first appointment and I'm very disappointed. It only lasted 15 minutes (maybe because I was a new patient) but I discussed the whores husband and the fact that I have his number. He said not to call him and that I need to move forward. The other thing that he said was..."How old is your husband'. I told him that he's 37. Do you know what he said to me..."Yeah, unfortunately this happens all the time, it's like a midlife crisis and men do it all the time". WTF????? So that makes it ok? Damn...just give me the prescription for my meds and let me go on my way...

I'm still on my rollercoaster ride and I hate it. I know that takes a long time but it doesn't seem to be easing up at all. I told my husband that he needs to sweep me off of my feet and although he has been very nice, I'm still waiting for him to get that broom and start sweeping. In order for this to work for me...he has to change a lot and I'm not sure that he can do that.

They should put all cheaters on an island and just let them all have each other so that those of us who are faithful don't have to worry about getting mixed up with some dumb as lying cheater (gosh...did that sound harsh??? Maybe I'm going to have another bad day :confused2:)

That shrink sounds like one of the "Good Ol Boys" Jerk! I'd be looking for someone else, maybe even a girl. You so don't need to be hearing how this is somehow common behaviour right now like that somehow means you're the oddball for not accepting his behaviour. Grrr!!!!!

I agree with Ghost you have a right to a sensible therapist...and all of them are not unfortunately. I would find someone else. You have a right to valuable care.

Maybe you need a woman rather than a man. Is that possible? I had a woman therapist and I was very happy. She was good, but also didn't let me pull crap...lol... which is what we all need sometimes!

Hugs hun, it doesn't have to be a bad day. It is what you make it, so make it turn around!! :confused:

Maybe you need a woman rather than a man. Is that possible? I had a woman therapist and I was very happy. She was good, but also didn't let me pull crap...lol... which is what we all need sometimes!

Hugs hun, it doesn't have to be a bad day. It is what you make it, so make it turn around!! :thumbup:

No political incorrectness intended here but the Water I was drinking nearly came out my nose when I first started to read your post. I didn't realize you were referring to the therapist as opposed to her significant other at first. :confused:

Thanks, I needed a laugh today.

Because of my problems with depression I have been seeing therapists since I was in my late teens. I am now almost 59. I have had a lot of experience and I can say that not all therapists are created equal.

Although this therapist has pointed out something which is true, that some men may screw around as part of their mid-life crisis, his approach was not only less than sensitive to a patient who is in distress, it was biased in favour of cutting the guy a little slack. I think that this guy sounds both shallow and incapable of listening. He is likely to be very much caught up in himself and his own masculine/personal agenda. My advice would be to dump him ASAP and find someone else.

Well, my 10 year wedding anniversay is three days away. Not much to Celebrate but we are going out of town to try to create "new" memories. The thing for me right now is that it doesn't seem to be getting any better. I know that it takes time and I'm willing to give it as long as it needs but the pain has not eased up at all. I'm still having my crying bouts and the meds have not seemed to help with that. I also still have huge anxieties and that sucks. I hate relying on medication just to get through the day. I feel like a junkie.

I had a horrible dream on Saturday night. I guess you could call it a nightmare. In the dream...SHE was at my sons birthday party. It was horrible. I don't even know what she looks like, but I know in my dream she was there. So...I had a crying bout Sunday morning. I hate it. I hate being like this. I want to see emotion in my husband and I want him to completely open up to me. He's a terrible communicator and I have known that from day one and he has gotten better. Perhaps I'm asking for too much too soon. I don't know. I'm just still in a state of confusion and I can't wait to get my head clear, even if it's for a day. Maybe I won't think much about it when we go out of town. Although...knowing that they went to hotels to do their business...I might have a problem being in a hotel with him. I have already warned him about this.

Well...just want to continue to thank everyone for their support, prayers and well wishes...keep them coming...I need all I can get...

Thanks so much!

I've been thinking and praying about you Tina. I hope the time away with him helps but I understand about the hotel issue.

Tina

YOU ARE NOT A JUNKIE! Just wanted to address that. You are doing what you need to do right now in your life to make sure you can be a good mother to your kids. If you need drugs to help you, then so be it!

Good luck on the trip. I know it will be hard. Just try to think about the kids and you are doing this for them. I hope it goes well for you. Just try to relax and not focus on "her" she doesn't deserve it. Let her ruin someone else. You deserve better!

Hugs!

Thanks Boo Boo. You always know what to say. I'm going to try my very best to not think of her or the entire thing at all. It's going to be hard but I will put my best effort into it. I'm actually very nervous about going out of town. To top it off...we get back Saturday morning and are going to a wedding Saturday evening and that's going to be very hard too. Wish me luck with both!!!

Hey Tina,

So sorry to hear of all this dumb azz stuff you have to be going thru. I could tell you stories of what I went thru with my ex and it makes your stuff sound like a picnic. Not down playing what you are going thru but believe me it could be a whole lot worst. In order for you to move on, you need to forget about calling that woman's husband, stop dwelling on her. Dont give her anymore energy than whats she all ready absorbed from you. I know its going to be hard, but try to be friends with your husband first. Learn to develop that into being best friends. If you cant learn how to be friends than you can forget about being husband and wife. Its as simple as that, no friends, no lovers. You get where I am going with this. The trust may take a VERY long time to come back. He is going to have to do everything in his power to convince you and win you back. Good luck to you, I dont wish this on any one. If you'd like to hear about some of my gory details of my failed marriage send me a private message and get ready for the shock of your life!!!

OK...I'm back. Just when I thought that things were getting better...BAM...I catch him in another lie. I am done fighting, attempting to save a marriage that I didn't destroy. I have told him from the very beginning of all of this that he has to be completely honest with me, no matter how much he thinks his answers are going to hurt me. Well...apparently he doesn't know how to tell the truth and I caught him in another lie. I'm devastated all over again. I don't know what's going on with him. It's like he is two different people. So...when do I just throw in the towel and say, "hell with it"? I'm so confused right now...I just don't know what to think.

Well...I can say one thing...no more sitting around pouting...I'm looking hotter than hell these days (if I do say so myself)...I have put a smile on my face and I'm strutting myself around. I will survive...one way or another...I will survive!!!

OK...I'm back. Just when I thought that things were getting better...BAM...I catch him in another lie. I am done fighting, attempting to save a marriage that I didn't destroy. I have told him from the very beginning of all of this that he has to be completely honest with me, no matter how much he thinks his answers are going to hurt me. Well...apparently he doesn't know how to tell the truth and I caught him in another lie. I'm devastated all over again. I don't know what's going on with him. It's like he is two different people. So...when do I just throw in the towel and say, "hell with it"? I'm so confused right now...I just don't know what to think.

Well...I can say one thing...no more sitting around pouting...I'm looking hotter than hell these days (if I do say so myself)...I have put a smile on my face and I'm strutting myself around. I will survive...one way or another...I will survive!!!

OK Tina, this is where you accept the unacceptable, or move on. I don't know how big this lie is, but it doesn't matter. You told him to be honest no matter what, and he isn't. He keeps make one bad decision after another. I think you have done more than your part, and you tried to make it work. Is he really trying to make this work or is he just not wanting to be alone? He can't continue to hurt you and get away with it. I know you have done everything you can. Maybe he deserves to be alone.

You can only do so much to fix as you said what he broke. What the hell good is it to keep putting pieces back together if he keeps throwing stones at it? NO more pouting. Maybe this is what you need to decide what is RIGHT for you and the boys. They deserve a Mom that is treated right and happy as well. If he can't give that to you, then what is left?

Hugs

Tina,

I've been praying about you lately. Personally I would love to tell you to kick his sorry behind to the curb after catching him in another lie. But it is your marriage not mine and only you can make the right choice for your life. Just know whatever you decide we are all here behind you 100%

- Diane

Hey there everyone. Thanks for all of the prayers and words of wisdom. Yesterday I had an alright day because I tried to not let it bother me and I went on about my business. This morning, on the other hand...I'm having anxieties. I think it's because I'm going over to his work to meet him and an old neighbor of ours for lunch. The other woman used to work there and I know that his co-workers have to know that he was having an affair and if they see me, I'm going to feel like such a fool. UUUUGGGHHH.