OK...here goes nothing. I haven't posted in quite a while because I have been dealing with some real shit at home. A month ago I found out that my husband of almost 10 years has been having an affair for the last year and a half. :mad:That's right...while I was losing weight and looking great, that pig went out seeking an affair and here I was scared of how I would act after I started to get attention from others when I started to look nice. I am hurt:crying:, angry:mad2:, sad :cry_smile:, devastated:cursing:, sick and every other emotion (other than happy). I'm now on Xanax for my anxiety and I am completely obsessed with this crap. How can someone go out seeking an affair when they have a wife and two beautiful children? Do people care anymore? Do vows mean anything? What the hell is wrong with people? Of course now all of a sudden he wants the marriage to work. Well damn...you should have thought about that before porking the skank!!!! I want to freaken scream. I want to hurt them both. How the hell do people get on after things like this happen to them? Is it possible? We are in counseling, but should I even bother? Will he do it again? What about my kids? Damn...I need some serious help. This really sucks. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of the chest pains and the anxiety. I want a fairy tale ended but unfortunately my marriage will NEVER be the same. I can never look at him the same way again. Do I give up and start my life over with my boys? Can someone wake me up from this horribe nightmare????? Why me? In the last year I have gone from a size 22/24 to a size 10/12 and I have lost 106 pounds. I thought that my husband was proud of me and thought that I was looking good...guess not, huh? Joke's on me!!!

Hugs - Hugs - Hugs

Know that you and your family are in my thoughts for a positive outcome

You will make the decision that is best for you and your family

Good Luck and sorry of your pain - I have been their and done that - my heart goes out to you..

Another one dropping by to send you hugs and wish you the best. I also went through it with my first husband, he cheated on me with my best friend. It is a very, very difficult thing to have to go through, and you will run through a ton of different emotions. But, whatever the outcome of the marriage, you will be a much stronger person in the end.

Thanks to everyone for all of the prayers and support. This is by far the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. It just hurts so much I can't stand it. We are in marriage counseling and it's going alright but it just doesn't ease the pain. My husband is trying very hard to make it better for me but I can't get the images out of my head and on top of that the other woman is just a piece of trash (aren't all cheaters). She laughs at me on the telephone like I'm a big joke. She gets complete joy out of hurting me. She even went as far as calling my boss last week and said that I was harassing her (I called her house to speak to her husband). I have now fallen into a state of depression :thumbup: and our marriage counselor suggested that I go to a shrink so I can get medication. I already take Xanax for my anxiety but I cannot control my crying outburst and they are worried about me. I swore that I would never stay with someone who did this to me and now it's my reality and it completely sucks. I look at my little boys and I don't want them to grow up in a house without a father so I'm giving it all I have to try to make it work but it's not easy. The pain is just terrible and I don't understand why people don't think before acting on infidelity. My husband keeps saying..."I didn't mean to hurt you". Well hell...did you think I was going to have a party when I found out? Did you think that I would never find out?

I can't believe that so many people go through this. It should be a crime for someone to commit adultry and they should all be locked up.

Thanks again everyone...the outpouring of support from everyone here, at home and on the other site that I joined is incredible and it truly helps me and I thank you for that. Keep sending good vibes my way because believe me...I NEED IT!!!

Tina, I just found your thread and my heart is breaking for you as well. I realize there is nothing I can say or do to make things more bearable but it doesn't stop me from wishing I could.

My prayers are with you and your boys.

"I look at my little boys and I don't want them to grow up in a house without a father so I'm giving it all I have to try to make it work but it's not easy."

I understand this so much, this is what i thought for 9 years. Yes, nine years, and even then, as i stated before, it took getting strength from my daughter and realizing that i didn't want her to grow up like my boys did. Then when I did get the strength to leave, and my kids and i got on our feet, I realized it was the best thing for all of us.

It was better for my boys not to be in that environment any longer, it was better for me not to put myself in a situation that i continued to let him walk all over me and hurt our family. I raised my boys and my daughter alone (thier dad didn't even try to get visitation) for 8 years, and they turned out great. I am very proud of them.

I am not saying you should leave him, because only you can make that decision. I just think you should look at it from all directions-sometimes growing up without your dad in your house is better than seeing what we don't want them to see.

(((((hugs)))))

I agree. I have told my husband that one of two things will come of this. 1) Divorce or 2) the best, most honest, respectful, love-filled marriage on the planet. I will settle for nothing less. So...I am willing to give it a shot but I guarantee absolutely NOTHING. This is a very difficult thing for me to deal with right now and I completely hate the person that I have become because of it. I was always the life of the party...the outgoing one. Now...I'm a depressed, crying mess. I hate it so much. One minute I'm screaming at him (when the kids aren't around) and the next minute I'm out of control crying. I really don't know how this thing is going to end. I told him that things will never be the same. I will never be the same person. I have been betrayed by the one person in this world who should never hurt me. He's the one that I go to when something is wrong or I'm hurting about something but this time, he's the one who caused the hurt. I told him that he needs to act as if we just met and he needs to make me fall in love with him all over again. He needs to sweep me off of my feet. If he doesn't or if he can't...I'm gone. I need to do what is best for me and my boys and I'm hoping that I end up making the right decision. I thank everyone for their support. It truly means the world to me. I couldn't imagine going through this by myself. :wink2:

Its not about you sweetie... its all about him - his problem, nothing to do with you, or how you look (heavy or slim). Dry your eyes !!!!

I know it's not about me but the hurt still feels terrible. He has many issues to work through and he's the one who has to try his hardest to make this work. I cannot settle for anything less than being treated like gold. I will not have my kids grow up in a house that isn't anything but filled with love and respect. Even though I know I had nothing to do with his terrible decision to take on a relationship with this dirty ho...it doesn't lessen the pain that it has caused me. I never thought that I would ever be such an emotional wreck but now I am and I have to deal with it. :wink2:

It made me crazy too. I became a stalker of sorts so I could totally prove that something was going on. Does the Ho's husband know about this now? If he hasn't already, your husb should sever ALL contact with her no matter what. And I don't know how old your boys are, but besides not wanting them to grow up without a father, also think about them seeing how their mother is treated by their father. Be strong for you and your boys and they'll learn how wives (& people in general) should be treated.

Keep your chin up!

-Barb

I couldn't agree with you more. He has severed ALL contact with her. She has text messaged him (last week) and he immediately called me and forwarded it to me. Neither of us responded. She's a complete piece of S&*T and enjoys saying horrible things to me. I do not think that her husband knows and I tried calling him last week to tell him but she wouldn't answer the phone. She's a liar and a coward. My husband has even offered to change his email address, his work email address and his cell phone number (both personal and work). He is trying very hard to make this work so I have to give him credit where credit is due. If he continues to treat me the way that he has been for the past week or so, it will show my boys how to be wonderful husbands because my husband has truly been kissing my behind (as he should be). He says nothing when I go out with friends, he occupies the boys when I breakdown crying and he has brought my roses and cleaned the house. So...this is a HUGE step for him. He had completely withdrawn from me over the past two years and I can slowely start to feel a reconnection. Keep your fingers crossed for me that if this works, it will be the best marriage ever and if it doesn't that we will at least have a good communication between us for the sake of the kids. Hugs from all are welcome and well wishes, too. Thanks everyone!!!!

Great Tina. Sounds like he is really making the effort!!

Hi Tina,

I went through this too about 7 years ago, before we had any kids. I experienced a similar emotional rollercoaster like you are, and I totally feel for you !!! Crying at the drop of a hat, huge breakdowns (literally falling on the floor infits of emotion) the rage I felt was unreal!!

I did not sleep in bed with him for weeks, or like you wear my wedding ring. It seemed like it all lasted forever, but I promise you it does end and you will re-gain your sanity!!!

Please hang in there. You are on the right track!!

Well...I'm home from work now and drinking an "alcoholic" beverage so right now I'm alright, but I can't guarantee what the next hour will bring. It usually hits me around 7:00 - 7:30 with the crying. You guys have no idea how much it means to me for all of the responses and the PMs that I have received. I will make it one way or another. I will be happy again. Hell...I have been going out on the weekends and getting hit on left and right...I have had MANY opportunities to leave the bar with men but I wouldn't do that, even in the situation that I'm currently in. So...I only say that because I'm not staying because I'm afraid to being alone...I'm staying because I took vows and I have created a family with this man and the way that he has recently been acting, I think that there may be a future for us. He needs to continue doing what he's doing and treat me like the queen that I should be treated like. Wish me luck and send me good vibes...I need them. I'll let you know tomorrow how I make out tonight on my rollercoaster ride. Hopefully I won't get sick. lol

I found out my husband cheated on me about 3 months ago. Right after my surgery with a mutual friend and co-worker. It was like a weight was on my chest and A brick on my head. Its hard, we are still trying to work it out, but I dont know if I want this anymore. Yes children are involved but I dont want to be miserable. The days get better but i dont forget. Somedays I get so mad That I just send him nasty texts. It will get better because we are working on us, it will be okay. Everytime you start thinking about it clean, or take a walk, it helps some. Keep your head up.

I'm so sorry. Been there. I'm going to give you the Cliff's Notes from my experience. Maybe it will help.

His affair wasn't about you. He should have been thinking about you, You were reason enough NOT to do what he did. But he was compartmentalizing "the rest of his life" away from the affair. It was selfish on his part. He did it because his ego needed the extra boost.

Why he told you after ending it is the 2nd most selfish thing he did. Unless she was threatening to tell you, he should have dealt with his shame and said nothing. Confessing just brought you pain. It didn't restore his honor. Confession was good for his soul, a crushing blow to yours. He gets no "good guy" props for causing the train to wreck.

Again, it wasn't about you. The compelling crap that took him down that pathway is his therapy, not yours. Do not blame yourself.

Most affairs last on average from 2 - 4 years. I was shocked to find that out.

The litmus test: If he takes responsibility for where he put his weiner, he just might be worth forgiving. If he blames you for his affair, he's yesterday's coffee grounds and it's time to dump him.

It sounds like he may be the type to own up and be responsible for his actions.

Typically, he honestly feels horrible for causing you such pain. He never expected this part of it. The anger, sure, but not the anguish. Again, no props for recognizing he may have totaled the relationship. He's responsible for where he put his weiner. Not you.

What therapy will do for you, should you choose to soldier on and try to learn to trust again...You'll learn to communicate better. You'll learn to recognize and hear the "I needs" that he'll learn recognize in himself to ask from your relationship. It will help to keep him honest.

If you don't go on, then continue the therapy until you get to the point where you can say "It hurts like hell, but I didn't deserve this. It wasn't about me. Every guy isn't like this."

Good luck and big gentle hugs. You'll get through this one way or the other.