Let me tell you what happened to me. My "best" friend is 5'3'' and weighs 110 pounds soaking wet. And I noticed that right after my surgery(1/30.08), she was starting to withdraw from me a little, but I kinda let it go. Finally, last week, I confronted her and asked her what was wrong and to my shock, she told me that she had always really seen me as the fat person, and now that I'm losing she doesn't really know me anymore . Then, to make matters worse, she said that she felt like being with me when I was (and still am, for a while, anyway) fat makes her feel better about herself and I got the strong impression that that's why she kept me around.

She told me this to my face. We have been friends for 10 years. I am hurt by this. I know part of me should tell her to shove it, but I am still a little bewildered. I'm also MAD. I havent spoken to her since this conversation, though she has called several times....WHAT SHOULD I DO??:thumbup:

I agree with Jack, when your life changes so will your friends. I would have a serious discussion with her about her self image though.

i agree with jack, my friends change with my life, or theirs, as jack said. and i'm still pretty young, but it has always been that way for me. when i was a cheerleader, i had this group of friends, when i went to the nerdy math & science school, i had another group...single mom one group, college, new job, etc.

now i have a few that have stuck with me through the years, 3 to be exact.

i look at my past friends like angels who were sent into my life with a purpose. when that purpose was done, so was the relationship. the same with my enemies, lovers, etc.

now that my dh is my dear friend, lover, etc., i have find it much more difficult to build lasting friendships with anyone. it makes me cherish the ones that i have even more. i am not so quick to share my life and emotions with strangers like i was when i was younger.

personally, however, i think that the fact that she was honest about her feelings, and maintains contact says a lot about her character, regardless of her low self esteem. think back on your entire relationship, i honestly cannot see anyone being friends with someone for 10 years JUST because they are bigger and make them feel better. there are other reasons. that is just one, that is going to change. that is what is bothering her, but she is honest, and i do not think she meant it to insult you. actually it makes her very vulnerable to your response, making your next few encounters very crucial to the future of your friendship.

I am so sorry she hurt you. It is good that she was honest because now you can work through it. You are right that your relationship will never be the same but it could actually be better. You could become closer if you work it out. She screwed up and handled the situation wrong. We all make mistakes and she is no exception. Keep talking to her about it if you feel the friendship is worth saving. The awkward apology is out of the way now so hopefully the next conversation will be more constructive.

Good luck!

I received an instruction booklet from my surgeon's office and here is what it said, "Friends and extended family members also must adjust....Be open about your appreciation of them and their own feelings. And finally let people pull away if they need to for a while. There may be a need for some time to pass before they sort it out for themselves. Your main responsiblilty is to take care of yourself. Others are responsible for their own feelings and actions. Hopefully most close family and friends will all eventually adjust." It sounds like she is really scared not only your weight will change. Just the fact that this was in my patient manual shows it has nothing to do with you as a person.

It is HER problem. With friends like that who needs enemies.

She is no real friend.