Hello everyone!!! I am here in hopes of finding, HOPE, support, comfort, information and whatever else I can. I am at the worst point in my life right now. I have never ever been so heavy and so depressed in my entire life, it started about five years ago and has become increasingly worse every year. I give myself and others this analogy...I am in a massive, deep crater, I see the light (so I know there is some hope) and I feel the light, but I can't get off the bottom of the crater to do anything. I looked in the mirror today and cried!! I haven't looked in mirrors in three years and I was in utter shock!!! WHO IS THIS PERSON, L0OK WHAT I HAVE BECOME??? LOOK WHAT I LET MYSELF BECOME!!! I AM REPULSIVE TO LOOK AT, SERIOUSLY...I AM A GOOD PERSON ON THE INSIDE BUT THE OUTSIDE IS A WHOLE DIFFERENT STORY. i HAVE NEVER EVER WEIGHED THIS MUCH. I couldn't believe the person i was looking at in the mirror. just rolls and cellulite and fat everywhere and i am young. I am tired all the time, i am so depressed i just cry, have no interest in any activities and merely eek out existence everyday just going through the motions, no happiness or satisfaction in life. the only thing i look forward too is when i can go to sleep again. I want my life back, i want the person i use to be back. i want to be happy again. i have wasted so much time, YEARS. i have a surgery consult monday for the lap band. I am scared but I don't know what else to do. I have tried everything. I am trying to get things right. made a dentist appt. today since i let my teeth go to hell in this downward spiral, got cymbalta from my DR. going to make a counseling appt. but i just feel so weighed down and sad. Any advice...AM I CRAZY...i feel like it sometimes, teetering on the edge of insanity.. i am a single mom of two children, take care of them and my ill parents, lost 4 important people in the last five years and have become a whale in the process...HELP:frown::party::frown::thumbup::confused::biggrin::thumbs_down:

Dear blkshadow,

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I am glad to see that you are getting help and starting antidepressants. Remember that just because one antidepressant works on one person doesn't mean it will work on others. If you feel that you are still depressed, talk to your doctor and try another. It may take trying a few different meds to find the right one. It also takes a few weeks for them to "kick in". Don't give up on them!!!

I am glad that you have found this site, because you will definitely get support and encouragement from us! We are all in the same boat as you are! Once you get your depression under control, life won't seem as bleak!

We are here for you!!

Terri

My Heart really goes out to you. I don't have all the family problems that you have, and that can take so much out of you. I'm at my heaviest weight also. I just did my psych appointment, and the questionaire I had to answer did show mild depression mainly due to my health problems and my weight (duh!) This is a great place to read and get support. It is a nice feeling to know that you are not alone. I've gotten alot of strength and support here.

Good luck to you, and remember that this is about you and getting healthy.

Molly

yes, i am finally learning that I need to focus on me...i can't be in a relationship or be the great mom I am unless I take care of me....and i havn't taken care of me in a very long time....i have a soul but i lost my being!! went to a contemporary worship this evening and they said without your soul and being in tact and without loving yourself completely you can invite misery quickly...and i thought..yes i have my soul...but somewhere along the way i lost my "being" and i don't love all of myself...i love the good qualities but not the shell that houses them....a little crazy i know...again thank you to all of you...your the best

Because she might not think I'm over weight enough or I haven't tired hard enought to lose weight. But I'm going to tell her that I feel it's the right thing for me to do . That I also want to get a refferal to a surgeon.