Well, I couldn't keep lips from flapping. I TOLD MY MOTHER................The Master of negativity and bestower of self-doubt. She thinks getting the lap band is taking the easy way out......is lazy..........is not being able to commit.......is not having discipline. Get some discipline and stop putting that no good food in your mouth...........Say to your self "I will only eat this salad" "I will not eat that piece of chocolate cake" The band is a crutch. She just recently stopped smoking throught Laser Therapy(it has worked) and has replaced smoking with........ can you guess? Thats right... eatting. Where's her discipline?That women has some kind of hold on me, so now I'm second quessing and have an argument going on inside my head. It's like a ping pong game.

You can tell your mother for me that this is sooooooo not easy!!! Buck up and do what you want with your body and your life. No one else can live it for you.

In my family you don't ask for help. It's weak.

But I'm so sad and depressed that It's time I step up and accept any kind of help I can get.

WARNING, tough love ahead...

YOUR money, YOUR body, YOUR decision. Cut the umbilical cord and tell your mother that you are an adult woman capable of making your own choices in life. Remind her that her wisdom has been taught to you and that you are making your choices in life that reflect all she has ever taught you about your options.

You have to do what's best for Tina, and not your mother, husband, etc. Anyone knowledgable about the band will tell you this is not easy. This journey is not just about losing weight. It's about regaining our health - physically and emotionally.

I have set back quietly for several weeks and read, learned and have been thankful for all the information. But to be honest I think your Mother is being selfish. I am personally to the point doing something like this is for me first and everyone will get the secondary benefits. Sometimes our families can be so selfish in not wanting others to succeed, because they are scared to succeed themselves.

Hii Beachbabe! I was terrified to tell my mom who actually has been overweight herself but I went ahead and told her 2 weeks before surgery. She was VERY apprehensive and upset with the idea I would consider surgery and I think her thinking was I was taking the easy way out. As well as unfortunately beating her to it!

She'll come around and eventually be happy for you. She's probably just concerned about the surgery part and once she sees it's working I'm sure she'll be supportive. I think it's natural to want to get approval from our parents or moms because they are such an instrumental part of our life and will continue to be forever. I would never consider myself a Momma's girl but I respect my mother and value her opinion. We don't always see eye to eye but we do have a respect for each other's beliefs. I'm sure your's does too - just give her a few days and send her some links to some of the success stories on line.

Good luck and take care! Laura

I myself have not told my mother about my decision to have the band. She will be very nervous and say I am being silly. She will be extremely nervous and will worry about it constantly. I feel I am being defiant but I really don't want all the negatism and anxiety that comes along with it. I eventually will have to tell her though because my surgery date is soon.

The band is a crutch.

Tina, here's what I'd tell your momma: What's so bad about a crutch? If someone cannot walk or stand without a crutch, would you deny him something to lean on? Would you judge her as weak and lacking in discipline? A crutch is a tool. A crutch is an instrument used to help someone live a normal life. A crutch might be the only thing keeping someone from falling. So call the band a crutch if it makes you feel better -- I am using it to stand up, straighten my spine, and move forward.

Thanks all.

Hey I come here for the honestly AND tough love. So let it rip 'cause I need it sometimes. Just like paper towel and windex you all wipe away the grime. lol

With all your awesome advice and the band, in time, my dependent family members won't reconize me. I will become Super Tina w/ the ability to stomp out those who try to keep me down !!

Atta Girl!

tina;

has your surgery been sch. yet / i am going thur the same thing with my husband , he changes the subject wont even talk about it. i go april 13 for my 1st app.

HEy Tina are you my long lost sister - because I can hear that same conversation in my head if and a BIG if I tell my mother.

Its a tool! You wouldn't dig a hole without a shovel or I can't think of another good one at the moment. You are your own person - be strong!

Hi Tina. I STILL haven't told my mother. Some mothers are just always negative, and you and I have them. I know we should be grateful that we still have our moms, and I am, but sometimes it's soooo draining. So, we just live our own lives. But I think that at least for me, a part of me will always be craving her approval. It's never gonna happen, and I just have to accept that.

Take care,

In my family you don't ask for help. It's weak.

But I'm so sad and depressed that It's time I step up and accept any kind of help I can get.

Oh Tina! I'm so sorry! I didn't tell my mother for the very same reason! When I told her that I was getting a full ride scholarship, her remark was "they are going to waste that on a 40 year old woman??" Not, wow, that is amazing and I'm so proud of you, it was you don't deserve such a thing.

I won't bore you with the details, but I learned that strong people ask for the help they need. (Wolves don't know about help...)

Tina, you are stronger than you know, and you deserve the band. We all deserve good things, the best the universe has to offer.

Hi Tina,

I am fortunate that I have a supportive mom for my lapband (she cried with happiness when I told her I made the decision to get one...she has been so worried about my health). BUT a dear young friend of mine had a lot of questions and didn't understand. He considers me a very strong person and I guess I am in a lot of ways, but I explained to him that it took me a very long time (years in fact) to ask for this kind of help. After 20 years of being obese, I had to humble myself that I couldn't do this without major help....for me it was my band and I am so thankful for it. Wish you all the best. It's so hard when it's out parents, isn't it?