i had my lap band done 2-18-2008 the drs had to undo a failed nessin fundo ,remove scar tissue,and re repair a hiatal hernia and removed some of my liver.then they did the lap band .which all of it was successful and besides pain i feel better .any of you women out there did your husbands support you and show they cared my husband was caring for about a week .then i find out from one of our screen names that he uses while he is working in boston he posted an add on match.com. i am happy to be lossing weight and have lost about 10lbs my weight was killing me and i had problems with my heart because of it.and this really hurts .i want to see my kids grow up .did any one else out there have any of these problems. tmm42:mad:

Does your husband know what you know? Be strong, be healthy, both physically and emotionally. Good luck.

no he doesnt ,

I feel your pain with the way your husband is treating you. One of the reasons I decided to get the lap band was because I found that my husband started cheating on me 8 years ago with a 20 year old college girl. At the time he was about 45. When I found out about it he said that it was because I had let myself go etc. So here I am after about a 112 pound loss since August and I want to sleep with him again but he told me this week that if I want to have physical love(sex) I would have to go outside the marriage because he is just not interested anymore. I really don't know what I am going to do about my marriage right now. I am 53 years old and everyone tells me what a beautiful woman I am but I have not had sex in about 8 years. I am very confused and have put so much work into our marriage and life that I just don't know if I can walk away from it now. I am definitely not going to do anything until I reach my goal and I get some plastic surgery to repair the wear and tear on my body of being obese for so many years. I am so sorry to hear that your husband is looking for something else too. The grass is always greener on the other side. Don't let your marital problems cause you to not do well with the lap band. You owe it to yourself to be successful especially since you are experiencing severe health problems.

shelli:confused:

I am so sorry to hear this. Over the age of forty, I would think (hope) that a husband would be man enough to tell you he doesn't want to be with you and why and get out of the marriage before cheating.

Sounds like you might have been unwilling to have sex with your husband before you had surgery, because you were overweight. It's terrible when we are ashamed of our bodies.

I was overweight for much of my marriage ( to varying degrees) but still never hid or was afraid for my husband to see me naked and enjoyed sex, until I got to my highest weight and sex was just more uncomfortable. My husband also has a belly and that didn't help either. But he always told me how much he loved me and always wanted to have sex, that helped!

Sounds like you have a lot to think about. Try to get your self image improved in your head, because all the plastic surgery in the world won't fix what's in your head, if your self image is distorted. I mean if other people are telling you you're a beautiful woman, maybe it's time to believe them and see what they see.

I always had pretty good self esteem and self body image, but since turning fifty it's been much harder. I see wrinkles, a saggy chin, saggy legs etc. We start to notice the aging more is all. It's natural and it's a reality, not a distortion, as those things are really there, not imagined!

We just have to be honest with ourselves about our physical faults. You've lost 112 pounds, be proud and start living. don't put your life on hold much longer, who knows how much time we have left.

I wish you luck and wisdom as you sort your life out.

no sex was not the problem we had lots of it before my surgery and a couple of times the day and night before my surgery that was diffinately not the problem he is scared of me being skinny because he advertised for large women as a date.and i am starting to have a good self esteem i have a wonderful group of drs a very wonderful bariatric nurse who he keeps a check on me regularly. i am going to put this in the hands of a higher power. thanks for your advice. how do i get a ticker like every one else has

Sorry, TMM42, my response was to the other reply Shelli, but I hope things get better for you. Just goes to show how much effect weight has on our lives, sometimes.

Ladies, I am a man and believe me my wife losing weight was the best thing ever, I encouraged her, and supported her in every aspect, she is now a 52 year old hotty and I am proud to walk next to her, any bloke that does not stand by their woman while she is improving her health is a bloody idiot, and not worth the effort. If a bloke starts to wander off, fair enough, if he post an add on a match making forum, you should wander off and find someone that will love and support you like you should be, and that’s all I got to say about that.

Ladies, I am a man and believe me my wife losing weight was the best thing ever, I encouraged her, and supported her in every aspect, she is now a 52 year old hotty and I am proud to walk next to her, any bloke that does not stand by their woman while she is improving her health is a bloody idiot, and not worth the effort. If a bloke starts to wander off, fair enough, if he post an add on a match making forum, you should wander off and find someone that will love and support you like you should be, and that’s all I got to say about that.

Your wife is a lucky 52 year old HOTTY. Hope she appreciates you!!!

8 years! Walk away!! now!! Quick, life is TOOOOOO short enjoy it while you can. Congrats on the weight loss, if you can do that, you can do anything.

Yeah, what he said! There are lots of good men out there and I got one and I'm keeping him. I plan to be the hottie walking next to him soon.

He has been very supportive of the surgery... altho" i know he's so sick of the topic of weight loss, fills, questions of do I look older or younger now ( as skin sags), but what a good sport he's been.

AND he cooks and he's much better at it than I am. I am one lucky lady!

thank all of you for the advice its makes me feel alot better and iknow there is someone out there that can treat me like iam human its good to have a forum like this because we can help each others struggles. thank you tmm42

There are worse things in life than being alone. I have sat in a house all by myself and felt less lonely than I felt at one time in a house with my ex husband. Knowing we should be able to connect and couldn't and that he cared so little about me as to have an affair....it was lonelier by far wondering about all this when he was there, than it was making a life happy for me, without a concern to him.

Whether you bide your time with him due to insurance purposes or what....NOW is the time to contact an attorney, so that 1/2 of your home, your retirement, your assets of all sorts remain where they belong. If he knows you know, they could be moved and hidden, and you walk away with less. HE made the choice for you, now you look out for #1. IF something like this wakes him up, and you choose to remain in the marriage, he will never again wonder about taking such advantage of you.

Document the conversations you have with him concerning this.

Good Luck!

Kat

Being a newly divorced, Kat817 is correct. Contact an attorney, make copies of all of your financial documents, etc. Money can disappear real quick when a spouse is not being honest. Put them in a safe place just in case. Keep a sharp eye on your finances and don't be a victim in any aspect of your life.

I worked in a bank many, many years ago, but I think we were always the first to know when a marriage was going down as one or the other spouse would come in and start closing bank accounts.

A week later the other spouse would show up trying to close the same account, you should see how surprised they were to find out they were already closed! Get your ducks in a row!

Iy your husband is telling you to look outside the marriage for physical satisfaction and love, then he is no longer committed to your marriage. why he's continuing to stay in it is beyond me, except maybe to make you suffer needlessly. He's already divorced in his mind and in his heart. Be kind to YOURSELF. Tell yourself you deserve better. You deserve to be loved, cherished and adored. You deserve happiness and security. Go out and find it. He's given you his blessing, what are you waiting for? But I agree with all above. Don't tell your man you know he's looking on match.com. Cover your ass first financially. Believe me, if he was cruel enough to tell you to look elsewhere, he'll be cruel enough to take you for your half of everything!! good luck sweeties. My heart goes out to you.