Just wondering how anyone's handled this. I have a 5,7, and 9 year old and am a stay at home mom. I lean toward not telling them at this age, but it will be pretty obvious I'm not around and then recovering.

I have a two year old and in two weeks, my other one will be 14. I will tell my 14 year old when my surgery is - I've kept him up-to-date with what's going on so he'll know he will need to help out a little more when I'm home from the hospital.

Just talk to them in age-appropriate language. "Mommy needs to have surgery and won't be feeling like playing for a little while. But soon, I'll be able to play again!" something like that.

Why would you not tell them? I took my 14 year old son with me to the 3 hour seminar and I think he learned more than I did.

I have a 10 yr old son, and I definately told him. He went to the hospital with my husband and I. He's been very supportive and carries anything over 10 lbs for me. He needed to know, so he'd understand why Mommy didn't feel good, and why I'm not eating with the family. He also understands that it will be a lifestyle change for the whole family. We're ALL gonna start eating right. We should have been anyway. I don't want him to have all my bad habits.

Well I told my 8 yr old granddaughter, she lives w/me and knew I went in the hospital - I had to stay overnight

Anyway, surgery was last week and she's been helping me out

This evening we stopped at the grocery store and ran into some friends I hadn't seen since summer - one asked if I'd lost weight because I really looked like I had and before I could answer, my granddaughter blurts out

"yes, she had surgery on her tummy!!"

So, if you don't want the whole world to know, you may consider not telling your kids what kind of surgery it is!!

Good Luck!!

My kids were 14, 10, 7 & 4...I did not tell them anything, just that I was tired and needed to rest. You should be fine without them knowing. Just tell them that you need to rest.

I have a 15 yr old and a 6 yr old and I told them , I think you have to .

My kids were not here the week of surgery , just to make it easier on me but i was still sore and hurting when they got home. I think its important for them to know what is going on . I do not see a reason to keep it from them . NOW what i do make a point to do is on occasion my 6 yr old will say " is that on your diet " I make a POINT to let him know i am NOT ON A DIET . I do not want him to think im on a diet for the rest of my life just that there are certain foods that my band" likes " and certain foods " its does not like"

I personally think they are all old enough to tell them . If you chose not to tell them WHY you are having surgery that is one thing , but i really think they are old enough to at least tell them you are having surgery .

HTH

Mindy

Thanks for the input everybody. I think a 14 year old could handle it OK. I'm still not sure about the young'uns. The "blurting out" in public thing has happened with other things of course, so that IS on my mind. I can get away with being vague with my 5 year old son, but my 7 & 9 year olds are girls that ask questions questions questions! I'm more concerned with not "damaging" them with my eating issues. They will be going into their tween stages soon enough, and will have their own body issues to work through. This is not going to be happening for me in a while, so I'll keep it on the back burner.

Thanks again! Barb

If you have not gone through the psych consult yet this might be a good thing to ask them about . I have boys so it was not that much of an issue for them . I still did not want my boys to think i was or had to be on a diet for the rest of my life.

So i can see how it would be a concern with girls. I think it would be a good thing to consult a counselor about . I personally dont think its a good idea to lie to them or to NOT tell them but I think its a good idea to figure out or find out the Right way or appropriate way to tell them .

HTH

Mindy

Don't know why I didn't think about that, Mindy. Duh! I have my psych appt next week. I'll add this to my list of questions. Thanks

I was banded 12/31 and I did ask at my psych appt if I should tell my 11 year old daughter. I was told yes I should tell her and let her ask me questions. The psych told me that kids make up worse things in their minds if they are left in the dark. After I told my daughter and she ask a few questions then she was fine with it. She has been so helpful with my recovery and excited about exercising together. I also wrote both her and my DH a letter, just incase something went wrong. I basically tried to explain in the letter why I choose to have the surgery and of course how much I love her etc. I even called my best friend the night before surgery to tell her how much I appreciated her always being my friend no matter how big I was. By the way she is a size 4, but she has NEVER made me uncomfortable about my weight. Best of luck & a speedy surgery.

My kids know that I'm going through the process to have it done and are happy for me, they know that I don't want the whole world to know, they are 14, 10, 6 and 5. My mom had it done, so their familiar with the after-effects, i.e. what she can't eat, things like that. We all eat pretty healthy anyway, so it won't be a major adjustment, they just won't see me grazing as much, I hate grazing.....

I told my kids about the surgery (son 9 & daughter 6 years old). I wanted them to know exactly why I would be staying overnight in the hospital. I did not want them to worry. I explained how I had to go through so many tests before the Dr. would operate on me.

By-the-way it’s been one week since my surgery (1-23-08) and I feel great! I’m so looking forward to going off the Clear liquids tomorrow. :tongue:

I have 3 boys, 3,6 and 7 and was banded in September. I told them all about it before surgery and they asked a lot of questions. Since banding they have even been to a support group with me. Their question there was why weren't there a lot of men there, just women.

I am a very open and honest parent with my sons. Not everyone parents the same way. My older 2 sons have even watched videos of lap-band surgeries online and think it's sooo cool. They also understand why I had the surgery (years of eating too much food) and how it's going to change our lives, ie mommy has more energy now and does sooo much more than before.

I have four children ages 10, 7, 4 and 2. I have had many surgeries and am scheduled for yet another (not LapBand at this time...I have to have a rib removed). For each surgery, I explained to all my kids that mommy had something that needed fixed and I would not feel good for a while. They don't really need to gory details...they just need to know you need a while to feel better and to be gentle with mom. They have all been really good!!

Unlike most of you, I've opted not to say a word about my lapband surgery. I'm a very private person and I need to go through the 4-weeks post-op diet, before I want to say anything to my kids. My daughter is 20 and is away at college and my son is 16 and he goes to boarding school. The only one home is my husband and of course he knows. I have not told my mother, who lives 10-minutes from my house in an assisted living place. My mother is a total worry wort and if she knew, she'd be calling me 10X per day to ask how I am. I don't want that.

I'll tell my daughter first. She'll understand. She thinks I went to a writer's conference for a week. I'll tell my son after I tell my daughter. He won't be mad that I didn't tell him, but he'll a lot of questions for me. He's always been very critical of my weight and my eating habits (he's Mr. Healthy), and I want to tell him at a time when the worst of the post-op stuff is over.

I don't intend to tell any of my friends, unless they ask. I won't lie, but I won't volunteer the information, either. For me, this is a very private thing and I need to do what's right for me. The psychologist agreed that I need to do what feels right to me.

b.