bonniep

Hi Everyone, My name is Bonnie and I'm getting banded at The Lahey Clinic in Burlington, MA. I've been approved for the surgery and now I need to lose between 12-15lbs before they'll schedule me. The problem is, I can't lose even 1lb, never mind 12lbs! I simply don't have the willpower to stop eating. I can do it for a day, but I feel SO deprived and then I eat the next day like there's no tomorrow. I'm desperate! How did you guys lose your pre-surgery weight? I want to be banded so badly and yet, I can't seem to stick to an eating plan. HELP!

I had my surgery at Lahey too. Dr. Nepomastay was my surgeon. I had a quick recovery and no complications at all. You'll do fine!

Just wanted to get this posted with my new ticker info -- I hope it works. I want to say a HUGE THANK YOU to JANET, without whom I wouldn't be posting even this very modest weight loss. Janet honey -- you rock!

Hey Guys, This is a big deal for me -- I've actually lost 2 lbs. I just wanted to get it down on "paper," if you will, so that I commit to not gaining it back! bonnie

Or, at last that's how I feel. I was banded almost a year ago now -- 2/2/08 -- and I've lost a grand total of 25 lbs. including 8 lbs. pre-surgery. I don't know why I thought the lap band would be the answer for me when I couldn't lose weight (no discipline -- food just calls out to me), before surgery. I've learned how to eat around the band and I eat around it all the time. I feel like such a stupid loser -- no pun intended. I'm 55 years old and those who know me think of me as a strong, successful woman. I don't think of myself that way, however. I'm really just sick of myself is what I am. If you're the type of person who can be a strong mentor and "show me the way," then I'm all ears. I really do need help. Thanks for listening. bonnie

This is an incredibly inspiring post Janet. It's awesome to the nth degree. Just logging onto this site and reading, reading, reading is like spending hours with a therapist. Thank you so much for caring. bonnie

Janet, Your words of encouragement are priceless. I'm back on the lapband wagon -- writing down everything that goes into my mouth on Daily Planet and exercising as well. You're my inspiration and today, I know I can do it! It's snowing here in lovely New England and because I love snow, it's a nice day. I'm a bit under the weather with a cold so I'm laying low, but eating healthy and trying to be the best I can be for myself. That's for today. Tomorrow is another day and I will log in tomorrow and let everyone know how I'm doing. bonnie

Hi Janet and all, I'm totally struggling to lose weight. I've been banded for almost a year and really haven't lost much, all due to head hunger and eating around the band. It's got to stop! What I don't understand is how all of you here are managing to lose weight. I mean, if we couldn't lose on our own before banding, what changes after banding? I need help and advise and support. bonnie

I can't find the "I'm Here To Help," thread. Can you give me a pointer on how to find it? I'm tracking my calories on Daily Planet today. Yay!

I know it's in my head and not in my tummy, that's for sure. The man from England who offered to mentor me hasn't replied to my email -- I think he's disappeared. I could really use a hard knox mentor! I've talked to therapists about my eating problem in the past and it hasn't worked. I want to get control of my problem more than anything else in the world and I want to be successful. I'm hoping someone here can help me -- I know I have to take responsibility for my own actions and no one can help me with that. I'm not a sniveling, helpless, victim-type -- in real life I'm a very optimistic, powerful woman with tons of friends and acquaintances. I don't get what's going on with me. I'm like Oprah -- except she can apparently stay on a diet -- she just gains it all back. I can't seem to stick to a diet -- but I'm good at maintaining. Go figure. bonnie

My last fill was 6-weeks ago and I'm now at 7.1 cc in a 10cc band. I have restriction, but I constantly eat foods that slip through the band. I can't eat chicken because it makes me slime. I wish I could be satisfied with a simple fish and veggie dinner, but I'm not. I crave, crave, crave chips and ice-cream. I want to get off this unhealthy roller coaster.

YES -- I'd love if you'd mentor me! How and when do we get started? I'm desperate!

I'm in! How do you want to do this? I need a daily buddy with whom I can correspond and report to -- own up to -- commit to. Are you ready to go on this journey with me and be successful?

Hi Janet, Today was a hard day for me. I had to take my mother to the doctor and the doctor was running very late and then I had to take my mother to the pharmacy to get her prescriptions filled -- all in all, I missed lunch and I was late getting home for dinner. I was FAMISHED. I ate a reasonable dinner (I actually made chili from scratch two days ago -- a big deal for me) -- I had chili -- and then I had both a SF chocolate pudding and a SF frozen bar. Not a good idea. I need to choose one or the other. By 8pm I was hungry and craving and I gave in and had some popcorn and a bit of chocolate -- I didn't binge. Even though I regret having the chocolate and the popcorn, the fact that I didn't binge is a HUGE change for me. And you know what -- I wanted something MORE than food. After the chocolate, it was as if I was looking for something else that I couldn't put my finger on. It wasn't about the chocolate. It was about something more than that. The chocolate seemed boring, quite frankly. I think I'm on the precipice of something -- figuring out what unhealthy food means to me. Wouldn't that be amazing? I'm still tracking my food and I'm still exercising. I'm doing what you recommend. I'm still here and just because I had a bit of a slip, so what. I'm human. Back on track tomorrow. You're a lifesaver Janet. I'm so glad I found you. It's great to have someone to be accountable to. bonnie

For the first time in a very long time, I wanted a cookie (or many cookies!), and I talked myself out of it. I had a 60 calorie sugar free pudding (thank you Janet!), instead and it worked. The cookie craving went away. I am truly amazed. I can't believe this worked. I'm not saying it will work each and every time, but I'm going to do everything in my power to see that I can make it work each and every time. I feel optimistic that I can actually do this for the first time in a long, long time. Yay me! bonnie

Are we talking about the group on Sparkpeople? Give me specific directions to get onto the group and I'll do it!

I have plans for tonight and I'm glad they're extremely local -- as in right next door! We got whammed with about 8-inches of snow today and it was pretty much white out conditions all day. I'm one of those weird people who loves snow and I can't describe how beautiful it was all day today. I made a fire in the wood stove and cozied in. I did drive to the supermarket this morning and driving was really bad and that was before the heavy stuff started to come down. My next door neighbor is having a New Year's Eve party and it's a pot luck. I made a big pot of chili to bring over -- just low-fat ground turkey, lots of hot peppers, onions, garlic, tomatoes, low-fat cheese. This is what I plan on eating tonight and I hope I can stay away from the Desserts that I know will be there. I went out walking with my daughter and my dog at the height of the storm and it was magical outside. I really do just love winter! Janet -- you were SO RIGHT about the SF pudding things. I bought a pack when I went to the supermarket and I had one this afternoon (60 calories). It was delicious and I couldn't tell the difference between that and a regular choc. pudding. I also bought Skinny Cow choc. pops -- I couldn't find the brand you had recommended. Different parts of the country tend to stock different things. I'm finding just writing here to be SO motivating. Already I can feel something shifting inside me. I'm afraid to say it because I know how easily it is to backslide. So, forget I said it! Janet, I hope you have a lovely New Years eve -- no matter what you end up doing. I hope everyone on this list has a great time and a great 2009. As for me, I only want to see some weight loss success in 2009. And of course, good health and happiness to all. bonnie

Gail, You and I have MUCH in common. I too lost a parent (my father), and then I had two miscarriages soon after -- one at 10 weeks and one at 15 weeks. Even though all of this happened to me a long time ago, I can still remember everything about it -- the feelings of quiet desperation, the sadness, the regret, the wondering what I did wrong, in terms of the miscarriages. I can't make it any better for you and I can't take away the pain, but I can tell you that time does heal. I don't remember whether or not I was using food to medicate myself at the time (I probably was -- I can't remember a time when I wasn't -- but being overweight wasn't an issue for me back then). I will tell you that I have no recollection of anything I ate during that period of my life, but I do remember the feelings I felt. Hence, if this helps you to get back on track with your food, just remember that what you put into your body right now will soon be forgotten -- but the feelings won't. Hence, deal with the feelings and forget about the food (easy to say, I know)! I would love to be your partner in weight loss success. I'll log onto Sparkpeople and get started there. Can you tell me which group you joined? (I read you joined a Goals group of some kind and I'll join the same group -- so you and I are true teammates.) In the meantime, just put one foot in front of the other and keep walking. After a time, you won't have to think about it and it's then that you'll know you're starting to heal. I'm very sorry for your losses. bonnie

Hi Gail, I just signed on to this group and have not read the old posts -- so I don't know what you're up against. What happened in October? Can you possibly put a fill on a credit card and pay it off or something? Even though I'm filled to a good amount, I think, I'm still hungry a lot of the time. It sucks. food is such a fickle friend, you know? I just started keeping track of my calories on Daily Plate. Do you want to join me in this journey -- we can be buddies!

Hi Janet, I got myself out of bed at 8am today -- specifically so I could exercise early, before having to go over to my mother's and take her to a 10am appointment. Before leaving the house, I had a real breakfast -- oatmeal with flax, a handful of blueberries, 8 raw almonds. I was out and about and stopped off at a cafe for lunch. I had a Cob salad and only ate about half of it -- I ate the avocado and the egg and a few pieces of the chicken as well as some of the lettuce. I should have ordered it with an oil-based salad dressing instead of the one it came with. By the time I got home at 5pm, I was starving. I had a bowl of a turkey Soup (turkey and veggies), that I had made a while ago. I was still hungry after eating the soup and I was craving something sweet. I blew it -- even though I swore to myself that I wouldn't blow it today -- and I ate 4 Cookies (my neighbor dropped off fresh baked cookies last night). I am going to get myself to the supermarket tomorrow and get the snack foods you suggested -- hopefully that will do the trick. Unlike you, once I had the lap band surgery, I didn't feel as though I had a new lease on life. I did for the post-op period, but I quickly learned to eat around the band and that was my downfall. Now, I need to learn how to stay on a healthy eating plan and to avoid sugars and sweets. I think I have a self-destructive side whereby I look at fruit and I think "Ick," and right away I want something that's bad for me. I'ts weird. I mean, it's as if I want to kill myself with food or something. You'd think that once we know certain foods are bad for us, we'd stay away from them. I don't do drugs and I certainly don't drink to excess -- so what's with the eating to excess all about? I know that certain foods are as addictive as drugs -- but still. I wish I could just be good to myself. I did as I said and I entered all my food onto Daily Plate. Once I added in my exercise, it told me I had 84 calories left for the day. I find that unbelievable, what with the cookies and all -- I've entered my daily calories at 1,200. I figure I'll weigh myself on Sunday and see how I'm doing and adjust from there. Again Janet, I can't thank you enough for taking the time to be my mentor. You've already made a difference in my life. bonnie

Hi Janet, To answer some of your questions -- I did a combo walk/hill on the treadmill at 2.5 MPH for 50-minutes, plus a 5-minute cool down. Could I go faster? Yes and No. I have very short legs and between 2.5 and 3.0 MPH is what's comfortable for me. I'm a very long-term exerciser -- been exercising regularly for most of my life -- so I know my limitations. I had knee surgery last year so I have to be careful. I do push it, but on a stationary bike or a cross -trainer -- non-weight bearing. I used to be a competitive swimmer. Your advice to "plan, plan, plan," rings true and I need to learn how to do that. I really need to learn everything from scratch. I can certainly log my food on Daily Plate and I'll do that starting tomorrow. I'll also buy some of the snack foods you mentioned. What does "SF," stand for? Okay -- so my goal for this week is to plan my meals ahead of time and to keep a record of what I eat. Thank you again so much for helping me here. You're a lifesaver. I admire your discipline. I only hope I can be half as disciplined as you. bonnie

Hi Janet, A large part of my problem is that I don't work outside of the house and therefore, I tend to sleep late. I am not a morning person! Of course, when my kids were younger, I had to get up early to get them on their way, but I don't have to do that anymore, so I can sleep 'till I want. And I do. And it's not good. In any case, this morning, I had my tea at around 10:30am, then I did my exercise from 10:30-11:30am or so, and then I first ate "breakfast," (yogurt, fruit, nuts), around noon or a little thereafter. So, I really only eat two meals a day -- but I get famished at around 4pm -- and that's when my cravings for junk are the worst. I don't eat any starch except for an occasional white or sweet potato and I'm okay with that. Sweets are my downfall. I'm really hungry as I write. I had turkey and veggies for dinner at 7pm and it's now almost 11pm and I'm starving. I'll stay away from the food, however. But I am hungry. I think I'm filled enough -- I have 7.1 ccs in a 10 cc band. I can't eat chicken for the most part -- I throw it up. Some foods make me feel full quite fast and others not so much. I'm terrible at counting calories -- I'm a disorganized artist type and details are my nemesis. I'm amazed at how you know caloric values and all that. I'm totally dumb when it comes to that kind of stuff. I need to get a new printer (mine just broke), so that I can print off all of your suggestions for snack foods, etc. I've got to get to the point where food becomes fuel and being healthy becomes my #1 priority. Having not lost very much in a year is making me depressed. Thanks for being here for me. You can't imagine how much I appreciate it. bonnie

I'm a great listener too -- but I'm not a very good follower, evidently. If I could follow advice and/or if I were detail oriented (I'm a disorganized artist-type), I'd have lost lots of weight by now. We're all here for a reason and that reason is that we're not at losing weight. It doesn't mean we're bad people -- it just means that we care more about food than we do about our health. What can I say -- it's the truth. I too don't know why I sabotage myself, except it's easier to give in to my cravings than to fight them. That's it. I'm not willing to make that mind-set change in the moment -- it's easier when my brain says "ice-cream," for me to say "Okay -- ice-cream," and then, binge on it. I'm like Scarlett O'Hara -- "tomorrow is another day." Except it's not. It's the same old, same old, same old day. And I've had it. I didn't go through surgery to be a failure. I have to learn how to change my mind from "ice-cream," to "it's not worth it." And I can't seem to make that shift, or rather, until now, I haven't wanted to make that shift. But, either we all make the shift or we fail. We have a choice here and it's up to us. No one is going to do it for us. I talk a good game but like you, I'm a failure with healthy eating That's why I need a mentor and some weight loss buddies. We need to check in with one another every single day and write every single day -- writing to one another gives us strength. So, another goal, is that we all have to write in to one another every single day. Deal? :tongue2:

Well, you lost 60 lbs. which is better than the three of us here have done. So, you need to be our leader for now. Please tell us HOW you lost your initial 60 pounds. We don't need to know how you gained 30 lbs. back -- we're all too familiar with that story. Tell us how you lost. We need to have a plan. In the meantime, I'm thinking that we should all have a goal for this week. I think our first goal should be that we all agree that we will weigh ourselves every single Sunday morning. Not before -- not after. I'm not a scale addict, but I have been in the past. I think for us all to get on track, we need to use the scale as a tool, but not as an addiction or not as a measure of our success or failure. Hence, once-a-week and that's it. And, we get honest. We report how we've done to one another. Our second goal for this week: exercise. Everyone has to have a plan and post their exercise plan for the week, right here -- in print. And we're all accountable to one another. That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it! Together we can do this. :tongue2: bonnie

Okay -- you're on! I'm really good at motivation in terms of exercise but I need help with the bingeing behavior (ie: ice-cream!), and eating in general. I want to lose weight and I'm sick of sabotaging myself. What kind of challenge did you join? How do I join it too? If we're going to be buddies, then we're in this together! bonnie