Today is my 2-year surgiversary. I've lost 200 pounds from my highest weight -- a staggering amount when you think about it. I'm literally (less than) half the person I used to be. I should be on top of the world, right?! I don't want to dismiss the many scale and non-scale victories I've had, but it's not all rainbows and butterflies.

When I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror, I'm taken aback by two things: how small I am, and how freaking ugly. I was certainly never beautiful -- not even "pretty for a fat chick" or "would be cute if I lost some weight" -- but now, I look downright scary. I probably look 10 years older than when I was fat. My hair was already fine and flat before surgery, and now I've lost a lot of it and it hasn't grown back and it's a mess no matter what I do. Ironically, people often tell me I look great, which is obviously code for "not fat anymore." Sometimes, before saying I look great, they ask me if I'm sick or if I lost weight on purpose. I don't know what the point of that is; if I said I lost weight because I'm sick, would they instead say, "You look like $h!t"?

When I imagined my life after surgery, I thought I would be the same person, but smaller. The same person, but able to wear non-plus sized clothes, fit into an airplane seat without a seatbelt extender, not have to check the weight limit on furniture and ladders. The same person, but without hypertension and diabetes.

I guess, deep down, I knew that wouldn't be the case, because that's a big part of what held me back from having the surgery for so many years. I didn't want my life to revolve around my pouch. I didn't want to give up my favorite foods and think so hard about everything I eat. I definitely didn't want to turn into one of those boring a-holes who never shut up about their diet and exercise regimen.

But here I am, and I feel like weight loss has taken over my life. I spend so much time and energy preparing and eating healthy foods, working out, keeping up with my supplements, that I don't have room for anything else. There was a period of time after my surgery when I felt great and full of energy, but now I'm tired all the time, and despite being in the best shape of my life, I feel weak because I no longer have 300+ pounds to throw around. People used to be surprised by my strength, but now I struggle to open pickle jars and heavy doors. (Yes, I've had my bloodwork checked and everything is great; the working theory is that the bradycardia due to rapid, massive weight loss is what's causing these problems.)

I used to be incredibly devoted to my job, and most people would describe me as the hardest worker they knew (maybe a workaholic), and now I just don't have the same drive that I used to because I'm so focused on my weight. I feel like I'm letting everyone down because I'm no longer up for spending all my free time working. I think I was a better human being when I was fat.

If I -- with the benefit of the hindsight I have now -- could go back in time to two years ago, when my morbidly obese self arrived at the hospital, and still had time to change my mind, would I still go through with having the surgery? 100% yes, without hesitation.

4 hours ago, Arabesque said:

I finally did get fillers about 4 weeks ago. Found a cosmetic physician with almost 20yrs experience & had a long conversation about the concern with my allergy. I felt very confident with her so we went slowly - 1ml one week & a 2nd ml the next. She filled the two depressions in front of my ears which were almost void of fat. Happy with what she did. Very subtle. In fact no one has noticed except if I point it out which is what I wanted.

Its amazing how subtle in can be - where no one notices but it makes such a difference.

Has anyone tried micro needling on the lose skin particularly on the body? please share your thoughts and experience

I’m having it on my face next week again by the cosmetic physician (supposed to be yesterday but doctor had to take unexpected leave). She’s using dermapen which is supposedly more advanced & a deeper treatment than the roller used in micro needling. Having it for my open pores & the acne scaring (had cystic acne). Friend had a series of micro needling treatments for loose skin on her face after her weight loss but she said it did nothing ??‍♀️.

https://facemedstore.com/blogs/blog/dermapen-vs-derma-roller

On 9/7/2022 at 7:14 AM, Arabesque said:

I’m having it on my face next week again by the cosmetic physician (supposed to be yesterday but doctor had to take unexpected leave). She’s using dermapen which is supposedly more advanced & a deeper treatment than the roller used in micro needling. Having it for my open pores & the acne scaring (had cystic acne). Friend had a series of micro needling treatments for loose skin on her face after her weight loss but she said it did nothing ??‍♀️.

https://facemedstore.com/blogs/blog/dermapen-vs-derma-roller

Thank you for sharing

On 9/6/2022 at 3:25 AM, Love&Light said:

Its amazing how subtle in can be - where no one notices but it makes such a difference.

Has anyone tried micro needling on the lose skin particularly on the body? please share your thoughts and experience

I tried a series of micro needling on my neck…didnt notice a difference. I next tried botox in that area and there was a subtle improvement. Too subtle for the cost though…not convinced its worth it.

I'm very late to the party but this struck a chord:

On 7/18/2022 at 2:31 AM, BigSue said:

I am afraid that if I take my eye off the prize, it is a terrifyingly fast road back to 300+ pounds. We've all seen people who have gone through this surgery only to gain back all the weight they lost, and I can't even handle the thought of that.

What if a good deal of these people gained weight back not because they stopped "watching it" but because they burned out "watching it"?

I don't know what number you're referring to when you say that "the weight starts to creep up". 1 kg? 2 kg? 5 kg? More? From what I can see you're at a BMI of 25.

At some point you might have to ask yourself if the (often) tremendous additional effort necessary to weigh maybe 3 or 4 kg less is really worth it. Life might be more relaxed when you accept a slightly higher weight. Especially when you weigh that against burnout.

Would I like to have some % BF less to get more muscle definition? Yes, I would. I like that look. However, I don't want to experience nagging anxiety over the question if I should eat that additional banana or not. I also don't want to have a near-panic attack when something gets in the way of my workout regiment.

I decided that's not worth it. You (or someone else) might decide differently though.

On 7/26/2022 at 1:27 AM, BigSue said:

And at the same time, I don't like calling attention to what I'm NOT eating, so I'm always nervous and uncomfortable in situations where there's food because I'm afraid people are going to ask why I'm not eating it.

That's one of the problems when people don't know you had surgery. I know that many patients don't want to admit to WLS but it makes quite a few situation less stressful and/or awkward.

People don't bug me about what or how much I eat. When I have a "bad eating day" (feeling uncomfortably full on way less food than usually) someone might ask "Having a bad eating day?" and I'm just like "Yup". Or people simply don't comment, depends on the situation. I'm the weirdo vegan anyway.

3 hours ago, summerset said:

At some point you might have to ask yourself if the (often) tremendous additional effort necessary to weigh maybe 3 or 4 kg less is really worth it. Life might be more relaxed when you accept a slightly higher weight.

+1

Last year I consciously upped my arbitrary “red-line” weight by a 5 measly pounds. Its made a difference: i find i don’t have to do “reign-ins” anymore when i start to approach it, because i just don’t with a higher number.

So thats just one less thing to worry about.

AND, in my opinion (which is really all that matters), i still look and feel fabulous lol.

Win-win.

P.S. but I totally get it, i went through a short period of panic/anxiety in the immediate months of maintenance. As time goes by, hopefully you’ll learn to trust yourself and accept things as they are, or change them if desired, and know when to do either (yeah, i ripped that off of some invocation, lol)

Good Luck! ❤️

On 9/18/2022 at 8:57 PM, ms.sss said:

I tried a series of micro needling on my neck…didnt notice a difference. I next tried botox in that area and there was a subtle improvement. Too subtle for the cost though…not convinced its worth it.

Thank you for sharing