People and their comments pre and post wls

[Highly_Undermedicated 55]

For years people would Comment on my weight...as a teen, when athletic, I was told I looked too masculine, or my grandmother would tell me (while underweight) that I needed to diet or I would end up overweight and over 300 lbs like my dad's mom....which, eventually, I got there. As an obese adult, strangers made rude comments in stores, restaurants, where ever. Their kids picked fun as they did too. And it only got worse the heavier I got and didn't matter if my kids were with me or if I was solo.

Fast forward and now I get from strangers questions like "do you have cancer", "are you sick", and on 2 occasions the automatic store door wouldn't open and I was told if I ate more I wouldn't have that issue. Or one man said "let me show you where the Cookies are, you need to eat those and not that rabbit food"...

Recently I was hospitalized for 3 days incase of emergency surgery for bowel obstruction. My intestines had flipped, but flipped back on their own. I used to have chronic IBS-D now it's IBS-C. So after discharge I was prescribed an rx and 4 OTC meds to help me with keeping regular and avoiding bowel obstruction and surgery. While picking up the OTC meds, a rather large woman and her 18-22 y.o. daughter were on the same aisle...of course, observing my purchases and out loud the mother told the daughter "the reason why she's that thin is because she buys all that stuff to sh!t herself to death...she is anorexic ..don't let me ever catch you doing that. That woman is mentally ill." They walked away. I was left standing there in awe that , that even happened. My husband was like wtf?

Well Saturday we had my daughter's 18th birthday. It was just us 4 and my dad. He hasn't seen me in like 2 months. And in front of my kids, he says "you do not look good. You look sick. You have taken this weight loss thing too far and you have got to stop. You're face and eyes are sunk in, your bones are sticking out and you need to gain about 50 pounds".

I am 148 now. My HW 325. SW 311 3/9/20. I do not think nor does my bariatric surgeon feel that I've lost too much weight. Heck, his GW for me is 136. I am 5'6". I don't know what people are seeing but my point of this post, as long winded as it is, is that the negative comments just never seem to end. I thought for sure that I would lose weight, get healthy (point of surgery...healthy and save my life, not skinny) and feel great about myself. But it seems no matter what size you are, someone, somewhere always has something negative to say about one's appearance. Does it ever end? People suck. That's why I'm a cat person.

[learn2cook 441]

“People suck. That’s why I’m a cat person.” You’re right, and hilarious! It does sound like your husband is on the good side and supportive of you. All of us have stories of weight micro and macro aggressions. It’s reflective of those that do it, not you. I try to surround myself with positive people and not turn that onto others because of race, identity, or religion, or gender because I know how bad it feels. Pets rule!

You’re also awesome for posting instead of eating your feelings:)

[Candace76 211]

Your post just broke my heart. I'm so sorry that people are being rude, and have been rude. There are people who really need to learn how to treat others respectfully. I don't understand how people can intentionally say things that would hurt someone.

I can totally relate to strangers, family, aquaintances, or "friends" making rude or insensitive comments about your weight. It must be so disheartening to continue to hear comments after losing weight, too.

Do not listen to them! I know it is hard. You feel good, don't let others ruin your success & happiness.

Wishing you happiness & sending support 💜

[SummerTimeGirl 580]

I can't even believe people would have the damn audacity to even utter such words. I'm sorry you've had to go through that and don't even know what else to say. SMH

[vikingbeast 985]

I commend you for realizing that prison orange isn't your color. Because I would be sore tempted. Especially the bullying old harridan in the pharmacy.

I hate to sound like a trope but... your body, your choice! It isn't ANYONE else's business what you do.

[MomBee 6]

Maybe it's from being fat my whole life, but I never think to comment on people's bodies. That is so strange to me. Some people have no tact. As far as family goes, they are probably used to seeing you bigger. In fact they are probably used to seeing bigger people in general. Most of the population is at least somewhat overweight. So when They see someone at a smaller weight they automatically think *sick*.

[Arabesque 5,675]

People can be the worst. I don’t understand how some people think they have the right to openly make critical judgements about others to their face or in their hearing.

I had people tell me I’d lost too much too & minister at my church took me aside & asked if I was ok. My uncle told my mother I looked like death. But I don’t get those comments anymore - or at least no one says it to me anymore 🙂. If I try to look at the comments from family & friends more positively, I think for some it is a shock. Even if they knew when you’d been slim in the past, they forget & they find it hard to see you as slim again. It’s almost if they have a form of body dysmorphia in how they see you. Strangers can go to hell!!

The seemingly sunken eyes, gauntness does pass. For me it improved when I started eating more carbs & generally more calories when my weight stated to stabilise. Plus your remaining fat seems to resettle. That uncle who said I looked like death now says I look great.

Hopefully, this will happen for you too & you won’t have to hear such rude & hurtful comments.

Sorry you have have had some health problems. I you’re able to manage your IBS & you don’t experience more obstructions.

[vikingbeast 985]

I'm barely starting down my journey but I've already had one person say, "You used to be so buff and beefy."

Uh... not sure how to take that. I'll take "healthy" over "beefy".

[Candace76 211]

By the way, I've seen your pictures in before in afters and think you look terrific! 😉😁

[Sweetpyt418 16]

I am on my weight loss journey with the support of a dear friend who is on a weight gain journey. Honestly, she hears more rude comments on a daily basis than I do. People are awful. I would never make a comment to someone regarding their weight (unless it was a close family member and I knew they needed intervention) because you just don't know the situation. I was molested as a young child and dealt with a lot of death throughout my life. I ate to feel better. My friend had cancer and lost a lot of weight. While she has always been small, she just can't seem to keep up with her own metabolism. Different situations, different issues. Yet people want to judge. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Just know that people make comments when they can't seem to control what is going on in their own lives. They feel like they need to bring you into their misery.

[Shouldhaveknown 24]

I started my journey in July of 2020 with a determined goal to lose weight on my own prior to surgery. I'm 5 days post-op and have shared my journey through social media. My support has been amazing, EXCEPT for one individual that I finally private messaged and then publicly corrected when she continued with her comments. You see, I decided to set a goal of losing 100lbs through lifestyle changes prior to surgery because I didn't want to endure surgery and then have an even harder struggle on the other side trying to adapt to a new lifestyle. Now all I'm dealing with is one "Karen" and an annoyingly slow healing process. lol This person continues to comment that if I did so well on my own why I even bothered with surgery, clearly I didn't need it. Then went on to assume that I must be on an insurance plan that paid for it since I did it without any care in the world.

People's comments reflect their own insecurities. While my nagging person has chosen a different angle than your naggers, they all seek the same purpose: to get you before you might get them. What they don't realize is that you aren't in a mindset to "get them" at all.

I could block my nagger, but I don't. You could avoid yours . . . but maybe you haven't. Stand tall, prove to yourself that you are the best version of you in the moment. Those naggers need to see your success so they can make changes in their own lives.

[learn2cook 441]

On 10/06/2021 at 18:09, Shouldhaveknown said:

I started my journey in July of 2020 with a determined goal to lose weight on my own prior to surgery. I'm 5 days post-op and have shared my journey through social media. My support has been amazing, EXCEPT for one individual that I finally private messaged and then publicly corrected when she continued with her comments. You see, I decided to set a goal of losing 100lbs through lifestyle changes prior to surgery because I didn't want to endure surgery and then have an even harder struggle on the other side trying to adapt to a new lifestyle. Now all I'm dealing with is one "Karen" and an annoyingly slow healing process. lol This person continues to comment that if I did so well on my own why I even bothered with surgery, clearly I didn't need it. Then went on to assume that I must be on an insurance plan that paid for it since I did it without any care in the world.

People's comments reflect their own insecurities. While my nagging person has chosen a different angle than your naggers, they all seek the same purpose: to get you before you might get them. What they don't realize is that you aren't in a mindset to "get them" at all.

I could block my nagger, but I don't. You could avoid yours . . . but maybe you haven't. Stand tall, prove to yourself that you are the best version of you in the moment. Those naggers need to see your success so they can make changes in their own lives.

Bravo! You are my hero, well said.

[qianmij 31]

You should be amazingly proud of yourself! (And only care about the opinions of those who truly matter to you!) You have made the BEST choices for YOUR life - not others. If they are uncomfortable with your choices, if they want to make snide remarks because they’re unable to deal with their own insecurities - forget those comments and place no weight or value on them. You cannot control what people do or say, and you don’t have the time or energy for it. Your time and energy is better spent towards carving the life you want. Your journey is inspirational and you owe no one an explanation.