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tmi Seeing Someone and Self-Conscious



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Hello fellow ladies!

I'm sure this topic has been covered A LOT on this forum, but I thought I'd post anyways. So, I'm 31 years old and have never been physically intimate with anyone before in my life. I've certainly done my sharing of dating, but in the past, it seems men were either only interested in me because I was heavy or they lost interest fast because I was heavy. I couldn't win, so naturally, I never ended up in a relationship and physical intimacy never happened. Anyways, I've been seeing someone, and (dare I say?) it is actually going amazing and is starting to get pretty serious.

However, I have my...concerns.

Although I'm happy and am starting to think this guy might be "the one," the trouble is, I'm TERRIFIED of getting naked with him. The only people who have ever seen me naked were myself and my gyno. What is he going to think when he sees my...pooch (it looks like that's what most people on here call it, personally, I call it my "squish")? He knows I've had gastric bypass and says I'm sexy and my "squish" won't bother him. But I don't know. I'm still scared! What if when he sees me, he changes his mind and disaster strikes? I could be overthinking this, but I think it's only natural to feel this way if a person's never been in the situation before.

Does anyone have any tips for building confidence? For those who have been there before, what helped you? Was your partner critical or accepting? Thank you for your help!

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you can always keep the lights off so he won't see anything.

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No matter what you look like, everyone is nervous about their body their first time. If you’ve gone through the first couple of bases, so to speak, he’s felt what your body is like and he’s still interested. My advice is candlelight and ask him for a massage: everyone looks better by candlelight, he’ll get a feel for your body, squish and all, and it’ll help you relax and get comfortable with him touching and seeing you in an intimate way. Plus, a lot of men like women with some softness to them! If you have cats or are uncomfortable with open flames get the electric candles. Also, try talking to him about this. My personal rule has always been: if you don’t feel comfortable talking with someone about sex and intimacy, you probably shouldn’t be doing it with them. Men like being clued in. Good luck.

Edited by Suzi_the_Q

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15 hours ago, kc892020 said:

Does anyone have any tips for building confidence?

Find something that actually makes you feel more confident/sexy (and let it carry over to intimate situations) like reading/listening to empowering books & music, exercise, self care, candles, lingerie, foreplay, etc. And you may have to practice building your confidence alone for a bit.

16 hours ago, kc892020 said:

Was your partner critical or accepting?

From personal experience, I think it’s a huge red flag if someone is critical (instead of helpful) during intimacy. Most people won’t do this because they under the social implications. Most usually take the path of ghosting because it’s easier and less confrontational. Either way if a potential partner is tactless in this area, run.

Have Fun ❤️

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From the male perspective- if he is "the one", it shouldn't matter to him either way. He will appreciate you, and likely think it's cool to see how far you've come since you mentioned that he knows about your WLS. He's probably just as nervous about it as you are and will just be happy to get that far with you.

Relax, it will be fine. At that moment, he's likely just trying to think about baseball to avoid being too excited.

And on the remote chance that he does have a problem with your "squish", he's a jerk. Run away and be thankful you dodged a bullet.

Edited by billho

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