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The changes we don't talk about

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I am now 2+ years out from surgery and still maintaining my goal weight. VSG has changed my life in so many ways. But there are negative things or challenges I rarely see people talking about. I'm listing mine in hopes others won't feel alone, please add yours if you'd like. I'm thinking this might be a bit therapeutic as I don't talk about this in real life as no one really understands unless you've been through it.

Things that have become very real for me:

*Body Dysmorphia is real. I currently wear a dress/jean size 6 and tops in XS/S. I know those sizes are amazing and I never would have imagined that's where I would end up. BUT...when I look in the mirror I don't see that size. I still see my butt as huge, My sagging stomach doesn't help but I just can't shake the "fat" thoughts when I see myself.

I recently read that part of this is due to the fact that we tend to over exaggerated what we looked like when we were overweight, so losing that weight still doesn't give us an accurate depiction of who we really are. I try and keep this in mind but I don't know if this will ever go away.

*Addiction Transfer. It took me awhile to realize this but I most definitely transferred my addictive eating to compulsive shopping. I've spent way too much money since going through this process. It's a constant struggle.

*Confidence and Self Worth. This is a good thing for sure. But, I have been struggling in my marriage for a long time. And for years I felt trapped because of my fear for being alone forever - which was driven by the fact that I was overweight and told myself no one else would ever want me. I have a different view now. I've changed physically and emotionally. My spouse has always had different philosophies on life than I have. He has never eaten well, never exercised, and has never wanted to become healthier. I had hoped my success would give him some motivation to do better but it hasn't. That combined with other major issues we have had led to my decision to end my marriage. It's ultimately a positive thing for me as I'm in a toxic relationship but finally have the emotional strength and confidence to do this. It's sad, but it's reality.

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Body dysmorphia is definitely a problem for me! I literally have to tell myself "my size 4 jeans are now too loose, I couldn't possibly look fat in them!" My XS scrubs I wear to work are loose. Still, I can't pick out someone that I think is my size. I guess I really have no concept of my size!
Wow.
How much have you lost?

Sent from my SM-N960F using BariatricPal mobile app

My husband doesnt understand just how real the body dysmorphia truly is. He think i am fishing for compliments. I REALLY dont see my size in the mirror. I am in size 8 pants and small/medium tops. I honestly didnt see myself as big as I was before surgery either. My brain is messed up.

I knew about the skin issues going in but I always thought "better loose skin than folds of fat"...well yes and no. i hate all the skin.

I am pre-surgery. I really appreciate you all sharing your stories. I am learning so much reading these forums and this thread is one of the best. As I am going through this process, I mostly hear good things and very little discussion of the negative. It seems that most of you are saying that if you have the problem prior to surgery, you will have the same problem after. Surgery doesn't heal the way we think about ourselves.

I have body dysmorphia. I still get shocked when I see pictures of my self, because I don't see how large I am when I look in the mirror. The first time a doctor labeled me morbidly obese I cried for days. I have been fat most of my life, but the words morbid and obese were very hard to take.

One thing that I worry about a lot is how I will look when I have lost the weight. The loose skin. My husband said that he is worried that I will get thin and leave him. I said most likely I will look like an old elephant with all of the hanging skin. My boobs will probably look like balloons that have been blown up and the air let out too many times.

My weight shot up so quickly (Chemo, quitting drinking & excessive popcorn really accelerated my weight) I didn’t recognize myself, and I had never been so uncomfortable. I had gained some weight over 8 years or so, I felt “fat” at 160 then, boom, one year later I was at 22-something. I qualified for surgery by 1-2 pounds. It was shocking to look in the mirror. I made an appointment and had surgery 5 months later. I just feel like myself again, and it turns out I really missed me!

I had transfer addiction kinda backwards, which also led to my weight gain. Before surgery I drank a lot of wine daily when I was stressed, (aka Everyday) which helped add pounds. I quit drinking 5 years ago and I don’t miss it. I really thought I would, it was a big part of my social life and stress reliever for me. Turns out I didn’t need it. **However, I replaced my nightly wine with popcorn...that didn’t work out and compounded my weight gain as you can imagine. Alcohol and popcorn are two things I will live without. I quit smoking 22 years ago, and I’m not touching that again either.

I began painting (not art) after surgery to keep busy and now I’m looking for a new hobby. I’m planning on trying out woodworking when the weather is better. I’m the type of person who needs to be busy.

I’m lucky, I have a super supportive husband, I feel terrible for those of you with a partner who isn’t your biggest cheerleader. You deserve that.

I shop less than I used to. I was always buying clothes to make me look less fat or replace things that got too tight. Now with the plague, I have nowhere to go and my closet is so organized! That’s why I don’t post on OTTD anymore, I’m wearing the same things! ?

I do freak out a little bit if I see the scale hit 125, I don’t vary my diet a lot, but I’m comfortable with my diet. It’s a mix of good for me and eh, not so good for me. I really have a hard time splurging on food. I’ll have just a bit of something that’s really caloric.

I do log everything, I simply have to. I’ve had real pizza a few times and a small thin crust pizza lasts 4 meals. I can live with that.

I joke that I’ve quit smoking, drinking and eating, so now what? ;)

4 hours ago, Sam B said:

Can I switch from VSG to RNY? I just changed my mind.

Ask your Doctor, she or he will let you know what they think. Do research before you ask so you know what to ask for follow up questions.

3 hours ago, Pookie2012 said:

One thing that I worry about a lot is how I will look when I have lost the weight. The loose skin. My husband said that he is worried that I will get thin and leave him. I said most likely I will look like an old elephant with all of the hanging skin. My boobs will probably look like balloons that have been blown up and the air let out too many times.

You will be adding years to your life. I only have one boob! ? In all seriousness, I don’t have the skin issue so I don’t know how uncomfortable it is, but I do believe everyone. At my age I looked at it as a health issue along with the fact I was losing my mind and stamina. I can keep up with everyone again and life is just more fun, and next year will even be better. Be kind to yourself, you deserve this.

On 11/30/2020 at 10:15 AM, ms.sss said:

SMOKING:

I started smoking again on vacation last sept after being smoke free for 11 YEARS. I said it would just be on vacation, which led to just finish this pack I brought home with me, to just while its warm outside, to basically smoking as if I never stopped all these years. Slippery slope indeed. I made 2-3 attempts to quit during the past year+ but if I'm honest, I haven't tried so very hard. Am still smoking.

DRINKING:

On paper, apparently I am an "excessive drinker" now. I was a "social drinker" pre-wls, maybe 3-4 drinks a MONTH, max. This slowing started increasing since last summer, to where I was drinking maybe 2-3 drinks a WEEK by Christmas. Always when I was out, or at a party.

Now (especially since pandemic started) I drink pretty much everyday, and at home. According to literature, "excessive drinking" in women is when 7 or more drinks are consumed in a week. Yep, that's me. On paper, based on what I've been reading, I just barely fit the criteria of being a High Functioning Alcoholic. Barely, but I do fit. Am still drinking.

OBSESSION PREOCCUPATION with food:

This one I don't consider to be too damaging, but it is a little eyebrow-raising. I think about food probably 1/2 of my waking hours. The things I find I spend ALOT of time on and/or get actual pleasure from: spending time looking at food pics, organizing the pics and Urls based on interest, planning and shopping for meals, cooking/baking, plating food, taking pics of the finished product, watching people eat it, smelling it, reading an ENTIRE menu to the last detail often multiple times, ordering off said menu, having Food Network on TV as my background noise. Actually EATING the food is very low on the enjoyment priority scale. Sure I'll eat/taste something if I deem it "worthy", but more often than not, I'd rather do any number of the former things instead. Am still preoccupied with food.

See me after class. ?

14 hours ago, sach1 said:

Wow.
How much have you lost?

Sent from my SM-N960F using BariatricPal mobile app

After my RNY-120 lbs, but from my highest weight about 3 yrs prior to RNY I've lost 133 lbs!

4 months post op now. XL to small size now. Presently doing strength training. Pass menapause stage that increased weight to severe obesity stage with apnea. I feel healthier and this was my goal from the beginning. I was told one year after surgery for my body to make changes before considering plastic surgery. I take it one day at a time.

8 hours ago, Cheeseburgh said:

See me after class. ?

You just gave me flashbacks of my school days. ??

On 11/30/2020 at 7:04 AM, GradyCat said:

I'm two years post-op as well. I thought it was COVID but maybe it's related that I too have been online shopping a lot lately. I returned to "grazing" during COVID and gained 12 pounds, but I've lost half of them back again and I really appreciate my small stomach keeping me from being able to eat too much or the wrong things. Even when I "graze" it's healthy things and my macros are in line for losing weight. So I'm happy. My problem is just the opposite. Even when I was huge I never saw it. I don't see my fat. I think I'm "average" but I'm still "large." My body dysmorphia must be dyslexic. ?

Mine is dyslexic too

On 12/08/2020 at 18:46, Sam B said:

Can I switch from VSG to RNY? I just changed my mind.

I switched from sleeve to bypass 1 month before surgery. I’m very happy with my change and bypass recovery has been very straight forward no issues for me. No issues in food reintroduction either. It works! 22 lbs down in 3 weeks.

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