I feel kind of weird asking this here because I don’t want to imply that this forum is bad for everyone, but... where do you all get support online besides this forum?

Honestly, I’m starting to feel like this is a very unsafe place to get support but I’m not sure of where else to go. I’m deaf, so the support group at my surgery center isn’t accessible for me communication-wise. I really need spaces online, especially once I get to my November surgery date. I haven’t posted much, but I’ve been lurking for a while and have experienced a lot of anxiety over the way that other people are getting shamed on these forums.

In the few months I’ve been lurking on these forums I’ve seen other members being shamed for all kinds of things: having second thoughts about surgery, eating something too soon after surgery, eating something that isn’t the ideal food, regaining weight, and making different kinds of mistakes. That’s not the kind of environment I need to be in. I’m hard enough on myself when I don’t do something perfectly in any area of life. Once I have my surgery I think I’ll be crushed if I come here seeking support and am shamed and treated like I’m subhuman for not doing things perfectly. Some of the things that are said here by other members would seriously derail me if those things were said to me.

But I’ve not had much success with finding other internet spaces that are as active as this one. Where do you all go besides here when you need support? Preferably, I’m looking for places where shaming other people isn’t tolerated.

I have found a local (Australian) private FB group to be very supportive.

On 9/29/2020 at 2:17 PM, The Greater Fool said:

I'm sure there are other sites out there that can get you Obesity Help.

It's likely the folks here would not want us to send you to possible competitors, but there are other places where Obesity Help can be found.

Good luck finding Obesity Help.

Tek

@SAS11 Yes obesity help forum does seem a bit milder try googling it alot of the same people here are members over there

Edited October 1, 20205 yr by tarotcardreader

8 hours ago, SAS11 said:

Thank you all again for the suggestions and responses. Sounds like some of you have some great resources through your programs. The one I’m going through is a highly reputable program and I’m there specifically because of the surgeon and not because of any thing else. But the level of other support is very lacking. If I weren’t so committed to working with this surgeon, I’d be going somewhere else.

You could try facebook groups as well alot of people love those

I’m actually dreading the whole thing. Everything about it. Dreading going to the hospital during COVID, that communication breakdown is going to be more likely because everyone is masked and accessibility at hospitals is hard enough already, the procedure itself, the recovery period, all of it. I just want to get it over with so that it’s done and I never have to do this again.

Aw i understand. I went through all the emotions but possibly had diff concerns. It was an emotional rollercoaster preop. I thought I had insurance coverage for bariatric but was afraid the surgeon wouldn't agree that I needed it so I was scared and felt hopeless with my "new life" sitting in the hands of a stranger while he determined whether I could get this desperately needed new beginning. He quickly agreed and I was on top of the world until I called insurance 10mins later to see what kind of diet plan they required and was informed that bariatric was excluded from my plan. It crushed me because I didn't think my husband would agree to take out a loan to pay for it, as he's the sole provider for a family of 5 while I'm in college still. I pled my case, bawling my eyes out to my husband explaining how badly I wanted this, how I didn't want my children to have to shave my body hair and bathe me like I had to do for my mother because of her weight when I was a child, and I explained how ashamed I was for following in her footsteps and secretly judging her so critically when I was her caregiver. I felt the only way I could escape that shame and lose this excess weight would be to get a second chance through weightloss surgery because I had allowed it to go too far. Well he was very understanding and agreed we could take out the loan. I did all my preop classes, appts, and diet while still being on an emotional rollercoaster.. receiving good news about the process one day and a set back the next day... worrying the entire time whether I was choosing the correct surgery and obsessing over it literally all day everyday bc I didnt want to fail at my "one shot to get this right", having anxiety at every doc appt, not knowing how to finally make myself quit smoking after 16 years and being terrified they wouldnt give me the surgery if they found out I hadn't stopped, being afraid theyd fail me for the psych eval bc of all this anxiety, suffering through the liquid diet, and finally made it to the weekend of surgery! So excited again and just ready to get it over with until I got a call the day before surgery that I had tested positive for covid and the surgery would need to be rescheduled. I was asymptomatic and positive but everyone else in my house tested negative. I was so frustrated. I threw a fit inside myself and ate everything in sight while on quarantine, gaining all the weight back that i had lost preop. What i didnt know when i was being a brat is that they ended up scheduling me for just a month later, which still felt like an eternity to wait but i now i see wasnt very long at all...this reply is getting long bc im very long winded lol so ill quickly add the rest. I had surgery, way less pain than I expected, the hospital staff was amazing during covid, one night stay, went home and felt 100% better (except fatigue) after 2 weeks. Now 2 months out from sleeve ive lost 45lbs (35 post op) but also have no body aches and am feeling like myself again. I say all this to say, my frustrations and concerns may differ from urs but I understand the preop process is very difficult for everyone in different ways and we all just want to rush to our new beginning so we can do it right this time. Once u have surgery, it'll seem all the worrying and dreading wasnt even necessary because ur just so focused and grateful for the surgery that whatever may come is totally worth it and everything turned out fine in the end! Its such a blessing to watch ur body change, grow stronger and feel better.. to see urself become unhidden behind all that was once there..one exciting day at a time. Anyways, give urself permission to be hopeful, positive and expectant bc everything about ur life is about to change for the better! Again, sorry I can't help but blab! [emoji4][emoji1787]

On 09/29/2020 at 08:40, GreenTealael said:

This site was created with rules and safeguards so that it can remain a safe place, so most of the time it is.

Please report anything/anyone that doesn't meet the standards, that's the one of the ways to remove the negativity.

The other way is to create threads, find your "tribe" and cultivate safe spaces.

Be the change that you want to see ♥️

Green Tea is right as far as I see on here. The first time I came on here & 1st thing I read, somebody was shaming people for gaining weight during Covid lockdown. Green tea- you sure did stick up for every pound people gained all over the world due to Covid. You are just the best lawyer ever ! the way you stood up to that poster. They couldn’t even keep up your questioning because they knew they were so wrong. I admire you! I’m so hiring you if I ever need a lawyer! I noticed they took that post down. I’ve only seen a few others shaming but it’s usually the same poster. I’m pretty new here but otherwise I find real support from real people who care very much in supporting others. Please Don’t give up. P.S. I am having trouble filling profile after pushing to do later. Should I reregister with a different user name so I can put my info?

I’m so sorry you’ve been disappointed by some of the responses here. I lurked on a couple of other forums but found this one by far the best. Overall it has been very supportive & there are some truly lovely people here. Yep, there have been the odd posts that have shamed or bullied but the supportive ones far out number them. I admit I once posted a response that upset the author. It certainly wasn’t my intention to do so & I made the comment as something she might consider as an option. I was so upset I had caused her distress. None of us are experts here & we can only post about our experiences, our own research or what we’ve been told by our medical support team & we just want to help. The sharing makes us feel less alone whether we’re the poster or responder.

I hope you give this forum another chance or you’re able to find another group you feel comfortable with (so important).

It’s so awful we are experiencing this pandemic at the same time you’ve made the decision to have weight loss surgery. Making the decision to proceed, all the steps you have to go through, the surgery & the the journey after are stressful enough without adding covid fears. I hope you have the support of your family &/or friends while you’re going through this.

Good luck with your surgery & your weight loss journey.