Massachusetts could become the first state to make it illegal for parents to spank their children. Today, at the Massachusetts State House, the hearing for a bill to ban the practice was standing room only - From ABCNews.com

I personally think spanking is child abuse, but I have a friend who insists that it is the best way to discipline his son. When he was a child he was beat quite severly by his mother but still insists on using this method of discipline.

I just jumped in here and haven't read all the previous posts, but the people who have children who are out of control, have children who are out of control because they do not pay enough attention to them. It is not, NOT, because they don't spank them.

There is absolutely no reason to hit children. None. There are miriad ways to correct and discipline children without hitting them. If a person can't think of a way to gain control and discipline a child without using corporal punishment, it is not because of the child - it is because of the parent's lack of good parenting skills. And I pity the children of those parents.

I laud Massacheusetts for considering passage of a bill to outlaw hitting children. At the same time though, the citizens of Mass should insist that classes on parenting be required for every expectant parent.

Btw, I had Dr. Spock's book at the ready when my children were little. I never found a good reason to hit either of my children. Both of my children grew up to be solid citizens who would never dream of harming their children by spanking them or using other corporal punishment.

Those people who think it is fine to hit their out of control children believe it's acceptable because that's the way they were disciplined. The concept that corporal punishment is a sign of love and caring by parents, runs deep in our society.

I was spanked and hit when my parents thought I needed it. I grew up knowing it was a frustration that was living within my parents. Children need to be taught lessons about EVERYTHING. If my parents were too busy to make sure I didn't run out into the street before I knew about the dangers, I SURE DIDN'T DESERVE TO BE SPANKED FOR DOING IT - BECAUSE I WAS IGNORANT OF THE DANGERS!

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I agree, all it ever did for me was make me afraid of my dad when I was a kid. What a waste. I just don't see the logic in hitting as a method of solving a problem. Why set an example like that?[/quote

Are you still afraid of your dad? Or do you respect him?

I wanted to jump in here bc I don't want anyone to be confused with me and the other Steph_cn.

I totally believe in spanking but only when the situation warrants. Spanking was only for a very serious offense in our house and the kids were told they were getting a spanking and that they needed to think about what they had done and why we were so upset about it. It wasn't just slapping the kid around. When they were little and being bad, I did the spanking since I was the one home with them all day. But as they got older my husband did the spanking and I can only remember a couple of times that they were spanked.

One time was when my dd was 13 and very defiant. She was told to get off the computer, she was on restriction from it bc she had been sassy to me. She wouldn't get off, my dh turned the computor off and told her to get to her room, she stubbornly sat there at the desk refusing to go to her room. He physically picked her up to put her in her room and she kicked him between the legs. That was the only time I remember him spanking while angry, and after 2 swats I stepped in, he knew that was enough and she went to her room. Top that off with her telling the school, it wasn't the principal I had to see but the school superindent who called me in - I told them the whole story and they were completely in agreement with her needing a spanking. Or a licking as we called it growing up. That girl now a 3rd year college student studying to be a social worker totally agrees that she deserved it, and says she will also spank her kids. In fact all three of my kids, 17, 21, 23 all say they will spank. But our home was also a very loving home, where our children felt safe and respected. We worked very hard at giving our children a high self esteem and when I look back over their childhoods spanking wasn't even an issue.

I was also spanked - once. I was about 10 and was helping a friend deliver the evening newspaper, my mom didn't know where I was and was frantic. I don't really remember the spanking or the "pain" but I do remember my mom scared out of her wits. As a teenager I told my mom to shut up - once, she threw her wet dishrag across the room at me. :0 Thats what I did - but I never told her to shut up again.

My niece doesnt' spank her children and one day I was sitting on the porch with her and the kids. Her 4 y/o came up on the porch and kicked his dog in the belly - I didnt' even think, I grabbed him and swatted his butt and told him never ever kick an animal! Then I looked up and my brother in law (the grandpa) is just grinning at me, dn had a slightly shocked look on her face, and I said oh I'm so sorry. And she said its ok, he needed it. I will add that she is like one of my own children and her kids like my grandkids. That little guy is now 7 and loves me to peices, wants to be with me all the time, do you think he fears me? No but you can bet he respects me. That was the only time I spanked him, but I have sat him on a chair more then once. My husband threatens him with a spanking when he's being bad and it usually is enough for him to straighten up and behave. Still he wants to be here at every chance.

I think there is a very definite line between spanking and abuse. Getting slapped bc you rolled your eyes was abuse. Being spanked bc I didn't tell mom where I was after dark was not abuse.

I'm sitting here thinking spanking is such a trivial thing in raising children. I would so much rather be talking about whether you hugged your child today, did you tell them you love them and they are beautiful? My 17 y/o dd told me of a young girl 13 who cuts herself bc she hates how she looks. I know this little girl bc I used to babysit her when she was a baby. She's very tall, close to 6 ft, she has a pretty pretty face and long blonde hair. However the height thing is a problem for her, not alot of 13 y/o boys that tall. The other day I saw her and said Jenny you are beautiful, you should be on Americas next top model - she just smiled and said oh no. Then today dd tells me she's cutting herself - WTF!!! This child needs hugged and loved on and told how beautiful she is - EVERY. SINGLE. DAY!!!!!!!!!

opps sorry I was so long winded.

I laud Massacheusetts for considering passage of a bill to outlaw hitting children. At the same time though, the citizens of Mass should insist that classes on parenting be required for every expectant parent.

Yes that is what we need

Thanks everyone for the great debate and comments. I don't ever expect to change someones core beliefs but I do enjoy different view points. Back to the exercise.

I have only spanked my kids a couple times. For me, it more the threat.

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Are you still afraid of your dad? Or do you respect him?

My dad passed away this past June. I respected him for the positive things that he did throughout his life.

Hitting your kids is inappropriate behavior. His parents hit him and were both alcoholics so he really didn't have a good example to follow.

I think perhaps people find it more acceptable when you call it spanking. But hitting is hitting and it's wrong.

..... If my parents were too busy to make sure I didn't run out into the street before I knew about the dangers, I SURE DIDN'T DESERVE TO BE SPANKED FOR DOING IT - BECAUSE I WAS IGNORANT OF THE DANGERS!

I certainly respect your opinion, though I disagree. I would point out that in your example. I agree that spanking a child in that case would not be appropriate. On the other hand, if your watching your child and they disobey your orders to stop and continue on into the street. I feel a spanking is very appropriate :Banane20:

If my parents were too busy to make sure I didn't run out into the street before I knew about the dangers, I SURE DIDN'T DESERVE TO BE SPANKED FOR DOING IT - BECAUSE I WAS IGNORANT OF THE DANGERS!

It's a big assumption that the only reason children disobey is because their parents are too busy, but be that as it may, the point of the spanking in my example is not punishment. It is training. It is associating a dangerous behavior with a memorable consequence so the child doesn't undertake the dangerous behavior again. In this example it is used when a child is too young to understand the inherent danger of an action -- e.g. touching a hot stove.

When I was a teenager I watched my brother and sister-in-law try to train their daughter not to crawl towards a blazing fireplace (we were on a family vacation together). My niece was fascinated by the fire and kept going back there. They didn't believe in punishing or spanking, only "redirecting". They spent their evening trying to distract her from the fireplace, picking her up and moving her away from the fireplace time after time for hours on end. Whatever toy they placed in front of her didn't hold the same appeal as the flickering fireplace. One quick swat to the bottom would have done the trick in about 3 minutes, rather than hours of "redirecting" that never worked. The next night, she was back at the fire. Once they realized they had lost the battle, the rest of us were informed that we couldn't light the fire for the rest of the vacation.

When I was a teenager I watched my brother and sister-in-law try to train their daughter not to crawl towards a blazing fireplace

So this was a baby, not even walking yet, and you think that hitting her would have been the appropriate answer to this problem?

So this was a baby, not even walking yet, and you think that hitting her would have been the appropriate answer to this problem?

Yes. A quick swat to the hand or bottom would have been sufficient. She was old enough to understand that actions have consequences. IMO it was foolhardy to NOT properly train her that crawling into a fire can be painful. If I were her parent, I would not have wanted her to learn that consequence by another manner (i.e. getting burnt).

BTW, I am not opposed to their choice of how to discipline . . . er, not discipline . . . their child. I just saw what they chose to do and saw that it didn't work. I also know what DID work with my own kids and am satisfied with the choices I made during that time in my kids' lives.

Yes. A quick swat to the hand or bottom would have been sufficient. She was old enough to understand that actions have consequences. IMO it was foolhardy to NOT properly train her that crawling into a fire can be painful. If I were her parent, I would not have wanted her to learn that consequence by another manner (i.e. getting burnt).

I think a playpen would have been a better, less violent, answer.

I think a playpen would have been a better, less violent, answer.

They didn't have one. And even if they did, as soon as she got out she would have headed back for the fire. The playpen wouldn't have taught her the very important lesson that fire = pain.

Again, their choice to parent that way -- and yours as well. My choice to parent differently. Out of control wailing on your kids is violent. Controlled, calm spanking doesn't have to be. Many people have never experienced or seen controlled and calm discipline and therefore base their opinions on behaviors they've witnessed or experienced or seen on television. The discipline we use in our family is not violent.

They didn't have one. And even if they did, as soon as she got out she would have headed back for the fire. The playpen wouldn't have taught her the very important lesson that fire = pain.

Again, their choice to parent that way -- and yours as well. My choice to parent differently. Out of control wailing on your kids is violent. Controlled, calm spanking doesn't have to be. Many people have never experienced or seen controlled and calm discipline and therefore base their opinions on behaviors they've witnessed or experienced or seen on television. The discipline we use in our family is not violent.

But we are talking about a baby here. I have a fireplace and it has a screen. It's not like a kid can jump right into the fire. We are also capable of using language in various tones to comunicate things. Can you honestly say that had you not been hit to teach you that fire was hot you would not have learned that fact? I know that hitting is a simple easy solution, but maybe we are capable of doing better.