I've gone from being excited about my surgery date of July 1st, to realizing the liver shrink diet for the number of days my dr requires means I need to start this Sunday (and a panic went through me as I've been so inundated with work that I am going to scramble to stock up on things that are permitted for the different 'day countdown).

I then started feeling overwhelmed as I feel like the date suddenly snuck up on me. I had a fleeting thought of postponing so am not sure what that is all about. Then my mind started thinking about all of the things that freaked me out when I first found out that a gastric sleeve did NOT mean that your stomach had a sleeve wrapped around it which constricted things, instead it meant that you had 85% of your stomach removed and a little pouch left. I stupidly thought 'sleeve' originally meant your intestines would be compressed so that the amount of volume you could take in would be = to about what the true 'pouch' will have left.

I've been asked if I'm sure I want to mutilate my body this way. I've been looking into this for 4..maybe 5 years and I knew in all these years that until this PAST YEAR, I was not ready to make this decision. This past 1.5 yrs I had issues come up with my knees and back to such a point that I've been in chronic pain. I started my own internal checks to see what I felt was best to do to give myself a chance at "life" since I'm turning 50 and am not getting any younger.

The entire past year, I reached a certainty and a level of conviction AND enthusiasm as I decided that instead of being trapped by chronic pain (even though first MRI scans of knees was done right before I turned 50, 2 diff knee ortho's said I have so much arthritis in knees that I need full knee replacements. I have been sailing through this past year with a level of acceptance and happiness at decided that the sleeve was the right decision..the best decision to give me back my quality of life.

Then I got my surgery date...was actually SO HAPPY....then husband had poor reaction..and the fact that I realized my pre-op diet starts this sunday...just hit me all at once (and I've been doing low carb for past year so it's not like I haven't had to go through some rough times in my food/WOL decisions).

Is this just a case or normal pre-op nerves/cold feet? Did anyone ever postpone (and either regret or appreciate it)? I've come so far like all of us and this past year has been good and bad in my efforts to lose weight on my own to make sure I was ready to embrace a WOL and not a 'diet'. Maybe I'm self sabotaging ? I don't think we ever get completely past that...have to guard against it.....

You are getting surgery for all the right reasons - you see your quality of life shrinking and you don't want to go any further down that road. Let me tell you what "further down the road" looks like. I got my surgery (bypass) at age 63. I already have had one total knee replacement and the other one was getting so bad I had pain and limped with every step. My ortho said he really didn't want to operate again unless I lost weight. I had a hysterectomy at age 37 due to precancerous hyperplasia related to my weight. My GERD and asthma were horrible - the asthma in the last 2 years was the worse it had ever been (asthma can be related to GERD.) I developed sleep apnea (extreme with over 60 apneic episodes per hour.) I couldn't hike any more. I was too heavy to ride my mule. Climbing a flight of stairs was getting hard (my house has stairs.) I couldn't get off the floor by myself. I couldn't keep up with my grand kids. Gardening was losing it's pleasure for me. I had always been very active, and my increasing immobility resulted in depression and further immobility. I got fungal infections under my breasts and pannis every summer. I developed fatty liver disease which can lead to cirrhosis and cancer. My lipid profile was not great, my sugars were creeping up, as was my blood pressure. I dodged the diabetes bullet - barely. All the things I enjoyed in life were slipping away - quickly.

Younger people don't always realize what 40 or 50 decades of obesity does to the body (and soul)! I was a wreck and now I feel like I have a whole new life ahead of me. I can ride, hike, climb stairs, and get off the floor, My knees DO NOT HURT!!!!! My sleep apnea is nearly resolved and no more GERD or asthma. I feel 20 years younger!!!!!! I was scared to death before surgery - thought about walking out when I was lying there on the pre-op bed, crying my eyes out from anxiety. But.... I walked through that door and discovered a whole new world waiting for me on the other side. I did have some complications, but it was soooooo worth it. Do not let your fear prevent you from getting your life back. Don't wait until you are 63 and have more issues than you have now, Your future is not pretty if you continue down the obesity road. Like my PCP told me, "If you could have done it on your own, you would have by now. Let this tool help you."

Edited June 21, 20197 yr by AZhiker
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And I concur with my Bari- Bud AZhiker above. Almost identical except for being 10 years older and retaining my uterus, not that it did me THAT MUCH GOOD! Have had a couple surgeon's incredulous acts. One told his understudy doctor" I can't believe she is this obese and still gynecologically intact!" made me feel Dirty for retaining my innards. Needless to say I did not elect him Surgeon of the Year nor did I allow HIM to operate on ME! Stupid Excuse for a Doctor, let alone a surgeon. Didn't have to love him. but I couldn't even respect him or his advice!
So I had the same pre- problems as AZ with a slight helping of people telling me YOU'RE GOUNG TO DIE ON THE TABLE, obviously I didn't, lived to be 99% happy with my surgery. Would be 100% but I have some issues, even after 9 months, that have not resolved. Would I do it again, knowing that I would not heal quickly and perfectly, Oh Yeah! Even with the blips, twists and turns, and all , it is More Than Worth It. Beats being crippled, sad, short of breath and defeated every day from continuing to live when I would be better off dead and only in people's memory. Now I do have a chance to live, to have a future even if I don't know daily how each day will be, I'm still going to find out, put a positive spin on it and LIVE BABY LIVE! And if I encourage others to stick it out until things get better, then I AM IF VALUE and I'll be encouraged too!

I delayed my process twice. The first time for 6 months, the second time for 2 months. I just wasn't ready at the time. When I finally committed to go ahead with it, I never looked back. Best decision ever. Sorta wish I never delayed it those times, but like I said, I just wasn't ready yet.

Sometimes the thought of something new/different keeps us staying put, sometimes the thought of things staying the same makes us move in a direction . Weigh your options and do what is best for you. More of the same, or a stab at something else?

Good luck!

1 hour ago, AZhiker said:

Younger people don't always realize what 40 or 50 decades of obesity does to the body (and soul)! I was a wreck and now I feel like I have a whole new life ahead of me. I can ride, hike, climb stairs, and get off the floor, My knees DO NOT HURT!!!!! My sleep apnea is nearly resolved and no more GERD or asthma. I feel 20 years younger!!!!!! I was scared to death before surgery - thought about walking out when I was lying there on the pre-op bed, crying my eyes out from anxiety. But.... I walked through that door and discovered a whole new world waiting for me on the other side. I did have some complications, but it was soooooo worth it. Do not let your fear prevent you from getting your life back. Don't wait until you are 63 and have more issues than you have now, Your future is not pretty if you continue down the obesity road. Like my PCP told me, "If you could have done it on your own, you would have by now. Let this tool help you."

First off...I have to say...your response made me cry. It made me cry because....you understand. You cared enough to respond...I have felt so alone...and just seeing your response and Frustr8's...made me feel...that I wasn't alone anymore. I know someone else has kindly responded but since I'm at work I have to reply when I have a few mins of downtime.

AZHiker - you are right about how younger people are possibly unaware, until they are in same boat, about how much breaking down of your body occurs over the years due to morbid obesity (and even "not so morbid obesity"). I actually was not morbidly/super morbidly obese until my late 30's so that is even a bit scarier and a possible warning that the damage can happen in little over a decade of being morbidly-obese. Actually with a BMI of..um...55 or 53..I think I'm considered 'super' morbidly obese. Those words make me cringe. I have oddly escaped from some of the co-morbidities but I KNOW it is WHEN, not IF that those will develop as these past couple of years, heck even 1 year has seen an onslaught of issues like knees and back. I actually tore my meniscus on my right knee when I was trying to exercise so the irony is a bit funny. It was when they did an image of my knees that they found extensive arthritis. Why my knees never hurt before that, I have no idea but it has been a constant 15 months of chronic pain. I have a high pain tolerance but have learned I don't do well with chronic pain.

I have all my female parts still...for what good they do at this age! LOL...I do not have high blood pressure, diabetes, but again, it is a only a matter of time and having hit 50, I'm not doing my body any favors with the normal things that aging can do. I cannot climb a flight of stairs at all without gasping. Some of that is from being a repeat DVT/PE survivor. Lungs are scarred. The clotting history of course is tied in with my inactivity and weight. I do not have a disorder and have clotted even when I had a brief period in the past decade of almost 9 months of quite a bit of activity and exercise. That clotting history is why my dr will only do the sleeve at this point even though I have...roughly 175 lbs to lose to reach my goal weight. My dr wrote my goal weight down about 20 lbs from what I am looking to hit. He put 150 and I'd be delighted at 170. I've been at that weight even though I'm 5'6" before (I had lost 80 lbs and kept it off for a decade in my late 20's early 30's) - and I felt great. Maybe that was also because I was much younger!

Thank you so much for responding. Your story and your comments have helped me so much today..I cannot thank you enough!

46 minutes ago, Frustr8 said:

Have had a couple surgeon's incredulous acts. One told his understudy doctor" I can't believe she is this obese and still gynecologically intact!" made me feel Dirty for retaining my innards. Needless to say I did not elect him Surgeon of the Year nor did I allow HIM to operate on ME! Stupid Excuse for a Doctor, let alone a surgeon. Didn't have to love him. but I couldn't even respect him or his advice!
So I had the same pre- problems as AZ with a slight helping of people telling me YOU'RE GOUNG TO DIE ON THE TABLE, obviously I didn't, lived to be 99% happy with my surgery. Would be 100% but I have some issues, even after 9 months, that have not resolved. Would I do it again, knowing that I would not heal quickly and perfectly, Oh Yeah! Even with the blips, twists and turns, and all , it is More Than Worth It. Beats being crippled, sad, short of breath and defeated every day from continuing to live when I would be better off dead and only in people's memory. Now I do have a chance to live, to have a future even if I don't know daily how each day will be, I'm still going to find out, put a positive spin on it and LIVE BABY LIVE! And if I encourage others to stick it out until things get better, then I AM IF VALUE and I'll be encouraged too!

UGH- I know that kind of dr...they should not be allowed to interact with people! The make you feel more like an 'it' than a person.

OMG - YES on the 'you're going to die on the table'. When I came home and happily shared my surgery date with my husband, he asked what my last wishes were and he was NOT kidding/teasing. Sure, those type of discussions are ones that we should all have with family/friends/etc. at some point and sooner rather than later..no matter age or physical condition as there are no guarantees that tomorrow will come for anyone.

Your enthusiasm is contagious and you and AZHiker are helping me get mine back. I know none of us will know what issue we might have after surgery, but I have an 'up front/in my face' realization of issues I now have before surgery and I'm willing to make the trade.

51 minutes ago, Frustr8 said:

Beats being crippled, sad, short of breath and defeated every day from continuing to live when I would be better off dead and only in people's memory

This!! How did you know this?! That is what I've been fighting with the past few years. I worry so much for one of my daughters as she is 27 and although she is 5 inches taller than me...she is the same weight as I am. I worry so much about her. She has other issues, including medication issues that contribute to weight gain but these meds are not optional. I don't fear dying from my own standpoint as much as I am in terror thinking about what would happen to her if I were to die. We've lost so many people in the past 5 yrs that were wonderful, loving, incredible people who adored me and her..and we adored them back. My Dad...my best friend of 20 yrs (brain cancer), my Mom 2 years ago...after a gut-wrenching/traumatizing 3 year battle with dementia..and then my FIL 1 year ago. All of the kind of people who were truly capable of loving us unconditionally...are now gone from our lives. With both parents and my best friend gone..it's a rather stark realization to know there is no one left in this world who has the capacity to love you unconditionally as you once were loved.

I'm so thankful that neither my daughter nor I ever took that for-granted and we treasured and spent time with these people long before they were gone so that is a blessing as the regrets would be almost insurmountable if we had that do deal with as well.

I wish..especially my Mom and my best friend, Kelly..were here..to be with me as I wait for surgery. To make me laugh...to hug me. Kelly would have been making me laugh and giving me all the assurances I needed. Actually, having this surgery concludes me doing the very last thing she ever asked of me before she passed - I have done everything else she already asked of me with the exception of this..and that was "to get my life back...to have the surgery...to quit waiting". I miss them all so very very much. I sat outside the other night and talked to her..and told her "Kelly, I'm almost there!"

Oh my gosh..my eyes are "leaking" like crazy. Part in relief at people on here caring and understanding....and because I miss my family and my best friend oh so much...their absence is STARKLY felt right now...

Thank you for your kindness..and your words...your honesty...

52 minutes ago, ms.sss said:

Sometimes the thought of something new/different keeps us staying put, sometimes the thought of things staying the same makes us move in a direction . Weigh your options and do what is best for you. More of the same, or a stab at something else

As soon as I read your words 'more of the same'...a shiver went through my body...because I just can't...I can't...you know what I mean? I truly can't take living a half life...a quarter life...a life feel such shame for the amount of space I take up...for the looks I get...from feeling stupid relief I wasn't the 'biggest person in the room'...to ALWAYS being the biggest person in the room. The aches/pains...physically and mentally/emotionally. This isn't for those out there who choose to judge or feel disgusted...this is because I deserve better, my body deserves better. I KNOW that some of the depression and anxiety I have...are tied intimately into my inappropriate relationship with food that I had had for the past decade.

I've done some head work...to get to my decision, but I know I have much work to do even after surgery..ESPECIALLY as I can never let myself forget that it is a tool...

I had a DVT after surgery, with no prior history. With your background, I am sure you will be on Lovenox or some other blood thinner after surgery. That is definitely a risk you must consider, but you already know that, so preventative measures can be taken. Immobility is horrible. Once you get some weight off and are feeling better, you will be moving more and more. That will help so much in preventing future DVT/PE issues, which I am sure you know are continual risks for you if you stay how you are.

2 minutes ago, KarenLR75 said:

..a life feel such shame for the amount of space I take up...for the looks I get...from feeling stupid relief I wasn't the 'biggest person in the room'...to ALWAYS being the biggest person in the room.

I wish I could tell you the amazing sense of "normal" I now have when I see that I am NOT the biggest person in the room and that I look average. I can wear medium size scrubs now - not tight 2XX. It is a real mind trip - I don't recognize my own body........but it FEELS GOOD! I don't judge anyone for their weight or how they look, but it just blows me away that I can walk through a store or go to a family gathering and I don't feel eyes following me. I look at old pictures and can't believe I looked so big - always trying to hide behind someone else in a family photo. I don't stand out - I just blend in and that feels great. It makes me realize how dysfunctional and paranoid my thinking was, and I am now discovering how to just "BE ME" and be Ok with that. A huge weight has been lifted in more ways than one! Go for it, girl friend!

Somewhat akin to me going into Wally World or another department store and not taking the largest size on display. I am having some fun going from 20 to 18, BIG BIG SELECTION- and another good point- I originally had targeted size 15 Junior, at 18 it truly is Just Over The Horizon! And Sniff Sniff? I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD GET CLOSE, really was something I told PCP and surgeon to take them off my Trail! Now it could and probably Will Happen!