I had WLS in July 2015, gastric sleeve. Shortly before my surgery, it came to my attention that I had an overeating disorder. I went through with the surgery and lost 100lbs. I have regained 60lbs. I feel like a big, fat failure. I feel stuck inside of a broken mind. For the first 20 months after surgery, I was killin' it! Went to the gym 3-4 times a week, got a trainer, was cooking and eating well, monitored my intake of carbs and fats. I was so determined not to fail. But sometimes your mind is stronger than your will and desire to achieve something else.

It was recommended to me to keep a notepad. I did this a few weeks prior to surgery and a few post-op. I was rereading my pre-op posts and I wrote, "I feel ready for this. I'm excited. But I can't help but feel like I'll eventually sabotage myself"

My mind is broken and I don't know how to fix it. Now, I would consider myself about 80% suicidal. I'd rather be dead than be fat because my mind is broken. I feel so literally trapped in my body that I'd rather die than be fat for one more goddamn day.

If I tell anyone this, I'm scared they're going to admit me. I don't want to end my life but I'm so sad and tired of hating myself that I don't know how else to get out. I don't understand how people love me, how my boyfriend says I look good. I feel like a giant, fat, slob who is so broken mentally that I am barely holding it together.

Someone help me, please.

You need urgent help.

I would get on a suicide helpline tonight and get an appointment with a counseller absolutely as soon as possible, preferably tomorrow

1-800-273-8255

I had WLS in July 2015, gastric sleeve. Shortly before my surgery, it came to my attention that I had an overeating disorder. I went through with the surgery and lost 100lbs. I have regained 60lbs. I feel like a big, fat failure. I feel stuck inside of a broken mind. For the first 20 months after surgery, I was killin' it! Went to the gym 3-4 times a week, got a trainer, was cooking and eating well, monitored my intake of carbs and fats. I was so determined not to fail. But sometimes your mind is stronger than your will and desire to achieve something else.

It was recommended to me to keep a notepad. I did this a few weeks prior to surgery and a few post-op. I was rereading my pre-op posts and I wrote, "I feel ready for this. I'm excited. But I can't help but feel like I'll eventually sabotage myself"

My mind is broken and I don't know how to fix it. Now, I would consider myself about 80% suicidal. I'd rather be dead than be fat because my mind is broken. I feel so literally trapped in my body that I'd rather die than be fat for one more goddamn day.

If I tell anyone this, I'm scared they're going to admit me. I don't want to end my life but I'm so sad and tired of hating myself that I don't know how else to get out. I don't understand how people love me, how my boyfriend says I look good. I feel like a giant, fat, slob who is so broken mentally that I am barely holding it together.

Someone help me, please.

Your are strong and smart to reach out for help. Please call 1-800-273-8255, available 24 hours everyday. I see they have chat available 24/7. http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat
Please contact them for some guidance. We're also here for you. Please continue to check in here. You are not alone.

Father God I come before you with an urgent request. Lord I ask you to move on the person reading this post on the other end of this keyboard. I don’t know who they are Lord but you know all things. Please touch their heart right now. I rebuke all spirits of depression, suicide, and sadness in the name of JESUS and I send them back to the pit of hell. Devil I come against you in Jesus' name and I'm telling you that you have no power over this person’s life. Please move on their heart Lord and help them to see themselves the way you see them. Help them to see that they are wonderfully made. Help them to see that they are on this earth for a unique purpose. Help them to feel Your love and the love that so many other have for them.

In the mighty name of Jesus I pray,

Amen

Not sure if this is important or not, but this is a duplicate post. As much as I don't want to think of internet trolls.. its typical behavior.

Obviously if this was accidental and I'm wrong, to the individual who wrote this post, please see my response on your other post.