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Zero sex drive...



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A little background: my husband and I have been married since May 2014 and together since October 2009. My sex drive has always been less than normal. I was admitted to the hospital with large blood clots in my lungs in September 2016 due to birth control (which I no longer can take). My husband was sleeved early December 2017 and myself at the end of December 2017. I am down a little over 100 pounds and my husband down 150+. Sex pre-surgery was difficult as we were both large. I was hoping that after both of us lost weight that my sex drive would come back but no such luck. My husband's sex drive is high than ever. I feel horrible that I have no sex drive. I know it has to be hurting my husband but he doesn't voice his feelings so I don't know how much. Has anyone else gone through something similar or have any advice on where to go from here? I have a doctor's appointment this week with my GP to address high copper levels so I am hoping to address this problem as well.

I am Prozac and have been since middle school with no dosage change in 10+ years (30mg). I also am on medication for hypothyroid. I also am seeing a therapist for my depression.

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This has nothing to do with my surgery or weight, but for a really long time, I struggled with a low sex drive. Here is something I learned: with women, the more frequently we have sex, then our desire to have sex increases. What my husband and I did was commit to having sex every day for a certain # of days. This really helped a lot. Another thing, and I'm just going to be totally honest, I was not able to have the big o without assistance. If this is an issue with you, I will be happy to tell you what helped me.

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I agree with the sentiments of doing it without prior motivation. Not making it a chore but a lifestyle choice. If you can still "O" that is a good sign , keep working at it and look up those social experiments where couples commit to intimacy for a certain period and the effects it as on their relationship on a whole.

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I do sympathise - this mismatch can be so painful.

You might not feel like sex because you are poorly, or because you are depressed...or maybe you just don't fancy him any more?

I've experienced all three of these situations. For me, when I got over the first two, the desire came back eventually. The desire never came back with the last one. It was scary to admit it, but it was a relief once I did.

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Chiming in here- did you know that Prozac can lower your libido? Prozac is an SSRI and SSRIs can lower the libido of people taking them.

Pre-surgery I was switched from Cymbalta (an SNRI) to Celexa (an SSRI) because Cymbalta is only available as an extended release medication and my surgeon worried it wouldn’t be absorbed quickly enough. Celexa destroyed my libido which had been fine on the Cymbalta. I am now switching from Celexa to a non- SSRI medication and seem to be getting my groove back.

Also- depression can make you not want to have sex, too. It can lower your interest in many things, sex included.

Talk to your doctor about the libido stuff, but more importantly, don’t beat yourself up over it! Your doctor and/or therapist can help you sort out the cause of your decreased sex drive and it’s a totally normal thing to go through!

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Hmmn food for thought, unused , been a widow 6+ years, but the right time , right guy, pray that things still work, if not" il fait rien" and we cuddle, we did make it into our 70s but I still am gonna hope for the Big Good O!

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1 minute ago, CrankyMagpie said:

@photogirl70 please share what worked for you?

My husband and I decided to have sex daily for a set period of time. Bottom line for me, because I was non-orgasmic, I did a lot of reading and research and bought some "toys". The one item I would highly recommend (and the only one we still use) is Hitachi Magic Wand. You can get it from Amazon

I also recommend checking out the site Christian Nymphos - I found a good bit of support there.

Our marriage had all kinds of problems and lack of sex was just one of them (or more like a symptom of them). We ended up in a 911 save our marriage kind weekend program that did make a huge impact. This was 8 years ago. We are approaching our 25th wedding anniversary. If you want to dig deeper into your marriage, I high recommend starting with His Needs/Her Needs and doing the emotional needs questionnaire. This can be a great tool for you and your spouse to use as a guide to talk through your thought and feeling about how your needs are or are not being met.

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Right now, we are focusing on strengthening our emotional relationship and hoping that will naturally lead to reigniting our physical relationship. We fell into a rut where we really we went to work, ate dinner and then went and did our own things in different parts of the house; we were more like roommates than husband and wife. We are trying to communicate more and spending time together on the weekends, even if it is just going grocery shopping or running errands. Weekdays we are usually both tired after work but we are making an effort to go on a bike ride 1-2 times a week; it is a nice way to spend time together and support each other on keeping up with the physical exercise part of our journey. We both went through a huge physical change and so now we are both working on the mental changes that come along with it. There are two people in this relationship and we both need to make an effort to make things better.

I also realized that I was not being as thoughtful about his feelings as I should be. I was so wrapped up in how I was feeling and how to fix it that I didn't really think about some of the things that I said did that could be hurting his feelings. He is not huge on verbal communication and I usually have to make an effort to try and get something out of him. I was so focused on myself I kinda forgot about the communication piece.

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Not that you need or require my vote, but you are a caring person and a good wife to work to make things better. Continue to feel each,you are the lucky one in the relationship and I believe things will go well!😛&😛Forever

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