I just need to vent...
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And if you ever need a Bari-Godmother, I am almost alway here. Like almost everyone else I Am A Work In Progress, I may start to stumble but I never fall because the people here believe in me but more
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Dude. You had half of one of your internal organs removed. You're a f***ing bada$$.
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I wish I had the surgery at your age. If you did not have the surgery, and waited to my age, you would have gone through 20 more years of failed diets. You will still have to loose weight naturall
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So before I get into it, let me give you the basics. I'm 25yrs old. I started this path on 4/25/18, that was my first visit with my bariatric team, it was a general info session and first time meeting the surgeon. He told me because of my age, he recommends the sleeve. He said it would offer me a better quality of life post-op. From there he told me I had to schedule mandatory appointments with the cardiologist, pulmonologist, nutritionist, psychologist and I needed to have a sleep study done; all fine and dandy. The first four weeks of May I managed to get all of that done. I started my pre-op diet of 2 weeks, clear liquids only and I had my surgery on 6/25/18. My starting/highest weight was 410 lbs. (When I found that out, it broke me). After the 2 week pre-op diet I weighed in at 367 lbs. 1 week post op, I'm now, currently, 353.2 lbs. So ok, let's get into it....
As a kid I was always big. There is no denying that. I transitioned from happy meals at McDonald's to eating a big mac meal and still wanting a damn toy... ain't that some ****. But anyways, gist of things, I was always big. It wasn't until high school that I was like damn, I need to lose some weight. So I did, I lost alot of weight. I can't tell you my stats because I honestly dont remember but I can tell you my lowest weight was around 212-220-ish and stacked! It felt good! Then high school is over aaaannnndddd life happens! (Isn't that just the greatest fuc**** excuse?!...smh). A series of events later proceeded to happen and as the years went by that just drove me to a complete downward spiral in which I just completely gave up on my self. And what hurts the most is knowing I never truly knew how big I was or maybe I just didn't want to believe it! To me, in my eyes, I wasn't as big as I thought I was. I felt that I was still "healthy" I was active, I played sports, I went to the gym, I was strong, i was f**king untouchable..... i was a fat boy in complete denial. It wasn't until I saw a picture of myself sitting next to my girlfriend in which I just couldn't believe it. How bad I let things go and yet I still didn't want to believe it. Fast forward a bit, my son was born and it was then that it clicked for me. Had I kept on in the path I was on, my son would grow up without a father and I just couldn't do that to him or my girlfriend. One of my supervisors had the bypass operation done and recommended me to his doctor and that's how I ended up getting sleeved. But my point to all this is I was so active before that I just feel like a failure to myself! Like why couldn't I do this the natural way? Why did it take for me to get sliced and diced for me to lose the weight. I feel like I let myself down. Like my "yoyo" effect was entirely my fault for not putting in 100% of the effort in my past diet attempts. I follow so many people on social media who did it the natural way and it just gets to me. Now I can barely finish a damn protein shake without getting a stomachache because I drank it to fast. I'm restricted on my meals and idk.... I have a woman who loves me and supports me. I have two amazing boys. The support of my family and friends so why do I feel like I failed myself. Despite my current weight loss in such a short amount of time, why do I wish I never got it done and did it normally. I'm so sorry for the rant I just really needed to vent! I'm the "strong person" in everyone's life and I just couldn't break down like this to them.... I'm currently 3 weeks post op on the pureed stage and just trying to be strong both physically and mentally. Hope you're all doing great.
Side note: I'm so happy I found this forum. When I first signed up, I spent like 3 hours going through threads and I read up on so many things I could relate to. For example, how I'm so young and I can't even enjoy amusement parks with my friends or family because I don't fit on the rides. How I fear going to eat in public cause of the structural integrity of the furniture. How I hear all the comments and stares when I'm out in public with my better half (shes a very active and tiny little thing compared to me, definitely got lucky with her [emoji172]). How I'm scared to ride in an airplane cause of the seatbelts. How I dread the summer time cause of the heat and the sweating and just everything! I felt I was alone and I could now relate to so many others.... it was just a sigh of relief to know I wasn't alone. I'm so sorry for the length of this post, I just needed to vent...
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