Got a date... Chickened out!

[JeezLouise91 55]

So a letter came in the post a couple of days from the hospital.

They offered me the 16th of November and as I read the date I felt my heart drop to the pit of my stomach.

I said that I wouldn't be able to do that date and would February be possible the lady said no February is too late, we're going to offer you one more appointment in January at the latest and if you decide not to take it you will be kicked off the program and will have to be re refferd by your doctor again.

That was me told lol.

Looks like I'm really going to have to make a decision soon. This is so hard. One day I wake up with such confidence like what's the big deal? Loads of people can do it so can I! The next day I'm full of anxiety and thoughts of complications.

In regards to complication worries:

Are you at more risk the older/bigger/unhealthier you are?

Or can leaks etc just happen to anyone?

I'm 26, not the biggest but obviously big enough, have no medical problems such as high blood pressure or diabetes. Only pcos which is to do with hormones.

If any of you read my last post you're probably thinking "not her again, stop being a chicken and just go for it" lol. I do apologize. There will probably be another post next week from me crying

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[Brandeis 401]

Complications are EXTREMELY rare. Of course there's always a risk, but they wouldn't be offering the surgery if there were extreme risk.

At 33 I can tell you, I wish very much it were something I'd done at 26 instead. The risks are worse down the line, for many reasons -- and your results won't be as good. Mine have been excellent but it's taken work. Almost 10 years ago, I wouldn't have all the loose skin I have now, I wouldn't have to worry about that so much.

However, if you keep freaking out, I think what you need to do is talk to a psychiatrist. This sounds like true anxiety, since it's so extremely irrational -- and that's fine. It's a hard thing to deal with. But if you're serious, you need to actually deal with it, and talking to someone might help with that.

[Berry78 4,259]

It IS a difficult decision.. but I guess I'm confused. You've gone all the way through the process, and now that you get your date, you're thinking of backing out? Was "backing out" always a possibility in your mind? Was it one of those.. "well, I'm not sure I wanna do this, but just in case I decide to, I'll go through the process and decide at the end"?

That kind of open-ended decision is fine, IF that's what you did. On the other hand, maybe you decided early on to do it, there was no question that it was the right thing.. and these are just last minute cold feet...

When you started the process, did you make a list of reasons? Many times, if we get nervous, we can refer back to all the reasons we wanted to pursue the process in the beginning.

There IS a bit of a leap of faith required. I know for me, once I set my mind up to do it, that was it, I didn't let my mind carry me away from the decision. Sure, it's scary, but then I'd remember some show or movie (or real life) that I'd seen where someone has an accident, and their life is changed forever. Things can and do happen all the time, and if something were going to happen to me from the surgery... well, who is to say that something wouldn't happen due to me NOT having the surgery? Maybe if I wasn't safely tucked away in the hospital, I'd be out driving on the highway and get into a terrible accident.

It may seem like a weird way to look at it, but our perceptions that we can control anything.. that's the illusion.

Get the surgery, don't get the surgery.. the choice is yours. Which way leaves you with the fewest regrets?

[kandywolf 161]

I have to agree about the age. I had mine done on 10/17. The excess flab, is a huge issue. I wish I would have done it earlier in life, because when I was young and lost 100 lbs, my skin didnt sag really at all. Now it is a huge issue it doesnt want to go back where it belongs. Also I didnt do it until I was diabetic. I already had high blood pressure, high cholesterol and many other things. My Neurologist told me I would never be able to lose it fast enough, and suggested gastric surgery. I thought long and researched. I talked to close personal friends who have had it done and what it was like. I also have pcos and the hormones make a mess of your metabolism.
I understand the getting cold feet when it gets close. I kept telling myself you need to do this.. not for me, but for my family who has bern my biggest cheerleaders, the best support system I could have ever dreamed of having!
I also have a counselor. She is there to listen when I vent or give her opinion on whenI ask her something. Sometimes a fresh set of eyes outside the box is helpful. Good lucky. It is scary, but I do not regret it at all!


SW:350 (11/2015)
BSW:260 (10/17/17)
CW:248 (1st official weigh in post op)
GW:175

[rubia72 200]

It’s a difficult life altering decision and at the end of the day you need to do it for you and no one else. It’s your body and your life and ultimately you will have to live and deal with the consequences. Today I am glad I did it but would I recommend it to anyone else? My answer is no. I agree that you should speak to a psychiatrist and your doctor and then make the decision that’s best for you. I once spoke to a man before my surgery who lost his wife 5 years after the surgery he said that she was not following her doctors post surgery advice and not taking care of herself and that’s why she died of complications. However he said if I cannot change the way I think first in other words my mindset then don’t do it but If I could then go ahead and it’s true if you can’t change the way you deal with food before surgery then you are not ready. Take care and again don’t worry about what anyone else thinks, you do what’s best for you[emoji6]

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

If your only fear is complications, that is normal for any surgery. This surgery is less risky than a gallbladder surgery.

I suspect there is more to it than that with you. But at any rate stop wasting everyone's time, including the medical staff and decide already. Maybe you aren't mature enough to commit, maybe you are afraid of giving up eating a quantity of food, maybe staying obese is somehow serving you or protecting you from something. Go to counseling or figure it out.

[Mattymatt 491]

19 hours ago, JeezLouise91 said:

So a letter came in the post a couple of days from the hospital.

They offered me the 16th of November and as I read the date I felt my heart drop to the pit of my stomach.

I said that I wouldn't be able to do that date and would February be possible the lady said no February is too late, we're going to offer you one more appointment in January at the latest and if you decide not to take it you will be kicked off the program and will have to be re refferd by your doctor again.

That was me told lol.

Looks like I'm really going to have to make a decision soon. This is so hard. One day I wake up with such confidence like what's the big deal? Loads of people can do it so can I! The next day I'm full of anxiety and thoughts of complications.

In regards to complication worries:

Are you at more risk the older/bigger/unhealthier you are?

Or can leaks etc just happen to anyone?

I'm 26, not the biggest but obviously big enough, have no medical problems such as high blood pressure or diabetes. Only pcos which is to do with hormones.

If any of you read my last post you're probably thinking "not her again, stop being a chicken and just go for it" lol. I do apologize. There will probably be another post next week from me crying

Sent from my F5121 using BariatricPal mobile app

I would go through with it were I you. Weight problems tend to worsen with age or so I am told. You do not want to be in my position. I am 40, have to lose 176 pounds, have high blood pressure, sleep apnea, and diabetes. So, in essence, yes, the older, bigger, and more unhealthy that you are, the greater the risks. I have already been told that I will need 3 days in the hospital before the surgeon would consider me for discharge. If you think you're scared, walk a day in my shoes. I am fearful that I could have a heart attack or stroke even prior to surgery. Hell, it's entirely possible that the strain of the surgery could cause problems. But, as Yoda from Star Wars would say, "Committed, I am. For better health, to have."

I won't call you chicken and won't pass judgement but I think by dropping out, you will regret this in the long run. Also, we are now in Republican-dominated times so you can fully expect for it to get harder to qualify for surgery and coverage uncertain. Your insurance company might even use the fact that you dropped out as a strike against you and might require more scrutiny in a future attempt at qualifying. That letter you got is worth its weight in gold. Show up, complete your mission, live better. Don't put yourself in a situation similar to mine.

[tenseintexas 182]

I did it at 39 and man I wish I had done it earlier .

[Mattymatt 491]

Interesting .... no answer from the OP. I took the time to write a really supportive piece too. I sure wish I had it done earlier too.

[atlseeker 17]

Hey there! I felt EXACTLY the same. I avoided answering when the surgeon’s office called and would send it to voicemail. Honestly the main reason I went through with it was because I’d been talking about it so much, I felt like I’d seem like a coward.

I had my surgery October 13. It was so easy— much, much easier than getting my wisdom teeth out! I was so afraid I’d be nauseated forever; I haven’t been queasy once. I was terrified of food intolerances; I’m only 3 weeks out, but I’m eating pretty much anything soft with no problems. Now, I did have pain when I forgot we aren’t supposed to use straws, but I just took a walk and then belched a few times and was good as new.

I can’t make your choice for you, but I can tell you that I was scared too and was utterly unprepared for how NOT hard recovery has been.

Good luck, whatever you decide!

[JeezLouise91 55]

Hey everyone thanks so much for all your replies. I am sorry I have had a hectic couple of days and not had a chance to even read through these let alone reply.

Now that I have can I just say thank you for all your positive and encouraging words. It sounds like most of you wish you had it done sooner. And the fact that loose skin may not be as much of an issue if I get it done now sounds tempting.

Maybe I'm not mature enough to commit who knows. My life was different nearly two years ago when I first started towards my journey for this surgery (I'm from the UK and getting it done on the NHS is a looooong process). I was in kind of a bad place and felt like not only would surgery help with my weight but also force me to kick some bad habits I had with alcohol and cigarettes.

Now things are different and I've learnt to respect myself I have cut out the cigarettes and lowered my alcohol content greatly. I'm also thinking do I now have the will power to lose this weight on my own?

I tried many attempts before but outside factors and stresses contributed to making it more difficult than usual but now that they are no more and I am finally happy I feel like I can try one more time to do it myself before getting this done. 2 years ago I didn't even care about the risks I was at such a low point and desperate. Now I respect myself and my body and my life and feel that I am not having enough issues with my weight to consider this.

I hear stories of people not being able to walk 5 minutes without getting out of breath, or not being able to go on fairground rides, or even having past heart attacks. I am not at that stage yet and feel I am not only less deserving of it but also not in the position where if I don't get this now I might not be able to see my 50s.

Being slim again would be lovely I must admit and being able to have children would be amazing but right now my life isn't at any risk. Which is why I don't think I should put it at risk if that makes sense?

This is not me saying a definite no just going a little deeper into why the complications concern me more than usual now compared to when it did at first.



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[JeezLouise91 55]

It IS a difficult decision.. but I guess I'm confused. You've gone all the way through the process, and now that you get your date, you're thinking of backing out? Was "backing out" always a possibility in your mind? Was it one of those.. "well, I'm not sure I wanna do this, but just in case I decide to, I'll go through the process and decide at the end"?
That kind of open-ended decision is fine, IF that's what you did. On the other hand, maybe you decided early on to do it, there was no question that it was the right thing.. and these are just last minute cold feet...
When you started the process, did you make a list of reasons? Many times, if we get nervous, we can refer back to all the reasons we wanted to pursue the process in the beginning.
There IS a bit of a leap of faith required. I know for me, once I set my mind up to do it, that was it, I didn't let my mind carry me away from the decision. Sure, it's scary, but then I'd remember some show or movie (or real life) that I'd seen where someone has an accident, and their life is changed forever. Things can and do happen all the time, and if something were going to happen to me from the surgery... well, who is to say that something wouldn't happen due to me NOT having the surgery? Maybe if I wasn't safely tucked away in the hospital, I'd be out driving on the highway and get into a terrible accident.
It may seem like a weird way to look at it, but our perceptions that we can control anything.. that's the illusion.
Get the surgery, don't get the surgery.. the choice is yours. Which way leaves you with the fewest regrets?

Partly true yes! I honestly thought there was no way I'd be accepted for it, so working towards it was alot easier mentally than being accepted for it. Only a small part was that though! My other comment will explain the rest [emoji18]

Also great advice thanks xx

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[JeezLouise91 55]

I would go through with it were I you. Weight problems tend to worsen with age or so I am told. You do not want to be in my position. I am 40, have to lose 176 pounds, have high blood pressure, sleep apnea, and diabetes. So, in essence, yes, the older, bigger, and more unhealthy that you are, the greater the risks. I have already been told that I will need 3 days in the hospital before the surgeon would consider me for discharge. If you think you're scared, walk a day in my shoes. I am fearful that I could have a heart attack or stroke even prior to surgery. Hell, it's entirely possible that the strain of the surgery could cause problems. But, as Yoda from Star Wars would say, "Committed, I am. For better health, to have."
I won't call you chicken and won't pass judgement but I think by dropping out, you will regret this in the long run. Also, we are now in Republican-dominated times so you can fully expect for it to get harder to qualify for surgery and coverage uncertain. Your insurance company might even use the fact that you dropped out as a strike against you and might require more scrutiny in a future attempt at qualifying. That letter you got is worth its weight in gold. Show up, complete your mission, live better. Don't put yourself in a situation similar to mine.

Thank you for the advice. It's crazy that I'd rather get it done when and if I get in that position rather than nipping it in the bud now. I shouldn't wait until things get out of control I know. It's such a life changing decision though, and I haven't had the best of support from anyone. Decisions decisions...

[atlseeker 17]

So I also thought “but what if I could do it myself”; I had before, but I couldn’t keep it off. Our bodies are very very good at maintaining weight. I got the sleeve because after years of research, I’m convinced that it’s virtually impossible to buck millions of years of evolution with willpower.

There’s a great podcast called the Weight Loss Surgery Podcast. Before you make a decision, consider listening to the episodes with Randy Seeley, a researcher who studies appetite and hormonal systems, and the ones with Walter Medlin, a bariatric surgeon who ended up getting the surgery himself. Episode 69 deals specifically with the fears people have about WLS. You may still decide to back out—I almost did—but it’s great information to have!

[JeezLouise91 55]

It’s a difficult life altering decision and at the end of the day you need to do it for you and no one else. It’s your body and your life and ultimately you will have to live and deal with the consequences. Today I am glad I did it but would I recommend it to anyone else? My answer is no. I agree that you should speak to a psychiatrist and your doctor and then make the decision that’s best for you. I once spoke to a man before my surgery who lost his wife 5 years after the surgery he said that she was not following her doctors post surgery advice and not taking care of herself and that’s why she died of complications. However he said if I cannot change the way I think first in other words my mindset then don’t do it but If I could then go ahead and it’s true if you can’t change the way you deal with food before surgery then you are not ready. Take care and again don’t worry about what anyone else thinks, you do what’s best for you[emoji6]

So even 5 years after the surgery she passed away due to complications? How awful. Do you know if she didn't follow her surgeons advice at all or did she gradually start taking less care with it? Right now my surgeon has told me to stop Vaping and I'm finding it extremely difficult since I've not even stopped smoking all that long.

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