I had my surgery 2 months ago and was doing great. Then people started commenting on how good I was doing and I feel that I am back sliding. For some reason that I can't understand when someone compliments me I start to sabotage myself. Any ideas of how I can stop doing this. I can't afford professional therapy as around here they charge over $100 an hour

How are you sabotaging yourself so we can understand how to possibly help with tips?

When you refer to 'sabotage,' is this another way of saying you've reverted back to old habits and started eating junk or resumed overeating less than 2 months post-op?

If this is the case, you already know what you need to do without validation from internet strangers: stop doing the things that sabotage your weight loss efforts. Start doing things that will result in lasting weight loss and permanent maintenance of your new weight.

It would be a crying shame if you wasted a perfectly good, powerful weight loss tool due to psychological issues (e.g., head not being in the right place).

Good luck to you. You can do this.

52 minutes ago, Kevsmama said:

I had my surgery 2 months ago and was doing great. Then people started commenting on how good I was doing and I feel that I am back sliding. For some reason that I can't understand when someone compliments me I start to sabotage myself. Any ideas of how I can stop doing this. I can't afford professional therapy as around here they charge over $100 an hour

Ca you go into more detail how you sabotage yourself?

Thank you for your input. I sabotage myself by not drinking enough water, not exercising basically just being stupid. I know what I should be doing, just am finding it hard to keep on track. I have done this all my adult life

9 minutes ago, Kevsmama said:

Thank you for your input. I sabotage myself by not drinking enough Water, not exercising basically just being stupid. I know what I should be doing, just am finding it hard to keep on track. I have done this all my adult life

I understand you have done it your whole adult life most of us have, but you have to ask your self when will you take responsibility to change the habits from your previous adult life ( pre sleeve)

Not excersising though its healthy for you its not the end of the world if you are focusing on eating the right foods, so perhaps you can focus on getting food and water on track.

Get a journal, write what your goals are, what you want to achieve, how you will feel once you have got were you want to get to.

What is your eaiting like ?

Start from today one meal at a time, if you need 4 bottles of water a day whi takes me to 64+ ounces I have two before breakfast, one before lunch and one before dinner. and any extra water i have is after Could this help keep up with water?

You need to sit with yourself in a calm environment where you can think. Try to figure out why a compliment triggers you to change your behavior.

I think I do the same thing, or at least used to, but I'm not sure if I ever figured it out. Weight loss comments are not affecting me now, so I'm going to have to do some thinking on this topic myself....

If I come up with anything, I'll let you know...

Berry78 is on the right track with advice. Our long held body image beliefs and head games with ourselves can get in the way of what you really want. Maybe the attention itself is the issue, we have tended to use fat bodies to insulate us from attention and being hurt, being seen. We can rationalize so many untruths that we start believing them to be true.

Like what if - I lose all this weight and I still don't love myself, or if I lose this weight I can't blame the weight for other issues I haven't addressed, if I lose all this weight will people expect more from me, will people still reject me, will family be jealous, etc etc.

Losing weight will solve health issues and make us feel and look better but won't fix the other issues. Does your work have a wellness program, or maybe the hospital has a support group, or maybe even OA. I journal and read books and forums. Geneen Roth writes books on this subject and even has a workbook.

27 minutes ago, Berry78 said:

You need to sit with yourself in a calm environment where you can think. Try to figure out why a compliment triggers you to change your behavior.

I think I do the same thing, or at least used to, but I'm not sure if I ever figured it out. Weight loss comments are not affecting me now, so I'm going to have to do some thinking on this topic myself....

If I come up with anything, I'll let you know...

When my friend came to visit me in hospital she said ' omg youve lost so much weight" i am still on a high from it even though some of the weight drop is due to being sick lol ha

I can totally relate! Several years ago I went on yet another diet and recalled the moment things went bad! It was when a very judgmental, vain person kept on and on about how good I looked - this was all at work and in front of several of my peers. It made me so uncomfortable and I swear something in me flipped a switch and the next thing I knew I was back to my old habits. You have to learn from these things; I won't let that happen again. I can't blame her (even though she made me want to punch her in the face), after all it was me who stopped exercising and eating right. You've identified the trigger, find a way to use it to your advantage.

I saw this article a few weeks ago on My Fitness Pal and it validates that we are not alone. Good luck! You've got this!

http://blog.myfitnesspal.com/5-worst-things-say-someone-losing-weight/

*Stream of conciousness*

In second grade, a heavy classmate called me fat. It hurt my feelings enough that I told my teacher.

In middle school, I wasn't teased much about my weight. My hair and clothes, however, weren't exempt. Kids stole my skirt in gym class and hid it for a while..... I had been given a dress by a church friend, but it was too small, so I cut the skirt part off to wear. The raggedy top caught the kids' attention. (They wouldn't have seen it, except for the requirement to change clothes).

Bug under the microscope. Hate it!

Live with my MIL that talks about peoples' looks ALL THE TIME. Zits, wrinkles, waistline, etc. etc.

No one did that in my home when I was a kid. What IS normal? Sure, everyone knows it's rude to talk about others' flaws, but is it normal to even notice? I never did, unless it was something as glaring as a missing limb...

Is it me that is unusual? I do have 2 boys that have Aspergers. I wonder whether I have a touch of it myself (or if I'm normal and my MIL is the weird one).

Mysteries of the universe...

*snaps out of reverie*

Anyway... that's as far as I've gotten with my thinking. Obesity helps us, as adults, fly under the radar. It takes a certain change of attitude to accept the attention that weight loss brings. Our best defense it a good offense. Be ready to say "Thank you, I have been working hard. And how about those Yankees?"

You don't need therapy you need a support group. I am sure you can find one in your area. The reason most people sabotage themselves is that they feel comfortable or they feel they got things under control. The other reason is let's face it we are addicts. We are addicted to food and the feeling food gives us. Most people don't know that the pleasure responses to food are equal to and in some people more than heroin. You need to look into a support group in your area. Within those groups, there will be persons that can help you.

Thank you everyone. Thank you for your input. I sabotage myself by not drinking enough water, not exercising basically just being stupid. I know what I should be doing, just am finding it hard to keep on track. I have done this all my adult life. You all have given me some great feedback and I will start keeping better track of my food and water intake. I will also start a journal of my journey, good and bad. Thank you again. Thank you FlHappy Girl that article hit it right on the head!

I want to address the water consumption thing from research that I have done. When you dehydrate yourself you actually take on water weight. I know that sounds counter-intuitive but it is true. Your body will retain all water you do take in and store it like it does with fat. If you hydrate yourself you will find that after about a week you will see a lot of weight come off. That is not because you are burning fat but your body knows it is going to get all the water it needs and it starts to drain the reserves it has accumulated because you were dehydrated. How do you know when you are no longer dehydrated? For me, I have to go the bathroom 30 minutes or less after drinking my water.

It's true. When my fingers puff up, I know I need to drink more.

3 hours ago, Berry78 said:

Is it me that is unusual? I do have 2 boys that have Aspergers. I wonder whether I have a touch of it myself (or if I'm normal and my MIL is the weird one).

It's your MIL! Discussing others flaws, unless you're offering some awfully great assistance to them and are talking directly to them is a dreadful behavior!

My family was relatively critical of my appearance "my you don't look like anyone" (which meant the family, not the world), or the "your sister is so tiny". Well I was 130, 5'4 and athletic, so that was junk.

Compliments do trigger me with great discomfort. At 65, I have figured out mine is because 1) they might be joking; 2) they might have a reason and 3) I do not live in my body very well. Sigh.

Hope it gets easier for y'all.