Sadness in waves

[kasemcd 34]

I'm currently on my pre-op diet.. and I'm noticing that I become depressed for a day, then I'm okay, then sad again. I feel like I can't do normal things like go to the lake with friends as they always order food and drink a lot.. things I needed to give up. I've been in my house for days now just feeling like I won't ever be able to spend days with them again.

[DianeJarrett 155]

I felt like this too, depressed during pre-op. Just remember, it will all be worth it. Hang in there. Everyone says it gets better, but this isn't an "easy out" for weight loss. This is work. You'll be out there again, thinner, healthier, happier! I'm 4 days post-op, having some tough issues, and still, I'm happy with the process. Good luck!

[kasemcd 34]

The thought of my life not being what it used to be like can be very depressing for me it seems. I have a very close friend group and we love going to the bar to play pool and eat out and drink at the lake and just have fun.. realizing now that it won't be like that for me anymore

[Introversion 1,876]

20 minutes ago, kasemcd said:

The thought of my life not being what it used to be like can be very depressing for me it seems. I have a very close friend group and we love going to the bar to play pool and eat out and drink at the lake and just have fun.. realizing now that it won't be like that for me anymore

Things will return to 'normal'...just not during your weight loss phase.

I am more than two years post-surgery. I eat out at restaurants. I enjoy the occasional mixed drink such as a pina colada or rum with coke in social settings. However, I waited until I approached my goal weight before reintroducing these things into my eating patterns.

Good luck to you.

[Joann454 1,329]

It's only not like it used to be for a while. I'm only 4 weeks out and I feel nearly normal. I don't even want to eat the way I used to anymore. Drinking is a different issue. You won't be able to drink for a while ( most surgeons say between 6 months to a year ). If you don't care about drinking then you can easily still go have fun with your friends. Also, you're in the toughest part right now. The pre op diet was much harder for me than post op. Still, prepare yourself for a couple weeks of laying low after surgery. Hope you feel better!

[Sherrie Scharbrough 311]

Hi first let me say LIFE will go on!! As was said by Joann you will get to do the things you are missing just for awhile. Rhen you will have another purpose to lose the weight get healthy and then when you reach your goal or close to it you can start adding things back in. I am almos 4 years out and I do eat out once and awhile I have drank wine a few times. But I didn't do these things until I got to my goal weight. She is also so right that our minds change and we don't desire to eat the old way. Thank goodness we have this tool to help us. The good stuff way out wins over the other stuff for sure. BTW I agree that preop was harder than Postop. Something happens to you and you don't want the same foods or drinks. You aren't physically hungrey at all. Now the mind hunger sucks big time. You can do this!!

[kasemcd 34]

Thank you all for your responses and especially for not being rude. I found out I've lost 10 lbs in 7 days!! I feel a little better by seeing that. I hate that these sadness waves happen but for now I'll see my friends and bring a sensible meal for myself and just keep on going

[blizair09 3,250]

2 hours ago, kasemcd said:

The thought of my life not being what it used to be like can be very depressing for me it seems. I have a very close friend group and we love going to the bar to play pool and eat out and drink at the lake and just have fun.. realizing now that it won't be like that for me anymore

I've always said that the key to the entire weight loss journey is redefining your relationship with food. For me, that meant working very hard to make food not be the centerpiece of my life anymore. Why can't you go spend time with your friends? Does it require you to eat and drink? Or does it just require a little bit of adjustment on your part?

You don't have to miss out on anything. You just have to re-envision these occasions where food isn't the focus. If your friends really care about you, they will understand that and support you.

Food is just food. It isn't life.

[kasemcd 34]

I've always said that the key to the entire weight loss journey is redefining your relationship with food. For me, that meant working very hard to make food not be the centerpiece of my life anymore. Why can't you go spend time with your friends? Does it require you to eat and drink? Or does it just require a little bit of adjustment on your part?
You don't have to miss out on anything. You just have to re-envision these occasions where food isn't the focus. If your friends really care about you, they will understand that and support you.
Food is just food. It isn't life.

I think you misunderstood that I did not need to do it, just that I'll miss those times. And also, if you read any further down the thread, I had said my friends support me. I know it's an adjustment I have to make. Thanks for your input.

[blizair09 3,250]

1 hour ago, kasemcd said:

I think you misunderstood that I did not need to do it, just that I'll miss those times. And also, if you read any further down the thread, I had said my friends support me. I know it's an adjustment I have to make. Thanks for your input.

But the point is that you don't have to miss anything. Go be with your friends. Focus on enjoying their company. You can do everything you have always done without eating. I do it all the time.

[Joann454 1,329]

Thank you all for your responses and especially for not being rude. I found out I've lost 10 lbs in 7 days!! I feel a little better by seeing that. I hate that these sadness waves happen but for now I'll see my friends and bring a sensible meal for myself and just keep on going

It's a big change and during the adjustment period you may be sad at times. I had some moments myself and I am just a homebody. Keep reminding yourself that it's temporary and eventually you'll just be living life again (and enjoying it even more).

[Berry78 4,259]

I can't imagine staying home because of this journey.

Preop liquid diet? Load up several premade Protein Shakes and noncaloric beverages and bring them along to the beach.

Postop liquid phase? Order hot tea and milk at the restaurant.

Purees? Potato Soup.

Normal foods? Keep a bottle of Water and nuts in my purse in case nothing is available. But there is always something available.

Every phase has its challenges, but the challenges are less about what you are eating and more about finding your new normal when everything else is the same.

The quicker you learn how to navigate the social scene with your dietary restrictions, the happier you will be.

Staying home isn't teaching you anything good. It's teaching you that you aren't worthy of hanging with your friends, and that if you can't eat like before, that you can't live like before. What a horrible lesson!

[kasemcd 34]

I can't imagine staying home because of this journey.
Preop liquid diet? Load up several premade Protein Shakes and noncaloric beverages and bring them along to the beach.
Postop liquid phase? Order hot tea and milk at the restaurant.
Purees? Potato Soup.< br> Normal foods? Keep a bottle of Water and nuts in my purse in case nothing is available. But there is always something available.
Every phase has its challenges, but the challenges are less about what you are eating and more about finding your new normal when everything else is the same.
The quicker you learn how to navigate the social scene with your dietary restrictions, the happier you will be.
Staying home isn't teaching you anything good. It's teaching you that you aren't worthy of hanging with your friends, and that if you can't eat like before, that you can't live like before. What a horrible lesson!

Okay, but at the time I didn't know what else to do. I just felt different than my friends. Like I said before, it's just waves of sadness that come to me that's all.

[Berry78 4,259]

The past is behind you, but let's learn from it, so you can keep moving forward.

Did it make you feel happier to stay home, or less happy?

There is no right or wrong answer here. For some people, the stress and anxiety of going out would have made them much happier to stay home. Others would be sad about "missing out".

Once you wrap your head around what makes YOU tick, you'll be able to figure out how to BE happier.

For me, going out to eat is about the conversation and fellowship, not about what is going into peoples' mouths. For others it IS all about the food.

We are all different, and sometimes we don't know what will make us happy or uncomfortable until we are in that situation. So.. like I said. Use this as a learning experience to help you learn how to make you happy

[blizair09 3,250]

37 minutes ago, kasemcd said:

Okay, but at the time I didn't know what else to do. I just felt different than my friends. Like I said before, it's just waves of sadness that come to me that's all.

When we all proclaim that WLS isn't the easy way out (and, of course, it isn't), it is this very kind of thing to which we are referring. The physical part is tough, yes, but the mental part is the toughest.

You are different now and are likely different from your friends. Your life has changed and will continue to change. And as @Berry78 said, you have to find that balance that makes you happy.

Good luck!