Some of you noticed the joke thread was gone. Well, I posted that thread as an impulse, but the next day I felt stupid so I deleted it. But too many people noticed it gone, so here it is again. We can always use a good laugh! xo

The non lapbanded people I was talking about are two people who havn't even checked out ths site yet. (Phew did I get out of that one)

HAHAHAHA Thats a good one Greg.... And I wasnt the one at the front of your door... nope wasnt me hehhehehe

BTW..... I Like this Joke Thread!!! Thanks

You guys are so funny ! You keep me in stiches!! I just wish that I had band stiches already !!! Somebody tell some more JOKES!!!!

Greg : that man's prayer is so true you guys don't want much just nice puppies/ beer and a boat.Ha ha !!!

So, who needs the beer and the boat?

How to impress a woman:

Be caring and thoughtful.

Share your feelings, and be aware of hers.

Listen carefully, never criticise, just be there.

Buy her flowers for no reason.

Be sensitive, and sincere.

Always compliment her on her appearance.

Give her foot and shoulder massages.

How to impress a man:

Show up naked.

Bring beer.

This is cute... hehehehe or scarey.. yeah hehe

A group of seniors were sitting around the pool talking about all their ailments. "My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one

"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee."

"I couldn't even mark an 'X' at election time, my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third. "What? Speak up, I can't hear you," said a fourth.

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a fifth, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

"My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy I can hardly walk," exclaimed another.

"I forget where I am and where I'm going," said an elderly gent.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head. The others nodded in agreement.

"Well, count your blessings," said one woman cheerfully. "THANK GOD WE CAN ALL DRIVE!

The richest man in the world trips over a bottle in the sand, picks it up and wipes it off, and POOF, Genie appears before him and grants him one wish.

The man, being so rich, has everything he wants except for one thing - he's afraid to fly. So he asks Genie to build him a bridge across the ocean so he can travel by car and finally see new countries.

Genie scratches his head and apologizes to his new Master, "but Master, that is too large of a request; just locating and gathering the supplies needed to build such a large bridge would take your entire lifetime. Isn't there something else you really want?"

And the Master says, "Why, yes. I have always wanted to understand women." And the Genie replies, "so, exactly WHERE did you want that bridge?"

oi less of the irish jokes!!!!

God may have created man before woman, but there is always

a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Did you realise that whole Adam and Eve thing boils down to Adam was too lazy to fix himself something to eat?

Adam got lost on the way to the apple tree but refused to ask for directions. He was helpless, so God created Eve. Eve immediately found the apple - she had no intentions of biting it - she didn't even like apples - but she had to bite it to prove to Adam that women make the rules. Some things just don't change.

LOL you all are so funny... Hmmmm makes me want an Apple hahaha opps

Yep I do but what did Eve do??? She went and got that damn Apple...LOL

Yeah, just to hush him up!!!

Here's a poem an old missionary used to recite to me -- REALLY!!--that's not the joke yet! :devious

I can see through my bifocals

With my dentures I'm doing fine

I can live with my arthritis

But, oh! how I miss my mind! :cheeky