Hey all you great people out there:

I am using this thread as a venting arena. I have been away from the boards for a couple of weeks now and visit every so often but just haven't had the urge to post. I spoke with Lisa (Delarla) online this afternoon and she made me realize I needed to come and post. Thanks Lisa.

When you are a strong person through lots of situations sometimes it is the smallest of things that can knock you off your own pedestal. LOL!! I was knocked off mine by a 5 lbs gain. Seems funny to post that now but it is true. I can be strong for anyone else but ME. In the mindset I am now down and ready to climb in bed and cover my head till it all goes away whatever IT is, if I were to get a call from a friend or family member that they needed me I would jump on the plane or in a car and be there ready to do whatever. Why can't we do that for ourselves? We don't ever jump on the band wagon when we hear ourselves cry for help do we? At least I don't, why is that? I am not asking for an answer here just venting as the thread states.

This past week was really hard for me. I knew I had some Christmas stuff to do (see Delarla's christmas post to understand why I feel the way I do about Christmas). I was NOT looking forward to our Christmas Tree Trimming party cause two reasons. First, the holiday sucks to begin with and Second, everyone was cancelling on us. The tree was and is beautiful. I will attach a pic so you can see. But the whole Christmas holiday has me down and then gaining 5 lbs doesn't help. Then I gotta fly to TN on Friday the 24th and fight through traffic and snow and ice and spend Christmas with family (which I am looking forward to by the way, that is the only GOOD thing about Christmas) and then fly home on the 26th. SIGH!! I hate this.

I am so ready for a sabatical of about two weeks. Any suggestions of where is a good place to go for some reflecting, painting, photography, writing, and seclusion but near water and warm climate? Don't ask for much do I?

thanks for listening.

It seems like the holidays have everyone down...but I think since you did such a good job on your tree you should win the best tree award for sure. It towers my 4 foot fake tree...which I call the trashy tree because I have had it since college and still have the trashy twinkle star at the top they sell at the dollar stores. I love it still though. Just think, this time next week the tree will be gone and you will have the New Years Parties coming to drink away your Christmas miseries. Those always make me feel much better. We can make it through...keep your head up!!

Kim

Thank you for your post, Penni. Who cannot relate to you??? I sure can. I am the same way -- always ready to jump in and help and often put myself last. But, just this week with healing, I have said no to quite a few things and this is the first Christmas in many years where I am not baking gifts, planning and hosting parties, etc. We are having family here Sunday, but very low key and I am excited about it. I think it is wondeful to do for others and share who we are, but not at our expense.

You have alot going on right now -- this entire year you have had alot happening. Of course we get tired and it is so great that you recognize that you need quiet time to recharge your batteries and your soul. It does not matter what spot you chose, just the frame of mind you put yourself in. You can have a retreat in your own home -- I am right now. I am enjoying music, reading, crafts, movies, walking, resting and just being peaceful. I hope you will find a chance to do that soon.

Thanks for sharing your tree as I did not put one up this year so I appreciate yours all the more. It is awesome. I love decorating for Christmas. I have other things up and lights outside in trees but I did not think the tree was appropriate this year as I cannot lift much right now while healing. Remember, my post earlier when you put photos of yourself on line for us to share and I said you would be the brightest light for your Christmas tree. You are. Your light bulb is just dimmed a little bit from tiredness, but it burns bright inside. Rest and let that light shine out for all to see.

I so cherish your posts here. I always smile and learn from you. You and Delarla are sisters in spirit and compliment each other's personalities beautifully. I am glad she encouraged you to post. We have missed you here. I think everyone is busy as posts are way down -- including me. I have not been posting too much lately either. We will all regroup after the holidays.

I am thinking about you and will say a prayer that God will renew your spirit and soul and you will feel rejuvinated. Plus, about the pounds -- remember, doll that muscle weighs more than fat -- with all the decorating you are doing, you probably have lost inches. You are gorgous inside and out. Enjoy the holiday and let us know how all of your plans go. Again, I love your tree and your decorations -- magical.

Hugs and blessings to you and yours, Theresa Marie

WoW, it looks just like one of those pictures you see on postcards... You did a great job decorating that tree.

Hang in there Penni!

Who the heck told you that you're not allowed to crawl up in bed for a day or two? And a five-pound gain is a huge thing for any of us to deal with... it's not the five pounds that matters, it's the fear of gaining more. We are all in the same boat. So if crawling in bed for a couple days with a remote control, a box of Kleenex, and all your girlfriends' (and Band Pals') phone numbers is what it takes, then JUST DO IT.

Who the heck told you that you're not allowed to crawl up in bed for a day or two? And a five-pound gain is a huge thing for any of us to deal with... it's not the five pounds that matters, it's the fear of gaining more. We are all in the same boat. So if crawling in bed for a couple days with a remote control, a box of Kleenex, and all your girlfriends' (and Band Pals') phone numbers is what it takes, then JUST DO IT.

And that my dear friends is why I love this woman. Chris just needs to watch out. LOLOL

Aww Penni

We all can relate..seems we all are sturggling this Hoilday Season with weight gain or no weight loss, the stress of doing all the shopping, wrapping, cooking, decorating..Like I toild lisa when she told me she gained 6 lbs, that if just "fluff " weight. Don't sweat the small stuff. Soon this time of year will behind you and all of us and we can then focus on ourselves and bands again. Oh and Beautiful Tree!

More venting...

I havent been drinking my Water - the most is maybe 8 oz's a day. It started when we went to NC for Thanksgiving. Thats when I got off my wagon and STILL havent gotten back on it. I gained 3 pounds during that week.

Im saying this because I too am struggling. Even though Im having this pb/reflux crap going on, Im still struggling. Im making poor food choices, and need I mention drinking little water.

We need another challenge. A water intake/better food choice challenge.

Just to prove how crazy Ive been lately, I even bought a loaf of white bread yesterday. Do you know how long its been since Ive bought white bread for my family??? We have been eating brown/wheat bread for YEARS. What is going on???? When I am eating right, my family eats right. When I eat wrong, the family eats wrong.

So sister Penni, you are NOT alone.

Glad to know Im not either!

Well, Penni, and everyone - I hope the time with family renews your spirit. As for me, I'm Jewish, and I have to say that as an outsider looking at Christmas, it has never looked all that fun to me - all that crazy rushing around, parties where we are tempted to eat the wrong things, spending too much - and it leaves so many people feeling stressed out and a little hollow.

But it is a beautiful tree.

Oh, and I have a suggestion as to where to go to renew your spirit: Guanica, Puerto Rico. Beautiful, deserted coves. Gorgeous giant trees with flaming red flowers. A flourescent bay in moonlight. And a U.N. biosphere dry forest to hike in. Ah, the memories.

Nancy

Penni, I have been wondering about you! I'm so sorry you've been going through some diffucult times. I can so relate! I had a devestating event happen in my life on November 26th and I have been sunk down into depression ever since. The Christmas season definitlely is NOT helping either. Maybe you should go back to Jamaica, Mon! Or that Puerto Rico trip sounds great, too. Need a travel buddy???? LOL!

Now see Miss Penni... if you would have posted this two weeks ago... I would have known that I am not the only one that wants to crawl into a cave until the holidays are over! I know if I lived closer... I'd be coming over and sipping nog next to your beautiful tree! Soon the Cookies and candy and feasting will all be behind us and we will all get back on track... until then... remember... you are loved. Many of us have fallen into the trap that is commercialized Christmas and it appears we would all like to recapture the simple meaning.

Lisa... awesome suggestion... I'm going to go crawl under the covers right now and start planning how I will make next Christmas something simple... spiritual and special...

(((((PENNI)))))

Darcy

Penni, you sound exhausted. Being tired can really affect the attitude. Get some rest and forget about a few things that don't really matter. The pounds will disappear quickly, too. This is the first big holiday season for most of us. Now we know what to expect!

Yesterday I went to visit my uncle with my parents. They just laughed when I fell asleep while "visiting" because I had been baking all day. Everyone should understand where you're coming from. Take care of yourself. Relax. Look forward to your quiet time after the holidays.

Take that two-week sabbatical, Penni; you've earned it. Nancy's suggestion sounds great. I'd also recommend the little towns south of Playa del Carmen in Mexico's Yucatan peninsula -- stay away from the touristy places (like Playa, not to mention Cancun) and just lie on a hammock letting the warm breezes stir your margarita. I hope you feel better after Christmas. Funny, isn't it, how so many people can't wait for it to be over?

Penni, the damn Pacific Ocean is in your back yard. USE IT. Don't nobody go feeling sorry because she needs to get away, because some of the most beautiful beaches in the world are 1/2 hour from her front door. Now GET OUT AND PLAY MZ. PENNI!

Penni, I agree with all the above. Want to add, have you checked out your blood for any definciencies. You might be low in Iron or B12 or something.

On another board I remember reading something that Jessie wrote. To paraphrase: There`s no prince charming, us pincesses have to save ourselves (btw theres also no golden coach, fairy godmother, palace etc...but thats another story). The message is that we really have to look after ourselves because no one else is going to `save` us, or fix our hurts, take care of us etc. Also, sometimes we wait for one day, or our turn, as if someone will turn up & make everything right. But we have to take control & fix what nots working ourselves.

You have to be your own prince charming & look after your needs. You have to start putting yourself first, treating yourself like you would all the others you help. You are such a lovely giving person....but you cant live on thin air. You need to rest, make time for pampering, treat yourself to the best you can offer! Maybe you need to slash your to do list, or take a well deserved holiday, or just get some sleep! But you cant go on like this...too many people will miss you around here!