Anyone else's spouse constantly trying to set you up for failure? I don't think it's intended but it could be and I'm just not getting the signs-

My husband is a naturally smaller person - he is constantly bringing chips Cookies ect to bed and always offering them to me- lately after he gets off work he will stop and get milkshakes and candy bars from the gas station - one for me and him of course.

I'm only a little over four weeks out- I always kindly pass but it's a little annoying-

Anyone else's spouse just not get it ?

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Have you asked him to stop or just let it slide? Tell him he can eat what he wants but that you would ask him to not bring foods home for you without checking first.

You're describing a situation that has many variations and isn't uncommon around here. What you left out is whether he has been taking Cookies to bed and bringing home two-by-two Snacks only since your surgery. If that's the case, he's absolutely sending a message. You might want to ask him to put it into words so that you know what's going on in your marriage. Often the underminer fears losing the spouse once he/she seems to have better options. That's just one of the usual possibilities. If he claims to being nothing more than funny, you can remind him that nothing is funny after the 28th time.

If he was in the junk-food-for-two habit before you ever thought of surgery, nothing has changed. You can sweetly ask him not to munch in your face until you have a good handle on your new way of eating, but it's tough to make it a demand. The general rule of the real world is that the one who makes the change or is the minority is the one who has to adjust to everyone else's carrying on as usual.

Edited January 5, 20179 yr by WLSResources/ClothingExch

Yes, I think it's common for people to try to be a feeder even if they weren't before.You have to put your foot down right away or you'll send a mixed message.only you can be in charge of what to eat.

My spouse does the same thing although I haven't had the surgery yet I am trying to practice better eating habits. He says that he feels that I'm not always enough and he really hates to just eat in front of me without at least asking if I would like some. And as said above he's used to sharing or buying things for me when he gets things for himself. So we are growing out of habits together....

Just talk to him : 0 )

The words I'm stuck on is that he's'naturally smaller'. That being said, I don't think he has the slightest inkling how his behavior is affecting you. This is one of those areas where if you haven't walked it, you simply don't get it. Sounds like it's time for some heart to heart conversations.

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He may also be trying to express love and care by showing that he thinks of you and bringing you gifts/treats.

I would tread very carefully if you decide to say something.

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He may also be trying to express love and care by showing that he thinks of you and bringing you gifts/treats.

I would tread very carefully if you decide to say something.

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You're nice to try to give him the benefit of the doubt, but it sounds like pretty clear sabotage to me. There's no way he doesn't know by now those are foods she can't have.

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This is something he's always done - usually gets me a Reese and him a snickers ect - I partially think he does it because he doesn't wanna feel guilty for the gas station trips so if he buys me something too he kinda doesn't feel guilty lol-

It's weird- I know he is a little worried about me loosing weight/ the way he works he is gone for three months at a time and I think he's worried what he might come back to

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Sounds like you have a good handle on what's happening. But as others have said, some conversation and reassuring is needed.

I was sleeved 12/16/16 and before surgery told my husband no candy in my Xmas stocking and yet there was a 1/2 my favorite See's chocolate, couple candy bars too and he continually asks if I want to go out to eat. I keep reminding him not yet so not sure why he does this.

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I at first got angry with my husband when he's eating Cookies candy ect. Beside me , but then I thought to myself, he didn't decide to change his eating habits I did. So I shouldn't expect him to change.

And now that I don't eat junk food. I realize how much junk I ate because we would snack together.

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I had quite the opposite issue. My wife was hiding in the pantry eating cookies as to not be eating in front of me. I thought it was sweet of her but I preferred her just go about business as usual. Doesn't bother me at all now when she's having some cookies after dinner. But she isn't offering me any out of respect. Sounds like you just need to have a chat about it, I like to think he's not trying to sabotage you.

Well this is his time off he goes back to work in one week about ten days actually and I know he does like to indulge and gain weight when he is off because he usually drops about 20 in the 3 months he away working because the hours are long and it's a highly physical and active job -

It feels like he doesn't want me to succeed but at the same time I know it's just what we used to always do sonthjs is an adjustment for him as well- we went out to habachi right after surgery and I just didn't eat we went a few other places till and I just didn't eat and that seemed tonmake him uncomfortable but when he's away he doesn't get that so I didn't wanna take it from him/ I have very good self control and my surgery weight was 223 so I don't have nearly as much as some to loose and the loss is slower as well because of that so I'm super driven to nkt cheat since I'm working super hard to drop weight compared to others on my local support group who are high 200s and 300s

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Continue to be strong! Junk and bs foods will be there FOREVER. But we only get one shot one opp at a healthy life...

You're describing a situation that has many variations and isn't uncommon around here. What you left out is whether he has been taking Cookies to bed and bringing home two-by-two Snacks only since your surgery. If that's the case, he's absolutely sending a message. You might want to ask him to put it into words so that you know what's going on in your marriage. Often the underminer fears losing the spouse once he/she seems to have better options. That's just one of the usual possibilities. If he claims to being nothing more than funny, you can remind him that nothing is funny after the 28th time.

If he was in the junk-food-for-two habit before you ever thought of surgery, nothing has changed. You can sweetly ask him not to munch in your face until you have a good handle on your new way of eating, but it's tough to make it a demand. The general rule of the real world is that the one who makes the change or is the minority is the one who has to adjust to everyone else's carrying on as usual.

EXCELLENT explanation!!

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