So my partner and I were supposed to be getting the sleeve together. My insurance company approved me for my surgery and they scheduled my surgery for Oct 27th. Her has not been approved yet and they are saying her surgery might not be until the end of Nov. We now it is causing problems between us because she feels like I was being impatient and selfish. And now she doesn't even want to get it because we aren't doing it "together". I just don't know what to do. If I should reschedule mine or what I should do. Please help.... [emoji20]

How is she going to feel when you lose 3 pounds one week and she "only" loses 1? Will you not be doing this "together" at that point? It sounds like the relationship has bigger issues than wls...

Sounds like she is the selfish one. And I agree with HFFM what will happen if you lose more than her?

And if you have a 3 yo at home, no way would I want surgery the same day as my husband. That's crazy.

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@@pensanefloetry, I'm sure I'm going to repeat at least some of what's already been written to you, as I won't take time to read all the messages.

Your partner is being selfish, wanting to deprive you of a start in changing your life for the better. I'd think that she'd want you to go ahead even if she's sad about her delay.

Both of you have been a little short-sighted. Having surgery about a month apart makes good sense. She'll be in good shape to give you a hand when you need one while you're healing and you'll be healed enough to do the same for her.

Edited October 22, 20169 yr by WLSResources/ClothingExch

Sounds like she's a narcissistic cray-cray. You already have problems in your marriage if you married her.

"When all is said and done, usually more has been said than done. "

Sounds like you have much bigger issues going on. I'd suggest couples' counseling and if she's not up for that, go solo. You deserve this chance at health and she should want it for you.

A supportive partner would realize that a month doesn't make a big difference in the grand scheme of things and would want what is best for his or her significant other.

You need to fix that, too.

Best of luck to you.

Thank you @@LipstickLady

Im with the others. Please try your best to clear your mind and do what you need to do what is best for you. If she decides not to go through with the surgery out of spite then she was originally doing it for the wrong reasons.

Having surgery a month apart is like the best scenario you both could have asked for with a child in the home.

High functioning fat man has a point if she is having trouble getting over this how will she react to you losing more weight if that should happen than her.

Or slimming down period will she be jealous? Obviously you care about her or you would not have asked this question in that case lipstick lady is correct you guys need more help. I hear lots of couples break up over wls for various reasons. Try opening up again if not suggest more help if you truly want it.

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Everyone experiences a different journey - there's so many variables that having surgery on the same day means very little. You may be hospitalized longer, she may have more nausea when you have more pain. This isn't a Mani/pedi we are talking about. She sounds extremely childish and self centered. You have a young child - who does she expect to care for your child? I agree with those that have suggested counseling. Do what's best for you and your child!

Question. How would she be behaving if her surgery was scheduled first and yours was a month or two later?

@@LipstickLady according to her she would have rescheduled it and waited for me.

I had my surgery 17 days ago, and my wife's surgery is scheduled to be in 4 days. At first I was bummed out that our surgeries weren't closer together. Now I'm feeling panicked that we were scheduled only 21 days apart. I'm still healing and need her help around the house. Come Wednesday I'm going to have to be the one in good enough health to do it all while she recovers. I wish I had a bit more time. I can't even imagine trying to have surgery done within days of each other.

I am a little dumbfounded by the way your partner is behaving. I'm in complete agreement with high functioning fat man. How is she going to react when you need her help walking around? How is she going to react when you're down 30 pounds and she's still waiting on surgery approval? She should have your back 110%. I would have been happy and supportive if my wife had surgery a month before me. Just as my wife has been a rockstar for me the past few weeks. If she's reacting so badly in anger now, how will her anger be then?

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Edited October 22, 20169 yr by SLH-A

@@SLH-A i think about all that too. Idk. It's crazy and it sucks but after long thought I always put her before me and I am tired of that.

Edited October 22, 20169 yr by pensanefloetry

@@LipstickLady according to her she would have rescheduled it and waited for me.

I call bullsh!t.

Sounds very immature and childish and if she loves you should support you gl with everything. And don't talk your self out of it go thru with it for your child's sake if not for your health.

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That is what I was trying to explain to her @@4MRB4PHOTO especially since we have a very active 3 year old at home. And I definitely have tried talking and it just gets no where. And thank you I an trying to be excited but it is hard. And p.s lol maybe if she sees this she will realize that how she is behaving is wrong. Because according to her and her "friends" I am selfish.

Having a 3-year old at home would be a major reason to NOT have surgery at the same time. Right after surgery, even with no complications, you won't be able to lift a child and your activity will be somewhat limited.

I echo the suggestion for couples counseling and/or solo counseling.