So my partner and I were supposed to be getting the sleeve together. My insurance company approved me for my surgery and they scheduled my surgery for Oct 27th. Her has not been approved yet and they are saying her surgery might not be until the end of Nov. We now it is causing problems between us because she feels like I was being impatient and selfish. And now she doesn't even want to get it because we aren't doing it "together". I just don't know what to do. If I should reschedule mine or what I should do. Please help.... [emoji20]

Her attitude is really, really poor. I can understand being disappointed, but then saying "I'm not gonna do it because we can't do it together" is immature, IMO. Plus, two people recovering from this surgery together simultaneously, neither can really be any help to the other.

My wife wanted to get the surgery too, and it looked for a while as though she might be able to do it earlier than me. She was very excited for it, and then we had some life changes and she ended up getting a teaching position, and it closed her window until next summer. Meanwhile, mine went forward and I got it done a month ago. She was disappointed and frustrated, moreso now because she has to continue to maintain a 40bmi due to insurance, until she can get it done. So it's a bummer. But it didn't change her mind about getting the surgery done, that's for sure!

In the end, it'll be better because I will be very far along toward my goals by the time she can get her surgery, and I will have experienced everything, so I'll be better able to help her through it. But if your partner is claiming YOU are the selfish one for going ahead, then your relationship - in my opinion - is in a questionable state, to begin with. Love is putting someone else's needs above your own. She should feel happy for you, and plan to do it at another time.

Her attitude is really, really poor. I can understand being disappointed, but then saying "I'm not gonna do it because we can't do it together" is immature, IMO. Plus, two people recovering from this surgery together simultaneously, neither can really be any help to the other.

My wife wanted to get the surgery too, and it looked for a while as though she might be able to do it earlier than me. She was very excited for it, and then we had some life changes and she ended up getting a teaching position, and it closed her window until next summer. Meanwhile, mine went forward and I got it done a month ago. She was disappointed and frustrated, moreso now because she has to continue to maintain a 40bmi due to insurance, until she can get it done. So it's a bummer. But it didn't change her mind about getting the surgery done, that's for sure!

In the end, it'll be better because I will be very far along toward my goals by the time she can get her surgery, and I will have experienced everything, so I'll be better able to help her through it. But if your partner is claiming YOU are the selfish one for going ahead, then your relationship - in my opinion - is in a questionable state, to begin with. Love is putting someone else's needs above your own. She should feel happy for you, and plan to do it at another time.

Well said!!

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I think you have two 3 year-olds to take care of; one you are married to. I'm picturing a pissed off stamped foot with folded arms across the chest.

Really? She can't wait a freaking month? And how is any of this your fault? My surgery was postponed three times -- none of which were as a result of anything I did or wanted, all because of the doctor/insurance scenarios.

Her insecurities are already out of control, IMO. She's going to be totally freaked out as you lose weight. IDK, I'd totally go through with the surgery, but get a therapist on speed dial. This is going to be a bumpy ride.

I am having my surgery next Monday and I am so happy to have my healthy husband to take care of the house (and me) after the surgery. We have older kids and he can make them help with cooking, laundry, etc. I know you aren't bedridden after surgery but I had my gallbladder out years ago and made the mistake of going to the grocery store just a few days later by myself, I hurt my stomach just lifting a really heavy bottle of laundry detergent. I won't make that mistake this time. You won't be able to lift your toddler for a few weeks after the surgery, honestly I would space them out a couple of months on purpose.

I went before my extremely obese husband because he was terrified. The surgeon recommended a two week difference due to the possibility of a problem. YES, it happened. My husband spent 4 days in the hospital with a problem. My husband is my priority. Not sure he would have done it if I had not gone first. I count my blessings I was allowed to go first and take care of my most precious asset.