Something just happened that my eyes at the magnitude of my obesity. I'm sorry if this is long but I have a mixture of feelings and I don't really have anybody that can really understand me.

I little bit about my history

I have been wanting to get my sleeve since 2014 I had it scheduled for September 4th but for many reasons I wasn't able to do it. I just started again my journey my first appointment with the surgeon is on April 14th and I am beyond happy!!!! I know I need this surgery my bmi is 42 I am morbidly obese but for some reason I had never really seen how fat I am! I have seen pictures and I see myself in the mirror, when I am out and I see somebody that is obese Ian always asking myself if I am fatter or skinnier and I constantly compare myself but I have never really been able to get an accurate idea and I don't feel as obese as my bmi points out.

Today I recorded my daughter giving her first steps but I am in the video and for some reason once I left it recording and I moved to stand up my daughter and make her walk the video switched to slow motion. Once I saw that video of me sitting down and moving around I slow motion it was just a shock!!! I am way fatter than how I see myself a lot more! And it was just very hard to realize how much I have let myself go. I have so many mixed feelings I feel very ugly and ashamed that I haven't been able to have control over this aspect of my life for so many years. At the same time I feel happy that I am finally taking control and I really really hope that I have the strength to make this journey a success.

Sorry about such a long post I needed to vent with people that I know will understand me

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I am right where you are at in my journey. Girl we can do this!

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I totally understand...my bmi os 52 and I never saw me that large. Even when I see myself in the mirror..I accept it as the mirror is a little skewed and because I'm in a wheelchair I am bound to look a little squat. My first great granddaughter is 18 months and wants nothing more than to sit in gammys lap....but I have none. I know the time is now to make changes. You and I ...and others are on the right path...we've begun a better way of living. Plz don't feel ugly....it's just a shell we've worn for a time and are about to shed that shell into a whole new life.

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I am right where you are at in my journey. Girl we can do this!

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I know this is the right tool and I am trying my best to start eating healthier and changing my habits

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I totally understand...my bmi os 52 and I never saw me that large. Even when I see myself in the mirror..I accept it as the mirror is a little skewed and because I'm in a wheelchair I am bound to look a little squat. My first great granddaughter is 18 months and wants nothing more than to sit in gammys lap....but I have none. I know the time is now to make changes. You and I ...and others are on the right path...we've begun a better way of living. Plz don't feel ugly....it's just a shell we've worn for a time and are about to shed that shell into a whole new life.

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I know what you mean about not having a lap same thing happens with my daughter. I can't wait to get rid of this shell!!!

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It's a hard thing to realize, but if it helps, video cameras do make people look fatter. Not extremely, but that's why film actors are so thin but look ok on the screen.

So while it may be bad, it's probably not quite as bad as you think.

Same thing here. I call it denial. I knew I was a little overweight. My neice got married over the summer. I dressed really nicely for it, new dress, shoes, fake eyelashes. I thought I was smoking hot!!!! When we got wedding pics back, I almost fell down. I totally grossed out. I could not believe how bad I looked. That and the diagnosis of diabetes pushed me to get weight loss surgery.

I know the feeling all too well. I fooled myself for years, too. But that's over. Now I have the reverse issue: learning to see the smaller me as I get there.

A friend came over the other night. I'm 16 days postop, mind you. And she came to see me in the hospital (I was in twice). The first thing she said was "where is the rest of you"? And she meant it. She sees a big difference already (I'm down 13 lbs. since surgery). I don't see that any more than I did the creep upward, but I'm sure glad she does. And I'm counting on her to keep me "seeing" me accurately on the way down.

Truth is, most of us were big hot messes pre-op.

I certainly understand. I was the Queen of Denial about how big I was. Going through this process has been as much about being honest and realistic with and about myself related to my obesity as anything else.

I had that moment of truth a couple of Christmases ago. My sister in law took a lot of pictures and posted them on Facebook and I was mortified. I knew the number had been getting higher and higher on the scale but I still saw myself as an overweight person and not the super morbidly obese person that I had become. That is when I started getting more serious about my weight and ended up on the WLS Journey.

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I was 150-170 for all my post teen and adult life. In 2003 I was hit by a drunk driver while in my motorcycle. Busted up pretty bad. In hospital on my back for 15 months. Due to not being very active post accident my weight has got yo 303 in 12 yrs. it's time to do this!!!!!

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BTW, I'm new to this forum and can't figure out how to update my profile! Help!!!!!

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BTW, I'm new to this forum and can't figure out how to update my profile! Help!!!!!

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It's much easier to figure out on a PC. The app kind of limits what you can do.

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I can relate to the denial. It was so weird that once I decided I was going to have the sleeve I saw myself as I really was for the first time. It was like I finally admitted to myself that it was that bad. I only have mirrors that are of my upper body and I am always the photographer so I don't have to be in pictures. Avoiding myself for so long it was a shock when I finally decided to open my eyes. The way I look at it is I have finally accepted that I need help and can move on, being realistic with myself and setting realistic goals. Took my measurements for the first time today, another eye opener!

I was 150-170 for all my post teen and adult life. In 2003 I was hit by a drunk driver while in my motorcycle. Busted up pretty bad. In hospital on my back for 15 months. Due to not being very active post accident my weight has got yo 303 in 12 yrs. it's time to do this!!!!!

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I, too spent too much time being inactive after knee replacement and spinal surgery. Now I spend 4 days a week in the Water. I soon hope to be able to do one day/week in the gym, but I'm just not there quite yet. My knee says, "nope, not yet", but soon. Meanwhile, splish, splash...