This is my first time on the site. I'm very excited to read everyone's stories and get some advice on mine. My story in some ways is a long one, but my journey to surgery has been relatively short.

I have struggled with weight my entire life. When my doctor asked me when I first struggled being overweight, or when I went on my first diet, I honestly couldn't answer. I don't remember a time where weight wasn't an issue for me. Now, I am not a "sad" fat person. I have never struggled with depression, I have never honestly felt that down on myself. I have had fairly normal romantic relationships, am confident, and have an active social and family life. I have had the same struggles as everyone as far as airplanes, restaurant booths and vacations. The way I dealt with those situations was to "outsmart" them. I obsessively check the seat map when I'm flying (which is often). I change my seats constantly to try to get an empty one next to me. I carry my own seat belt extender so I don't have to ask for one. I will upgrade to first class, even if it's expensive, and I always try to have a travel companion, even if that means I have to pay for the ticket. Typing all of this out feels very strange. I have never ever told anyone about these secret behaviors. It feels shameful almost, but this is how I dealt with normal things. At a restaurant, I arrive first and request a table instead of a booth. Always plaster a smile on my face, with the thought that if I am extraordinarily nice to people, they won't notice I weigh almost 400 lbs. I suppose I have not come face to face with my weight in quite some time. My friends and family would consider me a happy and well adjusted person, and I am for the most part. But I have been micro managing the way my weight affects my life for as long as I can remember. Smile, look pretty, don't draw attention. I am funny, people like me. But they have to, right? You want everyone to like you so they don't notice the weight.

In October, I began to have horrific nosebleeds. They were happening a few times a day, and they were terrifying. It was taking 30-45 minutes to get them stopped, and I felt as if I were bleeding to death every time. It was awful. Finally on Halloween, I had a family member drive me to the ER, I was in the midst of another nosebleed, and I was certain something was wrong with me. The doctors there were pretty passive, said that it's winter and dry and having bloody noses is not abnormal. They did say my BP was very high, but chalked it up to the stress and told me to follow up with my Primary Doctor. Thing was, I didn't have a Primary Doctor. I hadn't been to the doctor for years. I think as the weight came on, the more nervous I was that I would have health problems, so I avoided it. So of course, I did not follow up on the blood pressure.

About two weeks later, I went to Target on my lunch hour, and there, right in the middle of the store, I had an episode that is still very hard to explain. I became extremely dizzy, I had to steady myself on my cart. I was hot, my ears were ringing, and I had an overwhelming urge that I needed to get out there, and fast. I drove myself home and sat down for a few minutes. I felt a little better, but still uneasy. I drove back to work, still unsure of what had happened. A coworker asked me a few minutes later if I was okay, and I most definitely was not. My eyes would not focus, I felt short of breath, and I was dizzier than I have ever been in my life. She asked me if I had taken any kind of drugs. She later described what I look like to someone that was going through a drug withdrawal. My skin was grey, pupils were the size of pins, and I couldn't communicate clearly. All I could tell her was, "Something's wrong". She drove me immediately to the hospital. When I arrived there, I was feeling somewhat better, but still not myself at all. I couldn't really describe how I was feeling. My sister in law met me there, and I could tell by the look on her face that she was scared. My first blood pressure reading in the ER that day was 194/126. They immediately did a urine test to see if my organs were failing, luckily they were not. My BP went down some as we sat there, but not significantly. The doctor told me I had to get this addressed immediately with a primary doctor, or I was going to have a stroke. I made an appointment the next morning.

The Thanksgiving holiday fell between my ER visit and my appointment, and it was the worst holiday I have ever spent. I was having racing thoughts, horrible anxiety, and fairly sever discomfort. When I checked my BP, it was always skyrocketed, which lead me to think "worst case scenario" every time. I was sure I was dying. My mind went to how my family would find me, how they would feel. I considered how hard it would be for the paramedics would get me out of the house. I was miserable.

I met Dr. Thomas on December first. She was the MD I could get in with first, and I feel that was a gift from the universe honestly. I unloaded on her and rattled off all of my issues and symptoms. I am fairly certain I sounded like a crazy person. She believed what had happened to me at Target was a Panic Attack, and she felt I was suffering from extreme anxiety as a result of exceptionally high blood pressure. I went on Blood Pressure medication that day. She also prescribed me a rescue anxiety med in case that part of things became an issue. I had never met a doctor that listened to me like she did. I felt she was my peer, not my doctor. I was so comfortable talking about everything. She ran every blood test possible, and amazingly, Hypertension was my only diagnosis. A1C, thyroid, and cholesterol were totally fine, which was incredible. It was at my second visit with her that I asked her what she thought about weight loss surgery. She gave me a referral, and honestly that day was the first day of the rest of my life.

I realized, going through all of these things, I HAD to have a major change. Dealing with my high blood pressure, and how it made me feel was the scariest thing I have ever been through. As my blood pressure got under control, so did everything else. I didn't feel crazy anymore, I was having the racing thoughts or the fears about dying. I was starting to be me again, but I knew this was just the beginning. I called the Weight Management Clinic very soon after that and started my process.

My insurance will not even consider covering the Sleeve. I was very disappointing to hear that, but I did luckily have another option. My dad expressed that he would gladly foot the bill if I was serious about this, and it's what I wanted. That was a very tearful conversation. I have never asked for help from my parents before, so it was hard to accept. But I will forever be grateful to him for giving me this gift.

So here I am, 2 months into this journey. I've completed just about all of my steps, I have one more group next week, and then my exercise evaluation next week as well. I have an appointment with my weight management doctor next Thursday, and then I will hopefully be able to schedule my surgery consult. Not dealing with insurance has made the process a lot quicker. I am hoping for surgery in February, although I am told that sometimes the surgeons have other steps they want you to complete.

I am a little scared, I can't lie. I am nervous for the pre and post op parts. But I am so looking forward to the future. The thing that has been the most amazing to me is, every single person I have talked to about it has been super supportive. There has not been one single person that has said "You know, I think you should wait", or "Are you sure"? It's incredible. I have carried this weight and this burden with me for 30+ years. I am beyond ready to shed it and move forward with forever. I am so grateful that I am as healthy as I am, and I am so thankful that I had these things happen to bring me to this place. I know it will be a long journey, but I couldn't be more excited. And after all, that's what it's all about- the journey, right?

Good luck to everyone that's starting this journey, this is just the beginning of our story!

Welcome. you will do great. I'm 6 weeks post op from gastric sleeve and this sight has been a godsend. Everyone is very supportive and any question you need answered you can find here. From the standard questions to the not so standard. Enjoy the journey.

Welcome! I am brand new, too - so I am happy to have you here.

Glad you are feeling better and that you found an angel of a doctor. Really makes such difference.

Congrats on making the toughest decision so far...taking your health into your own hands. Follow th eplan and you will be fine. Nothing to be scared of.

I am 8 months out and 106 pounds down so far. This literally will change your life. You may just find that you have different feelings about the extra weight once it is gone.

Good luck and stay vocal here. There are lots of folks here to help!

Newbie here too! So excited to read everyone's posts!

@@lisaannedp thank you for sharing your story! So glad you're here. My surgery is scheduled for Feb. 23rd. So, we may be surfery Sisters! Keep us posted. And again, welcome!

Be blessed!

@@Bluesky1, I hope ours are close, that would be great to have a comrade. I am feeling so energized reading everyone's experiences, I am sure I am going to have so many questions! My biggest thing right now is, I am scared that my surgeon or doctor are going to have a reason to push my surgery off for some reason. I am always afraid I am doing something wrong, or they will want me to do something else before I can schedule. I think I am just overthinking it. What kind of diet plan does your doctor have you on right now?

@@lisaannedp I'm glad you're getting encouragement here ???? I am

not on a special diet before the surgery because my bmi is on the lower end. There are many people who have done the pre-op diet on the forum.

I think it's normal to have some nerves. I Sure do. I've just prayed, and really utilized this board. ???? Keep us posted!

@@Bluesky1 I will for sure. I have more appointments next week. I feel so happy I found this site. I just want to read everything there is to read. I have been praying too, and I feel very deeply that this is the absolute right decision for me.

@@lisaannedp I'm so glad you found it too! I read, and read, and read. I've been lurking for about 8 months, just reading...too scared to post, because I was afraid I'd be denied. I was right at the border with weight and my sleep apnea. But, praise God...I was approved!

Btw, I had to wait 3 months for my surgery. I was bummed, but I made up my mind to accept it, and live my life until the . I needed to have a total hysterectomy. So, I had that surgery 18 days ago, and am recovering now. I just made the best of the time before Feb. 23rd. I say all this to say, you may have to wait for scheduling the surgery, but focus on te blessing of even being able to have it. We are so fortunate! ????

Have a blessed day!

Welcome and thank you so much for sharing your story.

It sounds like everything is aligned for you to have a successful surgery. I wish you all the best.

@@lisaannedp

We are the same height and my start BMI was 60. My BMI is 45 now and I have lost 92 lbs in 6 months. I am only 1/2 way to where I want to be but honestly if I never lost another pound, I would consider my surgery a success. My clothing option are improved. My mobility is improved (I didn't even realize how limited it was getting). There are too many little differences that losing a 100lbs brings that I can't really list them.

Like you I wasn't an unhappy fat person. I worked with and around my weight. I too had my own seat belt extender for planes. If like you, I didn't start having blood pressure problems, I doubt I would have ever looked into WLS surgery. I love food and I would rather snarf down cheesecake and eat beef wellington than eat baked fish and be thin. However, popping pills like a granny and having multiple medical issues is a not and option if it can be prevented, so WLS was the solution.

I don't regret a moment of it, and I haven't since surgery. The changes are worth the result.

@@Bluesky1 I am trying to prepare myself for some sort of delay, but I am sure hoping i don't have one. I have guardianship of my teenage brother and he graduates in May, so I am really hoping to be feeling well and 100% by then. Which i don't know if I will, but I am hoping a few months post op and I will be okay.

@@OutsideMatchInside Your post just gave me goosebumps! Sounds like we have a lot of similarities to our stories. It's so encouraging to hear about your success!!! It's an inspiration, and makes me even more excited about this process! One question, have you been able to go off of your BP meds?

@@lisaannedp

My blood pressure was never as high as yours I think the highest it was like 141 over 90 or something like that. They gave me meds but the meds made me so sleepy I couldn't function. I stopped taking them and quit drinking coffee. I don't really suggest that people stop taking their blood pressure meds. All of this happened in a short time period. Blood pressure meds in April, first WLS Appt in May, Surgery mid July. Literally when I got home from picking up the blood pressure meds, I found and went to a meeting for WLS the next day, and met the surgeon 2 weeks later. Then I had surgery within 8 weeks of my first surgeon appointment.

My blood pressure is normal now, it has been for months. Prior to having high blood pressure, my pressure was always on the low side, which is why the high blood pressure freaked me out so bad.

Wonderful. I'm so proud of you, this is a great decision you are making. I can't imagine

What you have been through in your life and I'm so excited for you to discover the changes coming your way. You going to do amazing I know it!!!