Good Evening,

I have my first appointment with the doc this week and as I approach this change I'm really struggling with coming up with why I've failed to lose the weight myself... everyone's situation is unique but I'm beating myself up over all of my failed attempts to lose weight over the past 20+ years. Trying to lose weight has consumed my life... and has been a cycle of hope and failure that finally left me defeated and ashamed.

In my past I struggled with some medical challenges that were unrelated to my weight... however, they likely made all my weight loss attempts much more difficult. Earlier this year I decided to go to a weight loss retreat center that focused on mindful eating, stress management, and developing an exercise routine that I enjoy. I focused on some of the "issues" that drive my emotional overeating but learned that it's a journey of baby steps to see big change. It was a wonderful place and I am so thankful that I went before looking into surgery as an added tool.

So... back to the reason for my post... my biggest struggle is justifying the need for this surgery... I know it's not the easy way out... but I think it's the easier part of the HELL the last 20+ years have been. How do I quiet the bully in my head saying that I should try again to lose the weight without surgery?

Are there true physiological reasons that some of us just can't do it without surgery?

Thanks for reading my post and sharing your experience.

@@TXhappyday It sounds like you're off to a great start! You're looking at your habits and understanding what's perpetuating the cycle. All that self-reflection will pay huge dividends in end.

Others have explained well how using WLS as a tool differs from traditional dieting. I'll just add one thing my surgeon told me that helped when I was asking myself these same questions. He said people who have the BMI to qualify for surgery, but do not have it, have a 2 percent chance of losing their excess weight and keeping it off long-term. Those who have surgery have a 60 percent chance or greater of losing their excess weight and keeping it off. It's not *you*. It's the reality of the battle we're all facing/have faced here.

That's an interesting statistic. Certainly true in my life. Thx for sharing.

Hey, if this is any help, my problem was portion sizes too ! Didn't matter whether it was healthy or not, sometimes I could pack away a good sized amount. I went on Weight Watchers for a year, followed the program very well, counted my daily points, loved the small portions of healthy food and lost...........wait for it, wait for it..............12 whole pounds !! In a year !! Talk about disappointed ! Sometimes, you just can't get your body on the same page as your mind ! Now ? Small portions suit me just fine, im not hungry alot, eat a little bit every few hours, done ! Yes, you'll have to get used to the "new " way of eating, but you'll also have to get used to the "new" way of living..................wait for it, wait for it................ Healthy ! Clothes falling off of you ! Compliments ! Shopping in regular sizes ! Lower bmi ! Joints dont ache ! Men flirting with you ! Happy !!!! You get the picture, good luck !!!

Thanks for such great input... I love the stats letitbeatles9! And pink dahlia.. you crack me up!

Thanks for such great input... I love the stats letitbeatles9! And pink dahlia.. you crack me up!

Thanks ! I do my best !

I asked my surgeon.. and he said even Doctors don't know why.. they have no idea why some people can eat pure junk food every day, for every meal and have no weight gain, or any other problems, and others struggle to eat right, and cannot lose the weight.. so don't put so much pressure on yourself. Like someone else said, in a year.. everything will be different.

defeated and ashamed.

Why can't I lose weight without surgery?

@@TXhappyday

you can silly head !!!!

can you keep it off?

i couldn't

justification of surgery?

you've tried many times to lose weight and keep it off

WLS will "assist" you in loosing, and maintaining

but you have to eat properly et al

changing your lifestyle

FYI i hate the word "TOOL" sounds like i am gardening

read all good advice on the board

suggestions, advice, and OP others experience

ask your questions

end of day ONLY listen to the medical advice from surgeon and NUT

you are the road to a healthier, happier, longer life

kathy

good luck

Great question.

I started researching WLS back in 2006. I had recently lost and gained ~80 lbs. I decided against it at the time and then life changed a bunch and weight loss just wan't as important for a bit as I went through some other stuff.

2010 I decided I would try to lose it on my own one last time. I thought if I can stick with a program then I will do it. I did great, lost about 100 lbs. I hit a plateau in 2012 that lasted into 2013, and I flat out gave up with 100 lbs to lose.

So I gained 80 lbs again. I'm starting to realize I can't do this on my own. I have officially started the ball rolling for surgery.

I think part of it is accepting that you just haven't been able to do it on your own and you need some help. That doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you. You are just taking your way to get there. Talk to yourself the way you would a friend... Hey, good for you, this is an important step you're taking for your health.

Try to NOT focus on the bully voice that tells you to suck it up buttercup and just lose the weight on your own. There is no right way to lose the weight. One could argue that if I weren't so scared in 2006 that getting surgery then would have been the "better" choice for me. It is what it is at this point, the only way is forward.

@TXhappyday We have all asked ourselves this question. I think different things contribute to the whys, but for most of us it's because we are hungry all the time, food is everywhere, we like stuff that isn't good for us, we are busy, and food taste good! It's hard to resist foods we want, WLS doesn't give you that choice for a while, if you eat to much or bad it comes back up! You can fill up on very little with WLS. Eat to much fat or sugar and you'll be sick. Food is still everywhere but you start noticing that you can probably find something good for your WLS tummy just about everywhere also. I'm only a little over 3 months out and I've lost 50lbs. I'm just now getting where I feel hungry sometimes, some folks don't get that hunger feeling for much longer. Your taste buds change, I used to hate Greek Yogurt, now it's good! Does it really matter as to why you haven't been successful at losing weight and keeping it off? What matters is you know you can't and you know there is something that can help you, WLS. It forces you to eat the right things, and it forces you to eat very small portions, and your not hungry while doing it. The only way it fails is if you don't learn a new way of life before the maximum effects where off, then you have a good chance of gaining it back. I am hoping that when this time comes I will be 100lbs down and that will give me the motivation to stay on track. What ever you decide, we are here for you and we have all been there! What your feeling is totally normal. I felt so guilty about having the surgery, I felt like a failure and couldn't believe I was spending all that money and missing work because I couldn't keep from stuffing my fat face! Then for a few weeks after surgery I kept asking myself "what have you done" apparently that is a normal feeling also. Now three months later I am so glad I did it! I know for a fact I never would have lost this 50 pounds (and hopefully another 50) without the surgery.

I had my meeting with the doc today... and I asked him my question... "Why can't I lose weight without surgery?" Here's what he told me... (I'm summarizing from my notes)

He said that obesity can reach a disease state where a person's internal regulators start to fail. Your body's set point weight re-sets at your higher weight and your body wants to return you to that new (higher) set point despite your attempts to lose weight... the signal from your stomach to your brain will continue to push for you to return to that new set point.

The surgery (bypass or sleeve) helps by interrupting that signal when a big part of the stomach that produces the ghrelin is removed. He explained that it's the one shot you have at resetting that set point. So I asked... if you're set point is now at a higher weight (obese) and you don't have surgery... then you're screwed?

He smiled and said... medical science would indicate yes... His response seemed kind of flippant at the time and I'm not sure if he really believed what he said or not... but it doesn't matter to me. I appreciate knowing what the data and medical literature support.

~~~

I don't know if I'm going to have surgery or not...it's all dependent on my insurance. Right now it appears I don't meet the requirements to be approved... somehow I got taller and lost a few pounds since my last doctor's visit a couple of weeks ago (taller, really?). My BMI is right at 35 and, I don't have any of the qualifying co-morbidities. The doc is still going to submit the paperwork and pursue an approval but I won't know for about 6 weeks. And, what's crazy is that insurance may still require 6 mos of a doctor supervised weight loss program - which is just a straight up denial in my book.

What's "wrong" with surgery? Seriously! Think about it. If you had a bad heart, you'd fix it without thinking twice. If your gall bladder was failing, you'd remove it. If your knee was bad, you'd replace it. If your head was off, you'd medicate it. Why is it "wrong" to fix your ability to consume via restriction or malabsorbtion?

Diet and exercise is the "socially acceptable" way to lose weight as long as you allow it to be. The bottom line is your health. Why does it matter how you achieve it as long as you freaking achieve it!?!?

Think about that.

@@LipstickLady

I didn't ask what was wrong with surgery. I was on a Quest for knowledge to understand what physiologically may be going on that makes weight loss much more difficult (if not impossible) for some people. And the answer did matter... it mattered to me. It was information that I needed to aid in my decision for surgery and how I processed this next step.

@@LipstickLady

I didn't ask what was wrong with surgery. I was on a Quest for knowledge to understand what physiologically may be going on that makes weight loss much more difficult (if not impossible) for some people. And the answer did matter... it mattered to me. It was information that I needed to aid in my decision for surgery and how I processed this next step.

That's a great question -- one many of us will always wonder about. Me personally? I don't care. I just care about getting there and surgery was my answer when all my failed diet plans didn't.

Your body has a metabolic set point. The more you weigh, the happier your body is that your set point is high, so you won't die in the imaginary famine we might have. You can lose 20#, keep it off for a bit, but that nasty set point will rear its ugly head and do everything possible to reach that high number again. It's very rude!

When you go thru WLS your metabolism becomes very confused. Because you're eating very little and losing, losing weight as well as outsmarting your tummy's hunger hormone (for about a year), you can finally create a new set point. This year of losing is called the honeymoon period because you're losing and keeping it off without feeling like you're starving. That's why it's so important to create new good eating habits during this time, because your hunger will kick in again eventually.

Please don't be so hard on yourself for your weight. Remember, you're a good and worthy person, and deserve respect...from yourself! You just can't lose the way someone else might.

This forum will share your fears, your joys and your achievements. Post often;-)

Hmmm, maybe your doc and I said the same thing? He wasn't being flip. Those of us with "metabolic syndrome" just can't get that set point to drop permanently...well, I think the stats say something like 2% can, the rest of us need help

I had to go thru the supervised diet by my doc...I lost 5 #. She gave encouraging words, but I was determined to have surgery and to keep the weight on. But I also had to keep the insurance people happy. They turned me down (as they like to do), she wrote a letter listing my co morbidities, elevated bp, cholesterol, depression, and a sleep study said I needed a cpap. My bmi was 35. Investigate what the co morbids are, and see if you qualify. And recheck your height! I doubt you grew an inch...3 different people can measure you 3 different ways!

The supervised diet with my doctor wasn't so bad. I learned her husband had mental issues, her daughter was going off to college leaving an empty nest at home, and her mother needed placement in a nursing home. 6 months of chats of eat less/exercise more got boring for both of us, so we really became acquainted! Be patient, do your homework, and good luck!