Good Evening,

I have my first appointment with the doc this week and as I approach this change I'm really struggling with coming up with why I've failed to lose the weight myself... everyone's situation is unique but I'm beating myself up over all of my failed attempts to lose weight over the past 20+ years. Trying to lose weight has consumed my life... and has been a cycle of hope and failure that finally left me defeated and ashamed.

In my past I struggled with some medical challenges that were unrelated to my weight... however, they likely made all my weight loss attempts much more difficult. Earlier this year I decided to go to a weight loss retreat center that focused on mindful eating, stress management, and developing an exercise routine that I enjoy. I focused on some of the "issues" that drive my emotional overeating but learned that it's a journey of baby steps to see big change. It was a wonderful place and I am so thankful that I went before looking into surgery as an added tool.

So... back to the reason for my post... my biggest struggle is justifying the need for this surgery... I know it's not the easy way out... but I think it's the easier part of the HELL the last 20+ years have been. How do I quiet the bully in my head saying that I should try again to lose the weight without surgery?

Are there true physiological reasons that some of us just can't do it without surgery?

Thanks for reading my post and sharing your experience.

Because you're not superman? I mean, if you'd tried to do anything else literally for 20 years and could not, would you be beating yourself up over it like this? I doubt it. Chances are you would say something like "Well, I gave it my best shot. I tried my hardest. I tried for 20 long years and I tried lots of different ways, but obviously this is something I cannot do on my own. I need the professionals." I encourage you to extend grace to yourself and realize that you are only human... an imperfect, yet beautiful being who can't do everything simply because you wish you could. Please be gentle with yourself and your decision to have surgery. It's simply a weight loss tool that you will be utilizing. Nothing more. Best of luck on your journey, it is going to be fantastic! Don't let your shame and doubts get in the way. 20 years is long enough.

I have gained and lost weight probably 10 times. I have been the weight I am currently twice. Losing it is easy. Keeping it off is the hard part.

With this surgery, it has given me the fighting chance I needed to keep all or most of the weight I've found over and over off for the rest of my life. It's not a magic bullet, because over time the effectiveness of the surgery wanes. But with the use of this tool, I have learned what it takes to maintain my weight. And let's face it, my stomach will never be the size it was before. That right there gives me more than a fair advantage.

I did what I had to do. I'm not ashamed at all, and never will be. Some people just need a little extra "help". There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It doesn't make me weak, or lazy, or unmotivated. I have worked harder at this than any other "diet" I've ever been on, because for the first time in my life, I'm doing it right.

⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️ looks Hott good luck with weight loss and hope the dr can help you feel better about it

One thing I learned through this process is that obesity is a disease. It is not a moral failing or a character flaw. Our bodies were not designed to survive in a time of constant abundance but for cycles of feast and famine.

Trying to diet and lose weight is actually fighting against biology and our bodies are very good at fighting back. Once I decided to have surgery, I started to feel, for the first time, that I wasn't somehow defective for not being able to lose weight and maintain that loss.

Let it go. A year from now I promise you, the why will not matter. You will have your life back, new energy, a gratitude for health, mobility, and a second chance. Look forward and be happy. It all changes now!

I've said it before and I'll say it again.......... the human body is not perfect, it doesn't always "cooperate" and do exactly what we want it to do. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you just cant get your body to go where you want it to go. Im sure you've been to the doctor or denist before, but im sure you didnt expect to "fix" the problem all by yourself , now did you ? Nope ! Same thing with WLS, you're just helping your overweight body get healthy , with a surgeons help. Just sayin '.

Your body has a metabolic set point. The more you weigh, the happier your body is that your set point is high, so you won't die in the imaginary famine we might have. You can lose 20#, keep it off for a bit, but that nasty set point will rear its ugly head and do everything possible to reach that high number again. It's very rude!

When you go thru WLS your metabolism becomes very confused. Because you're eating very little and losing, losing weight as well as outsmarting your tummy's hunger hormone (for about a year), you can finally create a new set point. This year of losing is called the honeymoon period because you're losing and keeping it off without feeling like you're starving. That's why it's so important to create new good eating habits during this time, because your hunger will kick in again eventually.

Please don't be so hard on yourself for your weight. Remember, you're a good and worthy person, and deserve respect...from yourself! You just can't lose the way someone else might.

This forum will share your fears, your joys and your achievements. Post often;-)

@@katybelle7 makes an important point. WLS is most effective the first year postop. So you really need to hit it hard during that time, in order to get off the maximum amount of weight while your WLS is functioning at its best. The hope is that once your hunger hormones and metabolism try and kick back in, you'll have the momentum needed to keep the weight off (or keep on going down if need be).

But to answer your question about why you have difficulties doing this without surgery. It's quite simple. WLS will dial down the amount you can eat/absorb plus the drive/cravings to eat. Especially in its first year. So in that way, it is not at all like traditional dieting. You'll see: without the hunger or capacity to consume the amount of calories that keeps you at a high weight, you will be able to eat smaller amounts which will fill you up. So you are effectively eating like a naturally-slim person, and without the frustration that traditional dieting keeps alive.

Traditional diets don't work, as we have to be constantly fighting the hunger and constantly eating below what our stomachs need to feel full...it's so crazy depressing--no wonder no one succeeds at it longterm.

WLS allows you to cut down on calories almost unconsciously. I mean you still have to pick nutrionally-dense foods that are compliant with your WLS post op diet, but it doesn't drive you nuts to do so. It's much much easier than trying to do this the old-fashioned way.

If you take the leap, you'll see.

Well said folks. Unlike many other things that cause problems in life we can't just walk away from food and give it up. We have to eat to live but it should not be the only thing in our life. All those years of dieting being the focus of every day and not getting us anywhere permanently. After surgery you will be able to settle into a healthy routine and enjoy your life so much more. Don't knock yourself as others have said this is a disease and you are now going to treat it. Good luck.

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts... I greatly appreciate it! I feel better about things after reading your posts. I'm actually starting to feel a twinge of excitement about the surgery mixed in with my other emotions.

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts... I greatly appreciate it! I feel better about things after reading your posts. I'm actually starting to feel a twinge of excitement about the surgery mixed in with my other emotions.

And just to be clear....what you're feeling is completely normal. I think 99% of us had the exact same fears and thoughts you did. Just so you know, you're not alone

@@TXhappyday,

As everyone else has said everything you are feeling is completely normal. If you were not questioning it and running full steam ahead I would be shocked.

The biggest thing to remember that most people do not understand is that obesity is a disease. Logically you tell yourself if I eat less and exercise I will lose weight. The reality is you have a metabolic disease that pushes against everything you do to try to lose weight.

I have lost hundreds of pounds over the years only to gain it all back and then some. After I got older (I am 52) I noticed that I could not even lose the weight to begin with no matter how hard I tried. Then the weight really started piling on fast for me. I did not eat a lot, I promise. What I ate was killing me! Literally.

You are going to be so happy once you have a tool to help you be successful. Trust me when I say this is not easy either. There will be bumps in the road but you will get through them.

By the way, I had bypass. I have thrown up exactly twice in 11.5 months. Both times it was from eating more than my little pouch liked. You learn the rules and then believe it or not you follow them.

I wish you the very best of luck with your surgery. Trust that you are making the right choice to get healthy!

I need to say this... if only for myself... but I know I eat too much. I know that I've failed at the diets... because I couldn't stick with them. However, I'm at the place now that I've dealt with a lot of the emotional drivers but my portions are still too big.

I need to say this... if only for myself... but I know I eat too much. I know that I've failed at the diets... because I couldn't stick with them. However, I'm at the place now that I've dealt with a lot of the emotional drivers but my portions are still too big.

Which is very normal.

Never forget you can defeat the surgery. If you go back to old eating habits if you eat high calorie food and drink. Before I had surgery I went to a baby shower and one of the Aunts had WLS but she ate a piece of cake and a piece of cheesecake. You can't eat that stuff if you want to be successful. She was over a year out and it was a good lesson to learn before I had my own.

As to why you can't lose weigh w/o surgery.. because there is sugar in EVERYTHING you eat. You can lose weight without surgery given enough lifestyle change but less than 5% of people who do it without surgery retain the healthy weight they achieved. I had surgery because I was like a lot of other people who have WLS I've tried. I've tried any other way. But I was up to 431 and I didn't want to die of a heart attack before my nephew graduates high school. I didn't want to be dependant on other people for personal care. I didn't want to live as a fat person anymore. Now I make my own everything. I make sure there is no sugar in my deli meat or cheese. I really enjoyed watching "Fed Up" on Netflix which is a documentary on the obesity rates world wide. It didn't have a positive view of WLS but the information in it on the food industry and the WHO was very interesting.