Serious Question. How is WLS the "wrong way"?

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I understand how some people might think it's the "easy" way, especially if you've not gone through the preop and post op diets, and you've not experienced the issues that go along with effects of the surgery.

I am **NOT** asking about EASY. I know it's not.

I'm curious about those who think it's the WRONG way or a BAD way to lose weight. Why? I'm truly curious about that side of the argument.

I'm sure I'm asking in the wrong forum as this is a WLS support board but your thoughts? What you've heard?

Serious replies requested.

[JamieLogical 8,684]

Maybe there is that perception because it requires surgery, which puts your life at risk? Some people are just opposed to "elective" surgery in general, because with ANY surgery (no matter how safe) there are still serious risks associated?

Or maybe it's because it seems like a drastic solution to a problem that many think can be solved by less drastic means?

Or maybe it's because it's "unnatural"?

I still think a LOT of people will equate the "easy way" with being the "wrong way". In life we are taught not to take the "easy way out" a lot. So we associate "easy" with "bad" or "wrong" most of the time. I like to apply a little more logic to my decision making than that. So even if WLS was the "easy way", which in some ways I think it is and in some ways it most definitely is NOT, that wouldn't deter me from choosing it. I don't feel ashamed of having had WLS. I am, however, aware of the stigma associated with it therefor don't tell many people. I know most people don't understand what is truly involved in WLS and I don't want to have to try to explain it to them.

Edited January 30, 2015 by JamieLogical

[chubbsey1 126]

Hello Lipstick Lady,

My two cents go as follows, i'm a rookie by the way my surgery is in about three weeks. I believe that folks are inherently just judgemental. The first time I was actively following surgery over a year ago I made the mistake of sharing my decision with friends and family, I couldn't believe the resistance i received from a boat load of people who had no clue and didn't due the research I did and yet there it was basically I was labelled lazy and crazy, opinions are like a$$holes everybody has one and occasionally they spew forth diahrrhea. I think we are all judgemental to an extent I think it's just in our nature as social creatures. One persons wrong way is anothers right. Ultimately it's our,yours and my decision because we usually know what is best for us. I am nervous as heck yet I know if I dont push foward the myriad of obesity related illnesses that I have are going to bury me sooner than later and you know what I'm not ready to push daisies just yet. As the saying goes "It's hard to be a saint in the city."

Edited January 30, 2015 by chubbsey1

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

On the one hand, I can't even fathom...on the other hand I suppose I do think low BMI/young/recently obese should at least try pretty seriously before WLs so I guess I judge too. What I noticed is that people who had known me FOREVER who were not obese were my cheerleaders. My family who are most overweight were less so. I was 150# overweight, most of them are say 50# overweight. My general feeling is that it is other fat people who are the most judgmental perhaps?

[IcanMakeit 1,318]

I think that the perception that WLS is the "wrong" way to lose weight comes from the fact that most people who haven't had it, think it's easy. And since lots of people believe that obese people are lazier or more self indulgent than others or lack self control, they don't want us to be able to lose weight easily. We should have to work hard to overcome our character flaws. I don't think these feelings are at the forefront of most people's thought processes, but I do believe they are there.

[deangelia 12]

I think people see obesity as a sign of weakness in people, or lack of self control.

Obese people in general are looked down upon, people prefer to look and communicate with thinner more attractive people. This is not my opinion, rather proven facts. The general non obese public think simple terms "Just stop eating so much, or eating poorly and that will solve your problems.... Get on a treadmill instead.... For the love of all that is good."

So I think the reason people feel it's a bad decision is because they don't understand what we go through, our physical needs, our chemical make up, or addictions. We ALL have our bad habits.... Some drink too much, smoke too much, work too much, exercise too much, watch porn, or other forms of sexual addictions, some do illegal drugs, some are just sloths....

Pick your poison !

I am thankful there is a tool we can choose to help us with our addictions, to achieve a healthier lifestyle, reduce health risks by 95% , reduce 5yr mortality and lead a healthier life! This tool allows us TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

It is drastic but it is proven to reverse the following:

Type II Diabetes, hypertension, Migraines, GERD, Urinary incontinence, cardiovascular disease, asthma, obstructive sleep apnea, depression, degenerative joint disease, fatty liver, metabolic syndrome, gout and much much more! This is a risky surgery BUT look at the health risks you have if you continue to get bigger and bigger!

Easy by no means!!!!!! It's a very risky and tough decision! I personally cannot continue to live in this shell, getting bigger and bigger... Or losing and gaining back. I believe the sleeve will force me to behave better initially to get me to a healthy weight and lifestyle... As well as learn to have a proper Portion Control that will fill me up faster with less food. I am determined to get healthier to be able to play with Grandkids and maybe someday I can actually be able to run again. Right now I can barely walk!!!

[AvaFern 3,516]

My perception is that people think fat people are already lazy, and surgery is a way to allow them to avoid having to do the "hard work" of traditional diet and exercise and thus it is wrong because we are a bunch of cheaters. After all, if everyone just had their stomach cut out, no one would be able to eat too much and everyone could be thin, right? I will be honest, sometimes I do feel like a cheater for having had the surgery because I know I am now thin because I cannot physically eat enough to be fat. I watch some friends struggle with weight loss and I can understand how they would think I took the easy way out since I essentially eliminated the option of pigging out. I have told my three best friends about surgery and no one else, largely because I am 100% sure that the vast majority of people I am around would have zero value for my weight loss if they knew I only got here because of surgery.

That being said, my three best friends have also seen how sick food makes me, how I can't ever really enjoy a meal out because half the food in the world makes me heave, how my hair is falling out in clumps, how I cried when someone pointed my hair out to me, how many plastic surgery procedures I've gone through to look normal, how I used to run when I was fat and my feet would swell up so badly I could barely walk, how I tried and tried dieting and I would lose weight and then gain it all back, and how despite the fact that yes, I cut out 80% of my stomach as a last resort, it has in no way been an easy process. They saw how miserable I was when I was heavy, how hard I worked to be thin, how many times I would sob in my closet because no matter what I tried on I looked horrible, how I would peel at my gross loose skin (or at times my fat) and think no man would ever want to see me naked, and how I just knew the entire world was laughing at me and I completely avoided leaving my house as much as possible.

Therefore, yes, people who are not close to someone who has had surgery or who is obese, think this is the easy way out and I understand that. I forgive them for their ignorance, because there are many things in life that i am unequally uneducated and judgemental about and other people forgive me for my stupid comments. I also don't put myself into positions where anyone who is not close to me gets to impart their opinions on my surgery decision. My feeling is that if they haven't seen the suffering before and during my weight loss process, they don't have the perspective to really judge my choice, and I am relieving them of their obligatory need to give me their uninformed and often hurtful, if not intentionally so, opinion.

Everyone has the right to an opinion, however my opinion is that, I do not give a crap what they think if they have not walked the proverbial mile in my shoes.

[Stevehud 1,790]

If we could teach people what really goes on, not just the struggle but the successes that many of you have had, maybe they would learn the truth. But then again, i often underestimate the power of stupid people in groups, so theyd probably learn nothing.

[Bobby46 327]

I think people believe its the "wrong" way because we are choosing to physically alter our bodies "just to lose weight". I heard it from a few people, not many. Mostly heard the "easy way out" stuff.....so "easy" and "wrong" probably do go hand in hand. But from what was said to me...they had a very hard time understanding why I was choosing to permanently cut out a portion of a vital organ. Its just "wrong" and "crazy".

No amount of justification on my part changed their minds. I still have a stomach, I still eat.....but with the way I am built mentally and physically I couldn't control this without a drastic choice. Now I can.....Thank God! I explained that I HAD to take advantage of this opportunity to gain control so I can live a healthier life. This is the right choice for me. Every other avenue failed me. Still got the "I just don't understand why you don't just eat less and exercise more, its about choice." They don't understand.....so its "wrong"

[MountianGirl 109]

My thoughts: its viewed as the wrong way because people who are overweight brought it on themselves and should have to tackle it themselves. Well thats crap. If there were a surgical option for people with drug or alcohol addictions/problems no one would second guess the genius of it. There's a huge prejudice against fat and the media and ignorance fuel that fire.

I struggle with telling people I've had WLS because in one way its none of their business but am I making it worse by acting ashamed by my choice? A real conundrum for me.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Is it the "wrong way" to have an insulin pump? Or to have a stent? Dialysis? It makes no sense to me.

I never wanted to "admit defeat" nor would I consider WLS until I tried Phentermine. Phentermine changed my life. It took away the hunger and food cravings. I love 80 pounds and kept it off as long as I was taking it. I took an extremely low dose and usually only every other day or two. It worked until I was diagnosed with a brain tumor and could no longer take it.

I have always been extremely physcially active and reasonably healthy in my food choices. Sure, I made a lot of horrible choices, but my issue was constant hunger and craving I couldn't control. This surgery has solved that for me.

I truly think that obesity can be attributed to a lot of things. I think hormonal/chemical imbalances were a big part of my issue. Not an excuse, MY reality based on my hard work to get healthy.

[mykdzmom 387]

For some, it is the wrong way just because it is not their way.

[JamieLogical 8,684]

For some, it is the wrong way just because it is not their way.

That is the most true statement in this thread!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Reading the replies made me realize something. I got alot of support from people in my life overall. There were two factors that might have influenced that.

1 I was always as active as I could be even at 300#. I was an obese kid and I remember a girl in PE saying at least I wasn't lazy-fat because I gave everything my"all". I could not do gymnastics but everything else....I did track and field, played soccer etc. I about died trying to sprint, run a mile etc. but I never quit. Even the mean girls noticed that and I think I have heard similar "compliments" throughout my life. Nobody has ever called me lazy because I am not (I actually have had to learn to pull back as I can be a bit much in truth)

2 my friends are all trim and active people...it just worked out that way. They saw that I tried EVERYTHING except drugs for weight loss. I saw it as repeated failures but others have told me that it looked like determination to them.

I wonder if my quirks set me up for people thinking I really needed the surgery as opposed to "easy way out"

My family tends to be fat. My kids are not, but all my nieces and about half my nephews are absolutely huge -way bigger than I was at their ages even. In the family there is a belief that we just need to diet or go gluton free or some damn thing. Heck, I started my first diet in 2nd grade! My family culture is you are always either on or off a diet....which is insane. They also think I am too thin now because I am by far the slimmest of my sibs... I think they are happy for my success but are also missing me in my former role as "at least I am not as fat as Jane" now one of my sisters goes around telling everyone that she is the fattest....in a very self disparaging way.

[Stevehud 1,790]

Cowgirljane- youve always ben an inspiration, to me and im sure to others. Im sorry your family sees things that way. Personally t took both my parents dying and two of my siblings becoming estranged for me to get close enough to my oldest sister who Has MS and was always the biggest one in the family until i took that over. She has since lost a majority of her weight due to her meds and procedures relating to her MS. My family never talked about weight, my mother was big then she lost 150 pounds on jenny Craig and slowly put it back on. she was 5'6" when i was born and when she died at 67 years old she was 4'9" she lost a full 7 inches due to arthritis and degenerative joint disease. My dad died 4 years later , he committed suicide by swallowing a bullet because he couldn't deal with the future and his health. These things made a difference to me in what i had to d to not wind up old and fat. Sometimes people dont see the things that are right in front of them until its too late. No matter how close it may be.