"Tis The Night Before Surgery"

'Tis the night before surgery, when all through the house

Not a potato chip in sight, nor gravy stain on my blouse;

The Klondikes were eaten by my son with such care

I hoped the empty calories I would not have to bear;

The Snickers were nestled, all snug in their wraps

While visions of Milky Ways danced in my lap

And hubby in his bandana, and I in my sweats

Had just settled down with our favorite little pet.

When out in the kitchen, there arose such clatter

I found our son eating leftover pupu platter

Away to the treadmill, I'll make a mad dash,

To walk off the franks and Beans, and corn beef hash.

The frosting on the cake was making me drool

Eating that now, would make me a fool.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a can of RediWhip, and a Coor's Lite Beer!

With a little two-step, so lively and quick,

I passed by the fridge, in time, lickety split

How quickly time passes, the seconds do tick

I whispered and prayed, "Get this surgery done quck!"

Now Doctor, now nurses, now drugs and IV's,

Tend to your patient's pain issues, pretty please.

To the top of the incision, to the top of the port.

Now slash away, slash away, slash away pork (sorry about that one...)

As the laparoscopy instruments probe and explore,

Let the band slide in smoothy, snap in place, and secure.

So off to the recovery room, the nurses will hover

To see that their patient would soon recover

And then, in an instant, I awaken with ease

May I have morphine, and a bedpan, please?

As I drew in my breath, and was turning around,

I passed some gas, and inflated my gown.

She was dressed in her scrubs, from her head to her toe

"The surgery went well", she wanted me to know.

A bundle of tubing descended from the pole

The IV fluids ran freely, was I feeling cold?

I have a broad face and a little round belly,

That shakes when I laugh, like a bowlful of jelly.

I am chubby and plump, a right jolly little elf

And I smiled when I saw her, in spite of myself;

A wink of her eye and a twist of her head,

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

She spoke not a word, and disappeared out of sight,

Hmm, more patients to see and support group tonight.

And away she flew like a bat out of h$$$

When I heard her exclaim, "my, what is that smell?"

"Happy Band Surgery To All, And To All A Good Night"

__________________________________________________ __

Dedicated to the doctors, nurses and OR staff who will help make

this weight loss journey a reality.

(Written on the night before my surgery on 5/22/07)

Rachel Kidder

__________________

Rachel

Lap Band Date 5/23/07

Height 5'2"

Highest 237

Current 202

Goal 135

Weight Loss To Date: 35 lbs.

Thanks for the laugh! It is also the night before my surgery and I needed that. Good luck tomorrow! I cant believe it is finally here!!!

Rachel,

Too funny! Best of luck to you. I know everything will be just fine.

RagDoll - good luck to you also.

Welcome to Bandland!!

thanks for the awesome post! it made me smile in spite of my grumpy self!

How cute! Good Luck with your surgery and let us know how things went when you get a chance!

Great post...I loved it....good luck to all those getting ready for surgery...Hope everything goes well for all....

Brilliant!

Good luck today.

Wonderful! This should be a sticky!