I post about all kinds of things on this forum knowing that if I'm feeling them, or experiencing them, so are others. So..I don't feel that I can leave out the fact that I've begun dating again. Scary stuff...and especially as I'm right in the middle of body image issues, and this brings up rejection issues, and control issues for me. I feel like I'm walking in a field of landmines. Talk about being vulnerable...sheesh.

So last night, the fella I've been dating for a couple of months is coming to my apartment. My train is late and I get home and text him to find out if he's on his way. Turns out he's already waiting for me and comes up a couple of minutes later. I'm still in my work clothes..which happens to be a very handsome dress in a rust/coral color and he stares at me and says that I look fantastic in that dress and the only thing that would look better is if I was out of that dress..lol.

It's been such a long time since anyone has shown that kind of attention to me. I'm not a kid so no worries about being swept off my feet by a few choice words but it none the less, warmed my heart to know that someone wanted me again. Desired me again. I must be somewhat attractive for an older and somewhat wrinkly old broad.

I feel like I'm on a high today in the office. This was not on my radar. My WLS was to allow me to walk without pain and to get my mobility back. That was the plan. This romance stuff has been a really nice addition to the mix. Yes, I know putting myself out there is risky but right now I'm enjoying it and I hope to keep on enjoying it. If it's vanity, well so be it. I think I deserve a little vanity after all I've been through. I'm so happy to know that I don't have any surgeries coming up in 2015. That sentence alone tells you some of what I've been through.

So friends...back to my conference call. Break's over. Have a great rest of the day everyone!

gowalking:

How wonderful for you! I enjoyed reading your post. So exciting, a breath of fresh air.

You've got my wheels turning...

yes, I want that feeling of a new relationship again too

hopefully, I will

Wow...I hit a nerve I see.

NewLife...you have to go onto dating sites...it's the only way to meet alot of men these days. Just make sure they understand you are not looking for a hookup and you will not tolerate any disrespect. If you put that out there right away, they usually behave. Give it a shot...you never know...

I've been on a date site for awhile, went on a few dates. No connection. Feels weird. No good selection.

Could branch out onto other sites. Don't want to pay to be on them. Then again, you get what you pay for..

Would love to meet someone organically; get all tingly looking at each other from across the room., then meet.

Do men even ask women out these days?

Or is everyone meeting each other sitting in front of their computers now?

Now that's the way to keep warm, my NYC buddy!!!!!!

I posted a few weeks ago about the whole rekindling of romance within my marriage.....VAVAVAVOOM!

This just keeps on giving me hope so when I do meet someone and we decide to meet up at my kids are all older and can do without me , now I just have to find someone with the same interest & work on my variable work schedule .

Lovely, lovely thread! Congrats to the OP and others who are living their lives.

And yes, dating sites are effective (that's how I met my perfect-for-me husband).

Likewise, you can meet people by leaving the house to engage in activities where you will meet people with similar interests.

But more than anything, you actually have to be OPEN to the idea of being in a relationship.

Step One: Visualize some of that.

Edited November 19, 201411 yr by VSGAnn2014

Gowalking, you deserve every bit of attention that you get ! You show everyone that you're a smart and strong and confident woman, and if that isn't attractive I don't know what is !!! Good for you ! I think it's human nature to be wanted and desired, so if that's "vanity", take it !! We all deserve to be treated well and if someone likes the way you look, thats not a bad thing ! WLS opened up alot of new doors to new places that I had'nt been to in a LONG time, and having men think im attractive again is fine by me ! Im married, not dead !

I have been through heck and back on this topic too. I remember feeling so vulnerable, exposed and like everyone was looking at me when i first got to goal. I think i was just used to being invisible... it kinda freaked me out a little. Now, when a man does a second look, i take it in strike - it is a nice compliment but doesn't really change my world. I think a nice healthy internal reaction on my part.

Earlier this week i had a long phone conversation with a man i dated on and off for quite awhile after getting to goal. He was with me when I went through plastics etc. We aren't actively seeing each other anymore, but he said some things that were really good reflections. In his eyes, i always looked good (we met after I was at goal, but heavier than i am now, and pre-plastics) but what he commented on is how much I have changed inside. He told me that I am so much more self confident, happy, self assured - something he finds very attractive. It made me feel good and was a good chance for me to look back and give myself a little pat on the back - not just for the physical changes but the internal ones.

It gives me hope that I will now have success in the dating world, finding someone to have a long term relationship with because I am just in a different headspace. The irony is that the less you feel like you "want and need" a partner, the more you value yourself and what you bring to the table, the more attractive you are to them...hmmm

FYI, I had a conversation with Alex and he's going to set up an area on this site for dating related conversations and questions. He can see just by how this thread is trending that there are plenty of folks who are interested in discussing this aspect of our lives. Thanks Alex!

I had thought he already did called single bandsters , oh well good to know.

It'd be nice to have a general (not just banister) back to or started dating place to go for all WLS patients